Paperback 891: A Boy Named Cash / Albert Govoni (Lancer 74641)

Paperback 891: Lancer 74641 (PBO, 1970)

Title: A Boy Named Cash: The Johnny Cash Story
Author: Albert Govoni
Cover artist: photo cover

Estimated value: $15-20

Best things about this cover:

• It's a boring photo, but I'm in love with the font and color and star-spangledness of "CASH"!
• Hard to believe it's his "first full-length biography," but if a Lancer paperback says it …
• Discography in this thing is legit. Enormous. Runs to well over four pages.
• Book is close to pristine, with the "triple-size pin-up photo" complete intact, and probably never unfurled. Let's unfurl it, shall we?

OK then ...

Best things about this back cover:

• Uh … hi.
• TV Tie-In!
• "Here is Johnny Cash in words and pictures" is kind of a lie. Should really read "Here is Johnny Cash in words and picture, singular" (the "triple-size pin-up photo" is the only picture in the whole thing).

Page 123~

Johnny has never forgotten the words he overheard one day when he was in Sam Phillips' office. Through the partially opened door leading into a studio, he heard a man in the studio saying to someone …

a. "… marijuana, man. I can dig it."
b. "… Muddy Waters is good, man, but I'm tellin' you … Pat fuckin' Boone, man."
c. "… man, you know they faked that moon landing, right?"
d. "… it's called 'gwa kah MOLE ay'—try it, man."
e. all of the above
f. invent your own answer

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 749: Satan's Child / Peter Saxon (Lancer 73-764)

Paperback 749: Lancer 73-764 (PBO, 1968)

Title: Satan's Child
Author: Peter Saxon
Cover artist: Jeff Jones (Jeffrey Catherine Jones)

Yours for: $15

Best things about this cover:

• Can't a girl rub her naked bottom on dandelions in peace around here!
• No need for pepper spray or a handgun when you've got Smoke-jaguar.
• Is that behelmeted guy out walking his Smoke-jaguar or shape-shifting into a Smoke-jaguar?
• It's like Rosemary's Baby. Only with more orange. And a Smoke-jaguar.
• One of my all-time favorite fantasy paperback covers, despite/because of its looniness. Love the orange, love the enigmatic man/jaguar/smoke hybrid, love the not-all-that-worried sunbather.
• Only just learned that Jeff Jones was (later in life) Jeffrey Catherine Jones (a trans woman). Fascinating story. She died in 2011. Comics Journal obit here.

Best things about this back cover:

• That is a pretty great use of empty space—like a womb holding the embryonic "Seedling From Hell." 
• Ooh, terrible vengeance! That's my favorite kind!
• You're gonna have a hard time finding a greater name in all of literature than "Pricker Gill.

Page 123~

"All of it!" Finlay cried hoarsely. "I wager it all."

Silently his companions met his wager—and threw down their hands. They were identical—and identical to his own.

Finlay's mouth dried and he gave a little groan of despair. "I … I thought I must win."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 664: Sex Without Marriage / Jonathan Starr and Bonnie Golightly (Lancer 72-648)

Paperback 664: Lancer Books 72-648 (PBO, 1962)

Title: Sex Without Marriage
Authors: Jonathan Starr & Bonnie Golightly
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $20


Best things about this cover:

• This design is cool in an abstract art kind of way. Still can't help but wish I could see more of Jon and Bonnie than just their hastily sketched heads, though.
• I keep reading "the real estate of non-marital relationships," which would be cool—a picture book of cool '60s apartments where people could just go at it.
• "Bonnie Golightly" is the most made-up of made-up names. "Breakfast at Tiffany's" came out ... in 1961.
• If I were a single woman I would have a t-shirt made that read simply "Bachelor Girl." I might have one made anyway.
• Bonnie Golightly is my kind of woman—"unusually frank"!

Best things about this back cover:

• That first line is brought to you by Dr. Seuss.
• A. Yes, B. No (a guy's gotta sleep)
• "Candidly" shmandidly! I want more "frank"!

Page 123~

This female, this hard sister, usually persuades herself that she has some good sensible reason for her self-perversion: to get some capital to go into business for herself, to put baby brother, or her own baby,  through college, to save herself from Mama's miserable fate of poverty and a sadistic husband, etc. She prides herself on being brutally frank with herself, on being shrewd, on being strong enough to be hard.  Quick money and big money is worth the sacrifice.

