Paperback 1128: Walls of Gold / Kathleen Norris (Pocket Books 488)

Paperback 1128: Pocket Books 488 (1st ptg., 1948)

Title: Walls of Gold

Author: Kathleen Norris

Cover artist: Earl Cordrey

Condition: 5/10

Value: $4-5

Best things about this cover: 

• She liked to make every new lover smell the blood of his predecessor. "How did you get his bl-?" "Shut up and smell, Steve. Then help me scrape the words off these walls of gold."
• I thought there was a speck of dirt on her right shoulder but it won't come off so maybe it's a mole?
• She married for position. And that's how she became left tackle for the Chicago Bears.

Best things about this back cover: 

• "... an elderly widower who gave her all the good things of life"—well, apparently not all the good things
• Three hypothetical questions on one back cover. That's asking (literally) a lot of the reader
• Wait, the rich guy is named "Ritchie?" I can't wait to meet Jimmy's other love interests, architect Sam Houseman and butcher Steve Mietz

Page 123~

Jimmy, who had to write all the notes of thanks, observed that some day they would build a beautiful home somewhere and put their new things into it. But Gordon was a little dubious about that. 

Jimmy, who could brook no dubiousness, quickly slit her new husband's throat, cleaned up the blood with a handkerchief, and then descended the staircase to show Steve what she'd done.

~RP

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Paperback 1109: To Tell Your Love / Mary Stolz (Scholastic Books T124)

 Paperback 1109: Scholastic Book Services T-124 (3rd ptg, 1961)

Title: To Tell Your Love

Author: Mary Stolz

Cover artist: Uncredited (but the book is "Illustrated by Artur Marokvia" so maybe the cover is him too—hard to tell since there's only one shitty illustration in the whole dang book for comparison)

Condition: 8/10

Value: $6-8

Best things about this cover: 

• To tell your love what? That you've developed Giraffe Neck? That an anvil fell on your head and now your head is flat like an anvil? That you see the world entire in greenscale? That you still use a landline? From the 1930s? What are you going to tell him, Anne!?
• Man, her hands are fucked up. I know it's hard to draw hands, but ... is it that hard? Poor Anne. She can barely clutch her pearls properly.
• "... and so I stared directly at the eclipse and now I only see green. Annnnyway. What about you, my love? What's weird about you? ... Hello? Hello?!"

Best things about this back cover: 

• Kitty! I love this book now.
• I hope this book is about the kitty. Is the kitty her love? Tell the kitty he's good, Anne! Scritch Him!
• Wow, that blurb is ... not exciting. Or even coherent. What do I care about Anne's sister? Or Nora, for that matter? This book should've been titled "To Tell Doug He's Boring." That, or "Kitty's Grand Sleeping Adventures!"

Page 123~

    "What sort of pet is Cooper taking?"

    "That rooster of his," Johnny replied, shaking his head.

    "Does Mr. Maloney approve of that?"

    "Sure," Johnny laughed. "Mr. Maloney says it'll do the rooster good to get away from home and the hens for a while."

Mr. Maloney's crude rooster jokes would constitute the entirety of Johnny's sex education, and for that, Johnny's mother was grateful.

~RP

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Paperback 1076: Professional Lover / Maysie Greig (Pocket Books 541)

Paperback 1076: Pocket Books 541 (1st ptg, 1948)

Title: Professional Lover

Author: Maysie Greig

Cover artist: "Front cover photograph by Halleck (!?) Finley"

Condition: 6/10

Value: $4-7

[Another book from the recently acquired Larry D Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• I know it's a weird place to start, but her top is *amazing*. Zebra stampede!
• The perfect horizontal line from the top her head to the tip ofer her elbow, also amazing.
• I know "Making love to women is his job" sounds saucy, but it's 1948 so ... not so much (it just means he's a heartthrob movie star, sorry to disappoint).
• Dude is a dead ringer for Rock Hudson. I mean, if you ignore the rubberized hair piece, what the hell...
• I wonder how long they had to hold this pose. So much close breathing. Plus, his (giant!) hand looks like it's really working.
• The couch / wall color combo is particularly unappetizing.

Best things about this back cover:

• Dang, his lips are really going to town, maybe this will be hotter than I thought
• Rex Brandon, I buy. Starr Thayle, I buy less.
• Cover copy writers still using clunky phrases like "had been accorded," that's how you know you're still in the '40s. Although "crashing climax" and "flaming tale" (!!) show promise.
• Halleck? That's a fish, not a name.

