Paperback 586: The Girl with a Secret / Charlotte Armstrong (Crest 382)

Paperback 586: Crest 382 (1st ptg, 1960)

Title: The Girl with a Secret
Author: Charlotte Armstrong
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $15

Best things about this cover:

• the girl who refused to use the 'shift' key.
• She'd be a lot hotter if they'd let her come out of the wall.
• Who knew Georgia O'Keeffe went through a femme fatale phase?
• Back-to-back "Dram" covers. Who says this blog isn't exciting!?

Best things about this back cover:

• Oakland Tribune makes Armstrong sound like a master thief or brilliant serial killer.
• "Very much a bride." What .. what? Is that part supposed to come with a [wink!]? "You know how brides are ..."
• Needless to say, the design of this back cover is unimaginative and joyless, down to the hackneyed, irrelevant tagline.

Page 123~

Ellen opened the door. "Oh, Mr. Tony! Oh ... Mrs. Paige!"

Nicely encapsulates the horror of accidentally walking in on your algebra teacher nailing your best friend's mom. I assume the next line is something like, "My eyes! My eyes!!!!"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 531: The Better To Eat You and Mischief / Charlotte Armstrong (Ace Double D-521)

Paperback 531: Ace Double D-521 (1st ptg, 1963)

Title: The Better To Eat You / Mischief
Author: Charlotte Armstrong
Cover artist: Uncredited / Uncredited

Yours for: $7

Best things about this cover:

• Allow me to pre-apologize for the nightmares you'll be having later.
• Don't look at me, lady, because I have *no* fucking idea either.
• This is the painting of a man about to take his own life. Or a man who is trying to get fired.
• You know what? I don't think she's scared. I think she's kind of turned on. This painting has layers. Many creepy layers.
• "Despair" (1963) — Oil and blood and scabs and tears on canvas

Best things about this cover:

• This woman is *really* enjoying her bondage fantasy.
• "807"is the pictorial equivalent of clownface, i.e. What The Hell?
• Look out, Grace Kelly! Raymond Burr can see you!

Page 123~ (of The Better To Eat You)

"You didn't try to make him listen when I wanted you to go to the Village . . ." Malvina smouldered.

"Malvina smouldered" is the new "Jesus wept."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

57 Books from the University Book Sale: Book 55

Titles: Catch-as-Catch-Can / Then Came Two Women
Author: Charlotte Armstrong
Cover artists: Uncredited / Uncredited

Yours for: $9

• Had mainstream cover artists / designers just given up by the mid-60s. I'm seeing a lot of slop lately. What is the concept here? Girl in pink dress running — OK. But then, what, a rough pencil sketch of her shins from a different angle, blown up as a background + random EMT running to check her gigantic left ankle + wee man tickling her right heel??? Maybe the lady in the pink looks so nauseous and is running so fast because she's trying desperately to escape from this cover concept. "Oh god, it's terrible, boo hoo, save me!"
• When Drexel Drake talks, people ... honestly, I don't know what people do. Drexel Drake is a porn name.

• Responsible housewife by day, trashy Cougar by night...
• Love the attire on the women. Also love little miss Bad Seed in her best buggy-riding attire.
• "God, I hate my two moms..."
• That is some supernatural shit that Bad Seed's hair is doing at the tips.

Page 123~ (from Catch-as-Catch-Can)

But she could see. That his hand and arms moved nervously and secretly to thrust the gun into the thick shrub beside which he was standing. He turned his body and wavered like a shadow.

Who let her break that first sentence in two like that?! Jebus! Also, I'm trying to imagine what that last sentence is supposed to look like. And failing.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

57 Books from the University Book Sale: Book 54

Title: The Unsuspected (Pocket 444, 4th ptg, 1947)
Author: Charlotte Armstrong
Cover artist: photo cover

Yours for: $10

• Claude Rains will kick your ass in a Dramatic Staring competition ... although the zombie in the prudish nightgown has some serious skills as well.
• Love the fact that the background picture has those horizontal lines that makes it look like it's a photo of an 80s TV screen a la "Max Headroom." Gives the whole cover an awesome '80s music video vibe. It's like when Aretha and George Michael sang in front of giant screen images of themselves. Am I remembering that correctly? ... uh, sort of.

• "Terror and Suspense" = copywriter says "Fuck this shit, I'm going out drinking. Who's with me?"

Page 123~

"My object is ... that you don't die. I believe that if I show this little paper in certain places, it will tend to lengthen your life." He looked at her insolently. No, not insolently, but with a reckless look, a gambling look.

First, what? Second, I love a writer who leaves in her failed attempts at accurate description. "No, not insolently ... what was I thinking? Stupid Charlotte. Stupid stupid ..."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

57 Books from the University Book Sale: Book 53

Title: The Girl With a Secret (Crest d961, 1st ptg, 1960)
Author: Charlotte Armstrong
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $6

• Love the eerie, vertiginous, slightly puke-green staircase. Worthy of dungeons or Dali-esque nightmares.
• Her "secret" appears to be that despite being a grown woman, she likes to slide down banisters. Or else she has a severed head in that bag. One or the other.

• Oooh, the Oakland Tribune. Well la-di-dah.
• "WEB OF TERROR" — get it? Author's name is CHARLOTTE Armstrong. And she has created a WEB OF TERROR. CHARLOTTE'S WEB ... OF TERROR! "Wilbur, no!!!!!"
• "Then on their honeymoon she stumbled on a deadly secret" — such a promising line. So disappointing to know that the secret is just a stupid scrap of paper.

Page 123~

Alice breathed in the reality of Tony-alive and Tony-here. She didn't much care about anything else at the moment.

"Tony-alive" was, of course, the very unsuccessful follow-up to Hasbro's "Baby Alive."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]