Thanks to the scores of you who actually entered this thing. Other judges and I had a ton of fun sifting through the entries, making individual top ten lists, seeing where we had overlap, and then finally ranking the entries that appeared on more than one list. In the end, the winner was very clear, with two judges ranking it #1 and the other judge ranking it #3 overall. Runners-up were also crystal clear, though the gap between them was razor thin. At any rate, here once again is your cover, followed by the winning captions.
Second runner-up:
She was a debutante with a hand made of yarn. He was a one-armed janitor with nothing to lose. Theirs was a world not ready for their love! (Paul S.)
First runner-up:
Mary stared, horrified, at the mess of yarn. It could mean only one thing - John's inner kitten was back. And this time he meant business... (Catherine M.)
Grand Prize Winner:
Yeah, I probably should have mentioned that I have absolutely no idea how to take care of a sea anemone BEFORE you left. Sorry. (Josh F.)
Prizes will be shipped out early next week. Gotta blog Paperbacks 251 and 252 before I hand them over to the winner.
Congrats to the winners, and thanks to all for making the judging so fun.
Just for kicks, here are all the rest of the entries (unattributed). Asterisks (*) indicate entries that were on at least two of the judges' Top Ten lists :
- While a valiant effort, "The Maltese Crochet" did not receive the fame or praise of its avian counterpart.
- The Blob!! The Blob has come to get us all!
- Aka “Maytag Repairman Stalks Mannequin.” Given their caption, though, it’s kinda sad that the sexiest character on the cover is the Bantam.
- “I’m sorry that you’re unhappy with your new hair color my darling, but be a dear and hand me that delicious monkey brain”.
- Her: "I can't believe I had this much yarn stuck in my hair." Him: (Thinking to himself) "She missed some in the back."
- *Murder shadows a beautiful blonde - Tom Murder, that is. Yet her yarn fetish was enough to shock him into closing his robe and backing away.
- Unaware that her house guest, Armando, was really a shapeshifter who nightly turns into an orange cat, Phylis is wondering what has happened to the crocheted afghan that she has been working on for the past few months. [DISQUALIFIED - too many characters]
- “Why do these boys always want to touch my Chernobyl Gold hair and not me? This time, no lending the dye unless he manhandles me first.”
- "Jane had made a real mess of the world record beating cat's cradle that Paul had allowed to hold for a moment. Paul saw red."
- "If only my Jude Law hair and her lemon custard hair could mate." "No, I'd lose my brain if it wasn't wrapped in this doily."
- Caption: "Damn! I was probing for ear wax, but I've pulled my brain out of my ear!"
- Wendy thought, "Sam just needs another ear to save his music career. Giving him mine will win his heart." But he had darker plans.
- "Oh my God Jim! What did you do? This is all that's left of his brain."
- "Oh, no! I left him in the trunk too long."
- We've replaced her ear with a tangle of purple yarn; let's see if she notices...
- Don't move a muscle. There's a spider on your collar!
- Him: "Don't move, there's something in your hair!" Her: "Oh dear... part of my brain slug has come off in my hand again."
- "Revenge" is the only dish best served cold.
- "No!, I said I have a headache".
- "For God's sake, get that yarn off your hand before it kills you."
- Apparently Murder looks like a blond Eminem
- 'Steve knew that another slap would shake the other lobe of her brain free, and he wanted to be there to catch it.'
- "But dear, purple spaghetti used to be our favorite!"
- The insistence on constant shadow, the blue-robe-blue-couch ensemble, and now a rooster in our tiny window—what next, Douglas? What next?!
- "Death Warmed Over: The Marylin Monroe Saga."
- Not tonight dear, I have a headache.
- "Thank goodness I subdued my evil strangling hand with this purple yarn. I do hope no one else has an evil strangling hand on the loose!"
- "Ooooh! I didn't need that brain anyway."
- Must... get... teacosy... Cannot serve the Duchess tepid Earl Grey.
- (man speaking) "Honey, have you seen my Bluetooth headset?"
- *“What fiend would put Cheez Whiz on all my nylons?”
- *I’m … getting a transmission… It’s … “Put down the knitting and get Death off the stove!”
- Oh Dear! I left the ham in the oven.
- She took advantage of him, but after three ambien, he would never remember what he was about to do…AGAIN!
- The ample charms of Mitzi invariably proved fatal, her lovers never suspecting the nubile nymph in yellow of packin’ a piece, out for blood.
- Zombie Leslie Howard hoped Gloria Grahame's brain hadn't all fallen out her ear..."Mmmm purple medulla oblongata....better still warm"
- "Lance’s wig fetish was undimmed by the hideous hat in which Veronica had shrouded her faux mane. For that fashion felony she must die!"
- "Maybe that fourth martini wasn't such a good idea."
- "Does she or doesn't she? It wasn't a good day to dye!"
- *Surely the best defense against murder is a rock covered with Silly String.
- In the zombie-ridden 1960s, Zombie Hef's tryouts for Zombie Playboy Bunnies were about more than just taking off your clothes.
- *“Oh no, not my snood”
- *"My knitted boxing glove seems no use against Captain Bathrobe"