Page 123~

All afternoon they had been taking and retaking a couple of scenes on the yacht. Rex couldn't get them to Stephen's satisfaction. Almost as though Stephen derived a grim satisfaction in making the great Rex Brandon go over and over a certain take.

I would love to have a funny take here, but once again the editor in me is like "Why are there two 'satisfaction's in here? Do you not hear the repetition? Does it not jar your eardrums?" Copywriter: "Well, if my writing is not to your satisf-" Me: "Stop." Copywriter: "It's just that satisf-" Me: "Say 'Satisfaction' Again, M*****F*****! I dare you."

~RP

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Paperback 803: Love and the Countess to Boot / Jack Iams (Dell 139)

Paperback 803: Dell 139 (1st ptg, 1946)

Title: Love and the Countess to Boot 

Author: Jack Iams

Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $12


Best things about this cover:

• Cupid does not mess around with rival gods. Just look what he did to Santa!
• Everyone should have a countess to boot.
• This cover is ultra-terrible. No countesses. No boots. Weird log-like clouds. Bah.

Best things about this back cover:

• Ah, that's more like it. Mapback!
• Caribbean mapback with St. Croix inset and even bigger Bland Seascape inset. Hot.
• Ooh, Charlotte AMALIE. I recall that place name from a crossword clue I Did Not Know.

Page 123~

He sipped the frothy swizzle, enjoying Walter's rising curiosity.

That line is either benign and dopey or super-homoerotic, depending on your mood.

~RP

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Paperback 668: Fiona / Catherine Gaskin (Fontana 2958)

Paperback 668: Fontana 2958 (1st ptg, 1972)

Title: Fiona
Author: Catherine Gaskin
Cover artist: Uncredited [Renato Fratini]

Yours for: Not For Sale (gift to the collection from Laurie Gagne)


Best things about this cover:

• The drugs they gave her for her root canal were really, really good.
• Are you there God, it's me, sexy drugged-out plantation lady.
• If you can figure out what the hell is happening in the background with the people and the running and what not, you have better eyes and interpretive skills than I do.

Best things about this back cover:

• This novel should've been called "Dangerous Currents." That, or "Plantation Fantasies To Masturbate By."
• It's pretty impressive how this description manages to make "emancipation" seem like a species of orgasm.
• Woman's Journal—the journal read by just one woman.

Page 123~

"Before he was ill—before Maria and that rotten weed she gave him to smoke—that, and the rum—he was a clever manager."

Plantation romances are not really my cup of tea, but I am suddenly interested in Maria and her rotten weed.

~RP

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Paperback 391: Confessions of a Part Time Bride / Hall Bennett (Love Novel 4)

Paperback 391: Love Novel 4 (1st ptg, 1945)

Title: Confessions of a Part Time Bride
Author: Hall Bennett
Cover artist: "J.C."

Yours for: $10


Best things about this cover:

• When they say "hands are hard to draw," they aren't kidding. Yikes.
• What's most interesting to me are the *tiniest* suggestions of "bed": head is on a pillow, which I can tell is a pillow only by seeing the corner (which merges w/ the end of the word "Bride"); the small bit of ruffle on her shoulder, suggesting a frilly nightgown; the prominent ring emphasizing "it's marital!," raising questions about the suggestive "Part Time" part of the title ...
• Really like the font on "Part Time Bride." Really wish "Part Time" were properly punctuated.

Best things about this back cover:

Kind of a cool logo, actually. It's all very saucy for the mid-'40s, frankly.

Page 123~

"It's probably just another poor fish—customer to you, sugar. Those birds—the police, I mean—aren't likely to be so reticent."

Well, that's one way to handle slang in your stories.

~RP

Interlude—people send me books sometimes

After buying a book from me, reader JamiSings was inspired to send me a bunch of campy old paperbacks: several Agatha Christies, a romance novel, and a couple of sex books ("Sex Games that People Play" —about the unsexiest book I've ever briefly looked at—and "The Sensuous Woman" by J, which I've heard of and which is quite graphic in places). Of these six, I thought two of them deserved special notice.

First, the harrowing tale of Vincent Price's elaborate scheme for revenge against those bastards at Godiva Chocolate:



And second, the touching story of a woman with a secret passion for dry-humping enormous cloves of garlic:


~RP

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