Monday, April 2, 2012

Paperback 514: Restless Women / John Falcone (Wizard 408)

Paperback 514: Wizard 408 (PBO, 1967)

Title: Restless Women
Author: John Falcone
Cover artist: Uncredited [awfully Gene Bilbrew-esque]

Yours for: Not for Sale (Gift to the Collection from Doug Peterson)

Best things about this cover:
  • What is it with the seriously ugly dudes on these covers lately. Looks like someone put a rubber mask on that guy and then punched him in the face til he died.
  • He's dead, lady. He doesn't care about your stupid seashell fan.
  • So they've brought a mattress and a ... turkey? game hen? ... to the beach?
  • Top woman's body is insane. Looks more like braided challah than human flesh.
  • Looks like half of your "four-woman harem" has gone missing already, buddy. You kind of suck at this. Maybe you should wake up. Oh, right, you're dead.

Best things about this back cover:
  • Magenta woman stands under giant magenta feather / waterfall. No one knows why.
  • If you never thought there was such a thing as "appositive abuse," check out that third paragraph.
  • "Nocturnal nude swim" = when technical writers are hired to write porn.

Page 123~

But as Lola went on, he made a conscious effort to shut it out of his mind. This kind of drivel could spoil a man's breakfast. He motioned to the waiter for more coffee. Lola kept droning on. If she was an actress, he was a giraffe.

If the front cover illustration is anything to go on, I'm buying "giraffe" before I'm buying "Movie hero" who juggles "four demanding sex machines at once." I mean, have you tried juggling sex machines?! Very slippery.


[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]


JamiSings said...

Looks more like a magenta candle flame to me.

A said...

The guy looks like he has cheek pouches ala a squirrel.

The redhead looks like she is holding a toilet brush.

The white haired chick looks like she wants some booze.

And where can I get some magenta palm leaves for my boudoir?