Paperback 1102: Her Cheating Heart / Lloyd Kevin (Monarch Books 286)

Paperback 1102: Monarch 286 (PBO, 1962)

Title: Her Cheating Heart

Author: Lloyd Kevin

Cover artist: Tom Miller

Condition: 7/10

Value: $15

[The Book Den, Santa Barbara, CA]

Best things about this cover: 

• "C'mon, Joy, we've been over this—quit flashing the neighbors and make me some eggs or something, jeez..."
• Ah yes, her heart. Her cheating heart. This is an incredible painting of her heart. I could look at her heart all day.
• This is actually a great cover—very hard to draw this specific action (woman pulling nightgown over her head) in a way that looks natural, where everything stays proportionate and relative sexiness is maintained.
• Love the perpendicular contrast here: her action to his inaction, her ardor to his ennui. Sadly, those curtains are really killing the vibe. I can practically feel their rough, thick fabric and smell their cigarette mustiness. Between the curtains, the walls, the bedding, and his trousers/pajamas, I feel like I'm drowning in shades of drab. She looks great, the trailer park looks great, everything else looks like despair.

Best things about this back cover: 

• Oh cool, it's a Choose Your Own Adventure book!
• Trigg Melnor ... I'm dying. I can't breathe. Trigg... Melnor... Trigg Melnor, ladies and gentlemen. Trigg fucking Melnor. A man's man's man's man's name if there ever was one. What would I do? No, what would Trigg Melnor do? That is the question. That is the only question I will entertain in my life from now on. WWTMD, baby!
• I sorta like this red silhouette, although it takes her from sexy dame to blobby abstraction. Pretty recognizable human silhouette from the waistline down, but above that ... I dunno. Kinda looks like some form of animal life is getting involved. Like there's a koala maybe climbing up the right side, and a small dog (in profile) keeping lookout on the left. 

Page 123~

    Trigg tried a new approach. "Lu's old Chevvy—was it here last night?"

    The woman looked puzzled. "Ol shevi?"

    "Lu's car." He made steering-wheel motions.

Make steering-wheel motions—that's what Trigg Melnor did. And he was darned good at it, too.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and BlueSky]

Paperback 1094: Mardios Beach / Oakley Hall (Perma Books M-4042)

 Paperback 1094: Perma Books M-4042 (1st ptg, 1956)

Title: Mardios Beach

Author: Oakley Hall

Cover artist: Tom Dunn

Condition: 8-9/10 (mild dings to the corners, else perfect)

Value: $15-20

Best things about this cover: 

• "Wilma!"
• "Stella!"
• He was a heel and worshiped only one god—SUSPENDERS!
• William Holden just woke up and wants to know where his goddamn shirt is!
• The lady looks sad and frightened, but actually she's just petting and gently whispering to a small mouse on her arm named Marvin. "I don't know why the mean man is yelling, Marvin. Maybe he's rehearsing a play. You want some cheese?"
• His left hand is so dramatic, perhaps because his right fingers are caught in the hinges of the door?

Best things about this back cover: 

• "Frank" alert! "Frank" alert. We have "Frank," I repeat, we have "Frank"! (And "Brutally frank" at that—that's the best kind of frank!)
• Now I'm wondering how louses (lice?) are typically made.
• From what I gather from this back-cover description, this is a novel about a guy who just punches people in the groin over and over. It's a hard life, but if you wanna be a louse, you gotta put in the work.

Page 123~

"All right. Quick! What's a woman's function?"

"Give up? The answer is: to Find My Damn Shirt! These suspenders are startin' to itch! Now open this door right now. Hey, is Marvin in there? You and Marvin better not be talkin' about me again ..."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and BlueSky]

Paperback 1081: The Case of the Fenced-In Woman / Erle Stanley Gardner (Pocket Books 77884)

Paperback 1081: Pocket Books 77884 (1st ptg, 1973)

Title: TCOT Fenced-In Woman

Author: Erle Stanley Gardner

Cover artist: [photo cover]

Condition: 7/10 (slight spine lean, some dings and dirtiness, kinda what you expect a book like this to look like)

Value: $6-8

[Binghamton Public Library Book Sale, May 2024]

Best things about this cover: 

