Paperback 1137: Tormented Bride / Myron Kosloff (First Niter 218)

Paperback 1137: First Niter FN 218 (PBO, 1965)

Title: Tormented Bride

Author: Myron Kosloff

Cover artist: [Gene Bilbrew]

Condition: 9/10

Value: $100

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover: 

• OK, we got us a good one here.
• I adore the middle-aged middle school teacher whose spectacles are about to pop off her face. She's so excited about this tight-skirted, belted-coated spectacle of a woman that she's grabbing Betty's arm to make sure she sees. Betty has definitely seen.
• Are the ladies at the bar? Behind the bar? The stools are on this side, but they're on the other side. And the bartender appears to be on the same side they are. At least I think dough-faced hyena man is the bartender. He's got epaulets, which says "uniform," which says "maybe he works here." Anyway, the layout of this bar is all kinds of off.
• Actually, the closer you look, the more things are bizarrely, creepily off. What is our strutting lady doing with her left foot. It's landing at a right angle to her direction, which basically ensures that ankle breakage awaits her in the near future. And those heels. Jeeeeezus. No human could walk in those. She's fully on tip toe and the heel is still on the floor.
• Then there's the inexplicable side of the booth (?!), which creates a huge arced swath of white on this cover—a shit-ton of negative space that adds nothing to the composition and bears no resemblance to anything you'd find in reality. Speaking of "you'd never find it in reality," that blue-faced dude in the bottom-left. That's a lot of face for a seemingly marginal dude. Definitely creeps up the joint even further.
• I think the strutting lady and the bartender have just come from the first and possibly last ever meeting of the "World's Smallest Necktie" club. He's laughing because his necktie was narrower by 3mm. Better luck next time, Tormented Bride!

Best things about this back cover: 

• Oh great, as if things weren't disturbing enough, we're just leading with RAPE
• Thank you, Lord, for granting unto us the phrase "whirlpool of perversia." Your magnanimity is truly overwhelming.
• "Excuse me, can you tell me which way to perversia? ... Just turn left at the light? Great. And do you know if they have a whirlpool there? ... Yes? Excellent." 
• Tracy Gilbert, leather-clad dominatrix. Leather! Lesbians! BDSM! Minuscule neckwear! Is there any kink this book doesn't have?? 
• Why would you try to "escape" the "bonds of lesbianism" with "boyish Olive Thurston"? Who gave you that advice?
• And it all ends in "pie" because of course it does.
• "Twilight World!" My favorite queer codeword is back with a leather-clad vengeance!

Page 123~

    "I—do you want me to do something?"

    He caught his breath. "Like what?"

    She hesitated. Then: "You know. Relieve you."

!?

~RP

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Paperback 1136: Angelina / Irving Lazar (Falcon Books FB-1006)

Paperback 1136: Falcon Books FB-1006 (PBO, 1964)

Title: Angelina

Author: Irving Lazar    

Cover artist: Photo cover

Condition: 9.5/10

Value: $ absolutely no idea

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover: 

• Aubrey Plaza, in a role that will embarrass you!
• Photographer: "OK, Jack, grab her shoulder ... now hide your face behind her head, but make sure we get a real nice shot of your ear ... that's it."
• Y'all there is so much wrong / off / weird about this book. To wit:
•     "Irving Lazar"!?!?! Probably a pen name, but a very weird pen name to have, considering it's also the name of a very very famous talent agent, Irving "Swifty" Lazar (1907-93). There is no mention of any books by Irving Lazar on his wikipedia page except for his autobiography.
•     This books looks brand new. 61 years old and it looks like it was just pulled off the shelf. No reading crease whatsoever. So fresh that it feels fake. Speaking of which...
•     What the hell is Falcon Books?!? Does anyone else own a book put out by this imprint? There's an earlier Falcon Books imprint (also sleaze, but digest size, and from the early '50s), but what about this more modern, '60s sleaze imprint? I ask because...
•     The publication page of this books reads: "An original Nite-Time Book." "Copyright 1964 by Nite-Time Books." Now Nite-Time Books is a recognizable sleaze publisher (I own one: Canary's Combo, also 1964). But why would it say Falcon Books on the outside (specifically, on the spine), when it is (as its publication page states) a Nite-Time Book?? There needs to be a central clearinghouse for all vintage paperback information! Somewhere where I can look up literally any book and bam, there's all the pub info, the author / photographer credits, the crazy back stories, etc. Make it so, lord (don't make me make it myself!)

