Title: Bride and Groom
Author: F.M. Rossiter, M.D.
Cover artist: "Lieberman" (?) (see signature, lower right)
Yours for: $20
Best things about this cover:
- Somebody did not do very well in Life Drawing class.
- Are they lying on an uncovered mauve mattress, or simply standing in front of their mauve-mattress-colored wall?
- OK, what was the deal with women's hair in the '60s? I mean, paperback cover after paperback cover, it's (often) a total nightmare of over-exertion and ghastliness. There was some really lovely looking hair in this era, I know it. Why can't it find its way onto more covers? I'm starting to pity these women, as if they were real people. Though with this woman, when I look at her husband, I begin to think her hair is the least of her problems. I think you're supposed to think he's gazing lovingly at her, but all I see is the dead-eyed look of a junkie who sees a plate of fresh-baked cookies across the room.
I don't know how to convey to you the richness, the pure mad density, of this book. I could spend days commenting on this book. Days. The Table of Contents alone (that's right, the Table of &*%^ing Contents) is a treasure trove of hilarity all on its own. I mean, "perfuming the vulva"!? No joke: "perfuming the vulva." I'll take "Rejected Lifetime Movie Titles" for $1000, Alex. The whole book (The Whole Book) is written as dialog between imagined (god I hope they're imagined) "Wife" and "Husband" and their "Doctor." I think it would all make a very excellent 8-hr. stage play.
Did I mention there are illustrations? There are illustrations. They might need their own, separate write-up. But here's a taste (so to speak):
[from the chapter entitled "Making Shadow Puppets With Your Nipples"]
[What your boobs look like to a really drunk guy]
Oh, the back cover. Almost forgot—
Best things about this back cover:
- "This new edition has been revised and illustrated [...] to further enhance its value as an educational document." I think we can all agree: Mission Accomplished.
- I really wish this book were advertised as "frank" because, frankly, it's the frankest (albeit insanest and misguidedest) sex information book I own.
Need for such after-play; disturbing factors; what the husband should do and what he shouldn't do; little personal tricks; husband must exert himself when wife has to; assisting with douch [sic]; washing each other's organs [1]; good night kiss; a wife's "thank you" [2]; post-coital laughter [3]; indication of complete satisfaction[1] I really hope he's talking about musical instruments here, because ... no.
[2] I assume it's followed by "sir, may I have another?"
[3] "Ha ha ha ha ha ha .... remember when we washed each other's organs ... oh, good times. Thank you. Good night."
~RP
[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]
P.S. I got the video to work. Apologies for vid. quality in first 10 seconds or so ... and for the fact that the whole thing is mirror-imaged ... and for saying (in video) that book is from 1963. It's 1961. OK. Here you go:
