Paperbacks 1115 & 1116: The Ivory Grin & The Way Some People Die (Bantam 10979 & 10987)

Paperbacks 1115 & 1116: Bantam 10979 & 10987) (6th ptg, 1977 / 8th ptg, 1977)

Titles: The Ivory Grin & The Way Some People Die

Author: Ross Macdonald

Cover artist: Mitchell Hooks

Condition: 8/10 & 8/10

Value: $5-10 each

Best things about this cover: 

• I said last time that I had one more of these late'70s Archer covers by Mitchell Hooks, but it seems I lied: I had two, bringing my total to five. I guess I collect these now? Subcollection! Just what I need...
• Well yeah, sure, grins don't get much more ivory than that. 
• The dude loading the gun looks like a very disappointed middle manager. "We didn't make our quota this quarter, team. I told you there'd be consequences..."
• I'm super into that cat burglar guy but he's about a centimeter in height, and it's hard to truly love a design element that small. 
• The tealish hue coating every element of this painting is kinda sickly, but somehow when set against the equally sickly pale yellow background, it ends up ... perfect?

Best things about this 2nd cover: 

• Maybe my least favorite of these Archer covers so far. Still good, but the people look like they're carved out of wood. Looks a little sloppy, a little lifeless. But the neon signs and palm trees and dead guy are ... mwah!
• Her hair is insane. I can only hope that it's a wig. Her posture and expression are priceless, though: "Sigh, bikinis are so tiresome ... when do we drink?"
• Does the dead guy have a toupee that's come loose, or did he flatten a small bird with his head when he fell?

No point doing back covers, since they're just that same shadowy photo of Macdonald from the last book. So on to ...

Page 123~ (from The Way Some People Die)

    "The dirty bastard picked up and left me," she said in a deep harsh voice. Her eyes were round with anger, or surprise at her own language. "Good heavens," she said in her normal voice, "I never swear, honestly."

    "Swear some more. It will probably do you good."

~RP

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Paperback 1083: Death Wears a Green Hat / Will Creed (Five Star Mystery 42)

 Paperback 1083: Five Star Mystery 42 (PBO, 1946)

Title: Death Wears a Green Hat

Author: Will Creed

Cover artist: [Uncredited]

Condition: 7/10

Value: $20-25

[Autumn Leaves Bookstore, Ithaca, NY, May 2024]

Best things about this cover: 

• Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him, Horatio—he was a ring-a-ding cat! Always quick with a smile. A little on the thin side...
• Another digest-sized paperback, another publisher I've never heard of. New-to-me publishers always hold huge appeal.
• There's a line in Elvis Costello's "Tokyo Storm Warning" that goes "Death wears a big hat / 'Cause he's a big bloke"; the ability to speak pulp fluently is something I've always admired in the guy.
• Skeletons are funny—scary (see the end of Psycho, for instance) but put a hat on one (or a scarf, or a feather boa), and instant silliness
• The background pattern here has me hungry for waffles (an everyday feeling, just a little moreso)

Best things about this back cover: 

• Y'all, this guy cannot write. Or the guy at the publishing house who does the back cover copy cannot write. Somebody cannot write. This prose is punishing. You have to ride that opening prepositional phrase forEver before you have any idea of what that sentence is doing grammatically. And the idea of Hal "watching" with "silent terror" as "suspicions" "reach out for him, closer and closer"... I mean, zombies reaching out for you, sure, I get it, but "suspicions"? 
• "Closer and closer they came, reaching out for him..." "OMG what's coming closer, what's reaching out for him!?" "Uh ... suspicions." "...Oh, come on!" "No, wait, where are you going? ...  they're really gruesome suspicions, I swear—big teeth and green hats and everything. Aw, come back and let me finish my terrifying story!"
• "Nerve-shredding enjoyment!" Because you're bored with mere "face-smashing whimsy!" and want something new in your keen-edged horror!

