Paperback 906: Amorous Dietitian / Mary Shomette Gooch (Novel Library U171)

Paperback 906: Novel Library U171 (PBO, 1961)

Title: Amorous Dietitian
Author: Mary Shomette Gooch
Cover artist: [I know his name but it's eluding me right now...] [Is it Robert Bonfils?]

Estimated value: $INFINITY (no copies listed at abebooks)

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• "O god you smell like onions [smack smack smack] that's so hot [slurp]..."
• Tony Curtis *is* ... The Dietitian *in* ... "Some Like It Hot (& Sour)!"
• This is possibly the dumbest concept in the history of sex fiction. "We've done the whole doctors/nurses thing ... where can we go? ..." "Uh ... truck-driving?" "Really? Truck-driving? DO TRUCK DRIVERS WEAR WHITE LAB COATS, BOB? DO THEY!? How's anyone gonna get properly aroused without white lab coats, you idiot!"
• Nice inner side-boob, which I think used to be called "cleavage."
• What kind of antiseptic seraglio is this? Between our breath-smellers in the foreground and the butt-grabbers in the background, there doesn't appear to be much dietitianing happening up in here.

Best things about this back cover:

• First sentence = instant LOL. You can "grin" words now?
• Ladies and gentlemen, meet your newest dietitian: Clete.
• Mmm, breasts in the raw. Pretty sure I saw that on a Brooklyn bar menu.
• Jesus, does this woman have any body parts that aren't breasts?
• "She was a woman and clean." One of the all-time great mic-drop lines. Biblical in its epicness and crypticness. All other writers can suck it. There's a new word sheriff in town.

Page 123~

Warren Grant turned, looked at her, then grinned and sauntered over. His eyes rested on her jutting breasts for a moment, then lifted to her face.

Mary Shomette Gooch graduated summa cum laude from the Grin & Boob School of Writingticians.

~RP

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Paperback 867: The Dutch Shoe Mystery / Ellery Queen (Pocket Books 2202)

Paperback 867: Pocket Books 2202 (11th ptg, 1958)

Title: The Dutch Shoe Mystery
Author: Ellery Queen
Cover artist: Jerry Allison

Estimated value: $10-15

Best things about this cover:

• This cover says a lot of things, but one of the things it does *not* say is "Dutch Shoe."
• "But she could be number! NUMBER!"
• Pretty sure that's not a regulation police hold—at least not with gun drawn. Does look cool, though.

Best things about this back cover:

• Ooh, signed by quote-unquote Ellery Queen. How elegant.
• "The patient was rich Abigail Doorn, whose money ran the hospital." Yeah, see, you would never introduce anyone "rich so-and-so," and also "whose money ran the hospital" kind of covers that.
• Also maybe don't put "more than life-size portrait of a heroic doctor" next to a super-tiny portrait of a doctor.

Page 123~

Djuna leaped out of his kitchen at the shrill br-r-ring of the telephone bell. "For you, Dad Queen."

I really, really want to believe that a Dad Queen is some kind of sex thing. Something men named "Djuna" would be in to. Please don't shatter my illusions, thanks.

~RP

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Paperback 767: This World Is Taboo / Murray Leinster (Ace D-525)

Paperback 767: Ace D-525 (PBO, 1961)

Title: This World Is Taboo
Author: Murray Leinster
Cover artist: [Ed Valigursky]


Best thing about this cover:

• This world is taboo … hence the looooong line to get in.
• I really do love mid-century rocket design. Why does the future-past / past-future always look so much more awesome than the present?!
• I have no idea what I'm looking at here, but I feel like things are not going well for the wee man at the center of it all.

Best things about this back cover:

• That's a pretty mean thing to say about Dara. I'm sure she's lovely.
• I dara you to land on Dara.
• There is something so odd about "dodge" —not the word I expect … plus it's all orphaned there at the bottom. Word choice and layout matter.
• I want a t-shirt with that blue circle design on it. Not even kidding.

Page 123~

The admiral said through stiff lips, "I'll blast—"

I don't know what the admiral's doing, but it sounds kinda taboo.

~RP

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Paperback 730: Doctor with a Gun / Richard Ferber (Dell First Edition A198)

Paperback 730: Dell FE A198 (PBO, 1960)

Title: Doctor with a Gun
Author: Richard Ferber
Cover artist: John Leone

Yours for: $6


Best things about this cover:

• I guess I can kind of make out a gun, there, in a holster near his knee. Still, with a title like that, you'd think you'd make the "gun" a little more prominent. "Doctor with a Horse!"
• What do you call those kinds of neck ties? Not bolos … 
• Few doctors had the guts to ride alone through the Land of Mustard.

Best things about this back cover:

• That's a damned stupid layout of KILL OR BE KILLED. It makes no sense. What are all the "Kills"? why would you wrote "Be" after "Kill" — "Kill Kill Kill OR Kill BE Killed ellipsis Kill Kill" WTF?
• Nothing more sheeplike then "the whole town" in a Western. 
• If Luke Short's word is so important, maybe give it slightly more prominence? Just a thought.

Page 123~

Nothing was as simple as it seemed. Nothing could stand isolated, without sooner or later infecting something else. There was no good in running away. 

Damn. Matt Kirby has gone full Greek Tragedy. Pray to Athena, Matt! I hear that works sometimes.