• My wife got me this as a present from the local library book sale. Did not expect to reboot this blog with Ancient Chest-Shaving Rituals but you get what you get.
• "Now sweetheart, you know that's not a safe way to eat frosting, we've talked about this..." "DON'T FENCE ME IN, HAL!"
• Perry Mason Solves ... The Case of the Shirtless Dermatologist! "I don't like the look of this mole on your cheek, Sally. And your upper thigh feels suspicious, too. I'm gonna have to operate. Be a good girl and give me back my scalpel."
• Perry Mason Solves ... The Case of the Man with the Blurry Feet! (spoiler alert: his feet were hideous so the publishers blurred them)

Best things about this back cover: 

• My brain reading this back cover: "blah blah blah SUBURBAN SPANKING!? Awesome!"
• "Morley Eden said," is literature. It is art. It is a poem, the damnedest poem you ever heard.
• "Snaky gowns that cling like the skin on a sausage" is the kind of thing they send you back to Simile School for. "You're trying to convey 'sexy,' right? "Sexy, yeah, sexy." "And 'snaky,' that's OK, that kinda gets you there." "Yeah, gets me there, gets me there..." "But 'skin on a sausage'..." "Yeah?" "Well it's..." "Hot!?" "No, I don't think—" "Wait, wait. Let me explain. See, the chicks are the sausage, which is delicious, right, and..."

Page 123~

"You came over here in a hurry, didn't you, Mason?" Tragg asked.

"I do many things in a hurry."

"Did you just wink at me, Mason?" Tragg asked, his uniform clinging like the skin on a sausage...

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and BlueSky]

Paperback 1058: Berserker's Planet / Fred Saberhagen (DAW UY1167)

Paperback 1058: DAW UY1167 (PBO, 1975)

Title: Berserker's Planet

Author: Fred Saberhagen

Cover artist: Jack Gaughan

Condition: 8/10 (unread, some surface wear)

Estimated value: $10-15

Best things about this cover:

• "That's not a toothpick! ... THIS is a toothpick!"
• There was an early-80s arcade game called "Berserker." It was pretty cool. I don't remember these guys, though.
• I like the big guy's aesthetic. Very Prince Valiant-meets-Grizzly Man. It's just ... he looks more like an action figure than a living humanoid creature. He has many points of articulation and is neither standing nor holding that sword in a way that one might call "naturalistic" or "plausible." 
• Little buddy, on the other hand—very believable. Cowering nakedness, total unpreparedness, I can relate.
• The pink palette here is amazing, as is the suggestion of a giant skull in the oddly machine-like background.
• The actual title has an apostrophe in "Berserker's" but the cover does not. This bothers me about as much as you'd expect (a lot).

Best things about this back cover:

• No one needs this much text, truly.
• "NO QUARTER! NO QUARTER! NO COIN! ONLY DOLLAR! DOLLAR BILL! OR CREDIT CARD!"—someone behind me at the vending machine
• This feels pretty prescient—the idea that your robots would learn and "develop"; sadly modern out-of-control robots didn't take over the planet with swords, they just figured out how to sell you things you don't need and show you "content" that makes you angry ... in order to sell you things you don't need. Give me the robots in pelts and disco boots, please!
• "It's a Fred Saberhagen science thriller" doesn't quite have the standalone energy you'd expect a climactic back-cover paragraph to have.
• Also LOL "Have you seen THE BOOK OF SABERHAGEN" what, is it missing?

Page 123~

As the two men wrestled, it was still Omir who smiled, and Thomas who looked desperate, but quickly it was demonstrated that Omir was not the stronger of the two, not with a spear stuck through him, anyway.

Yeah, impalement will really take it out of you, I find

~RP

[Follow Pop Sensation on Twitter]

Paperback 1057: The Sword of Rhiannon / Leigh Brackett (Ace F-422)

Paperback 1057: Ace F-422 (1st thus, 1967)

Title: The Sword of Rhiannon
Author: Leigh Brackett
Cover artist: John Schoenherr

Condition: 7/10
Estimated value: $8

Best things about this cover:

• This was a very famous Martian deodorant ad campaign. "Shirtless marauding got you feeling ... not so fresh? Well now you can raise your triumphant, blood-soaked hand in confidence with new Martian Sure! Raise your hand if you're Sure!"
• "Hey guys, guys, over here, I think I got her. She doesn't ring like a bell in the night but ... pretty sure she's Rhiannon. No, seriously guys, come over here! I'm using the new deodorant now, it's OK!"
• Digging the pink hues with lime green font. Feel the late '60s...
• What the hell is "Cosmic Peril"? "Cosmic Carol in a Lost World" would've been a way more interesting premise. "Who is Cosmic Carol!?" I'd be forced to wonder!
• Bold move to fill so much of the foreground with just the back of some guy's head. Who is this eggheaded watcher? Wait ... am I the eggheaded watcher!? Existential, man...