Best things about this back cover: 

• Another ear! Is there a male ear fetish thing I don't know about DON'T ANSWER
• Oh, god, another one of these incoherent jobs. A gasp came from deep in my throat when I tried to read that first sentence.
• "Unzippering?" Did he remove the entire zipper mechanism from his pants? Seems extreme.
• "Without a word, her eyes still closed Ricky rolled her blue silk panties down her long legs..." Commas! Please, someone, send commas!
• The way I laughed at "flanks"! LOL. "Easy, there, girl ... good horse."
• "Now, George Please ... now." I would like to meet this George Please. And tell him to run.

Page 123~ (actually p. 23; p. 123 was impossibly boring)

Angelina felt Linda's slim fingered hand on her still wet breasts, one of Linda's thin legs lay between Angelina's fleshier thighs. Solwly (sic!!!) Linda's hands began to caress the breasts, her caresses getting firmer and firmer as both their passions mounted, until finally Linda's hands were moving with a kneading intensity.

Fingered hands and still breasts. She sounds ideal. Yes, give me a girl with a full complement of fingers and breasts that don't move, that's the girl for me! 

~RP

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Paperback 1135: The Twilight Lust / Val Arden (Royal Line 105)

Paperback 1135: Royal Line 105 (PBO, 1965)

Title: The Twilight Lust

Author: Val Arden

Cover artist: [photo cover]

Condition: 7/10

Value: $25

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover: 

• "Adults Only may see my nipples. Yes, I'm serious, those are the rules. I'm crossing my arms defiantly, so you know that I am serious."
• I want one of you to dress as This Lady for Halloween, insane wig, chainmail underwear, "Adults Only" sign and all. Dying decorative houseplant optional.
• "Twilight" is code for gay/lesbian/queer. Always. Such a great code word. My favorite cover copy word, right up there with "frank" (as euphemism for "dirty")
• There should be more condition ratings for old paperbacks than just Good, Very Good, Fine, etc. There needs to be a word that gets to the specific quality of a book like this, which is unread, square, perfect, but also aged to hell and scuffed and notched by a saw at the top, maybe sun damaged. It's like "Excellent/Poor"

Best things about this back cover: 

• Wow. Wow. . . yeah, wow.
• Who can forget the first stirrings of "girhood?" Not me, that's for sure.
• "Satisfaction in treir seeking." "Treir seeking" was a lesbian spiritual/sexual practice. No one remembers what it was anymore. This book is the only record of its existence. Did they ever find the treir they were seeking? You'll have to get your own copy to find out. 
• It's like someone found a "rejected cover copy" text-file dump and just filed it as final copy. Like, on a dare. "Surely an editor will clean this up." And yet here we are. 
• Somehow the most disturbing thing to me about this back cover is how horribly off-center the copy is. That, and the grime. Oh, and the sad, misaligned final word. Poor "body."

Page 123~

She saw the irritation darkening his face and knew his pride had risen to overrun them. He could not let himself be concerned. He had never come to her with questions. Only with orders. And, certainly, he wasn't about to start now. Especially not now. Finish.

That first sentence starts out great ("She saw the irritation darkening his face") and then just falls off a cliff and never stops falling. This paragraph is like "Notes Toward a Paragraph." I can't stop laughing at "Finish." It's like an annotation or an editor's note that was never supposed to make it to print. Like, "Remember to come back and finish this paragraph because dear lord it is a mess."

~RP

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Paperback 1132: Mercedes / Carl Demarco (Midwood 33-714)

 Paperback 1132: Midwood 33-714 (PBO, 1966)

Title: Mercedes

Author: Carl Demarco

Cover artist: Uncredited

Condition: 6/10

Value: $11

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover: 

• The long-awaited sequel to Hyundai.
• So ... she discovered that there was a staircase as well as an elevator? Exciting.
• I wish she filled more of the frame—so much more of the frame that the dope who's looking at her got pushed right out. There is a long tradition of "cardboard-cutout dude who is there only to ogle the hot woman" in paperback art, but this guy may be the cardboard-cutoutiest. She's so bored by him that she's turned to us for help.
• Her hair is perfect. The rest of her is pretty good too. I know I'm meant to look at her ass, but I kinda wish I could see the whole dress.
• I would lose my fucking mind if I spent more than three minutes in a room this color. So relentlessly This Color.

