Paperback 1081: The Case of the Fenced-In Woman / Erle Stanley Gardner (Pocket Books 77884)

Paperback 1081: Pocket Books 77884 (1st ptg, 1973)

Title: TCOT Fenced-In Woman

Author: Erle Stanley Gardner

Cover artist: [photo cover]

Condition: 7/10 (slight spine lean, some dings and dirtiness, kinda what you expect a book like this to look like)

Value: $6-8

[Binghamton Public Library Book Sale, May 2024]

Best things about this cover: 

• My wife got me this as a present from the local library book sale. Did not expect to reboot this blog with Ancient Chest-Shaving Rituals but you get what you get.
• "Now sweetheart, you know that's not a safe way to eat frosting, we've talked about this..." "DON'T FENCE ME IN, HAL!"
• Perry Mason Solves ... The Case of the Shirtless Dermatologist! "I don't like the look of this mole on your cheek, Sally. And your upper thigh feels suspicious, too. I'm gonna have to operate. Be a good girl and give me back my scalpel."
• Perry Mason Solves ... The Case of the Man with the Blurry Feet! (spoiler alert: his feet were hideous so the publishers blurred them)

Best things about this back cover: 

• My brain reading this back cover: "blah blah blah SUBURBAN SPANKING!? Awesome!"
• "Morley Eden said," is literature. It is art. It is a poem, the damnedest poem you ever heard.
• "Snaky gowns that cling like the skin on a sausage" is the kind of thing they send you back to Simile School for. "You're trying to convey 'sexy,' right? "Sexy, yeah, sexy." "And 'snaky,' that's OK, that kinda gets you there." "Yeah, gets me there, gets me there..." "But 'skin on a sausage'..." "Yeah?" "Well it's..." "Hot!?" "No, I don't think—" "Wait, wait. Let me explain. See, the chicks are the sausage, which is delicious, right, and..."

Page 123~

"You came over here in a hurry, didn't you, Mason?" Tragg asked.

"I do many things in a hurry."

"Did you just wink at me, Mason?" Tragg asked, his uniform clinging like the skin on a sausage...

~RP

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Paperback 920: Frankenstein / Mary Shelley (Collier)

Paperback 920: Collier (unnumbered) (6th ptg, 1973)

Title: Frankenstein
Author: Mary Shelley
Cover artist: Milton Glaser

Estimated value: $5-10

Best things about this cover:

• Milton Glaser rules. So cool to see his '60s psychedelic style brought to bear on Frankie's monster.
• I love how this painting makes the monster soft, serene, beautiful, human.
• I should really reread this. It's been forever.

Best things about this back cover:

• Blah, text. Next.

Page 123~

"I am malicious because I am miserable. Am I not shunned and hated by all mankind? You, my creator, would tear me to pieces, and triumph; remember that, and tell me why I should pity man more than he pities me. You would not call it murder if you could precipitate me into one of those ice-rifts, and destroy my frame, the work of your own hands. Shall I respect man when he contemns me? Let him live with me in the interchange of kindness; and, instead of injury, I would bestow every benefit upon him with tears of gratitude at his acceptance. But that cannot be; the human senses are insurmountable barriers to our union. Yet mine shall not be the submission of abject slavery. I will revenge my injuries: if I cannot inspire love, I will cause fear; and chiefly towards you my arch-enemy, because my creator, do I swear inextinguishable hatred. Have a care: I will work at your destruction, nor finish until I desolate your heart, so that you shall curse the hour of your birth."

God I love this. One of literature's great break-up speeches.

~RP

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Paperback 671: Mistress of Falconhurst / Lance Horner (Fawcett Gold Medal X3315)

Paperback 671: Fawcett Gold Medal X3315 (PBO, 1973)

Title: Mistress of Falconhurst
Author: Lance Horner
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: Not for Sale (gift to the collection from Laurie Gagne)


Best things about this cover:

• You had me at Mandingo-font.
• Antebellum Lambada!
• His left hand is terrifying.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Did we mention MANDINGO? MANDINGO!"
• What kind of hell-on-earth do you have to create in order to become "the South's most notorious slave plantation"? Don't answer.
• "Sometimes it was hard to tell who was master and who was slave." — when I'm trying to tell master from slave, I use this simple heuristic: the slave is the black one.
• For some reason the phrase "... as only Lance Horner can tell it" is making me LOL.

Page 123~

He put his left arm around Djoubo's naked waist and drew him close, hefting his huge genitals in his right hand.