Best things about this back cover:

• Ugh, too much text, come on! If I wanted to read, I'd ... well ... buy a book, I guess
• Mars MARS MARS!!!
• Can't help singing "Matt Carse" to the tune of Gary Numan's "Cars": "Here with Matt Carse / I feel safest of all / He's a mythical god / And he's a got a big sword / Matt Carse"
• Leigh Brackett was one of the founders of modern space opera. She wrote the first draft of the screenplay for "Empire Strikes Back" (just before her death). She also wrote the screenplay for "Rio Bravo"! And "The Long Goodbye"! And co-wrote the screenplay for "The Big Sleep"! With William Faulkner. What a career.

Page 123~ (this book's only 128 pages long!)

"The blessings of the gods attend you, stranger," Emer whispered and kissed him gently on the lips.

I like to imagine that Emer's last name is Gency and that she had a minor R&B hit in 1983 called "The Blessings of the Gods Attend You, Stranger." Also, that on the cover of her one major-label album ("S.O.S.!") she's wearing a get-up that can only be described as Disco Chainmail. 

~RP

[Follow Pop Sensation on Twitter]

Paperback 1054: The Raft / Robert Trumbull (Dell 26)

Paperback 1054: Dell 26 (1st ptg, 1944)

Title: The Raft
Author: Robert Trumbull
Cover artist: George Frederiksen
Back cover artist: Gerald Gregg

Condition: 6.5/10
Estimated value: $10

Best things about this cover:

• Everything above the author's name seems very pleasant. Serene, even. Perhaps, as your eyes move down the page, you can even maintain the illusion that these fellows are just out for a weekend jaunt of fun & sun. But that "DELL WAR BOOK" (a kind of book I can't remember seeing before) drives the more dire context home pretty thoroughly.
• I like early Dell covers, and early covers in general, which are far more tied to abstract expressionism than later, more naturalistic covers (which I also love, obviously)
• I also like the early Dell EYEBALL IN THE KEYHOLE logo. "You don't read Dell Books, Dell Books read you!"

Best things about this back cover:

• What is happening here? Why are they spaced so far apart? Why have their arms fused together? Does the dude in the middle need propping up? Is this some kind of Weekend at Bernie's situation?
• The italicizing concept here is ill-conceived. I know alliteration has its charms, but choose parallel construction every time. 
• War bond ads appeared inside early paperbacks with a great deal of regularity. On the outside of early paperbacks?? Far less so.

Page 123~

He seemed more interested in the boat than in his natural prey.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 1042: Bartered Mates / Thomas K. Makagon (Unique Books 144)

Paperback 1042: Unique Books 144 (PBO, 1967)

Title: Bartered Mates
Author: Thomas K. Makagon
Cover artist: that guy ... I always forget his name ... one of you will tell me (Bill Alexander)

Condition: 7/10
Estimated value: a lot

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• I keep reading "Battered Meats"
• Get it on! Bang a gong! Makagon!
• The pointing lady is the best. We don't even get to see her face. Just her amazing get-up and pointing arm. "J'accuse!" "Koochy koochy koo!" "Where Are This Man's Damned Nipples!?"
• I really dig The Couch Of Impossible Boobs
• If you look at his left foot too long you will be cursed. I have warned you.
• This book is bizarrely rare. I searched ["bartered mates" makagon] and got TWO HITS TOTAL

Best things about this back cover:

• I've seen worse cover copy, but not much worse. I do like the manic use of "—" there in the first paragraph. "Is it a happening, a trend, or a switch ... ? ... fuck it, let's just go with all of the above!"
• Why is there a comma after "delectable" in paragraph 2!?! Truly, I am bothered far more by punctuation minutiae than by the preposterous cheesiness of it all.
• OK the first sentence of paragraph 2 is utterly ungrammatical (although LOL at "brain child" quote unquote)
• Shouldn't it be "a between-pictures diversion" OK I'll stop now.
• "... the private threats of enjoyed and accepted female aggression" like, try to wrap your head around that. If it's "accepted" how is it a "threat," and to what? Dudes like being whipped by ladies. That's pretty much the end of the story.
• "MASTERLY POWERS OF FEMALE DOMINATION" was what was written on Jessica Fletcher's business card (or should've been)