Best things about this back cover: 

• Just a B&W version of the cover?? The look and tone of both the art and the cover copy are so weary and half-hearted that I feel like that final line should read "[Sigh] Yet Another Midwood Original (We're Out Of Ideas)"
• I keep looking at her right hand to see if it has the correct number of fingers. There's something slightly ... mangled about it.
• "Penetrating"? OK, easy there, copy guy.
• "With whom"? Well, la-di-dah, copy guy.

Page 123~

    With a strange urgency, she passed her hands over her body—nude beneath the sheets—as if to reassure herself that she was all there, intact [!], that she hadn't left a part of herself with the sensuous Suzanne!

"My left kneecap ... Where's My Left Kneecap!? Curse your lesbian witchery, Suzanne!"

~RP

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Paperback 1130: Wild Spree / Jay Davis (Scorpion Books 101)

Paperback 1130: Scorpion Books 101 (PBO, 1964)

Title: Wild Spree

Author: Jay Davis

Cover artist: Gus Albet

Condition: 9/10 (yeah, it's got that sticker (38¢!!) ... sigh ... but otherwise ... mwah)

Value: $25-30

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover: 

• L.A. pilates classes go hard.
• It's been two weeks since my last post! But vacation time is over! Let sleaze time commence!
• Bisexual visibility! You don't see "bisexuality" mentioned explicitly very often, but this one's got it right in the tagline on the teaser page, before the title page: "HER BISEXUAL ROOMMATE SEDUCED HER!" And sure, enough, page 1, they get right to it. "Juanita's lips found Susan's breasts." Not hard to do. Turns out they weren't exactly hiding.

• My friend Doug Peterson frequently brings me smutty paperbacks whenever we happen to see each other, and this time, when we met at the Huntington Museum near Pasadena, he did not disappoint. I've got something like a dozen gems for you in the coming weeks, starting with this top-shelf stuff.
• Scorpion Books ("... the book with a sting!")—this imprint is new to my collection (there appear to have been something like 8 Scorpion Books total (this is 101 and I can find them numbered only as high as 108)).

Best things about this back cover: 

• Look, if you're gonna be lesbian, I think you gotta go "all out." No part-time lesbians, no half-ass lesbians. Just ... all out. Like Maxine. Maxine gets it.
• OK where the fuck are we here? Like, in physical space, where are we? I just realized that this is a wraparound cover. Usually, wraparound covers are kinda ostentatious about the fact that they're wraparounds, so you get this cool continuous-picture effect as you turn the book over. But this ... this is some kind of grimy shack with no electricity. The folks on the front seem very well lit, but over here, in front of this framed picture of, I'm gonna say, garbage, with a shabby day bed that features an old wooden barrel for a pillow, there is no light. Only sadness. 
• One thing I love about this book is the amount of credit the artist is getting. There is a painting within the painting, which the actual artist (of the entire cover) has signed ("ALBET"), and somebody made sure that signature stayed visible and unobscured. Then you open the book up and the artist doesn't just get a credit—he gets a whole damn page! More books should treat their cover artists like this! As a collector, it absolutely sucks how hard-to-impossible it is to track down a simple artist credit when the book doesn't simply provide it. But here: hey, hey, hey, it's Gusssssss Albet!

Page 123~

    Without thinking, without awareness, she walked to the door, opened it, and then gasped in surprise to find Maxine Hensen standing there. 

"Somebody order an all-out lesbian?" Maxine chortled suggestively. Susan gasped, dropped to her knees, and threw her blue blouse over her head as the night exploded in a wild spree of desperate bisexual passions. Amen.