Oh dear god yes ... "brutally frank" ... that's the stuff. Also, this whole book is written in this florid, nutty style. Opening to random pages yields unexpected delights. Here, let's see ... p. 63: "If you have been spending most of your time at the lady's flat then an occasional bottle of hooch would be in order. You've probably been consuming most of hers." I think I'm going to tweet this whole book over the course of the summer. It's absolutely loaded with Frank Dating Advice For Cool Moderns. Also, thinking of adding "Hard Sister" t-shirt to my custom t-shirt order.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 634: Moment of Untruth / Ed Lacy (Lancer Books 73-554)

Paperback 634: Lancer Books 73-554 (2nd ptg ?, 1967)

Title: Moment of Untruth
Author: Ed Lacy
Cover artist: illegible [underneath and perpendicular to guy's right arm] [Al Parker?]

Yours for: $8


Best things about this cover:

• This is seriously the dumbest-looking cover hero I've seen in a while. Looks like he's wearing a shorty terrycloth robe. Also, like he's carrying a giant woman's purse while not wearing pants. 
• "We need to play on the phrase 'Moment of Truth'..." "Oooh, I have an idea ..."
• There's "earth tones" ... and then there's feces. And we're *right* on the border here. 
• Not sure I like what he's doing to that poor girl with that gun. 
• I call ellipsis abuse.
• That woman needs to Dominate this cover. What the hell were the designers thinking?
• "Mexico: Come for the Food and the Fun, Stay for the Taut Immediacy"

Best things about this back cover:

• TOUIE! That is a name I can get behind.
• "He was a Negro, and at age forty he knew exactly what that meant." Unfortunately, I have no idea exactly what that means.
• Copywriting has apparently been given over to some randomizing algorithm. "Random assertion ... Random plot point ... ELLIPSIS!"

Page 123~

"Ask, does a woman pilot this second plane with the two engines?" I said, feeling the excitement well up within me.

When the kid translated, the godmother shook her head, seemed to indicate  a woman by pointing to her own flat breasts.

This may be the most implausible breast-related action I've ever heard of. I'm trying to imagine this happening in a way that isn't entirely comical and/or enigmatic. I mean, it's a yes/no question, why in the world would she point to her own breasts? It's a redundant, ridiculous move.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Interlude—people send me books sometimes

After buying a book from me, reader JamiSings was inspired to send me a bunch of campy old paperbacks: several Agatha Christies, a romance novel, and a couple of sex books ("Sex Games that People Play" —about the unsexiest book I've ever briefly looked at—and "The Sensuous Woman" by J, which I've heard of and which is quite graphic in places). Of these six, I thought two of them deserved special notice.

First, the harrowing tale of Vincent Price's elaborate scheme for revenge against those bastards at Godiva Chocolate:



And second, the touching story of a woman with a secret passion for dry-humping enormous cloves of garlic:


~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Paperback 314: The Reign of Wizardry / Jack Williamson (Lancer 72-761)

Paperback 314: Lancer 72-761 (1st ptg, 1964)

Title: The Reign of Wizardry
Author: Jack Williamson
Cover artist: Frank Frazetta

Yours for: $15


Best things about this cover:

• Satan conducts the Stygian Philharmonic!
• It's one bad-ass demon who can shoot skulls and naked ladies out of his armpits...
• Is "the Unknown" a genre?

Best things about this back cover:

• OK, how many walls are we going to encounter in this book? Three? That is a terrible pair of bold headings. Are the walls the same in both headings? And who's saying that mystery "quote" in the middle?
• "The man they called 'Captain Firebrand' ..." — that sounds apocryphal. In fact, that sounds like a male stripper.

Page 123~

But the hairy pirate caught his arm again. "I wish you wouldn't leave me, Captain Firebrand."