Page 123~

Dear Hal, I know that of all the people that knew Adrian, you must have known him best. He wasn't always admirable, but no man needs to die the way Adrian died, just because he cannot always live the way his heart means to act. I must talk to you. I walked over to talk to you after I had been to Inspector Day's tonight, and, well, you weren't there. I was lost, for I had to talk. In my mind has been growing for some time the most frightful suspicion. But we're old friends and I must see you. And the more I think of it, and think of the person involved under the circumstances in which Adrian died, I become more and more certain of my guess. I have to see you, Hal; we must talk this out together. No matter what time you get this, phone me at once. I'll be waiting for your call. I cannot imagine where you have gone at this time of night. Valerie.

Well thank god this isn't an epistolary novel because I'm not sure I could've taken one more sentence. I'd rather read all of Clarissa than one more of Valerie's "I must talk to you I walked over to talk to you I had to talk we must talk this out where are you you seem to be in a different place from where I am currently looking" ramble-fests.

~RP

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Paperback 1067: The Skull Beneath the Skin / P.D. James (Warner 30606)

Paperback 1067: Warner Books 30-606 (1st ptg, 1983)

Title: The Skull Beneath the Skin

Author: P.D. James

Cover artist: Victor Gadino

Condition: 7/10

Value: $5-10

Best things about this cover:

• Love how unapologetically literal the cover is. "Look at her skin ... such lovely skin ... but ... uh, oh, what's beneath that skin? Could it be ... a skull!! Bwah ha ha ha open the book, If You Dare!"
• And the inside cover? So. Much. Happening!

• This was published much later than most of the books in my collection (which stays mostly in a tight 1939-69 range), but I've begun expanding my range of interest into the '70s and '80s as books that once seemed "too modern" to me now turn out to be fascinating examples of vanishing if not completely bygone book design. This is pure supermarket checkout line stuff, but the stepback keyhole cover—something I would've thought cheesy thirty years ago—now strikes me as bold, theatrical, ornate ... I mean, imagine popular thrillers today looking like *this* instead of, well, like this:

If you are publishing a crime novel that DOESN'T have a dark house with yellow windows and yellow text, you are off to the gulag. I don't make the rules. pic.twitter.com/PLwaQjdr4I

— Caustic Cover Critic, not necessarily a bad person (@Unwise_Trousers) March 7, 2023

• I'm also fascinated by the fact that this stepback keyhole treatment isn't for a book by, say, V.C. Andrews (the author most associated with this exact kind of cover)—rather, it's for P.D. James, an extremely literary (and extremely British) mystery writer that I wouldn't have thought ripe for this kind of aggressively popular (populist) marketing. Lawrence Sanders, Stephen King, sure, but P.D. James!? I feel like there's a clash of cover aesthetic and actual content ... and I love it!
• She really is a great writer. I read the first few pages just now; only meant to pop in and have a glance, but she just grabs you and takes you.

Best things about this back cover:

• Just blurbs, along the lines of "No, seriously, if you're the kind of person who reads blurbs and want assurances of quality from reputable periodicals, here, look, here's a bunch of them. It's not 'trash,' we swear!"
• That little hint of illustration there at the bottom right? That's from the delicious (and deliciously wraparound) spinal art! Bring back spinal art! I want my spines to stare sexily at me! Is that too much to ask!?

Page 123~

Cordelia, happily engrossed in old copies of The Illustrated London News and The Strand magazine, in which she could read the Sherlock Holmes stories as they originally appeared, wished that she could have been left in peace. 

Yes, I like this Cordelia. We would get along marvelously, I think. I too like to read old stories as they originally appeared, and don't get me started on being left in peace. Heaven. Call me, Cordelia. We can sit and read and say nothing to each other.

