Paperback 973: The Road's End / Albert Conroy (Gold Medal 231)

Paperback 973: Gold Medal 231 (PBO, 1952)

Title: The Road's End
Author: Albert Conroy
Cover artist: [Barye Phillips]

Estimated value: $17-22
Condition: 8/10

Best things about this cover:

• No joke, this dude looks eerily like 22-year-old me. Leering ladies in my doorway, not so much.
• "There were too many women in his life"—you'd think at least one of them would help him clean that sty.
• This appears to be some post-apocalyptic tale of drought, where water is money so you keep it close at hand and never wash anything.
• Where ... did his fingers go? Fear claw!

Best things about this back cover:

• "Curved feminine flesh" is less sexy-sounding than this book seems to think it is. More meat cut than sexpot.
• "Who are you?" he asked. "And who am I?"—finally, a sleaze paperback that reflects the then-current trends in existentialist philosophy.
• "I found a pasty man and put him in the shed. Can we keep him, mom? Can we!?"

Page 123~

My knee came up automatically and sank into his groin. And again. And again.

OK, I'm out.

~RP

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Paperback 965: Ruby MacLaine / John Roeburt (Hillman 151)

Paperback 965: Hillman Books 151 (PBO, 1960)

Title: Ruby MacLaine
Author: John Roeburt
Cover artist: Uncredited

Estimated value: $6-9
Condition: 3/10

Best things about this cover:

• So ... that is a plausibly human head, torso, and backside. After that, the wheels come off. She would have to have 10-ft-long legs for that foot size to be right. Also, no one can stand like that and not put at least *some* pressure on the bedclothes. But mostly, the problem is perspective. The bed looks like it's for a child, and the lamp and bedstand are comically small. Trump-hand tiny. Dollhouse tiny.
• Still, credit where credit is due: the backside makes it highly unlikely anyone's fretting too much about the mini-furniture.
• "FEEL MY MORBID POWER!" exclaimed a drunk and exultant John Roeburt as he stumbled along Broadway, a rumpled New York Times in his hand.

Best things about this back cover:

• See. Back cover designer knew what to do with that front cover: CROP.
• "Backstreet"? Take that, N*SYNC!
• "There'll be compensations" is an utterly implausible bit of dialogue. Also, I was proposing ... asking ..." makes no sense. You were proposing or you were asking, but you were not proposing asking. Although maybe a guy who ruffles a girl's hair as a come-on has bigger problems than grammar.

Page 123~

"I want to be admired for my mind," Ruby said winkingly.
Coulter looked critically at her. "That was on the square," he said slowly.
She looked levelly at him. "I want resources other than just my sex."

Later, Coulter says, "I get the dig." That makes one of us, Coulter.

~RP

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P.S. the first line on the first (teaser) page of this novel is: "They made their agreement in a motel." I probably would've bought this book on the strength of that premise alone.

Paperback 964: This Kill Is Mine / Dean Evans (Graphic 131)

Paperback 964: Graphic 131 (1st ptg, 1956)

Title: This Kill Is Mine
Author: Dean Evans
Cover artist: Oliver Brabbins

Estimated value: $12-15
Condition: 7/10

Best things about this cover:

• She knows we know she's justified. If anyone's begging to be shot, it's that guy. I can almost hear him saying "Cheers, m'lady [hic!]"
• I'm oddly mesmerized by the lamp, which appears to be apparating.
• I believe those are what Christa Faust would call "bitch eyebrows."
• Liquor gone. Glasses empty. Nothin' left to do but shoot this bozo and burn the place down. (At least I assume what that matchbook in the foreground is for)

Best things about this back cover:

• When Musical Chairs Gets Out of Hand.
• She Taunted the Loser ... with Dance!
• Awesome double fear-hand on our anonymous victim here.
• I literally don't understand that first sentence.
• "Arnold Weir figured" is an awkward way to intro your protagonist's name.
• The more I read, the stranger—and less grammatical—this story gets.

Page 123~

Little burrs and clicks floated across space between us while I thought about it.
"Well?"
"All right," I said finally. "Your place."

