Paperback 1081: The Case of the Fenced-In Woman / Erle Stanley Gardner (Pocket Books 77884)

Paperback 1081: Pocket Books 77884 (1st ptg, 1973)

Title: TCOT Fenced-In Woman

Author: Erle Stanley Gardner

Cover artist: [photo cover]

Condition: 7/10 (slight spine lean, some dings and dirtiness, kinda what you expect a book like this to look like)

Value: $6-8

[Binghamton Public Library Book Sale, May 2024]

Best things about this cover: 

• My wife got me this as a present from the local library book sale. Did not expect to reboot this blog with Ancient Chest-Shaving Rituals but you get what you get.
• "Now sweetheart, you know that's not a safe way to eat frosting, we've talked about this..." "DON'T FENCE ME IN, HAL!"
• Perry Mason Solves ... The Case of the Shirtless Dermatologist! "I don't like the look of this mole on your cheek, Sally. And your upper thigh feels suspicious, too. I'm gonna have to operate. Be a good girl and give me back my scalpel."
• Perry Mason Solves ... The Case of the Man with the Blurry Feet! (spoiler alert: his feet were hideous so the publishers blurred them)

Best things about this back cover: 

• My brain reading this back cover: "blah blah blah SUBURBAN SPANKING!? Awesome!"
• "Morley Eden said," is literature. It is art. It is a poem, the damnedest poem you ever heard.
• "Snaky gowns that cling like the skin on a sausage" is the kind of thing they send you back to Simile School for. "You're trying to convey 'sexy,' right? "Sexy, yeah, sexy." "And 'snaky,' that's OK, that kinda gets you there." "Yeah, gets me there, gets me there..." "But 'skin on a sausage'..." "Yeah?" "Well it's..." "Hot!?" "No, I don't think—" "Wait, wait. Let me explain. See, the chicks are the sausage, which is delicious, right, and..."

Page 123~

"You came over here in a hurry, didn't you, Mason?" Tragg asked.

"I do many things in a hurry."

"Did you just wink at me, Mason?" Tragg asked, his uniform clinging like the skin on a sausage...

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and BlueSky]

Paperback 1008: Rogue Queen / L. Sprague de Camp (Dell 600)

Paperback 1008: Dell 600 (1st ptg, 1952)

Title: Rogue Queen
Author: L. Sprague de Camp
Cover artist: Mike Ludlow

Condition: 7/10
Estimated value: $8-10

Best things about this cover:

• That seems a reasonable way to learn about sex tbh
• "OK, so, step 1: put the spear away"—Earth-man
• I'm sure that phallic rocket is in no way a phallic symbol
• That is some very convenient cape and forearm
• Her hair is amazing

Best things about this back cover:

• "You ... complete ... me ... seriously, do it, complete me, I'm not a woman yet, get on with it."
• You take the good you take the bad you take them both and there you have the Facts of Full Womanhood, The Facts of Full Womanhood!
• That is the sloppiest damn ringed planet I even did see. It's like a 5-year-old drew a ball of yarn

Page 123~

"It is a curious feature of Terran culture that when the men do something of a stupidity they always blame their wives."

I like her.

~RP

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Paperback 819: The Dain Curse / Dashiell Hammett (Vintage V-624)

Paperback 819: Vintage V-624 (1st thus, 1978)

Title: The Dain Curse
Author: Dashiell Hammett
Cover artist: Alan Reingold

Yours for: $12


Best things about this cover:

• Oh, '70s. Never change.
• Aside from the horrible color scheme, the other things that scream "'70s" are the particular look of the cult leader (very hippy-Jesus-chesthair) and the Manson-murder-looking girl.
• I actually kind of love this cover. Highly unusual, lots going on. Long live Mustachioed and Fedoraed James Coburn!

Best things about this back cover:

• Just the dumb-looking statue and some words. With the ornate title font now in isolation, we are left to marvel at its bright blue shadow. The book really wants to convey period authenticity, really, it does, but …
• The aesthetic appears to be "Deco Goes to Woodstock."
• Ross Macdonald secretly hated Chandler (for good and bad reasons), and so every quote I read from him now about anyone else's greatness, including his own, always contains a tacit, "So Fuck You, Ray!" This includes the Macdonald blurb often used on Chandler covers.
• I tend to leave books just as I bought them. Hence the '90s price tag. No sticker puller, I.

Page 123~

"Now how can you say that?" he remonstrated. "Ain't she a dope fiend? And cracked in the bargain…?"