~RP

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Paperback 1058: Berserker's Planet / Fred Saberhagen (DAW UY1167)

Paperback 1058: DAW UY1167 (PBO, 1975)

Title: Berserker's Planet

Author: Fred Saberhagen

Cover artist: Jack Gaughan

Condition: 8/10 (unread, some surface wear)

Estimated value: $10-15

Best things about this cover:

• "That's not a toothpick! ... THIS is a toothpick!"
• There was an early-80s arcade game called "Berserker." It was pretty cool. I don't remember these guys, though.
• I like the big guy's aesthetic. Very Prince Valiant-meets-Grizzly Man. It's just ... he looks more like an action figure than a living humanoid creature. He has many points of articulation and is neither standing nor holding that sword in a way that one might call "naturalistic" or "plausible." 
• Little buddy, on the other hand—very believable. Cowering nakedness, total unpreparedness, I can relate.
• The pink palette here is amazing, as is the suggestion of a giant skull in the oddly machine-like background.
• The actual title has an apostrophe in "Berserker's" but the cover does not. This bothers me about as much as you'd expect (a lot).

Best things about this back cover:

• No one needs this much text, truly.
• "NO QUARTER! NO QUARTER! NO COIN! ONLY DOLLAR! DOLLAR BILL! OR CREDIT CARD!"—someone behind me at the vending machine
• This feels pretty prescient—the idea that your robots would learn and "develop"; sadly modern out-of-control robots didn't take over the planet with swords, they just figured out how to sell you things you don't need and show you "content" that makes you angry ... in order to sell you things you don't need. Give me the robots in pelts and disco boots, please!
• "It's a Fred Saberhagen science thriller" doesn't quite have the standalone energy you'd expect a climactic back-cover paragraph to have.
• Also LOL "Have you seen THE BOOK OF SABERHAGEN" what, is it missing?

Page 123~

As the two men wrestled, it was still Omir who smiled, and Thomas who looked desperate, but quickly it was demonstrated that Omir was not the stronger of the two, not with a spear stuck through him, anyway.

Yeah, impalement will really take it out of you, I find

~RP

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Paperback 989: Once Upon a Dreadful Time / ed. Alfred Hitchcock (Dell 6622)

Paperback 989: Dell 6622 (1st ptg, 1964)

Title: (Alfred Hitchcock's) Once Upon a Dreadful Time (Dell 6622)
Editor: Alfred Hitchcock
Cover artist: Banbury (one name! stylish)

Estimated value: $8-10
Condition: 8/10

Best things about this cover:

• Alas, poor Hitchcock...
• Nice self-sideeye
• Not sure why he's hiding a skull ... from ... himself ... but I'll admit it all looks super-cool.

Best things about this back cover:

• Donald Westlake completists will want to be sure to pick this up
• Contributors are indeed exclusively male. Women wrote a lot of horror / crime / suspense stories, so the men-only thing here is at least a little weird.
• The whole Hal Ellson / Hal Elison thing is so weird that his name is spelled both ways in this book (in table of contents, it's ELLSON—which is correct. Here's the NYT also getting it wrong in 1955). And then there's this, from wikipedia:

Harlan Ellison cites Ellson's work as having inspired his own interest in juvenile delinquency — an interest which led directly to the writing of Ellison's first novel, Web of the City. Ellison has also stated that in the earliest days of his career as a writer, he was often mistaken for Ellson writing under a pseudonym — and that decades later, when Ellison had become much more known and Ellson's career had waned, Ellson was often mistaken for Ellison writing under a pseudonym.

 Page 123~ (from "Anatomy of an Anatomy" by Donald Westlake)

At three o'clock on the dot, she heard a thump from above, and knew it was the head.

Westlake is just a champ and that's all there is to it.

~RP

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Paperback 937: Death of a Stray Cat / Jean Potts (Berkley G492)

Paperback 937: Berkley Medallion G492 (1st ptg, 1961)

Title: Death of a Stray Cat
Author: Jean Potts
Cover artist: photo cover

Estimated value: $10-15 (condition: purrrfect) (sorrynotsorry)

Best things about this cover:

• Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, kitty kitty.
• I love how her chair is so dark you can't really see it, so it looks like she's kind of shimmying and dancing toward you in some kind of gothic version of The Twist. Let's call it the "Stray Cat Strut" (stillnotsorry!)
• What do you call that hairstyle, where it's a bouffant but with a kind of sinkhole up front? It's pretty glorious.