This is — swear to god — the least offensive thing on this page. What the hell, 1970s readers?

~RP

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Paperback 536: The Last Cop Out / Mickey Spillane (Signet Y5626)

Paperback 536: Signet Y5626 (1st ptg, 1973)

Title: The Last Cop Out
Author: Mickey Spillane
Cover artist: photo

Yours for: $10

Best things about this cover:

• The logical end point of the lurid cover arms race: magnificent, unadorned, naked ass.
• I have never hated text more than I do at this moment.
• I seem to remember hearing that the model was Spillane's wife. Likely the same woman who did "The Erection Set" cover.

Best things about this back cover:

• Ugh. Next!
• "Super virile" and you named him "Gillian?" Would've been more "virile" if you'd named him "Gilligan."
• Knowing Spillane, "orgy of blistering destruction" may not be a metaphor.
• "Volcanic explosion," on the other hand—probably a metaphor.

Page 123~

"I was there when Lederer was blowing his top. I could hear him right across the hall. City Hall must have leaned on him because he's gotten all leaves canceled, got the detectives working overtime and eating the ass out of Bill Long because Burke's disappeared someplace and nobody can find him."

It's writing like that that makes me happy the 50s were a more censorious decade—"eating the ass out of" would never have passed muster in the Mike Hammer era, and I'm OK with that.

~RP

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Paperback 533: End Zone / Don DeLillo (Pocket Books 78282)

Paperback 533: Pocket Books 78282 (1st ptg, 1973)

Title: End Zone
Author: Don DeLillo
Cover artist: photo

Yours for: $8

Best things about this cover:

• Way outside my normal collection timeframe, but the cover (and author) caught my eye—seemed memorable / remarkable—like the last thing you see before you get strangled (to death, presumably).
• I like that it's a novel about football, but the cover only barely suggests this (title, font, "New Gladiators").
• That's the opposite of "Fear Hand"—most mid-century covers have a victim POV, with woman reacting to some kind of impending attack. Here, the attacker (in a context that can be only dimly imagined).

Best things about this back cover:

• Dang, high praise for a novel I've never heard of.
• "Is God a Football Fan?" is a pretty good tagline.
• So much for your Nostradamian powers, Cincinnati Enquirer.

Page 123~

"Gary Harkness. Good name. Promotable. I like it. I even love it."
"Thanks."
"Relax and call me Wally."
"Right," I said.

If anyone ever says "Relax and call me Wally," you're gonna want to end the conversation quickly and get out of there.

~RP

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Paperback 525: Sex Games That People Play / Daniel Gordon (ed.) (Ace 75963)

Paperback 525: Ace 75963 (2nd ptg, 1973)

Title: Sex Games That People Play
Editor: Daniel Gordon
Cover artist: photo

Yours for: $7

Best things about this cover:

• So ... what game is this? Naked Opiate Tag? Pretend Overdose?
• The font alone is skeezing me out. I think this font is called "Unclean Hot Tub."
• "Edited by..." makes no sense. There are no author credits inside. Maybe he edited ... himself? Is that one of his "games?"

Best things about this back cover:

• There once was a publication called "Sex Guide Magazine" ... seriously, that's the whole story.
• I love how the book decides, rather late in the game, to go all scare-quotey with "games." "Wait, you mean all this time I thought we were having sex we were really having 'sex'? What kind of 'game' are you playing!?"

Page 123~

Sexually, he was not as passionate, but she did not mind because he always satisfied her. She told a friend, "he always manages to come through with a good one when I need him. Can I ask for any more?"

"Manages to come through with a good one" is about as unerotic as sex talk can get. Anyone who talks about her husband's sexual performance the way she'd talk about her son's little league performance deserves no love, or sex, or human companionship whatsoever.

~RP

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PS I think reader JamiSings sent me this a long time ago ... so thanks to her.

Paperback 335: Deep Throat / D.M. Perkins (Dell 1857)

Paperback 335: Dell 1857 (PBO, 1973)

Title: Deep Throat
Author: D.M. Perkins
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: SOLD (7/19/10)


Best things about this cover:

• The font—the style, and the pink
• Hey, this book is right: I never did get the chance to see the movie. Then again, I was 3 when it came out.
• Wish there were more art on the cover. I kind of dig the 70s-era cartooning style in evidence here.
• This book is in amazing condition. A little scuffing here and there, but essentially square, w/ blue edges. Hardly appears to have been read at all.
  