~RP

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Paperback 943: Mourn the Hangman / Harry Whittington (Graphic 46)

Paperback 943: Graphic 46 (PBO, 1952)

Title: Mourn the Hangman
Author: Harry Whittington
Cover artist: Uncredited

Estimated value: $20-25
Condition: 5 (*only* because of water stain / slight warp—it's tight and square and cover is Amazing)

Best things about this cover:

• Pulled this one out of Aunt Agatha's crime/mystery bookstore in Ann Arbor. It was an impulse buy. Their idea of a "point-of-purchase display" is an authentic vintage paperback bookshelf (which I drooled over) choked to the gills with vintage paperbacks. So much nicer than the 5-Hour Energy Drink point-of-purchase displays you get at most bookstores ...
• My first thought on seeing this cover: Robert Ryan is pointing a gun at me!
• My second thought on seeing this cover: That is the greatest Fear Hand I've ever seen.

Best things about this back cover:

• And *there*'s the condition problem. But WhoTF cares about the back cover? This book is otherwise gorgeous.
• Excuse me, gotta do this: [clears throat] ... "STELLLLLAAAAA!"
• Whoa. Dark revenge narrative. I'm in.

Page 123~

Clinton Edwards opened the door of his Seminole Heights home. When he saw Blake, he seemed to go lax all over.

"My bowels!" he cried, probably.

~RP

PS bonus interior! (I really should start cataloguing interior design/illustration as well)

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Paperback 853: Anna Becker / Max White (Bantam 830)

Paperback 853: Bantam 830 (1st ptg, 1950)

Title: Anna Becker
Author: Max White
Cover artist: Uncredited

Estimated value: $8-12

Donation to the collection from The Second Reader Bookshop (Buffalo, NY)


Best things about this cover:

• Who can forget Anna Becker's great novel, "Max White"? Or vice versa, I forget.
• This cover raises one (and only one) very important question: Where Can I Get That Lamp!?
• Anna had vowed to protect the Jesus Chair at all costs! ALL COSTS!
• Ew, what is he doing with his right thumb?
• Ew, "torn between fright and desire" is rapist talk, man. "She was shaking and resisting, but … ya know." Gross.

Best things about this back cover:

• So basically it's an exposé of the sexy librarian.
• A "FRANK" exposé! Hell yeah, "frank"!
• Sometimes I think paperbacks came to exist because hardback dust jacket cover art was just So Bad.

Page 123~

So when Harrison said he liked Anna better now, she was not prepared to see what he meant.

I understand, Anna. We all understand. P.S. run.

~RP

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Paperback 844: Death Before Bedtime / Edgar Box (Signet 1093)

Paperback 844: Signet 1093 (1st ptg, 1954)

Title: Death Before Bedtime
Author: Edgar Box (Gore Vidal)
Cover artist: [Samuel] Cherry

Estimated value: $15-20


Best things about this cover:

• "If I can't have this hideous table lamp, no one can!" (I'm currently Ob Sessed with the table lamps of crime fiction / film noir / crime TV)
• "Stop right there! Now, tell me … do these heels go with this embroidered bathrobe? Answer me, punk!"
• Nice leg extension. You rarely see such poise in someone scrambling to protect herself from an intruder. Old school.
• Edgar Box is Gore Vidal. I've been meaning to read Vidal's Box stuff for a while. Maybe this Christmas …

Best things about this back cover:

• Hey, his secretary can't help her spinal deformity, you assholes.
• I hope "The woman he kept a secret" is an imaginary friend.
• "The buddy who hated him" is just a great stand-alone phrase.

Page 123~

She flushed, confused. "I … I was mistaken then. I was under the impression you thought Johnson was in some way involved."

Lydia was always the first to volunteer … if Johnson was involved.

~RP

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Paperback 689: The Left Hand of Satan / Mark Lucas (Saber Books SA-88)

Paperback 689: Saber Books SA-88 (PBO, 1964)

Title: The Left Hand of Satan
Author: Mark Lucas
Cover artist: Uncredited (he did a *lot* of late Sabers...) [Bill Edwards]

Yours for: $30


Best things about this cover:

• The only thing that explains the hilariously amateurish quality of this painting, with its complete disdain for perspective (how tall *is* that man?!), is that it was painted by the left hand of Satan, and Satan is right-handed.
• Don't look too long at that headboard—it will confuse you and while you are thus addled Satan will steal your soul (presumably with his left hand).
• Nick is not a plausible mate for anyone, let alone either of those ladies. 
• "I finished painting your hallway ultra-bright yellow, ma'am, I just ... oh, excuse me, ma'am, I didn't know you had company. I'll go clean your gutters now. OK? OK." [backs out slowly].
• This is post-Sanford Aday Saber. Instead of interesting, politically-minded, sexually-provocative sleaze, we now just get sleaze for sleaze's sake, i.e. dull porn. Seriously, his publishing empire went Hilariously downhill after his obscenity conviction. 