Best things about this back cover:

• Ooh, his and hers panting! You shouldn't have.
• Uh, safe word. We need a safe word up in here. Stat!
• Hmm, never heard of Jean Potts, or "Go, Lovely Rose," or this book. Anyone know if I'm missing anything?

Page 123~

"We gagged him because he kept talking dirty," said Gen.

This concludes the first meeting of "BDSM 4 Prudes"; please help yourself to mini-donuts and Sanka on your way out. See you next week.

~RP

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Paperback 921: Nine and Death Makes Ten / Carter Dickson (Pocket Books 335)

Paperback 921: Pocket Books 335 (2nd ptg, 1946)

Title: Nine and Death Makes Ten
Author: Carter Dickson
Cover artist: Uncredited

Estimated value: $12-17 (condition: stunning, unread)

Best things about this cover:

• Amazing Moon-Skull almost makes up for terrible, awkward title that sounds like somebody counting change.
• Somehow, the cursive-script author name following the contours of the cranium reads Adorable. Rules of Pictorial Menace, #28—never make your death skull wear a cute word hat!
• This book is in near-perfect condition. Slight fraying of the perma-gloss is the only sign of wear. Bright and tight and shiny, like it wasn't anywhere close to 70 bleeping years old!

Best things about this back cover:

• Again with the problematic naming. Good luck stopping me laughing with a ship name like "Edwardic!"
• "Douse that light!" sounds like the title of an Edwardian rap anthem.
• I shared this book with my UPS guy. I hope that was OK.

Page 123~

"I want you to stop actin' the fool," continued H.M., calmly sighting with another quoit ... 

Carter Dickson is not wasting all those hours of nautical terminology research, so suck it up, landlubbers.

~RP

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Paperbacks 780 and 781: The Unknown and The Unknown 5 / ed. D.R. Bensen (Pyramid R-851 and R962)

Paperbacks 780 & 781: Pyramid R-851 & R-962 (PBO, 1963 & 1964)

Titles: The Unknown and The Unknown 5
Editor: D.R. Bensen (both)
Cover artist: John Schoenherr (both) / Illus. by Edd Cartier (both)

Yours for: $12


Best things about these front covers:

• Two for one today, as these appeared back to back on my bookshelf and seemed to go together.
• The adorableness of Winky Peek-a-Boo Demon is considerably undermined by his unholy thumbnail.
• I'm classifying that bony limb on The Unknown 5 as "Fear Hand," though honestly, it's more like "Hey. 'Sup? Hand."
• Can't tell if that bird has no head, or if it's just set completely within its squat little torso.
• I don't know what became of The Unknowns 2-4, but I fear the worst.

Best things about this back cover:

• Weird that 3/5 of the names on The Unknown 5 are legendary and 2/5 I never ever saw before just now.
• Everybody must name something "Cleve," the next opportunity you get. I insist.
• I like that the back cover of The Unknown 5 believes there is such a category as "Fine Paperbacks." Adorable.

Page 123~ (from "Hell Is Forever" by Alfred Bester)

"Ego—" mused the voice. "That is something which, alas, none of us can understand. Nowhere in all the knowable cosmos is it to be found but on your planet, Mr. Braugh. It is a frightening thing and convinces me at times that yours is the race that will—" The voice broke off abruptly.

Don't tase me, Braugh.

~RP

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Paperback 459: Spill the Jackpot / A.A. Fair (Dell 109)

Paperback 459: Dell 109 (1st ptg, 1946)

Title: Spill the Jackpot
Author: A.A. Fair (Erle Stanley Gardner)
Cover artist: George A. Frederiksen

Yours for: $21

Best things about this cover:

• When slot machines get drunk (Xs for eyes, dead giveaway), they barf blood and skulls. True fact.
• This is a fantastic example of the bright, vivid, more abstract covers that Dell tended to feature in its early years. You don't really get the saucy, realistic, Great Girl Art covers until about 1948.

