Title: Monica
Author: George Simon
Cover artist: Uncredited
Yours for: $21
Best things about this cover:
- "Joe Came to Sell Storm Windows…" Erotic!
- The editor in me wants to remove the absurdly redundant "Blasting" and then put scare quotes around "Love."
- I assume this is a portrait of Monica as viewed through one of Joe's grimy storm windows. Erotic!
- Seriously, it's like the artist did a rather nice painting and then got drunk and angry and depressed and just wrecked the thing with a really shitty eraser.
- The em dashes are slaying me. It's like a bunch of false starts instead of a list of Exciting! Adjectives!
- What did he "give" them? Backrubs? Advice? Chickenpox? … oh … OH! … I think it's sex.
Best things about this back cover:
- SALESMEN BEWARE … sexy ladies might offer themselves to you and then writhe in pleasure … it's horrible.
- SALESMEN BEWARE … some ladies can remove their heads and then underneath they are lizard creatures who won't buy any of your storm windows … it's horrible.
- That "bikini" is, without a doubt, drawn on. Scribbled, more like. And not by a reader. Like … it came that way. That is some pretty low-rent design right there.
- Uh … fear hand? Sure, fear hand. Close enough.
Page 123~
When her purse fell off the night table its contents scattered on the floor. In addition to the usual feminine gear, there was a roll of bills as big as a pound of butter, half a dozen snaps of nude ladies, and [a] .32 snub-nosed automatic. Dear little Monica …
First, I am enjoying imagining "the usual feminine gear," which in my mind includes brass knuckles and a vibrator. And second, I can't wait to use the "pound of butter" analogy in conversation and have people stare at me blankly. Me, after a pause: "FOUR STICKS!" Them: "Ah … yes ... OK. Got it. My, that *is* a large vibrator."
~RP
[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]