Page 123~

Don finished his drink and set it on the dresser, then walked over to the edge of the bed he reached down to the back of her thighs, gently separated them and commenced to kiss the small of her back. His tongue went to her pink lined crease. Slowly he flicked it downward until he had gone as far as he  could go, then pushing her thighs upward, he held her almost on her head. He kept moving downward gradually, pushing her upward. When he found the desired spot, Roxana moaned through her fallen hair. He then shoved her backwards until she was on her back in an opposite direction. Now, he could feel her mouth covering him as they clasped each other's passionate bodies tightly.

Ok so this is terrible in so many ways but I'm stuck back on "pink lined crease" (sic). Is her lined crease pink, or is her crease pink-lined? And which crease are we talking about? Further, where did his tongue go? Where did her thighs go? Downward? Upward? "An opposite direction"? It looks like they end up in 69 at the end, but I feel like maybe that was just a lucky accident?

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 1026: Purless Sex Cat / Jon Basell (Compass Line CL 130)

Paperback 1026: Compass Line CL 130 (PBO, 1966)

Title: Purless Sex Cat
Author: Jon Basell
Cover artist: Uncredited

Condition: 8/10
Estimated value: $40-50

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• I forced a bot to look at 1000 vintage sleaze paperback covers and then asked it to design a cover of its own. This is the result.
• What even is this? Any of this? It's like something from the Island of Dr. Moreau, but in book form. The colors? Terrible. The weird geometric shapes? Ridiculous. His torso looks like the face of drunk Homer Simpson. And then there's "Purless." Purless. Look, I don't know what happened here, but if this is Purless, then I say someone needs to Pur more. A lot more.
• The phrase is "sex kitten," you language-maiming Turing Test failure.
• Her ass is for "Adults Only," which seems totally reasonable, although I can't imagine why any non-deranged "minor" would want to buy this confusing trash heap.
• "From sex to limitless sex" is easily the greatest play on "from sea to shining sea" that ever was or will be.
• Dear lord, his cyan briefs will haunt my dreams for months.

Best things about this back cover:

• Well, they forgot to print the lead-in all-caps tagline, so there's that?
• This sentence has no beginning, no end, no purpose, no dignity, its erotic body never sated, demanding and loving rambling with commas and they too know from others that physical satisfaction is flitting from sex to sex in their ... RUTTING REVERIES
• Pink. I like the pink. Yes. It's pleasant. Like a nicely iced cupcake. 

Page 123~

     So I acted real helpless and weak while the skindiver helped me out of the water and on up the shore of the island. It was real comical the way his face got all red when he got a good look at how naked I was. Or maybe it was because he was naked, too.
     "Th-thank you," I gasped, while he got even redder and said that his camp was a few feet away and maybe some whiskey would make us both feel better."

Well I know some whiskey would make me feel better after that linguistic atrocity so byeeee

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 1017: The Best Go First / Frank O'Malley (Bantam 959)

Paperback 1017: Bantam 959 (1st, 1952)

Title: The Best Go First
Author: Frank O'Malley
Cover artist: "Phillips" (signed, but no idea who this "Phillips" is)

Condition: 7/10
Estimated value: $10-15

Best things about this cover:

• She's really taking the gun to that "O" like "hint, hint! I am on the Make," but ... he seems preoccupied with driving other rods into other chambers.
• "Look, I see your little innuendo there, Martha, but this Extortion-Murder is not gonna Extortion-Murder itself, so settle down!"
• The best go first. Steve, with his dirty gun and lack of torso covering, went third, most days, at best.

Best things about this back cover:

• It's like they meant to send in the final tagline but accidentally just sent in their brainstorming notes and the printer didn't understand and just went with All Of The Descriptive Words
• Crisp! Realistic! Sounds .... Frank! (the author's name is Frank; this is an author's name joke; please clap)
• Man, the adjectives are really running amok. I like how they added "hammering" after "driving" in case maybe we thought it was a novel about cars. Or maybe it is about driving ... to the hardware store!
• How many times do I have to meet this m***erf***er?