Best things about this back cover:

• Wow, no wonder people gamble. You can practically feel the monotony coming off the page.
• Is Hotel Sal Sagev a real place? 'Cause that's some painfully unimaginative naming. Diputs!
• "Boulder? Sure ... just go down Fremont here past Eighth and then it's just another 775 miles. You can't miss it."

Page 123~

Abruptly he turned and smiled at Bertha. "So sorry, Mrs. Cool, I interfered with you so early in the morning. Try and overlook it. If you people can learn to accept these interruptions philosophically, it's going to be a lot easier on you."

If you are a chronic interrupter, I suggest you memorize that last line. The key to being a dick effectively is: you must go all in.

~RP

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Paperback 314: The Reign of Wizardry / Jack Williamson (Lancer 72-761)

Paperback 314: Lancer 72-761 (1st ptg, 1964)

Title: The Reign of Wizardry
Author: Jack Williamson
Cover artist: Frank Frazetta

Yours for: $15


Best things about this cover:

• Satan conducts the Stygian Philharmonic!
• It's one bad-ass demon who can shoot skulls and naked ladies out of his armpits...
• Is "the Unknown" a genre?

Best things about this back cover:

• OK, how many walls are we going to encounter in this book? Three? That is a terrible pair of bold headings. Are the walls the same in both headings? And who's saying that mystery "quote" in the middle?
• "The man they called 'Captain Firebrand' ..." — that sounds apocryphal. In fact, that sounds like a male stripper.

Page 123~

But the hairy pirate caught his arm again. "I wish you wouldn't leave me, Captain Firebrand."

Two words: Hairy. Pirate.

~RP

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57 Books from the University Book Sale: Book 42

Title: Road to Folly (Popular Library 60-2158, 1st thus, [1967])
Author: Leslie Ford
Cover artist: uncredited

Yours for: $3

• Least sexy threesome of all time
• "Me and my pet hourglass and this photo of my mom gotta stay under this net on account of the tse-tses..."
• "Good telling!" — "I say, old chap, good telling, pip pip etc."

• Pardon my French, but Jennifer Reid sounds like a fucking idiot who deserves whatever she gets.

Page 123~

"She's better this morning, thanks, Boston. How are you?"
"Po'ly, miss, thank you. You lookin' mighty peaked yo'self, Miss Jenny."

Yeah, I don't want to read this.

~RP

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Paperback 278: Savage Bride / Cornell Woolrich (Gold Medal 719)

Paperback 278: Gold Medal 719 (3rd ptg, 1957)

Title: Savage Bride
Author: Cornell Woolrich
Cover artist: Barye Phillips

Yours for: $20


Best things about this cover:

• "Rowrrr! Tigress care not for clothing, or for bed sheets. Tigress eat new husband and leave only giant skull behind!"
• "Uh, honey, when I asked you if you wanted to play a little 'stroke the totem pole,' I didn't mean that literally..."
• This cover has all the "savage" iconography: nudity, writhing ritualistic dance, mysterious carvings, evidence of cannibalism, and miniature tribal elders with flamboyant headwear presiding over it all.

Best things about this back cover:

• Let it be known that I wrote "writhing" re: the front cover before I read this back cover blurb. Prescience!
• Nothing says random exotica like "an ancient tribe." "Which one? Who cares!? It's got human sacrifice and pagan altars, and that's all you need to know. Now writhe!"

Page 123~

They were fed liberally, if monotonously, on an unvarying diet of baked maize cakes [ed. "You call it corn..."], and water was given them to drink from a brackish-tasting pottery bowl.

I like Cornell Woolrich's writing. Rendezvous in Black is one of my favorite noir novels of all time. But this bit from "Savage Bride" is horrible. Liberal use of passive voice ... "they were fed [...] monotonously?" Unless you're at Medieval Times or Applebee's on your birthday, what do you expect? ... and why are they tasting the "bowl?" You're supposed to drink what's *inside*.

~RP

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