~RP

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Paperback 1036: Circle of Sin / Leslie Behan (Domino 84-700)

Paperback 1036: Domino Books 84-700 (PBO, 1965)

Title: Circle of Sin
Author: Leslie Behan
Cover artist: Photo cover

Condition: 7/10 (tight and square, but w/ water stains on edges)
Estimated value: $25-30

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• No single word is going to derail your Sexy Train faster or more efficiently than "groping."
• Jeez, male gaze much?
• "Now why don't you sit up here on my desk?" "Wh-?" "Shhh. It's standard practice." "Uh, OK, I guess. But who's that?" "Him? Oh, that's just Steve. Ignore him." "Uh..." "Good, now whatever you do, do Not look at the lamp." "Bu-" "AVERT YOUR EYES!"
• The psychologist's suit is legit hot.

Best things about this back cover:

• Groups gone WILD {CRACK!}
• "Revolved achingly" = me trying to dine at one of them revolving restaurants, no sir, I'll take my food
• stationary, as god intended, thank you very much
• I love how this goes from dumb-ass sex fiction to super dumb-ass Agatha Christie mystery on a dime! Wait, we got a body!? I'm in.

Page 123~

"You met a girl?" Durango looked at him closely. Somehow he found himself believing the answer. "Where? What girl?"
"I picked her up on Broadway. She was standing in a doorway. A hooker. I went up to her place with her."

This novel has to be sexier than this dude Forrest Gumping his way through Sex Town. Hang on ... OK here we go:

Her hands moved downward, over the tiny waist to the flat belly. She massaged the belly for a long time, moving farther downward slowly to the trembling mound beneath it. And then her fingers were nearing their target, the tips becoming slippery with the dew of passion they found there. They caught the tiny polyp of flesh awaiting them and stroking it.

I can't stop laughing at that last "sentence." As with the cover copy, this writer really, really knows how to ruin whatever meager sex vibe he's able to get going. I mean, "polyp"? That's something you discover during a colonoscopy, why would you use it to describe the clitoris, dear lord? Am I really supposed to believe a woman wrote this? "Leslie" ... OK, Leslie, aside from possibly a fake name, could also be a dude's name. All I know is a guy wrote this. A guy whose grasp of grammar, like his grasp of sexiness, is not very, uh firm. ("... and stroking it"?)

~RP

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Paperback 1027: The Needs We Share / Rea Michaels (Domino 72-793)

Paperback 1027: Domino Books 72-793 (PBO, 1965)

Title: The Needs We Share
Author: Rea Michaels
Cover artist: photo cover

Condition: 5/10 (terrible stain on back, else 7/10)
Estimated value: $25-30

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• This is like a half-step away from the cover of, like, a knitting magazine from the same time period. That font! That font color! Those houseplants! Put her in a cardigan and bam—feel the craft work!
• The divorcee on the couch is giving me life! She's like, "Yep, life without Harry is O, K!"
• Miss Bouffant is also amazing. So fierce. "You wanna watch! I don't care, ya ****ing pervs!" The cheapness of that slip, though, is making me very sad. I can almost hear the crappy thick nylon rubbing against, well, everything.
• I love love LOVE the Kinsey-inspired books (they are a significant subgenre of 50s/60s sleaze). Kinsey's peering behind facade of American sex lives (semi-) legitimized readers' natural voyeurism. "I'm reading this ... for science!"

Best things about this back cover:

• Yep, she's great even in isolation like that.
• Oh man, that stain. I think Dolores the divorcee got her cigarette a little too close to her nighttime reading material...
• FIND THE SINNER is soooo tacked-on. It makes no sense, especially after the dramatic final ellipse on the cover copy. Also, was the sinner hiding? Psst ... she's right there.

Page 123~

As far as the eye could see there was whiteness.

Yep, that *does* sound like suburbia.

~RP

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Paperback 1025: Hot Harem / Jill Carr (Saber Books SA-107)

Paperback 1025: Saber Books SA-107 (PBO, 1965)

Title: Hot Harem
Author: Jill Carr
Cover artist: [Bill Edwards?] [uncredited]

Condition: 8/10
Estimated value: $25-30

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• The coffee lady's mockumentary fourth-wall break is amazing
• "... whether tis nobler to make a choice for the bedroom or to eat ... something something outrageous fortune..."
• It's like the top half of blondie's body doesn't know what the bottom half's doing or vice versa
• You can almost hear cereal dude going "uhhhhhhhh...."
• Even the bacon is like "this is ridiculous, we're outta here!"