Page 123~

She was a woman who talked when you wanted coversation and sat quietly when you wanted to think. That kind is rare.

No, that kind is inflatable.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 1001: I, Barbarian / Jay Scotland (Avon T-375)

Paperback 1001: Avon T-375 (PBO, 1959)

Title: I, Barbarian
Author: Jay Scotland
Cover artist: [George Ziel]

Condition: 7/10
Estimated value: $12

Best things about this cover:

• His mind on women, his groin on horses
• I, Shirtless—the flamingest novel east of the Urals!
• His left hand is weird. Like it should be holding something. An ice cream cone, or a lovely bouquet of flowers, perhaps

Best things about this back cover:

• This novel's not frank, but it is frankish
• Adjective every noun!
• I like this little sword-split design

Page 123~

"Didn't you notice the unbounded delight in the eyes of his highest excellency when you gave that last feverish lunge toward the edibles?"

If there's another way to approach edibles, I haven't found it.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 973: The Road's End / Albert Conroy (Gold Medal 231)

Paperback 973: Gold Medal 231 (PBO, 1952)

Title: The Road's End
Author: Albert Conroy
Cover artist: [Barye Phillips]

Estimated value: $17-22
Condition: 8/10

Best things about this cover:

• No joke, this dude looks eerily like 22-year-old me. Leering ladies in my doorway, not so much.
• "There were too many women in his life"—you'd think at least one of them would help him clean that sty.
• This appears to be some post-apocalyptic tale of drought, where water is money so you keep it close at hand and never wash anything.
• Where ... did his fingers go? Fear claw!

Best things about this back cover:

• "Curved feminine flesh" is less sexy-sounding than this book seems to think it is. More meat cut than sexpot.
• "Who are you?" he asked. "And who am I?"—finally, a sleaze paperback that reflects the then-current trends in existentialist philosophy.
• "I found a pasty man and put him in the shed. Can we keep him, mom? Can we!?"

Page 123~

My knee came up automatically and sank into his groin. And again. And again.

OK, I'm out.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 917: The Fall of the Dream Machine / Dean R. Koontz // The Star Venturers / Kenneth Bulmer (Ace Double 22600)

Paperback 917: Ace Double 22600 (PBO / PBO, 1969)

Title: The Fall of the Dream Machine / The Star Venturers
Author: Dean R. Koontz / Kenneth Bulmer
Cover artists: Jack Gaughan / John Schoenherr

Estimated value: $20

Best things about this cover:

• That water slide needs cleaning. Badly.
• I love the incongruous whimsy of the polka dots. It's like the ghoul faces are all angrily thinking "What Is This Silliness!?!?!"
• Q: What do you get when you cross Edgar Winter with a blow-up doll?

Best things about this other cover:

• When Car Grilles Attack.
• Tentacled floating beast ripping apart stupid flimsy human ... Now *that's* a scifi cover!
• Galactic Haystack had some minor psychedelic rock hits in the late '60s. Then they joined a cult. I hear the lead singer's a hedge fund manager now.

Page 123~ (from "The Fall of the Dream Machine")

The man's face disappeared in a spray of unmentionable things.

This conjures up either terrible carnage or a man being assaulted by lingerie.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 912: Coming of Age in Samoa / Margaret Mead (Mentor M44)

Paperback 912: Mentor M44 (1st ptg, 1949)

Title: Coming of Age in Samoa
Author: Margaret Mead
Cover artist: jonas

Estimated value: $10-15

Best things about this cover:

• Striking design. Love the stylized monochrome foliage against the stark white backdrop.
• They seem like they're having fun.
• This probably shouldn't remind me of John Travolta and Uma Thurman dancing in "Pulp Fiction," but it does.
• The most important difference between Samoan society and our own is No Nipples ... For Anyone!

Best things about this back cover:

• I enjoy mentally changing "earnestly" (in Dorsey's review) to "salaciously," "lustily," "hornily," and the like.
• Freud!?
• "The domain of erotics." I want to go to there.
• I read "primitive heart-stirrings" as "primitive heart-strings," because it's nicer.

Page 123~

People forgave her violence and her quarrelsomeness for sheer mirth over her propitiatory antics.