I would read "Ain't She a Dope Fiend?"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 549: Passion Panamania / J.X. Williams (Leisure Books 1203)

Paperback 549: Leisure Books LB1203 (PBO, 1967)

Title: Passion Panamania
Author: J. X. Williams
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $28


Best things about this cover:

• When the women's beach volleyball team says "Closed Practice," they mean "Closed Practice."
• I'm a bit worried for that guy. I mean if he were shirtless and she had a whip, that would be one thing, but pantsless, spread-eagle, and she's got a knife? No. All the boobs and butt cheeks in the world aren't going to make this situation erotic.
• What is her right hand doing!? Please don't say "anointing the sacrificial lamb."
• Winner: Frondiest Cover of 1967.
• A Latin Lesbos, eh? So ... and island ... in, let's say, the Caribbean ... Well, there's Jost Van Dyke, but I'm gonna say "too spot-on."

Best things about this back cover:

• Yeah, if you're having marital troubles, just go camping. Works like a charm.
• Um, question? What is "the PASSION PANAMANIA"? Because, grammatically, it seems to be some kind of miasma or disease or sea god.
• "And the swapping and sharing could begin..."—so it's some kind of convention for Beanie Baby collectors? No, wait: "no conventions" ... I'm stumped (which is what the guy on the cover is going to be saying in 3, 2, ...)

Page 123~

They understood each other too well to waste words. Maria said, "We all—all five of us—took part. But only one—not me—did the terrible thing you know about. We others were as surprised and felt as horrible about it as you do—I swear it, _mi amiga_!—but we just stood there as she—Oh, _madre_, it was so awful, the blood..."

Dear god, who is jacking off to this!?!?!

~RP

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57 books from the University Book Sale: Book 2

Title: Episode of the Wandering Knife
Author: Mary Roberts Rinehart
Cover artist: Rafael de Soto

Yours for: best offer

• Cover copy as internal monologue! Never seen that before.
• So you're hiding the knife in the fishpool ... you know water is transparent, right?
• Jane continued to wage her secret, one-woman battle against kitschy statuary...

• Should I feel bad / worried that I can't interpret this map? "His Breakfast" (!?!?) is out back on the lawn? In some pink Phantom Zone? And "The Secret" is ... maybe under the hedge? In the downspout of the gutters? Meanwhile, "The Knife" wanders lazily up the road ...
• "Experience the thrills and chills and the infamous horrors that await you at ... Larry's House!?"

Page 123~

"Maud," said young Townsend succinctly, "is a cheap Chicago tart. He had no business bringing her here."

Mmmm, cheap Chicago tart ...

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Paperback 257: Pirate Wench / Frank Shay (Pyramid Giant G75)

Paperback 257: Pyramid Giant G75 (1st ptg, 1953)

Title: Pirate Wench
Author: Frank Shay
Cover artist: uncredited

Yours for: SOLD (July '09)


Best things about this cover:

• Catherine Zeta-Jones stars in ... "Braless Zombie II: Zombie's Revenge"
• As I scanned this image, the Violent Femmes "Prove My Love" was playing on iTunes. It contains the lyric, "... we've all been through some shit." In the case of Pirate Wench, this appears to be literally true. Who draws their braless heroine with brown stink lines emanating from her body?
• "Outlove?!" "Outfuck" really works better here. It's more alliterative. And, I'm guessing, more accurate.
  
• Shirtless man: "I have a gun ... and yet I am powerless to resist her magical pirate dance."
• Shirtless man: "I wonder where I can get a shirt like that ... I'm tired of the crew teasing me about how manly and ungay I look"

Best things about this back cover:

• If you like your sex "raw" and "blood-stained," you'll love "Pirate Wench!"
• " ... a night below deck": That is one, tough, tiring way to "win men's allegiance." How is one woman supposed to put a whole crew together. No wonder this book is "raw" and "blood-stained."
• She's pro-vocative. Screw you, ablative!

Page 123~

There were nine pirates captured and there were nine gibbets; no one about to go on trial would be found not guilty.

"No one ... would be found not guilty." Is that litotes? (Def: A figure of speech consisting of an understatement in which an affirmative is expressed by negating its opposite, as in This is no small problem.) Pretty fucking uppity for pirate smut.

~RP

P.S. A Portuguese reader (yes, I have one) sent me a link to the following book cover: a Portuguese version of Gil Brewer's "Wild to Possess" (you can see part of the American cover in my header, between "Pop" and "Sensation" ... the redhead w/ the gun). Very cool to see pulpy covers redone for foreign markets.