Two words: Hairy. Pirate.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Paperback 312: Conan / Robert E. Howard, L. Sprague de Camp, Lin Carter (Lancer 73-685)

Paperback 312: Lancer 73-685 (PBO collection, 1967)

Title: Conan
Authors: Robert E. Howard, L. Sprague de Camp, Lin Carter
Cover artist: Frank Frazetta

Offered without comment, in honor of Frank Frazetta (1928-2010)

• OK, one comment — that is some serious MMA shit going on between Conan and the Phantom of the Apera

Two more Frazetta covers in coming days.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Paperback 224: Two Surgeons / Richard Meade (Lancer 70-012)

Paperback 224: Lancer 70-012 (PBO, 1962)

Title: Two Surgeons
Author: Richard Meade
Cover artist: Harry Schaare

Yours for: $12


Best things about this cover:

• Doctor does not look interested. He looks disgusted. "Put your collar back down and get out of my office."
• She looks like the lead singer of a New Wave band and / or a man.
• Color scheme is entitled "Aquatic Nausea"
• What up with that finger-painted smear between their heads. There's daubing, and then there's sloppiness / laziness.

NO BACK COVER - scanner is dying a hard, horrible death and will likely have to be replaced. I'll see what I can do.

Page 123~

Garth nodded and left the operating room. In the corridor, he paused to light a cigarette. The smoke tasted good, abating some of the uncertainty that gnawed at him.

Smoking - good for the body and the mind. Just ask this surgeon...

~RP

Paperback 210: Search for a Dead Nympho / Paul W. Fairman (Lancer 73-587)

Paperback 210: Lancer 73-587 (PBO, 1967)
Title: Search for a Dead Nympho
Author: Paul W. Fairman
Cover artist: Photographer with a snazzy pink filter

Yours for: $11


Best things about this cover:

• Because live nymphos are too much trouble.
• Is he protecting her or holding her hostage? In my admittedly limited experience, women don't like to have guns held so close to their faces.
• It's like he's trying to get a little mustard off her face with his gun, but refuses to do it the "easy" way by looking right at her and instead chooses to use a mirror to guide his hand. At least, that is how I imagine a guy named "Vince Garth" would roll.
• Vince Garth! Who names these guys? You know what Vince Garth needs? A last name.

Best things about this back cover:

• Teardrop! HA ha.
• "Lorry!?" "We named her after the place she was conceived. Pardon me while I take the lift to my flat. Cheerio!"
• You'll be very sorry you ever met Lorry.
• "Cover posed by professional models" - photo covers that aren't stills from movies or TV shows make me sad.

Page 123~

"But why not the red-headed beatnik? He took Lorry to that call house. Stass may be a lot of things, but he's not a pimp."

You know, he's right. Why NOT the red-headed beatnik?

~RP

Paperback 109: A Hard Day's Knight / Ted Mark (Lancer 73-508)

Paperback 109: Lancer 73-508 (PBO, 1966)

Title: A Hard Day's Knight (The New Man from O.R.G.Y. #9)
Author: Ted Mark
Cover artist: uncredited

Yours for: $11


Best things about this cover:

• Hey Ladies, he's Back! See Steve Victor wipe nervous (but manly) sweat from his neck in "A Hard Day's Knight" - get it? 'Cause he's kinda like a "knight" (if you take a lot of drugs and then squint real hard) ... and then maybe if we make people think of the Beatles he will seem more attractive.
• Nothing turns me on like a housecoat, granny panties, and molded plastic hair of an indeterminate dirt color.
• Not sure what he's planning to do with that gun, but the placement makes me nervous.
• #9 ... is my favorite number. For real.

Best things about this back cover:

• Space Race!
• You had me at "wife-swapping"
• Why will I still be asking "Who is Ted Mark?" even after I've "read his books?"
• "Hip readers are asking 'Who is Ted Mark?" - the rest of us are asking the more pertinent question: "WHY is Ted Mark?"

Page 123~

[brace yourself - last time I quoted from a Ted Mark book, there was "edible root" involved]

Page 123 just doesn't cut it, so here's Page 108:

Her young breasts pointed up at me like two scarlet-beaked doves eager to be fed. Leonard was fumbling at her hips with the buttons of her shorts. His jeans were already down around his ankles. His adolescent lust was a murderous spear catching the moonlight. I revised my opinion as to his lack of maturity. Intellectually I might have been right, but physically he was a grown man-and-a-half.

Oh ... my. "Murderous spear." Still, it's better than "edible root."

~RP