Best things about this back cover:

• "Ordained minister"—so you know this shit is going to be Filthy.
• How is anyone "born with unconventional standards"? Predilections, sure, I guess, but "standards?" Those can't be inborn. Those are culturally determined. This has been "Overthinking It," with Rex Parker. See you next week.
• "The school of Lesbians and male homosexual students is growing"—Class Sizes Are Limited, So Enroll Now!
• Never in a million years would *Aday* have published a book with this faux-moralizing judgmental crap on the back. He veered toward sympathy and understanding, where this ... ugh. "Your kids are in danger! Read this porn to find out how!"
• Who green-lighted this back cover concept. "It'll have the color gradients of Fire!" "Will it be legib...?" "Shhhh .... FIRE!"

Page 123~

"This is what I was thinking about, when I was trying to go to sleep. How could I go to sleep when every muzzle in my body was begging for you?" 

"The word is muscle, baby, and when I get started with you, you won't be able to say scat," Nick said, taking her into his arms.

Ever muzzle in my gut wants to say scat to this guy.

~RP

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Paperback 511: Sinful Wife / Ray Damon (Chariot Books 172)

Paperback 510: Chariot Books 172 (PBO, 1961)

Title: Sinful Wife
Author: Ray Damon
Cover artist: Uncredited (back cover = photo cover)

Yours for: Not For Sale (donation from Doug Peterson)


Best things about this cover:

• "Look, Steve, I like you, but briskly rubbing my nipple with the butt of your gun is just not doing it for me."
• I wish she were standing up so I could see her underwear better (without all the messed up perspective). It's kind of cute.
• Is she a doctor? It looks like she just flopped back on the bed and threw open her lab coat in a fit of passion. Or dyspepsia. Her facial expression is kind of enigmatic.

Best things about this back cover:

• Here's Stella showing off the lamp that earned her a 2nd place ribbon in the "Most Ridiculous Novelty Lamp" competition at the county fair. She also received an Honorable Mention for "Biggest Damn Lampshade Anyone's Ever Seen."
• I'm sure she's very sexy under that Grandma's-MuuMuu of a nightgown.
• Is there anything that lamp can't do. I'm pretty sure it tells time, and possibly provides shelter for a small family. 
• And the award for "Most Uses of the Verb 'Come' on the Back Cover of a Paperback" goes to ...

Page 123~

The gear shift was a big lever jutting up beside me with a button on top.

"I'll thank you not to talk about my penis that way," exclaimed Steve.

~RP

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Paperback 480: The Indiscreet Confessions of a Nice Girl / Anonymous (Lion 30)

Paperback 480: Lion Books 30 (1st ptg, 1950)

Title: The Indiscreet Confessions of a Nice Girl
Author: Anonymous
Cover artist: Michel

Yours for: $18



Best things about this cover:

• Please note the lamp. Please please note the lamp. It's bachelor-padtastic!
• She is getting her cigarette lit by the world's tiniest man, who happens to be hanging from the ceiling.
• Her dress is weird. It looks like her boobs have eyebrows.
• She's kicked off a shoe, so you know she's good to go.
• Either that entire room is on a slant or we are looking at her through a very weird tire swing.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Hand"writing!
  Everyone's attractive in black, lady. Get over yourself. 
• "—but I will come to that later." I love how she is titillating her Future Self. (assuming this is really a diary)
• "Oh Harold! Harold! Bring me up to date, Harold!"
  "... unless you read other people's diaries ... in which case, this will probably be pretty disappointing. Seriously, you should just put this book down and go back to being a snooping perv. You'll be happier."

Page 123~

I decided to put on my tea gown before Arthur arrived. It was really a negligee, only more so. You wear a negligee when you want to be modest and a tea gown when you don't. Cecil's tea gowns are very immodest. She practically guarantees one shoulder to fall off during the second cocktail and the other to fall during the fourth. Of course she can't do any better than that because no girl should take more than four cocktails and if she does she will throw the whole gown over a chair anyway.

I love how she's drunk and wild enough to just chuck off her gown, but tidy enough to make sure that it's neatly hung up on a chair. Also, though I'm pretty sure Cecil is a girl, I like to pretend that he is not.

~RP

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