She got away with shit 'cause she was fun to be around and sometimes bought the drinks. (You're welcome)

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 875: Live and Let Die / Ian Fleming (Perma Books M-3048)

Paperback 875: Perma Books M-3048 (1st ptg, 1956)

Title: Live and Let Die
Author: Ian Fleming
Cover artist: James Meese

Estimated value: $75-100

Best things about this cover:

• The world's most ruthless diving coach doesn't want to hear your bullshit about the Chinese judge having it in for you.
• "Scrooge McDuck had to go on vacation. You deal with me now."
• You'd think with all those gold coins, he could afford a nicer office. Something less in-a-cave.
• Just in case you didn't notice: this cover is all kinds of fabulous.

Best things about this back cover:

• Tee-Hee. No, I'm not laughing, that's his name. His name is Tee-Hee. Tee-Hee. OK, now I'm laughing. Keep up!
• No reaction shot from Bond. I assume he just stiff-upper-lipped it, then bagged a leggy stewardess/assassin, then had a martini.
• "Take Mr. Bond to Central Perk … introduce him to Ross and Phoebe. You're job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA, Mr. Bond."

Page 123~

Soon they were over Miami and the monster chump-traps of the eastern seaboard, their arteries ablaze with neon.

Monster chump-traps! Nice phrase, Mr. Fleming.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 842: The Captive Women / Walter D. Edmonds (Bantam 708)

Paperback 842: Bantam 708 (3rd ptg, 1950)

Title: The Captive Women
Author: Walter D. Edmonds
Cover artist: Denver Gillen

Estimated Value: $8


Best things about this cover:

• Something about "Squat-o" there gives the whole cover a wacky feel. Like this is going to be some kind of domestic comedy. I'm pretty sure he's saying "What is it with dames these days, Fred!?"
• Fred is nodding knowingly. "I know, man. My captive woman keeps maxing out my credit card. I'm like, 'Damn, babe, how many damn pairs of moccasins do you need?'"
• What is Fred gripping? Is it a gun? If so, follow-up: how long were guns back then?

Best things about this back cover:

• $8.64 with tax.
• This is called "The Captive Women" because "Delia's Gone" was taken.
• Does the relative handsomeness of the "buck" mitigate the slavery somehow? I would've guessed 'no.'

Page 123~

While they slept the woman and the girl went through their packs, exclaiming at the worn out moccasins and the mending to be done and showing each other the best pelts.

Fred was right, man. These broads are crazy for moccasins.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 822: Human? / ed. Judith Merril (intro by Fredric Brown)

Paperback 822: Lion Books 205 (PBO, 1954)

Title: Human?
Editor: Judith Merril
Introduction: Fredric Brown
Cover artist: Rafael DeSoto [R. DeSaint??] [signature in bottom right corner, hard to make out—I read it as "R. DeSoto" because Rafael DeSoto is a famous cover artist. The Internet Speculative Fiction Database has "R. DeSaint," but I can't find any other mention of such a person on the Internet, so …?]

Yours for: $18


Best things about this cover:

• And that's when the 2213 Miss Glotron-X swimsuit competition got a little weird …
• "Um … sir? … your mankini top … it's just … if you could … maybe pull it … a little …"
• "This device allows me to speak to my own jugular veins directly!"
• "'Human?' The game show where you … decide what the answer to that question is. Are you ready, Bill? Let's bring out our first set of subjects!"
• Bill does not look confident. Or else that's just his "ill-fitting mankini-bottom" face.
• I'm all for body modification, but I think I draw the line at chicken-fishing.

Best things about this back cover:

• don marquis is the e. e. cummings of paperback scifi anthologies.
• Some heavy hitters in there. Also, Graham Doar. "My friends call me 'Trap'!" Sure they do, Graham.
• Just how many anthologists are there, Boucher? That's about as ringing an endorsement as "Sammy Hagar is among the very best Van Halen frontmen."

Page 123~

Immediately the room seemed to shake itself; things wavered uncomfortably; then I realized Drip was astigmatic.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 808: The Golden Blade / John Clou (Graphic Giant G209)

Paperback 808: Graphic Giant G209 (1st ptg, 1955)

Title: The Golden Blade
Author: John Clou
Cover artist: Robert Maguire

Yours for: $12

Best things about this cover:

Ron Weasley fantasizes about gutting that lousy scar-faced pretty boy.
Easily the best painting you'll ever see of a shirtless caped redhead admiring his primary phallic symbol. (Secondary phallic symbol safely sheathed on right hip)
I am not a fan of these big dumb historical romance montages, but if you gotta do it, yeah, go with Robert Maguire. Grace and beauty of his painting will soften the overwhelming cheese of the subject matter.
Everything about that woman is improbable. Actually, I would change that to "probable" if you just moved her indoors. There's no way she's that artfully, nakedly posed out there in the dirt of the battlefield.


