Paperback 1005: All Men Are Liars / John Stephen Strange (Dell 438)

Paperback 1005: Dell 438 (1st ptg, 1950)

Title: All Men Are Liars
Author: John Stephen Strange
Cover artist: Robert Stanley

Condition: 6/10
Estimated value: $5-10

Best things about this cover:

• "I solemnly swear ... aw, who am I kidding? All men are liars, amirite!? Up top!"
• Her side-eye! I really should have a "Women Looking At Losers" blog tag. (See Paperback 1004)
• Her mustard suit is smokin'
• Shouldn't "man about town" be hyphenated? ... wow, even dictionaries seem divided on this one. One thing no one's divided on: the Ben Affleck movie "Man About Town" is probably best left back in 2006.

Best things about this back cover;

• Mapback!
• Love the Gay '90s font on the title, wtf
• How have they managed to make Manhattan look so boring? So many things on that island we get ... a generic courtroom interior!?
• The crossword maker in me is like "hmm... is HDQRS really a valid abbr.?"

Page 123~

Won Way Street rose and strolled across the well of the court.

Sorry. I'm dead. That name just killed me.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 840: Not I, Said the Vixen / Bill S. Ballinger (Gold Medal k1529)

Paperback 840: Gold Medal k1529 (PBO, 1965)

Title: Not I, Said the Vixen
Author: Bill S. Ballinger
Cover artist: [Bill Johnson]

Estimated value: $8-12

Donation to the collection from Mr. John Q. Brooklyn (I don't want to use real names w/o permission). Guy asks me "Can I send you a book for your blog?" Twist my arm!


Best things about this cover:

• "Isn't it true that your favorite letter is "I", Miss Lorents? ANSWER THE QUESTION!"
• "Do you deny that you are overwhelmingly sensual? DO YOU!?"
• This is a "vixen"? This looks like someone who showed up to a table reading for her role as "Vixen" in an episode of "Perry Mason." She does have a pretty boss head-tilt, but my prescription for greater vixenitude is less clothes, more gun. And … yeah, sure, go ahead and put on the glasses. OK, now shoot the D.A. and then stand over his body like, "told ya."

Best things about this back cover:

• Way to bury the lede, Gold Medal. How is PROWLED THE WORLD OF TWILIGHT WOMEN not on the cover!?
• She "ruined her lovers with the hot breath of scandal" ("scandal" being a last-minute substitute for "chili cheese fries")
• "Please state your name for the record." "Ivy Lorents." "And how do you spell 'Ivy,' Miss Lorents? I presume it starts 'I', 'V'…" "Not I." "Objection! Permission to treat the vixen as sensual, your honor."

Page 123~

"You had her … falling all over herself," Ivy said, pleased with the memory of Pauline's discomfort.

Please invest that sentence with all the Sapphic innuendo you can muster.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

The P. Morrison Donations #11: TCOT Demure Defendant / Erle Stanley Gardner (Cardinal C-323)

The P. Morrison Donations #11

Cardinal C-323 (2nd ptg, 1959)

Title: The Case of the Demure Defendant
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: Charles Peitz

Best things about this cover:

• Once again, the breasts act as if the dress weren't even there.
• How much vaseline is on this lens? Everything looks like it's been coated in margarine.
• "Sorry, your honor, I didn't hear you. I was just playing with these marionettes here, and, well ... yes, OK, I'll stop."
  That is one George Washington turkey leg tornado of blond hair.
• This title reminds me that I get "demur" and "demure" confused, which may be why I never use either.

Best things about this back cover:

• Fewer things are sexier than residuary legatees.
• Mosher Higley, who earned his name for his exuberance at '90s punk concerts.
• Erle Stanley Garnder has the signature of an insane person.

Page 123~

"The prosecution expects to prove that the defendant deliberately became a poisoner, a murderess, a blackmailer and became ensnared in the toils of her own iniquity."

Somehow "ensnared in the toils of her own iniquity" is a mess, metaphorically, but it's still awfully fun to say.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 153: Seed of Doubt / Day Keene (Dell 7733)

Paperback 153: Dell 7733 (1st ptg, 1962)

Title: Seed of Doubt
Author: Day Keene
Cover artist: Clark Hulings

Yours for: $6


Best things about this cover:

• "Explosive," "Seed," and a variation of "semen" all on one cover!? That's ... ballsy. Also makes me a little queasy. Oh god, all this seed-talk is making even "Unexpurgated" look pornographic.
• "You expect that man to take care of that baby!?"
• "You expect us to believe that that man is responsible for that stain!?"
• The judge looks like he wants to say "Excuse me, sir, but the fencing class is down the hall."
• "The pattern of ANATOMY OF A MURDER" - HA ha. High praise. That's like saying "As many pages as THE GREAT GATSBY" or "Set in the same general region as GONE WITH THE WIND"

Best things about this back cover:

• Cast of characters! With quotes!?
• "I'd rather see her dead" - I hope he's not supposed to be sympathetic character. "No wife of mine..." - how many does he have?
• "I loved Eric so much ..." - of course. Women love men who would rather see them dead than see them bear the child of another man.
• "Who is to say that I was wrong ...?" - nice defense, Perry Mason. I believe This Court is to say, you jackass.

Page 123~

Jenny emerged from the restaurant wearing a tight black skirt and a green blouse under a thin white sweater that accentuated her heavy breasts. She pretended to be surprised to see him.

"You still here?"

Eric continued to pick his teeth. "It would seem. You live far?"

Eric is suave - he knows what all real men know: that there is no surer way to seduce a heavy-breasted lady than to pick your teeth.

~RP