Best things about this back cover:

• Girl [space] friend. Interesting.
• LOL they can't even keep the spelling of Ann(e)'s name straight for one paragraph
• Wait, if Ann(e) is "somewhere between first and second choice" (?) ... well a. How many choices are involved? And b. Where does the horse fit into all of this?

Page 123~

I'm a Lesbian, she thought, amazed, but not horrified, yet not quite believing what she had to believe. Then she modified her own ... would you call it an accusation? And the brand burned more lightly; it didn't have to burn as deep. I'm heterosexual, Anne decided, and so is Jeanne.

Well, there's a lot to unpack here, but kudos to the writer for breaking out All The Punctuation Marks to heighten the tension. Ellipsis! Question mark! When I hit that semicolon, I was like "damn ... this is art."

~RP

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Paperback 996: Playgirl For Hire / Sylvia Sharon (Domino Books 82-104)

Paperback 996: Domino Books 82-104 (PBO, 1966)

Title: Playgirl For Hire
Author: Sylvia Sharon (pseud. of Paul Little)
Cover artist: photo cover

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Condition: 7/10
Estimated value: $25-30

Best things about this cover:

• "Put down that drink and let's go do some tumbling? Whaddya say?"
• I assume these ladies are supposed to be facsimiles of Playboy Bunnies (?) but aside from the liquor and the heels, and maybe the floor, this cover seems less "big-time vice" and more "back stage at the taping of a yoga class for public access TV."
• "Oh, Patti, I feel so enmeshed in big-time vice." "Those are just stockings, dearie."

Best things about this back cover:

• Ah, the old "daddy issues lead Kitty to sin city" narrative. Klassic.
• There's a haven for the bored and jaded? How do I get there?
• No models were harmed in the shooting of the cover photo

Page 123~

Kitty thought it curious that Pearl should suddenly gulp, turn very red, and squirm nervously about as she hastened to reply, "Oh, I do, Miss Wilson."

I wanted to cut that quote short at "gulp," but kept going in the interest of journalistic integrity.

~RP

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Paperback 995: Take Me In Passion / Donna Richards (Domino Books 72-929)

Paperback 995: Domino Books 72-929 (PBO, 1965)

Title: Take Me In Passion
Author: Donna Richards
Cover artist: photo cover

Condition: 7/10
Estimated value: $15-20

[new addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• It was a weird time for metal.
• Opium Addicts Surreptitiously Admire Each Other's Bras
• "Like the wig? It's Bowie's." "Really!?" "No, I found it in a dumpster."
• "Maybe we should've gone with a professional stylist...?" "Shhh ... the panther ... he sees us ..." (seriously, what is that shadow?)
• They had to re-release this book after the original title, Take Me In Indifference, failed to move buyers.
• Love how the "Adult Reading" notice looks much more like "Exciting Feature!" than "Warning!"

Best things about this back cover:

• "They had to choose ... but could they?" Look, make up your mind. Those sad shirtless lesbians either had agency or they didn't.
• No, *you're* the passion's puppet! No puppet, no puppet! (dear future, this is a reference to a 2016 political moment that's probably best forgotten, I'm sorry)
• Wow, it gets unexpectedly Homeric there at the end, with "foreordained" this and "all-powerful, erotic destiny" that. The gods do love laughing at havoc.

Page 123~

Marty Green waggled his forefinger before the boy's nose. "No . . . you . . . don't! What do you think I am, like that broad I'm looking for? You think I'm queer like her? Well, she's not even my own daughter, what do you think of that? I adopted her, like a damn fool. Imagine? I adopted a queer!"

I know a lot is happening in this paragraph, but I'm kinda still stuck on "waggled."

~RP

P.S. bonus material from p. 123:

"You're drinking nothing! What the hell do you think I am, some kind of a hick? I'm Marty Green!"

