Paperback 862: The Valiant Strain / Kenneth E. Shiflet (Dell First Edition B126)

Paperback 862: Dell First Edition B126 (PBO, 1959)

Title: The Valiant Strain
Author: Kenneth E. Shiflet
Cover artist: [Robert McGinnis]

Estimated value: $8-10

Best things about this cover:

• Lieutenant Grumpystache misses his Xbox.
• That neckerchief is beautiful. I also love the orange, the hint of mountains, the way the line of soldiers on horseback extends and fades to nothing. Fine little touches like these make this potentially generic cover visually interesting.
• Turns out McGinnis can paint things other than bored-looking half-naked ladies with ample hips. I had to double-check my own labeling just now, because I thought "no way this is McGinnis."

Best things about this back cover:

• "A story as big and rugged as these two giant dueling cocks … oh, sorry sabers. Those are sabers. All appearances to the contrary … sabers."
• I can't wait to read about the "strain" that brought the giant dueling cocks men to their "final glory." I am in. Money down, out the door. You had me at "shavetail."

Page 123~

Roan thought of how Graham had denied them.

Don't deny them, Graham. Open your heart. Let your love flow. And nevermind that I'm taking things out of context, just go with it.

~RP

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Paperback 819: The Dain Curse / Dashiell Hammett (Vintage V-624)

Paperback 819: Vintage V-624 (1st thus, 1978)

Title: The Dain Curse
Author: Dashiell Hammett
Cover artist: Alan Reingold

Yours for: $12


Best things about this cover:

• Oh, '70s. Never change.
• Aside from the horrible color scheme, the other things that scream "'70s" are the particular look of the cult leader (very hippy-Jesus-chesthair) and the Manson-murder-looking girl.
• I actually kind of love this cover. Highly unusual, lots going on. Long live Mustachioed and Fedoraed James Coburn!

Best things about this back cover:

• Just the dumb-looking statue and some words. With the ornate title font now in isolation, we are left to marvel at its bright blue shadow. The book really wants to convey period authenticity, really, it does, but …
• The aesthetic appears to be "Deco Goes to Woodstock."
• Ross Macdonald secretly hated Chandler (for good and bad reasons), and so every quote I read from him now about anyone else's greatness, including his own, always contains a tacit, "So Fuck You, Ray!" This includes the Macdonald blurb often used on Chandler covers.
• I tend to leave books just as I bought them. Hence the '90s price tag. No sticker puller, I.

Page 123~

"Now how can you say that?" he remonstrated. "Ain't she a dope fiend? And cracked in the bargain…?"

I would read "Ain't She a Dope Fiend?"

~RP

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Paperback 660: The Plague of Sound / Con Steffanson (adapting Alex Raymond's story) (Avon 19166)

Paperback 660: Avon 19166 (PBO, 1974)

Title: The Plague of Sound (Flash Gordon 2)
Author: Con Steffanson (from orig. story by Alex Raymond)
Cover artist: G. Wilson

Yours for: $10


Best things about this cover:

• "You call that a Bach organ fugue!? Argh, your sound plagues me! Get out of my space church, Redbeard!"
• "It's OK, honey. You're safe now," he said, after bravely firing at nothing.
• I proclaim that to be the thinnest shirt ever worn by man or beast.

Best things about this back cover:

• Wow, that is one awesomely self-parodic damsel in distress. She's got the dramatic arms and the proud, heaving bosom and the blow-up doll mouth and everything.
• That first paragraph may as well say: "First, a bunch of random shit happens..."
• In the future, there will be sciences. Plural. Be there!

Page 123~

Sawtel's stunpistol flashed out of his tunic and quietly whirred.

Hmmm. Is that a whirring stunpistol in your tunic or are you just glad to see me?

~RP

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Paperback 644: The Talking Clock / Frank Gruber (Penguin 545)

Paperback 644: Penguin 545 (1st ptg, 1944)

Title: The Talking Clock
Author: Frank Gruber
Cover artist: H. Lawrence Hoffman

Yours for: $14


Best things about this cover:

• Very early Penguin. More woodcut than painting. Not terribly exciting, but interesting as a historical curiosity. 
• That's a 'stache variety you rarely see anymore. I'm gonna call it the "Germanic shopkeep."
• This book is really well made. Spine lean and reading crease, but tight as hell, with perfectly even (and white pages). I think production quality might've dipped in future years.
• According to interior inscription, this book was once owned by Laura Burns of 14642 Bringard Drive, Somewhere, U.S.A.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Blurb, schmurb—buy some more of our damned books!"

Page 123~

"Hello, Madigan," he said. "I see the punk's talked to you."
Punk?" exclaimed Johnny. "Why the Lieutenant and I are practically pals. I help him solve his case. The tough ones."
Lieutenant Madigan grunted. "You know what happened in Hillcrest? And you, Mrs. Quisenberry?"
Bonita Quisenberry's face was like old ivory, yellow and hard.

I don't know what's happening here, but I do know this book has a woman named Bonita Quisenberry in it, which is more than enough for me. If I ever met a woman named Bonita Quisenberry, I would immediately ask her to run away with me. Or bake me a pie.

~RP

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Paperback 563: Canterbury Tails / Bjorn Peters (Adam's Gay Readers 148)

Paperback 563: Adam's Gay Readers 148 (PBO, 1986)

Title: Canterbury Tails
Author: Bjorn Peters
Cover artist: yes

Yours for: ... well, I can see exactly one copy of the book on sale, at ebay, for $103, so ... $1,000,000 (or best offer)
Best things about this cover:

• I assume this is a modern version of the Nun's Priest's Tale, since that tale centers on a cock.
• As a friend of mine noted, *that* sandwich will not fit in *that* lunchbox (p.s. that's what she said).
• I love fall weather—cold enough for a down vest, hot enough for a shirt unbuttoned all the way below the navel.
• I love how the artist captured the expression on sandwich guy's face precisely at the moment he realizes what his co-worker is suggesting. [Needle scratching on record!]
• After yet another unsuccessful audition for Village People '86, Raymond needed the comfort that only a fellow hard-hat could provide ...
• "Bjorn" is funny on many levels. Most notably, its first two letters.

Best things about this back cover:

• Really? "Surey?" That's your name? Are you sure? Or sorry? And what kind of circus font is that?
• If this is Adam's Gay Reader #148, how bad, HOW BAD do I want Adam's Gay Readers #1-147!?

Page 123~ (drum roll, please)

Having Jim's cock filling my mouth, and mine filling his, made me feel closer to him than I had ever felt to anyone.

The word "literally!" comes to mind. Understatement, thy name is Bjorn Peters! [slow clap => standing ovation]

P.S. this sample is not atypical. Virtually every sentence of this book is this unintentionally awesome. Who knew words like "gullet" and "starchy" (!?) were erotic!? A revelation. Five stars.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]