Paperback 450: Banner Book [no #] (1st ptg, 1961)
Title:
Bride and Groom
Author: F.M. Rossiter, M.D.
Cover artist: "Lieberman" (?) (see signature, lower right)
Yours for: $20
Best things about this cover:
- Somebody did not do very well in Life Drawing class.
- Are they lying on an uncovered mauve mattress, or simply standing in front of their mauve-mattress-colored wall?
- OK, what was the deal with women's hair in the '60s? I mean, paperback cover after paperback cover, it's (often) a total nightmare of over-exertion and ghastliness. There was some really lovely looking hair in this era, I know it. Why can't it find its way onto more covers? I'm starting to pity these women, as if they were real people. Though with this woman, when I look at her husband, I begin to think her hair is the least of her problems. I think you're supposed to think he's gazing lovingly at her, but all I see is the dead-eyed look of a junkie who sees a plate of fresh-baked cookies across the room.
I don't know how to convey to you the richness, the pure mad density, of this book. I could spend days commenting on this book. Days. The Table of Contents alone (that's right, the Table of &*%^ing Contents) is a treasure trove of hilarity all on its own. I mean, "
perfuming the vulva"!? No joke: "
perfuming the vulva." I'll take "Rejected Lifetime Movie Titles" for $1000, Alex. The whole book (The Whole Book) is written as dialog between imagined (god I hope they're imagined) "Wife" and "Husband" and their "Doctor." I think it would all make a very excellent 8-hr. stage play.
Did I mention there are illustrations? There are illustrations. They might need their own, separate write-up. But here's a taste (so to speak):
[from the chapter entitled "Making Shadow Puppets With Your Nipples"]

[What your boobs look like to a really drunk guy]
Oh, the back cover. Almost forgot—
Best things about this back cover:
- "This new edition has been revised and illustrated [...] to further enhance its value as an educational document." I think we can all agree: Mission Accomplished.
- I really wish this book were advertised as "frank" because, frankly, it's the frankest (albeit insanest and misguidedest) sex information book I own.
I made a video of me reading aloud from the chapter called "Sex Facts for Married Couples," but YouTube only loads gibberish (Facebook has no problem with it), so too bad for you. Instead, rather than p. 123, I'm merely going to quote to you from the Table of Contents—specifically, the subheadings for the chapter entitled "The After-Play":
Need for such after-play; disturbing factors; what the husband should do and what he shouldn't do; little personal tricks; husband must exert himself when wife has to; assisting with douch [sic]; washing each other's organs [1]; good night kiss; a wife's "thank you" [2]; post-coital laughter [3]; indication of complete satisfaction
[1] I really hope he's talking about musical instruments here, because ... no.
[2] I assume it's followed by "sir, may I have another?"
[3] "Ha ha ha ha ha ha .... remember when we washed each other's organs ... oh, good times. Thank you. Good night."
~RP
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P.S. I got the video to work. Apologies for vid. quality in first 10 seconds or so ... and for the fact that the whole thing is mirror-imaged ... and for saying (in video) that book is from 1963. It's 1961. OK. Here you go: