Showing posts with label Bad Hair. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bad Hair. Show all posts

Monday, June 18, 2018

Paperback 1025: Hot Harem / Jill Carr (Saber Books SA-107)

Paperback 1025: Saber Books SA-107 (PBO, 1965)

Title: Hot Harem
Author: Jill Carr
Cover artist: [Bill Edwards?] [uncredited]

Condition: 8/10
Estimated value: $25-30

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

SaberSA107
Best things about this cover:

  • The coffee lady's mockumentary fourth-wall break is amazing
  • "... whether tis nobler to make a choice for the bedroom or to eat ... something something outrageous fortune..."
  • It's like the top half of blondie's body doesn't know what the bottom half's doing or vice versa
  • You can almost hear cereal dude going "uhhhhhhhh...."
  • Even the bacon is like "this is ridiculous, we're outta here!"

SaberSA107bc
Best things about this back cover:

  • Girl [space] friend. Interesting.
  • LOL they can't even keep the spelling of Ann(e)'s name straight for one paragraph
  • Wait, if Ann(e) is "somewhere between first and second choice" (?) ... well a. How many choices are involved? And b. Where does the horse fit into all of this?

Page 123~
I'm a Lesbian, she thought, amazed, but not horrified, yet not quite believing what she had to believe. Then she modified her own ... would you call it an accusation? And the brand burned more lightly; it didn't have to burn as deep. I'm heterosexual, Anne decided, and so is Jeanne.
Well, there's a lot to unpack here, but kudos to the writer for breaking out All The Punctuation Marks to heighten the tension. Ellipsis! Question mark! When I hit that semicolon, I was like "damn ... this is art."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Paperback 995: Take Me In Passion / Donna Richards (Domino Books 72-929)

Paperback 995: Domino Books 72-929 (PBO, 1965)

Title: Take Me In Passion
Author: Donna Richards
Cover artist: photo cover

Condition: 7/10
Estimated value: $15-20

[new addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Domino72-929
Best things about this cover:
  • It was a weird time for metal.
  • Opium Addicts Surreptitiously Admire Each Other's Bras
  • "Like the wig? It's Bowie's." "Really!?" "No, I found it in a dumpster."
  • "Maybe we should've gone with a professional stylist...?" "Shhh ... the panther ... he sees us ..." (seriously, what is that shadow?)
  • They had to re-release this book after the original title, Take Me In Indifference, failed to move buyers.
  • Love how the "Adult Reading" notice looks much more like "Exciting Feature!" than "Warning!"

Domino72-929bc
Best things about this back cover:
  • "They had to choose ... but could they?" Look, make up your mind. Those sad shirtless lesbians either had agency or they didn't.
  • No, *you're* the passion's puppet! No puppet, no puppet! (dear future, this is a reference to a 2016 political moment that's probably best forgotten, I'm sorry)
  • Wow, it gets unexpectedly Homeric there at the end, with "foreordained" this and "all-powerful, erotic destiny" that. The gods do love laughing at havoc.

Page 123~

Marty Green waggled his forefinger before the boy's nose. "No . . . you . . . don't! What do you think I am, like that broad I'm looking for? You think I'm queer like her? Well, she's not even my own daughter, what do you think of that? I adopted her, like a damn fool. Imagine? I adopted a queer!"

I know a lot is happening in this paragraph, but I'm kinda still stuck on "waggled."

~RP

P.S. bonus material from p. 123:

"You're drinking nothing! What the hell do you think I am, some kind of a hick? I'm Marty Green!"

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Thursday, July 7, 2016

Paperback 959: Fools Die on Friday / A.A. Fair (Erle Stanley Gardner)

Paperback 959: Dell R105 (1st thus, 1961)

Title: Fools Die on Friday
Author: A.A. Fair (Erle Stanley Gardner)
Cover artist: Bob McGinnis

Estimated value: $10-15
Condition: 9+/10

DellR105
Best things about this cover:
  • It appears that either I hit some perfectly preserved AA Fair / Erle Stanley Gardner motherlode at some point in my collecting journeys, or someone sent me box of same. These books are exceedingly common, but no less glorious, art-wise. And in this condition, mwah!
  • I love McGinnis's work, though I don't always share his, uh, aesthetic. There's often an icy, angular quality to his women, and the hair, dear lord, the hair. There be dragons.
  • The shoes, though. The shoes. Gotta be the shoes.
  • All covers are improved by martini.

DellR105bc
Best things about this back cover:
  • Math!
  • Crazy calligraphic math!
  • This back cover does nothing to convey how charming the Lam/Cool mysteries are.

Page 123~

She pushed back her stenographic chair, walked over to a shelf, whipped out a map, and placed it on the counter.

OK, I don't know who she is, but I'm in love.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Paperback 949: Play the Sin Field / Drew Deskins (Spartan Line SL134)

Paperback 949: Spartan Line SL134 (PBO, 1966)

Title: Play the Sin Field
Author: Drew Deskins
Cover artist: presumably

Estimated value: No idea. Somehow, I have TWO copies of this, and yet there are NO copies at abebooks. :(
Condition: 8/10

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

SpartanSL134
Best things about this cover:
  • Holy crap, I only *just* realized that this is supposed to be a pun on the phrase, "play the infield." Before, I thought a. wow, they just threw the word SIN in to a perfectly good phrase and ruined it, how stupid, and b. wow, SIN is a really truly terrible pun for "out."
  • I love this woman. We should all be this confident. (i.e. confident enough to wear pasties that clash with our evening gloves).
  • Wanton nymphos are the best kind of nymphos. Them prim nymphos ain't no fun at all.

SpartanSL134bc
Best things about this back cover:
  • Ah, the Insane Phrase Bookend blurb. I should create a tag for these things. They are a truly great part of American literary history. I assure you Hemingway could never have come up with "SIN GUESTS"; not in his whole, adulturous life.
  • P.S. "orgiastically"

Page 123~

"I want you to lay me right here and now," she said softly and he fell on her, his malehood jutting and pulsating, as he inched it within her eager body.

You'd think you'd be laughing too hard to properly masturbate to this stuff.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Paperback 886: The Girl From Midnight / Wade Miller (Gold Medal s1221)

Paperback 886: Gold Medal s1221 (PBO, 1962)

Title: The Girl from Midnight
Author: Wade Miller
Cover artist: Robert Abbett

Estimated value: $20

GM1221
Best things about this cover:

  • Houston, we have Hair Failure.
  • She has my hairline.
  • Not sure how you manage to make naked lady with giant cat look like an alien extra on "Star Trek: TNG," but here we are.
  • Where the hell is Midnight?
  • Kitty thinks you're hilarious.


GM1221bc
Best things about this back cover:

  • Seriously, just scooch her wig forward like an inch and you're in business.
  • Rand Hammond is like something out of a Square-Jawed Sap Name Generator.
  • I like the idea of Rand Hammond working quietly in his veterinarian's office when suddenly a naked bipedal cat just drops from the ceiling.


Page 123~

"His name's Wingy Heller, alias the entire phone book. Anybody remember him?"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Paperback 865: Appointment for Sin / Paul V. Russo (Midwood F217)

Paperback 865: Midwood F217 (PBO, 1962)

Title: Appointment for Sin
Author: Paul V. Russo
Cover artist: Uncredited

Est. value: $22-25

MW217
Best things about this cover:

  • Suzie Masseuse's gaze is burning a hole in that washcloth.
  • "Now that you're naked, just cross your feet like … like so, and now … I strum your ankles. Isn't that nice?"
  • I love how Blondewig Amplebosom's like "Well is this a sin appointment or isn't it? Jeez, what's a girl gotta do to get some sin? I made an appointment and everything, and still no sin. Put my ankles down!"
  • I love orange, but no. This room color is a no.


MW217bc
Best things about this back cover:

  • Terrible tagline—stupid within
  • "Editor's note" LOL. It's in typewriter font, so you know it's real.
  • Winnie and April will be plenty, thanks.


Page 123~

"Some of the clients are particularly fond of the vibrating mechanism in it."
"Vib—"
Her hand closed his mouth.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Friday, January 16, 2015

Paperback 851: The Puzzle Planet / Robert A.W. Lowndes // The Angry Espers / Lloyd Biggle, Jr. (Ace D-485)

Paperback 851: Ace Double D-485 (PBO/PBO, 1961)

Title: The Puzzle Planet / The Angry Espers
Authors: Robert A.W. Lowndes / Lloyd Biggle, Jr.
Cover artist: Ed Emshwiller / Ed Valigursky

Estimated value: $15-20

AceD485

Best things about this cover:

  • Brigitte Bardot senses that things are about take a very, very freaky turn.
  • That's some Left Bank space helmetry she's got going there.
  • In the future, cameras will weigh 80 pounds and Mr. Clean will have Really let himself go.
  • No one could stop Steve Rockwell from making the "Barbarella" prequel of his dreams!



AceD485b

Best things about this other cover:

  • "Float, harlequin! Float to hell!"
  • Mind-Bowling: It Takes Balls
  • In the future, everyone and everything will orbit Rutger Hauer.


Page 123~ (from The Angry Espers)

"May I speak with Doctor Alir?" Corban asked.
"Doctor Alir is not here."
"When is she expected back?"
"She will not be back," the doctor said. "She's been … transferred."

Spoiler alert: Doctor Alir is now a pin girl in Rutger Hauer's Human Bowl-a-Rama.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Friday, September 26, 2014

Paperback 820: Strangers on a Train / Patricia Highsmith (Bantam 905)

Paperback 820: Bantam 905 (1st ptg, 1951)

Title: Strangers on a Train
Author: Patricia Highsmith
Cover artist: Stanley Zuckerberg

Yours for: $17

Bant905

Best things about this cover:

  • That dude wins Best Everything at the Paperback Cover Art Oscars. Best Eyes, Best Facial Expression, Boniest Hands, Best Gun-Caressing, Best Damned Trousers On The Planet, etc.
  • What year is it? She looks she just walked out of a saloon circa 1889.
  • This cover reminds me that I really need a flask. Bourbon is never close enough at hand.


Bant905bc

Best things about this back cover:

  • Even the handwriting is "tense and frightening."
  • "Superbly Revolting" is my new go-to ambiguous pseudo-compliment.
  • You can't really see what the original hardcover art was like, but I assure you, it's pretty bleeping ugly. And no Demented Trouser Guy, so … I'll stick with the cheap stuff, thanks.


Page 123~
He longed to merge his life with hers.
And the winner for Best Euphemism goes to …

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Paperback 819: The Dain Curse / Dashiell Hammett (Vintage V-624)

Paperback 819: Vintage V-624 (1st thus, 1978)

Title: The Dain Curse
Author: Dashiell Hammett
Cover artist: Alan Reingold

Yours for: $12

VintageV624

Best things about this cover:

  • Oh, '70s. Never change.
  • Aside from the horrible color scheme, the other things that scream "'70s" are the particular look of the cult leader (very hippy-Jesus-chesthair) and the Manson-murder-looking girl.
  • I actually kind of love this cover. Highly unusual, lots going on. Long live Mustachioed and Fedoraed James Coburn!


VintageV624bc

Best things about this back cover:

  • Just the dumb-looking statue and some words. With the ornate title font now in isolation, we are left to marvel at its bright blue shadow. The book really wants to convey period authenticity, really, it does, but …
  • The aesthetic appears to be "Deco Goes to Woodstock."
  • Ross Macdonald secretly hated Chandler (for good and bad reasons), and so every quote I read from him now about anyone else's greatness, including his own, always contains a tacit, "So Fuck You, Ray!" This includes the Macdonald blurb often used on Chandler covers.
  • I tend to leave books just as I bought them. Hence the '90s price tag. No sticker puller, I.


Page 123~
"Now how can you say that?" he remonstrated. "Ain't she a dope fiend? And cracked in the bargain…?"
I would read "Ain't She a Dope Fiend?"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Friday, November 1, 2013

Paperback 717: Death and Letters / Elizabeth Daly (Berkley Medallion F779)

Paperback 717: Berkley Medallion F779 (1st ptg, 1963)

Title: Death and Letters
Author: Elizabeth Daly
Cover artist: photo cover

Yours for: [not for sale] [weeeeirdly high prices ($40, $99.99) on this one at abebooks; no idea what that's about]

BerkF779

Best things about this cover:

  • Yes. That expression. That is exactly the expression I make when confronted with a terrible crossword puzzle. SIDEGLANCE!
  • How much product is in that hair? You '60s ladies were Dedicated.
  • Is that a crocheted top? Or a bib? So weird. And yet I love her.
  • Gamadge Does Damage!™


BerkF779bc

Best things about this back cover:

  • Is one puzzle talking to another ... or ... ?
  • "Jailors" looks all kinds of wrong. Like "jailer" and "gaoler" had an ugly baby.
  • I bought "The Book of the Lion" at the same book sale where I picked up this book. As with nearly all the books I bought that day, this one is in cut-your-fingers perfect condition. Unread. New. Ridiculous.


Page 123~

"I'm terribly worried about your wanting to go and eat peanuts in the park."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Monday, April 2, 2012

Paperback 514: Restless Women / John Falcone (Wizard 408)

Paperback 514: Wizard 408 (PBO, 1967)

Title: Restless Women
Author: John Falcone
Cover artist: Uncredited [awfully Gene Bilbrew-esque]

Yours for: Not for Sale (Gift to the Collection from Doug Peterson)


Wiz408.RestlessWom
Best things about this cover:
  • What is it with the seriously ugly dudes on these covers lately. Looks like someone put a rubber mask on that guy and then punched him in the face til he died.
  • He's dead, lady. He doesn't care about your stupid seashell fan.
  • So they've brought a mattress and a ... turkey? game hen? ... to the beach?
  • Top woman's body is insane. Looks more like braided challah than human flesh.
  • Looks like half of your "four-woman harem" has gone missing already, buddy. You kind of suck at this. Maybe you should wake up. Oh, right, you're dead.



Wiz408bc.RestlessW
Best things about this back cover:
  • Magenta woman stands under giant magenta feather / waterfall. No one knows why.
  • If you never thought there was such a thing as "appositive abuse," check out that third paragraph.
  • "Nocturnal nude swim" = when technical writers are hired to write porn.

Page 123~

But as Lola went on, he made a conscious effort to shut it out of his mind. This kind of drivel could spoil a man's breakfast. He motioned to the waiter for more coffee. Lola kept droning on. If she was an actress, he was a giraffe.

If the front cover illustration is anything to go on, I'm buying "giraffe" before I'm buying "Movie hero" who juggles "four demanding sex machines at once." I mean, have you tried juggling sex machines?! Very slippery.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Sunday, January 8, 2012

The P. Morrison Donations #9: Blood on the Stars

The P. Morrison Donations #9

Dell 0626 (1st ptg, 1967)

Title: Blood on the Stars
Author: Brett Halliday
Cover artist: Robert McGinnis


Dell0626.BloodStars

Best things about this cover:
  • This is one of the most horrifying covers I (now) own. Seriously, every time I look at it I recoil in "oh my god" fright. It haunts my dreams.
  • It's like her face is floating, its spatial relationship to both the equine mass of hair and the torso seemingly coincidental. You know at, say, a carnival, when there are scenes painted on large pieces of wood and you can step behind them and put your face through a hole, and then your mom or whoever can take your picture ... whimsical stuff ... well, it looks like that's what's happening here, only for "carnival" substitute "utility closet in hell" and for "your mom" substitute "Satan himself." 
  • What. Is. The. Background? Cork meets mangled animal pelt meets feathers meets dirty rug meets barber shop floor sweepings meets sadness.
  • Was McGinnis depressed when he did this? Angry? Going through a bad break-up? All I know is: it's the ugliest damn thing I've ever seen. 
  • Lastly: where's the blood? Where are the stars?


Dell0626bc.BloodSt

Best things about this back cover:
  • Aaaagh. Jebus, quit scaring me like that, lady?
  • Good tagline, or Greatest Tagline Ever Written?

Page 123~
Shayne said, "Go ahead. And keep your mouth buttoned up. This is a Secret Service investigation."

"Secret Service? Jeez. Is he one of them communist spies or somethin'?"

"Something like that." Shayne stepped back and waited until the milk truck had made one more stop, then turned the corner.
Mike Shayne did not consider his morning complete until he had impressed at least one milkman.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

The P. Morrison Donations #1: A Good Year For Dwarfs? / Carter Brown (Signet 4320)

Title: A Good Year for Dwarfs?
Author: Carter Brown
Cover artist: Robert McGinnis

Reader P. Morrison sent me a stack of books. They are beat up and cheesy, just like I like 'em. First up ... this.


Sig4320.Dwarfs

Best things about this cover:
  • Evocative painting. Who knew that extras in a "Conan" movie experienced such depths of ennui?
  • Is that lady a. calming her pet Pekingese, who lives in her hair; b. physically supporting her 50 lbs of hair because he neck has simply given out; or c. shaking her head in disbelief at the idea that Carter Brown has sold over 25 million books?
  • I thought "A Good Year for Dwarfs" was the tagline at first, and had no idea what that could possibly mean. Then I realized that was the title. Puzzlement remained.
  • If my students ever used a hyphen that way, there's no way they'd be getting better than a C.


Sig4320bc.Dwarfs

Best things about this back cover:
  • Rimmel and Holman? As porn names go ... subtle.
  • I want business cards that read simply "Davis Davis, Movie Dwarf"
  • "Twilight world" normally (in paperbackese) means "homosexual."  I'm doubtful that that is the case here.

Page 123~

Any moment now, I thought frantically, I'm about to make whimpering noises out loud! "Do you play Scrabble?" I gurgled.

Man, it gets Freaky on an early '70s porn set.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Paperback 449: Starlet Sinner / Carl Mando (Pillow Book No. 1102)

Paperback 449: Pillow Book No. 1102 (PBO, 1963)

Title: Starlet Sinner
Author: Carl Mando
Cover artist: Uncredited (I've never been so sad about uncredited artwork ...)

Yours for: a short essay explaining how this young woman came to be in this (exact) position (essay must account for a. the hair; b. the ... coloring?; c. the bangles; and d. the giant slug she appears to have mounted.

[My friend Doug Peterson brings me vintage paperbacks almost every time we see each other (usually at crossword puzzle tournaments), and last weekend in NYC was no exception. His offerings this time were especially juicy, and this book may be the juiciest of the bunch.]

Pillow1102.Starlet

Best things about this cover:
  • This picture looks like a shape-shifter caught midway between human and sea lion.
  • I know the shading on her body is supposed to represent a tan line, but I swear it looks more like residue from an explosion. Like ... she was in her apartment in just her underwear and a bomb went off and then she thought maybe her underwear was burning her so she tore it off and started to run outside but felt naked ('cause she was) and so threw on an oversize wig and hugged a throw pillow to her chest and ran outside but then she tripped. That's where we came in...
  • Or maybe she has oxidized, somehow. It does say she was "Rusty."
  • The title page of this book claims that this book is "A Pillow Book Limited Edition"; and you can see why. It's not often you get the chance to get your hands on the Worst Girl Art Of All Time.
Pillow1102bc.Starlet_0001

Best things about this back cover:
  • Wow, she really doesn't get any better up close. And moving those breasts in closer to me is indeed distracting, but not in the way the cover probably intends. The only thing they've aroused is mild revulsion.
  • The typesetter must have had a "Justify—Random" setting.
  • "Reputed" makes me laugh every time I look at it. Kind of a hi-falutin' word for a sleaze paperback. Or ... wait. I think technically, mathematically, that's "negative Reputed"

Page 123~ (please be terrible please be terrible...)
The warmth of the emotion began to work over me to finally erupt into a searing flame that drained me to the depths [1]. Arla was life itself [2], everything that was living centered within her and she lived this moment through to its fulfillment. The film ended and there was a moment of contentment between us before we began to get ourselves back into shape and back into the realm of reality [3].
[1] I don't know how a searing flame drains you, but I do know that the full extent of their touching at this point is hand-holding. I read and re-read the preceding material, and he is either emotionally overwrought or comes really, really easily.

[2] Let us pause to acknowledge the awesomeness that is the name "Arla" ... OK, that's enough.

[3] This reads exactly like every other bad porn passage I've read from 60s sleaze novels (fuzzy on the details, hackneyed in its imagery, written by someone who appears to be being paid by the word, etc.), but again, I'm telling you, I Can't Find Anything Sexual That Happened. To be specific, in the preceding paragraph, he puts his hand on her knee, she puts her hand on his hand, and then, in a gesture that is probably supposed to be erotic but just sounds weird and awkward [a theme of this book, if the cover picture is any indication], "she began to squeeze [his] fingers, each pressure being stronger than the one that preceded the one before" [sic sic sic!]. His fingers. Is that a metaphor? A metonym? Are his fingers his penis? His penises? I think this is probably the most thought that has ever been put into the literary interpretation of "Starlet Sinner."

~RP

P.S. a pretty major media outlet wants me to put together a slideshow of 12 of my Pop Sensation paperback covers, to be published on their website. If you have any particular favorites you think deserve wide exposure, let me know (in comments section, or by email). Thanks.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Paperback 440: What a Body! / Alan Green (Dell 483)

Paperback 440: Dell 483 (1st ptg, 1951)

Title: What a Body!
Author: Alan Green
Cover artist: Gil Darling

Yours for: $13

WhataBody

Best things about this cover:
  • "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy ... oh, it's just a gun."
  • "Hey, easy ... gimme that back. That's my special novelty lighter I got for being second-best regional sales manager in Pensacola."
  • "OK, hon, you hold real still ... I'm gonna practice my ninja moves on you now. First, I crouch in plain sight, in broad daylight, in a sky blue suit. Next ..."

WhataBody.Chart

Best things about this back cover:
  • Well, it's legendary, and you can see why.
  • I can't even snark this. It comes pre-snarked.
  • The best part about this chart is the arbitrary numbers. I mean, is there really an 11% chance I'll be able to place my date in my overcoat pocket? One in ten of my dating prospects is roughly the size of a ferret? That number seems awfully high.
  • Was there ever a time where that woman looked appealing? Her boobs are non-existent, which is fine—no reason every woman should be busting out of her clothes—but she also has this odd growth on her head and she appears to have just strangled some poor scraggly bird. She looks like she's on her way to a funeral, or to worship Satan.

Page 123~

Prune-juice fancier that he was, he went on sipping staring into the hypnotic depths of the swimming-pool.
That is surely the only time in the history civilization that that particular opening clause has been used. And for the record, that sentence is punctuated *precisely* as it appears in the book, however unbelievable that may seem.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Paperback 400: Emotional Jungle / Ann Freeman (Fabian Z-143)

Paperback 400: Fabian Books Z-143 (PBO, 1961)

Title: Emotional Jungle
Author: Ann Freeman
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: not for sale

FabZ143.UK.Freeman.Emotiona

Best things about this cover:
  • That lamp shade is epic.
  • Who's up for some awkward, joyless, pasty sex? Anyone?
  • "So ... you like pink, I guess, huh?"
  • The first ever meeting of the Jaundiced Hair support group is about to begin.
  • I don't buy that he is "slipping into her room." He has the distinct look of someone backing slowly toward safety.

FabZ143bc.EmotJung

Best things about this back cover:
  • Love how Sanford Aday (publisher of Fabian Books) uses this quotation from Romans (on many of his books from this era) as a big middle finger to his censorious detractors. During this period he was adding anti-censorship material to the back matter of his books. This one has a one-page screed against censors and the several pages of Supreme Court and other legal decisions supporting the freedom of speech, and particularly the freedoms of book publishers and sellers. It's a fascinating (completely invisible, these days) intervention into the discussion of what counts as obscenity and what the government's role toward alleged obscenity ought to be.

Page 123~

"Gwen, I'm sorry abut the other day."
"Forget it. We all have days like that."

He added: "No, really. I had no right to tell you you had hair like an Oompa Loompa. That was totally uncalled for. I could have just kept backing silently out of the room..."

~RP

Friday, March 25, 2011

Paperback 396: A Thousand Beds / John Dexter (Companion Books 521)

Paperback 396: Companion Books 521 (PBO, 1967)

Title: A Thousand Beds
Author: John Dexter
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: Not for Sale (Donation to the collection from Doug Peterson, god bless him)

CB521.1000Beds

Best things about this cover:
  • A cover that answers the question: are there *female* Oompa Loompas?
  • I can't even begin to imagine what I'm supposed to be imagining is going on here.
  • Her forearm stand is OK, but she needs to extend up through her feet, tuck her tailbone, and look down between her hands. Also, lose the hipster dork with the baby oil.
  • Few things less sexy than the entire above-the-neck area on the kneeling lady. Her hair appears to be modeled on a toilet paper dispenser.
  • I'm giving this shame-stunt a 7. It's memorable, in its way, but there's a general aura of ennui that hangs over the whole scene. If you're going to do shame-stunts, I think your heart should really be in it. Also, though I can't hear her, I'm gonna say that kneeling lady was a little pitchy.

CB521bc.1000beds

Best things about this back cover:
  • Love this back cover style: "WEIRD PHRASE... nonsensical sexed-up text ... WEIRDER PHRASE!" You can find it on a Lot of sex paperback back covers in the late '60s.
  • "VICE VOTES!?" I mean ... that's not even suggestive. It's like it was generated by a Mad Libs, came out stupid, but they ran with it anyway. Makes about as much sense as "VICE PENCILS!" or "SHAME STEREOS!"
  • "Mark Vista had left his mark on every woman worth having" — it takes a lot to gross me out, but I think this line did it.
Page 123~ (fingers crossed... uh ... oh boy—gonna have to quote at length here ... and introducing: footnote comments)
Then I almost shot through the ceiling. Sally had slipped her moist tongue into my armpit [1] and was making swift circular motions. Her tongue stiffened as it darted into the bottom of one armpit after the other [2], whipping the hair into a wet lather [3].

I longed to take her head and take it to fuzzy-wuzzy land [4]. She'd probably think it was an ice-cream cone [5]. But in the meantime, what was the rush? I knew before the hour was out I was going to get my ashes hauled by this classy broad [6].
  1. [!]
  2. [how many armpits does this guy have!?]
  3. [Is there an award for "Most Nauseating Sex Writing," because winner winner chicken dinner]
  4. [How is this *less* offensive than "my cock?" Dear lord!]
  5. [Because it's freezing and conical?]
  6. [The absolute funniest word in this whole quotation is "classy"]
Now imagine reading ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY-TWO PAGES OF THIS. What was the market for this!? How could this work as one-handed reading? Wouldn't the constant laughing wreck the mood?

Wow.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Thursday, December 17, 2009

57 Books from the University Book Sale: Book 28


First, an announcement. The winner of "The Secret of Sylvia" (as determined by random.org) is ... MARLA! Send me your address and I'll get the book out to you ASAP.

Now, onto a new book!

Title: Pastoral (Ballantine X757, 1963)
Author: Nevil Shute
Cover artist: uncredited

Yours for: $5 (free if your hair is shaped like a massive sideways comma)


  • "I promise — I will return with the cure for Wedge Head. And then ... I Will Find You!"
  • I got nothing else. Her hair is the only reason I noticed this book at all.
  • "Urgent, tender and strong" is making me giggle a little



  • Happy 110th birthday, Nevil Shute!

Page 123~

The Dane smiled ruefully.

Honestly, one of my favorite "Page 123" quotes in a long time

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Paperback 289: Kill Him Twice / Richard S. Prather (Pocket Books 55025)

Paperback 289: Pocket Books 55025 (6th ptg, 1968)

Title: Kill Him Twice
Author: Richard S. Prather
Cover artist: Schlocky Crapperson

Yours for: Not For Sale (gift of Doug Peterson)


Best things about this cover:

  • Well, it's yellow. With orange font. That's pretty original.
  • Her hair ... her hair ... it's OK, until it gets over her elbow, and then it becomes something unrecognizable, bordering on unholy. Are those dead stoats hanging off her head? A dirty bathmat? A skein of brownish yarn.
  • It appears that Pocket couldn't afford to pay cover artists any more, and so had to resort to picking old sketches and doodles out of the waste baskets and passing them off as art. Here, we see the partial remains of "Artist practicing drawing a dead guy."
  • "I said 'Kill him twice,' not "Kill him and a guy who looks just like him!'"

Best things about this back cover:

  • Nice big gun hand. Can't ask for much else.

Page 123~

They were lips that said hello and were warm friends two seconds later, carrying on a conversation Cassanova would have censored, carrying on a dialogue to bring dead libidoes back from limbo, carrying on a bedroomy hoo-hah in hot, hushed whispers—man, how they carried on.


I think "hoo-hah" means something different from what I thought it meant.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Friday, May 29, 2009

Paperback 233: The Sisterhood / Sheldon Lord (pseud. of Lawrence Block) (Softcover Library S95189)

Paperback 233: Softcover Library S95189 (unknown ptg, 1970?)

Title: The Sisterhood
Author: Sheldon Lord (pseud. of Lawrence Block)
Cover artist: uncredited

Yours for: $14


Best things about this cover:
  • "Oh, your Scottie-hair wig is so soft ... it makes me want to unbutton my shirt..."
  • If there's one thing lesbians love more than anything else, it's grooming each other like monkeys.
  • The tall one looks like a transsexual Joan Collins ... is that redundant?
  • "swamp of bisexual love!" - worst thing about it: all the damned mosquitoes

Best things about this back cover:

  • "For Women Only" - somehow, I doubt that
  • "Happy Lesbos Hunting Ground" should totally, Totally be the name of a Vermont resort
  • "Countess!" O, man, this stuff is rich
  • "Infiltrate men's professions" - holy crap, it's an allegory about feminism. E.R.A. = exotic lesbian plot
  • "strange" = paperback cover word of choice for referring to the gays. See also "twilight world," "in-between," etc.

Page 123~

Persistent, isn't he? she thought to herself. Then into the phone, "Look, Brad. Let's take this from the top, huh? I mean - besides the fact that I happen to be, shall we say, occupied - there's something that maybe you haven't thought of."

"Huh? What?" he said desperately.

~RP

P.S. Everyone within earshot of this blog is going to want to go out and pick up / order a copy of "Dames, Dolls & Gun Molls: The Art of Robert A. Maguire" (Dark Horse, 2009). It's a loving, glossy, gorgeous tribute to the greatest paperback cover artist that ever lived (IMHO). Literally, every page I turn, I find myself whispering "wow..." It's a reasonably affordable oversized paperback - the large scale reproductions of the art are what really make this book worthwhile. Plus it has lots of insights into Maguire's process, some of the photos he used as references, pencil sketches, etc. See an online flipbook version of the book here. Then buy it. Now.


P.P.S. Article by writer Brian Ritt about sleaze fiction master Orrie Hitt - find it here (this is why I "Follow" Christa Faust on Twitter)