Best things about this back cover:

• Her capital-P Problem is that her clitoris is in her throat, and her capital-S Solution is ... the title of the book. Oh, and also, SPOILER ALERT!

Page 123:

So here I am, she thought, ass up on a tall pole, waiting for two Tarzans to swing to me so that I can give them head.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Interlude — 2 books I "borrowed" from the BPOE in St. Maries, ID

Come on, how was I *not* supposed to take these?:


Best things about this cover:

• So ... it's about a vengeful virgin? Why not just call it that?
• I'm not sure I'm convinced that Mr. FancyShirt QuaintPinky could make a door explode like that. Seriously, look at his "grip" on that gun. It's like he's drinking tea or something.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Reifel" — from the Dept. of Unimaginative Naming

Best things about this cover:

• When grilling Nick Carter, make sure his massive barrel chest is well basted.
• "Just a second Nick, I'm almost at the next level of 'Missile Command'..."
• That Nick Carter head/logo is the smuggest, douchebaggiest look achievable by a human face.

Best things about this back cover:

• WHEN was it acceptable to break "assassination" between the first and second Ss???

Page 123~

from "Assassination Brigade":

He fired, and the bullet chipped off a piece of pavement about an inch away from me. By then, I had Wilhelmina in my own hand. The man only had the opportunity to snap off one more shot before I had steadied the barrel of my Luger and put a bullet in his belly.

In case you missed that — he named his Luger "Wilhelmina." God save me from ever finding out what that particular relationship is like.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

57 Books from the University Book Sale: Book 13

Title: Puzzle in Patchwork (Curtis Books 07304, 1973)
Author: Elizabeth Gresham
Cover artist: uncredited

Yours for: best offer

• "A crazyquilt of terror" is one of the best pieces of cover copy I've read on these old books. Or one of the worst. At any rate, it's original.
• Yes, that's a hoof. The title says quaint cozy, but the cover painting says sadistic torture porn.

• "So Lovely, So Deadly" = So LAZY!!! Where are my quilting metaphors!?
• Wow, this series of books is like a parody of stupid, endless mystery book series. At some point I imagine the titles will run out of fabrics/materials that start with "P" and head in the direction of foods, i.e. "Puzzle in Pepperoni," "Puzzle in Peanut Butter," and "Puzzle in Pork."

Page 123~

"Today, around two-thirty, the 'hobo feller' came back to Pike's store. Bought a cud, as before, and stood around. The phone rang and he said, 'I expect that's for me,' and answered it ..."

"Bought a cud, as before, and stood around" is perhaps the greatest sentence that God has given man on earth.

~RP

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Paperback 223: The Case of the Midwife Toad / Arthur Koestler (Vintage Books V-823)

Paperback 223: Vintage Books V-823 (1st ptg, 1973)

Title: The Case of the Midwife Toad
Author: Arthur Koestler
Cover artist: [Thomas] Upshur

Yours for: $11


Best things about this cover:

• Puffy toad font - mesmerizing
• Mystical Toad Overlord - will he kill us all or lead us to the promised land?
• His (her?) right eye is so disturbing in its protruding bulbousness

Best things about this back cover:

• Wow. Absolutely nothing.
• If you're not going to use all the space on the back cover, at least make the font bigger so people can read the text more easily. Or at least format the text in a compelling way. Sheesh.
• "Perhaps only he could have written it" - this kind of statement never makes any sense to me. Koestler did write it. Why would you sit around wondering who *could have* written something? Like the world was sitting around thinking "Oh, who will write 'The Case of the Midwife Toad?'" No one knew the world needed this book before he wrote it.

Page 123~

Did Kammerer breed water-mating Alytes with hereditary nuptial pads, and did the critical specimen show the pads before it was tampered with?

Intrigue!

~RP

Paperback 180: Hunters of the Red Moon / Marion Zimmer Bradley (Daw UJ1713)

Paperback 180: Daw UJ1713 (9th ptg, 1973)

Title: Hunters of the Red Moon
Author: Marion Zimmer Bradley
Cover artist: Carl Lundgren

Yours for: $6


Best things about this cover:

• O dear god if he lifts that left knee any higher... First rule of warfare: protect your junk
• Whose blood is on that sword? Or is he posing in triumph after winning the jelly application portion of the PB&J Olympics?
• Are they on some team? Why are they wearing the same uniform?
• "Manitoba Curling Champions, 2210"

Maughta, over at "Judge a Book by Its Cover," very coincidentally featured this very book just last week. I even delayed writing about the book because I didn't want it to be the subject of the one write-up a week that I crosspost on her site. She likened the cover to the movie poster for "Star Wars." I'd like to provide two other movie posters for your consideration:




And now, the back cover:



Best things about this back cover:

• Boring!
• This plot sounds like the plot of "The Most Dangerous Game"
• "This is how adventure should be written" - this is not, however, how book reviews should be written: "Excellently evoked settings and characters"? Who says that??