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Paperback 994: Rainbow In My Bed / Rex Rainey (Brandon House 1019)

Paperback 994: Brandon House 1019 (PBO, 1966)

Title: Rainbow in My Bed
Author: Rex Rainey
Cover artist: photo cover

Condition: 6.5/10
Estimated value: $25-30

[New addition to The Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• Since "rainbow" didn't have the queer implications then that it does now ... I have no idea what this means. Maybe that's her name?
• Design is unique, but terrible. Terribly unique. It conveys nothing. The shattered fragmentation of it all runs counter to the bland tourism-poster pictures and the childish R A I N B O W
• There is a ski in that middle-bottom triangle. Which is weird, as I can see the sunny seaside in the other picture, and also she does not appear to be dressed for skiing.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Nobody came to ski" — ah, yes, well, that explains the cover
• "Nobody came to ski" is one of the greatest, if not The greatest, sleaze taglines of all time. I intend to use it, suggestively, every chance I get.
• The skier looks like an anthropomorphic boar. Descending from the sky. On bolts of lightning.

Page 123~

This time it gave and came all the way out with a loud plonk.

~RP

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Paperback 968: Eros Laughed / Bart Mayes (France Books F19)

Paperback 968: France F19 (PBO, 1962)

Title: Eros Laughed
Author: Bart Mayes —credited nowhere on either front or back cover :(
Cover artist: "Cover photo by Sam Wu" ("photo posed by professional model")

Estimated value: $25
Condition: 8/10

Best things about this cover:

• Jesus wept.
• Is that a bare mattress?
• It is at least somewhat remarkable that these books provide a *photographer* credit. Most paperbacks don't give their *fully painted covers* an artist credit.
• This book is immaculate, but for a bent-up corner of the back cover.

Here's the fold-out!:

• "Odd" and "ball" desperately want to be reunited. See also "twenty" and "eight."
• Hey! Hidden lesbian content! That stuff's not normally, uh, hidden where these books are concerned.
• Based on the last two France covers, it appears that what men want in their fold-out covers is a generous expanse of haunch. Nothing wrong with that.

Best things about this back cover:

• Gonna start referring to myself as "on the dark side of thirty." I'm 46, so I think it works.
• Wow this writing is straight terrible. First, it just doesn't got with the girl pictured. Second, the whole last third of the paragraph adds nothing to either the "eros" of the passage or to character development or Anything.
• Oh, Gawd, indeed.

Page 123~

When Louise saw her fully clothed, she dressed, too, and they sat together tiredly, letting the coffee do its beneficial work.

Good ol' coffee. Doing the work. Easing the shame. My best friend.

~RP

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Paperback 889: Teen-Age Stray / Arthur Adlon (Beacon B752X)

Paperback 889: Beacon Signal B752X (PBO, 1964)

Title: Teen-Age Stray
Author: Arthur Adlon
Cover artist: Uncredited

Estimated value: $15-20

Best things about this cover:

• "She was down to pennies, tears and her bikini…" Is that zeugma? I've been waiting to see zeugma again since I first learned what it was 25 years ago, in my Brit Lit II class, where we were reading Alexander Pope's "Rape of the Lock." And here we are. Zeugma!
• This whole concept is not "erotic" to me. It's depressing. Except the triumphant, happy ending where she joins the erotic world of lesbianism. I approve of that.
• … and her calves never got sunburned again.

Best things about this back cover:

• Texty!
• Rex. That's a great name! Terridy, however … that's not even a plausible name, let alone a good one.
• "...a meal, a buck, and a bed…" It honestly didn't occur to me at first that "buck" might simply refer to money.

Page 123~

"Then talk, Rex. I like you better when you talk. You warm me."

~RP

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Paperback 865: Appointment for Sin / Paul V. Russo (Midwood F217)

Paperback 865: Midwood F217 (PBO, 1962)

Title: Appointment for Sin
Author: Paul V. Russo
Cover artist: Uncredited

Est. value: $22-25

Best things about this cover:

• Suzie Masseuse's gaze is burning a hole in that washcloth.
• "Now that you're naked, just cross your feet like … like so, and now … I strum your ankles. Isn't that nice?"
• I love how Blondewig Amplebosom's like "Well is this a sin appointment or isn't it? Jeez, what's a girl gotta do to get some sin? I made an appointment and everything, and still no sin. Put my ankles down!"
• I love orange, but no. This room color is a no.

Best things about this back cover:

• Terrible tagline—stupid within
• "Editor's note" LOL. It's in typewriter font, so you know it's real.
• Winnie and April will be plenty, thanks.