Best things about this back cover:

• Everybody dance now.
• "Enough with the hip-shaking. Fill my goblet and then polish my sex boots, woman!"
• I like the blue-skirted lady, or, as I call her, The Mead Whisperer.

Page 123~

The day after Cholan's party arrived at the cave. Juji went hunting. He was pleased that Gesikie offered to accompany him, for he wanted an audience to acclaim his skill with the bow.

This page also features Jhotuz, Kisil, and Temujine, in case you're interested.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 804: The Grass is Singing / Doris Lessing (Bantam 1045)

Paperback 804: Bantam 1045 (1st ptg, 1952)

Title: The Grass Is Singing
Author: Doris Lessing
Cover artist: Fletcher Martin

Yours for: $15


Best things about this cover:

• OK, there are several remarkable things about this cover, but I'm somehow most struck by the "Painted by" credit! Attribution! Credit! So useful! Why aren't all paperback covers like this!?
• If you want an iconic picture for "The White Gaze," Here You Go!
• Doris Lessing won the Nobel Prize in Literature, so I assume the writing quality here is a grade or two above "Mandingo."

Best things about this back cover:

• "Mounting tensions" WINK WINK
• "The one sin no white woman in Africa dares" … based on the cover, I'm betting on "Sloth."
• Technically "Brave New World" had already come, twenty years earlier. Still, I love how excited this book is.

Page 123~

Then followed a time of dull misery: not the sharp bouts of unhappiness that were what had attacked her earlier. Now she felt as if she were going soft inside at the core, as if a soft rottenness was attacking her bones.

The horrible days before Boniva.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 778: The Old Man / William Faulkner (Signet 692)

Paperback 778: Signet 692 (1st ptg, 1948)

Title: The Old Man
Author: William Faulkner
Cover artist: jonas

Yours for: $9


Best things about this cover:

• I like how they're both posing and flexing but there's no audience. "Don't I look like the Lancôme girl…?" "I went to GNC and then the gym so …" The ocean gave no reply.
• I was certain this was "The Old Man and the Sea." This book proves that Faulkner was (exactly) half the writer Hemingway was.
• I'm not feeling either violence or terror. I'm feeling people working on their tans.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Psst, I'm down here. Bottom left corner. Fuckers nearly cropped me out of my own author photo."
• "Desultorily" is a great word. Pretty sure I just read it in John Barth's The Sot-Weed Factor, also in relation to a character's university education. 
• Faulkner's "stint in Hollywood" famously included co-writing the screenplay for "The Big Sleep" (with Leigh Brackett and that other guy whose name I always forget). 

Page 123~

When he saw the River again, he knew it at once.

Sorry. It was that, or a sentence that's about 90 miles long. No thanks.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 770: The Man Who Japed / Philip K. Dick // The Space-Born / E. C. Tubb (Ace D-193)

Paperback 770: Ace D-193 (1st ptg / 1st ptg, 1956)

Title: The Man Who Japed / The Space-Born
Author: Philip K. Dick / E. C. Tubb
Cover artist: Ed Emshwiller / Ed Valigursky

Yours for: $25


Best things about this cover:

• Jackie gonna be *a* severed-headball sta-ar!
• When college pranks go awry. "We said 'japery,' Jackie. 'Japery.' You call beheading the dean 'japery'!?"
• The best, and I mean the Very Best, part of this cover is the teeny arm waving goodbye / pleading for help from beneath the jagged stick pile.

Best things about this other cover:

• Death was their pilot, fear their fuel, underground hot-oil wrestling their passion!
• Hey, you've got to hide your love away! (from the flying pestle-wielding space golems)
• "Halt! Halt! Freddie Mercury wants his boots back! Remove the boots at once or face extreme golem-pestle interrogation enhancement!"

Page 123~ (from The Space-Born)

He stared at the knives in the hands of the searchers.

"Wait … those aren't knives," Tom whispered to Jerry. "Those are just pestles. I say we run for it!"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]