"You know what I think of her characters?"
"No, what?"
"They are excellently evoked."
"I want to kill you right now."

Page 123~

Dane stood looking after her for a moment, then bent, on a strange impulse, and lifted the long, silky coil in his hands. It clung there, fine and smooth and springy; he coiled it into a roll and thrust it inside his tunic next to his skin. A favor from my lady, he thought.

This is from the chapter entitled "Creepy Guy at the Renaissance Faire."

~RP

Paperback 178: The Curious Facts Preceding My Execution / Donald Westlake (Ballantine 3307)

Paperback 178: Ballantine 3307 (1st ptg, 1973)

Title: The Curious Facts Preceding My Execution
Author: Donald Westlake
Cover artist: photo cover

Yours for: $22


Best things about this cover:

• "The Curious Crap I Found In My Closet"
• This is in contention for the single ugliest cover in my collection. Exhibit A: Mustard. Exhibit B: a mass of objects pulled in one lump from the bottom of some (crazy) lady's storage chest. Case closed.
• Somehow the wig makes the whole object lump much, much worse. Who thought this was artful!?
  
• And yet, while ugly, this is also a very memorable cover. Indelibility: The Up-Side of Ugly.
• That is a stubbed out cigar in the middle of the rubber mask's forehead. There's also a wig, a diamond necklace, three guns, and a blue thing (gum wrapper?)

Best things about this back cover:

• "a-burgling"

Page 123~

From "Never Shake a Family Tree"

"Ah," he said. "Forgive my telephoning, please, Mrs. Buckley. We have never met, but I noticed your entry in the current issue of Genealogical Exchange -"

~RP

Paperback 174: The Night of Long Knives / Max Gallo (Warner 78-231)

Paperback 174: Warner 78-231 (1st ptg, 1973)

Title: The Night of Long Knives
Author: Max Gallo
Cover artist: Don Punchatz

Yours for: $10


Best things about this cover:

• Way out of my normal collecting time period, but man oh man this cover is astonishing. Super Gothic Horror Nightmare. That heap of contorted flesh is like a composite being - a monster, bleeding to death - though the guys up top kind of look like they're doing yoga
• That Eagle crown looks like it's pinching him a little

Best thing about this back cover:

• "Orgy of blood" - yes, that's what the cover looks like
• This book is non-fiction, it appears, and has interior photos of all kinds of Nazi-esque stuff, though most of it is just guys in overcoats walking from here to there. I guess I'll take boring over gruesome.
• OK, this book is making me feel dirty, so I'm done thinking about it

Page 123~

There's really nothing even remotely funny to quote, so I'm gonna pass. The first sentence I looked at had "Dachau camp" in it, to give you an idea of the material I'm dealing with here.

~RP

Paperback 149: Man on the Move / Cliff Merritt (Popular Library 445-08224-075)

Paperback 149: Popular Library 445-08224-075 (PBO, 1973)

Title: Cliff Merritt's Man on the Move!
Author: Cliff Merritt, I presume
Cover artist: Let me guess - Cliff Merritt?

Yours for: $8


Best things about this cover:

• "Cliff Merritt is ... Cliff Merritt, in ... Cliff Merritt's ... Man on the Move!"
• I remember looking at this book for So Long wondering ".... ?"
• "The different modes of transportation are not enough - we need an inset ... maybe a railroad conductor, or ... I know! An old dude doing the white man's overbite while rocking out to Huey Lewis on his weekly trip to the cardigan sweater store in Utica! That's it!"
• Cliff Merritt is Chris Ware's great-grandfather, I'm convinced.
• This book has "looming gas crisis" written All over it.
• Least appealing color palette ever.

Best things about this back cover:

• "It's hip to be square!"
• "Between book covers," HA ha. Now if we're talking "between stone tablets," "between blades of grass," or "between your buttcheeks," well, mister, that's a whole 'nother story.
• "It gets more interesting with every page you turn" - "Damn it, how do you work these book thingies again, Mildred? Oh, right, you turn the pages. Stupid modern technology."

And it does get "more interesting" (Chinese folks might want to look away now):


Cliff Merritt is basically that random older guy everyone knows who likes to show you all the trivia he knows because he imagines it makes him seem wise. That little symbol, like a "T" having its way with a "W" ... it's on Every Single Drawing. So it's a ... signature? The opening blurb in the book says that Cliff Merritt cartoons are "well-loved." I would say "well tolerated," at best. Like the drugs you see ads for on TV.

Page 123~


~RP

Paperback 137: Ten Thousand Light-Years From Home / James Tiptree, Jr. (Ace 80180)

Paperback 137: Ace 80180 (1st ptg, 1973)

Title: Ten Thousand Light-Years from Home
Author: James Tiptree, Jr. (Alice Sheldon)
Cover artist: [Chris Foss]

Yours for: $9


Best things about this cover:

• Well, not a lot. An intergalactic schoolbus dangling an aircraft carrier dangling a Death Star over some exceedingly arid planet, in close proximity to a smoking obelisk. Seriously, what was the author hoping to convey (besides confusion)?
• James Tiptree, Jr. is the pseudonym of Alice Sheldon, a luminary in the world of science fiction from the late 60s until her death in 1987. Her life story is fascinating. Bisexual. Onetime CIA agent. There's a recent-ish bio I've nearly picked up at the library several times now. I've read one novel by her and Loved it (Brightness Falls from the Air).

Page 123~

"Don't say it, baby." The golden body slid close. "Don't down the trip. We love you, No-Pain." They were all petting him now. "Happy, sing him! Touch, taste, feel. Joy!"

But there was no joy.

~RP

PS Starting on Sunday, and every Sunday thereafter, I will be semi-syndicated (in that my post here will also be "broadcast" over at "Judge a Book by its Cover")

PPS To hear a story inspired by this Page 123, go here.

Paperback 136: Night of Masks / Andre Norton (Ace 57752)

Paperback 136: Ace 57752 (3rd ptg, 1973)

Title: Night of Masks
Author: Andre Norton
Cover artist: "JW"

Yours for: $7



Best things about this cover:

It looks a lot like this cover (Paperback 74):

Let's compare

• In our book, the mask is basically the same as the face of the guy holding it, whereas in the earlier book, Wrinkles McGreenhand clearly needs his mask to pass for human.
• Actually, the more that I look at it, our book appears to depict Arnold Horshack holding a Charles Grodin mask.
• Our book has more soothing colors, though the soothing they induce is kinda offset by the scimitar-wielding dance troupe in the background.
• The sky of our book appears to have been finger-painted.
• Verdict: version 1 is way way better. Horrifying and mysterious, where our book just looks silly.

Page 123~

"So you just went out on the surface with the boy to hide out. What did you hope to gain?"

So that's why he needed a mask. Got it.

~RP

Paperback 81: Arizona Ames / Zane Grey (Pocket Books 80451)

Paperback 81: Pocket Books 80451 (6th ptg, 1973)

Title: Arizona Ames
Author: Zane Grey
Cover artist: Robert Schulz

PRICE: $8



Best things about this cover / back cover:

• His hand!
• His gun has its own gun.
• I would never have touched this book if it weren't a. a wraparound cover that was b. painted by the magnificent Robert Schulz. This is far more photo-realistic than his earlier work (most of the stuff I have by him dates from the 50s). He captures movement better than almost any other paperback artist (Mitchell Hooks can, at times, give him a run for his money).
• I like that this scene actually seems to depict the definitive moment in Arizona Ames's life: "... the time he'd shot three gunslingers while lying wounded on a saloon floor."
• I want to know his "secret hurt." Really, I do. I'm sorely tempted to read this book.

RP

PS you may have noticed the "Donation" button in the sidebar. While I definitely encourage the giving of money to me (lord knows how hard I work), I think an even better way to support this site is to Buy My Books. That's right, though I'm not going to force the issue very hard (my books are like ... children to me; not necessarily my children, but children nonetheless), I would like to announce that every book on this site can be had. I will list a thoroughly researched and non-negotiable price (that includes shipping). If you want any book you see here, email me first and let me know (rexparker@mac.com).

I sold my first book to a T.V. writer a couple days ago; when she wrote and asked if she could buy it, I suddenly realized that once I've blogged about these books, there's no reason they shouldn't go to a new home.

That is all.