Page 123~

"Some of the clients are particularly fond of the vibrating mechanism in it."
"Vib—"
Her hand closed his mouth.

~RP

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Paperback 840: Not I, Said the Vixen / Bill S. Ballinger (Gold Medal k1529)

Paperback 840: Gold Medal k1529 (PBO, 1965)

Title: Not I, Said the Vixen
Author: Bill S. Ballinger
Cover artist: [Bill Johnson]

Estimated value: $8-12

Donation to the collection from Mr. John Q. Brooklyn (I don't want to use real names w/o permission). Guy asks me "Can I send you a book for your blog?" Twist my arm!


Best things about this cover:

• "Isn't it true that your favorite letter is "I", Miss Lorents? ANSWER THE QUESTION!"
• "Do you deny that you are overwhelmingly sensual? DO YOU!?"
• This is a "vixen"? This looks like someone who showed up to a table reading for her role as "Vixen" in an episode of "Perry Mason." She does have a pretty boss head-tilt, but my prescription for greater vixenitude is less clothes, more gun. And … yeah, sure, go ahead and put on the glasses. OK, now shoot the D.A. and then stand over his body like, "told ya."

Best things about this back cover:

• Way to bury the lede, Gold Medal. How is PROWLED THE WORLD OF TWILIGHT WOMEN not on the cover!?
• She "ruined her lovers with the hot breath of scandal" ("scandal" being a last-minute substitute for "chili cheese fries")
• "Please state your name for the record." "Ivy Lorents." "And how do you spell 'Ivy,' Miss Lorents? I presume it starts 'I', 'V'…" "Not I." "Objection! Permission to treat the vixen as sensual, your honor."

Page 123~

"You had her … falling all over herself," Ivy said, pleased with the memory of Pauline's discomfort.

Please invest that sentence with all the Sapphic innuendo you can muster.

~RP

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Paperback 752: French Model / Cecil Barr (Beacon B133)

Paperback 752: Beacon B133 (1st pb, 1957)

Title: French Model
Author: Cecil Barr
Cover artist: photo cover

Yours for: Not For Sale (part of the Doug Peterson Collection)


Best things about this cover:

As Doug said to me as he handed me the book: "Motorboat fail."
That guy is *totally* a Cecil.
"Starring Darrin's boss from "Bewitched" and a *very* grown-up Marcia Brady!"
His trousers are gigantic.


Best things about this back cover:

• Far, far sexier than the cover...
• ...Until you start reading the words. That's a whole lot of yuck, very very fast.
• As far as future possible aliases go … I call dibs on "Shockproof Daffodil"

Page 123~

"I'm going to watch you dress, Daffodil. Is this what you're going to wear? It's ravishing, of course, but only you could wear it. What arms, my dear, and I say, what legs! No wonder old Amy—don't rush it, darling, have a heart. Do you mean to say no soutien-gorge? But of course not. Let me—don't be a fool, Daffodil, what are you afraid of. Firm as little rocks. Ugh, you darling! I'm not one of Amy's sort, more's the pity, or what a time I should be having."

My French is a little rusty, but allow me to translate: Daffodil's lady friend/maid is watching her dress and feeling her up while wishing out loud that she was a lesbian (like the mythical "Amy") so she could … watch Daffodil dress and feel her up? It's not clear what Amy would be doing, but one imagines she'd be avoiding laughably unsexy phrases like "Firm as little rocks" and "Ugh, you darling."

~RP

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Paperback 751: The Oddballs / Stacey Clubb (Softcover Library B853X)

Paperback 751: Softcover Library B853X (PBO, 1965)

Title: The Oddballs
Author: Stacey Clubb
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: Not For Sale—part of the Doug Peterson Collection


Best things about this cover:

• "I don't think they're so odd," he said, self-consciously.
• So many questions. Such as, where has her right arm got to? Or, why their bed is a parallelogram?
• Remember the fad of wearing two differently colored stockings!? Me either.
• "You awake? … tickle tickle! … alright then, I'm just going to remove your head with my jaws now, OK? Just relax."
• "The only practical sex was unnatural sex!" — Having trouble understanding the use of the word "practical" here. "Well, see, I would just put my penis in your vagina, but … it's really not practical for me ... right now … at this juncture … you know? So, let's just bring in the elephant and the mustard and see how it goes, mkay? It's just easier that way."

