Paperback 437: Substitute Sinners / John Dexter (Sundown Reader 614)

Paperback 437: Sundown Reader SR614 (PBO, 1966)

Title: Substitute Sinners
Author: John Dexter
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $20


Best things about this cover:

• From the author who brought you the klassic "A Thousand Beds" (1967) comes ... this!
  
• "Your regular sinner is out today. I'm your substitute sinner: Charlene."
• Her hair = mastodon tusks
• Love the admiring grin on Joe Handsome Pool.
• So you just walk around holding that towel in place all day?
• Joe emerges from his private pool forest while Angela executes a perfect head-first slide into third base and Charlene holds a tutorial in obi-tying. This is an eclectic and talented bunch. Who knew Esalen could be such fun?

Best things about this back cover:

• I really want to know whose job it was to tourettically shout out pseudo-sexual nonsense phrases for these BOLD! ital. BOLD! back covers. I should have a special tag just for this type of cover. Too bad there's not a Nobel Prize for Unintentionally Goofy Sex Poetry.
• "No one can outfox me from my sex ambush," bragged Chick, nonsensically.

Page 123~

"Suppose I had you hypnotized, gave you a gun, and told you to shoot George. Ninety-nine times out of one hundred, you would refuse the command and either wake up or remain asleep without any action. But if I told you George was a ravenous grizzly bear about to attack you and you family, you would shoot the hell out of him."

At this point, George, who had come to this retreat solely for the promise of outdoor naked hot-tubbing, became understandably worried.

~RP

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Paperback 396: A Thousand Beds / John Dexter (Companion Books 521)

Paperback 396: Companion Books 521 (PBO, 1967)

Title: A Thousand Beds
Author: John Dexter
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: Not for Sale (Donation to the collection from Doug Peterson, god bless him)


Best things about this cover:

• A cover that answers the question: are there *female* Oompa Loompas?
• I can't even begin to imagine what I'm supposed to be imagining is going on here.
• Her forearm stand is OK, but she needs to extend up through her feet, tuck her tailbone, and look down between her hands. Also, lose the hipster dork with the baby oil.
• Few things less sexy than the entire above-the-neck area on the kneeling lady. Her hair appears to be modeled on a toilet paper dispenser.
• I'm giving this shame-stunt a 7. It's memorable, in its way, but there's a general aura of ennui that hangs over the whole scene. If you're going to do shame-stunts, I think your heart should really be in it. Also, though I can't hear her, I'm gonna say that kneeling lady was a little pitchy.

Best things about this back cover:

• Love this back cover style: "WEIRD PHRASE... nonsensical sexed-up text ... WEIRDER PHRASE!" You can find it on a Lot of sex paperback back covers in the late '60s.
• "VICE VOTES!?" I mean ... that's not even suggestive. It's like it was generated by a Mad Libs, came out stupid, but they ran with it anyway. Makes about as much sense as "VICE PENCILS!" or "SHAME STEREOS!"
• "Mark Vista had left his mark on every woman worth having" — it takes a lot to gross me out, but I think this line did it.

Page 123~ (fingers crossed... uh ... oh boy—gonna have to quote at length here ... and introducing: footnote comments)

Then I almost shot through the ceiling. Sally had slipped her moist tongue into my armpit [1] and was making swift circular motions. Her tongue stiffened as it darted into the bottom of one armpit after the other [2], whipping the hair into a wet lather [3].

I longed to take her head and take it to fuzzy-wuzzy land [4]. She'd probably think it was an ice-cream cone [5]. But in the meantime, what was the rush? I knew before the hour was out I was going to get my ashes hauled by this classy broad [6].

1. [!]
2. [how many armpits does this guy have!?]
3. [Is there an award for "Most Nauseating Sex Writing," because winner winner chicken dinner]
4. [How is this *less* offensive than "my cock?" Dear lord!]
5. [Because it's freezing and conical?]
6. [The absolute funniest word in this whole quotation is "classy"]
   

Now imagine reading ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY-TWO PAGES OF THIS. What was the market for this!? How could this work as one-handed reading? Wouldn't the constant laughing wreck the mood?

Wow.

~RP

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