Best things about this back cover:

• Shadowy = Lesbiany. In case you're unfamiliar with paperback code.
• INA, ha ha! Calling all crossword constructors, we got a live one!
• I want a business card that reads "Encourager of odd rites and practices."

Page 123~

The sting of his blow had not penetrated.

Nope, sorry, that was just the first thing I opened to. Hang on … OK, here we go:

"Bernice," he called out.

But the bikini-clad goddess who appeared casually at the top of the mezzanine stairs in response to his blithe summons was not, of course, Bernice.

If ever there was a name custom-made for softcore porn, that name is Blithe Summons.

~RP

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Paperback 724: Live With Me / Jerry M. Goff, Jr. (Merit 612)

Paperback 724: Merit Books 612 (PBO, 1962)

Title: Live With Me
Author: Jerry M. Goff, Jr.
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $27


Best things about this cover:

• I honestly don't know what I'm looking at. Unless her bra straps clasp behind her head like some kind of necklace, I can't see why her elbows are up that high. Is she making her boobs do a little dance performance? Her companion seems intrigued.
• Those are some straight-up terrible hands. Or hand, I guess. Hands are always the giveaway. Only the best artists can do hands right. The reason for the giant boobs and Krazy Eyes is to distract you from the terrible, terrible hands. 
• That left boob has a mind of its own. It seems to be experiencing the gravitational pull of the artist-lady's gaze.
• What is up with that lady's gown? Here is the dialogue I like to imagine they are having: "I like your gown." "Thank you." "Are you headed to a ball?" "Balls don't interest me much … if you know what I mean …" 

Best things about this back cover:

• Hey look, it's the artist lady, back from Barbados and possessed by twelve demons!
• "… lovely, normal and stunning …" ??? Can't wait for all the red hot normality.
• So basically Suzanne Pleshette goes on a telekinetic lesbian rampage. Got it.

Page 123~

"Tell us. Does she wash your back when you bathe? She did the other girls. That was always her first approach."

"Her second approach involved ball gowns, sketch pads, and mind control. I'm a little fuzzier on the details there…"

~RP

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Paperback 722: Strange Longing / Orrie Hitt (Chariot Books CB-1626)

Paperback 722: Chariot Books CB-1626 (PBO, 1963)

Title: Strange Longing
Author: Orrie Hitt
Cover artist: uncredited

Yours for: $25


Best things about this cover:

• This was also the cover for Axilla Fetishist Monthly (April 1963)
• One thing about saran wrap lingerie is: the itch.
• Man I wish the girl in the dark in the back ground were more in the light in the foreground.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Oh, don't mind me, I just wandered over to this side of the room and got tangled in the drapery somehow."
• Seriously, what is happening there?
• "Bunny soft"— I'm laughing quite hard right now.
• Ladies, if you really wanna sex up your bedroom patter, call it "the portals of the 'forbidden world'!"

Page 123~

"I don't do the kind of dances they'd want."
"Who cares about dancing? The men don't come inside the tent for that."
They got into another bottle of rye and Emily paraded around the room.

~RP

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Paperback 720: That Kind of Girl / Stanley Curson (Brandon House 741)

Paperback 720: Brandon House 741 (PBO, 1965)

Title: That Kind of Girl
Author: Stanley Curson
Cover artist: [Fred Fixler]

Yours for: $35


Best things about this cover:

• Which kind of girl? Prematurely gray? Exceedingly tanned? Vinyl-loving? Shoe-collecting?
• Seriously, those shoes, in all their green-ness and out-of-context-ness, totally make this cover.
• V is for Vortex Of Forbidden Love 
• I like that Ms. Gray is making a big "V" with her arms. Why she's covering her crotch with jazz hands, I don't know.

Best things about this back cover:

• The pic itself is kind of adorable.  Hey! Lurid text! Leave those kids alone!

Page 123~

Anne gripped his organ experimentally …

OK, I cheated. This is page 122. But what was I supposed to do? Ignore this sentence? I throw myself on the mercy of the court.

~RP

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