~RP

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Paperback 426: Sex and the Armed Services / L.T. Woodward, M.D. (Monarch MB507)

Paperback 426: Monarch MB507 (PBO, 1963)

Title: Sex and the Armed Services
Author: L.T. Woodward, M.D. [pseud. of Robert Silverberg]
Cover artist: Uncredited [Robert Maguire]

Yours for: $12


Best things about this cover:

• Navy women sleep with sophisticated diplomats, where Army men sleep with French whores.
• I have to say that I am disappointed with the balance here between "Sex" and "the Armed Services." You mean I have to *imagine* the sex? Total ripoff.
• This will sound weird, but the more I look at our two protagonists, the more I like them. They have a distinctly cool look that makes me want to know more about them. I want them to be rivals, scheming for ... something. They would have chemistry, but they would not be a couple. They might have to team up, perhaps using the French whore to pull a scam on the sophisticated diplomat. I'm not sure where the sex comes in, exactly.
• I LOVE these fake sciencey books that the sex publishers put out in the '60s (complete with caduceus / "Human Behavior" logo, Ha ha: "4 out of 5 scienticians agree, our books contain plausible human behavior"). Part of the whole post-Kinsey "Your Right To Know" "studies" of "real" sex lives, allowing adults to unembarrassingly indulge their penchants for voyeurism. I'm pretty sure the sex anecdotes contained therein are entirely fictional.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Code Red, Code Red, Emergency ... I'm gonna have to go lesbian!" Once you go lesbian, you never go back. Or you do, whatever.
• What the hell does "mingle promiscuously" look like? Is that when you grope boobs at a cocktail party? "Can I freshen your drink? How 'bout stick my tongue down your throat? No? OK..."
• LOVE the last sentence, which posits that the military encourages "abnormal" behavior.

Page 123~

The old nurses handled me impersonally, like I was something made of wood, but the very young ones would blush and glance away when their attentions aroused me.

Heh heh. "Wood."

~RP

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57 Books from the University Book Sale: Book 55

Titles: Catch-as-Catch-Can / Then Came Two Women
Author: Charlotte Armstrong
Cover artists: Uncredited / Uncredited

Yours for: $9

• Had mainstream cover artists / designers just given up by the mid-60s. I'm seeing a lot of slop lately. What is the concept here? Girl in pink dress running — OK. But then, what, a rough pencil sketch of her shins from a different angle, blown up as a background + random EMT running to check her gigantic left ankle + wee man tickling her right heel??? Maybe the lady in the pink looks so nauseous and is running so fast because she's trying desperately to escape from this cover concept. "Oh god, it's terrible, boo hoo, save me!"
• When Drexel Drake talks, people ... honestly, I don't know what people do. Drexel Drake is a porn name.

• Responsible housewife by day, trashy Cougar by night...
• Love the attire on the women. Also love little miss Bad Seed in her best buggy-riding attire.
• "God, I hate my two moms..."
• That is some supernatural shit that Bad Seed's hair is doing at the tips.

Page 123~ (from Catch-as-Catch-Can)

But she could see. That his hand and arms moved nervously and secretly to thrust the gun into the thick shrub beside which he was standing. He turned his body and wavered like a shadow.

Who let her break that first sentence in two like that?! Jebus! Also, I'm trying to imagine what that last sentence is supposed to look like. And failing.

~RP

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Paperback 224: Two Surgeons / Richard Meade (Lancer 70-012)

Paperback 224: Lancer 70-012 (PBO, 1962)

Title: Two Surgeons
Author: Richard Meade
Cover artist: Harry Schaare

Yours for: $12


Best things about this cover:

• Doctor does not look interested. He looks disgusted. "Put your collar back down and get out of my office."
• She looks like the lead singer of a New Wave band and / or a man.
• Color scheme is entitled "Aquatic Nausea"
• What up with that finger-painted smear between their heads. There's daubing, and then there's sloppiness / laziness.

NO BACK COVER - scanner is dying a hard, horrible death and will likely have to be replaced. I'll see what I can do.

Page 123~

Garth nodded and left the operating room. In the corridor, he paused to light a cigarette. The smoke tasted good, abating some of the uncertainty that gnawed at him.

Smoking - good for the body and the mind. Just ask this surgeon...

~RP

Paperback 200: That None Should Die / Frank G. Slaughter (Perma Books M-4026)

Paperback 200: Perma Books M-4026 (2nd ptg, 1955)

Title: That None Should Die
Author: The insanely prolific Frank G. Slaughter
Cover artist: Charles Binger

Yours for: $6

So I had an early 70s movie tie-in of Chester Himes' "Cotton Comes to Harlem" all cued up and ready to go as my 200th Paperback ... and then I went to Plattsburgh.


Best things about this cover:

• This doctor is

a. preparing to shoot the newborn at the ceiling like a rubberband
b. preparing to make "newborn tea"
c. deciding whether to keep it or throw it back
d. looking Way too long and hard at the baby's genital region, or
e. so handsome that nobody cares what he's actually doing

• I love how the mother is the very least important figure on the cover - almost like an afterthought, or a shorthand visual cue to let you know that the baby is alive and he didn't steal it.
• "That none should die, Dr. Rand Handsome ingested the mysterious, rune-inscribed baby before it could explode."

Best things about this back cover:

• "That story alone is fascinating" - uh, no, sorry it's not.
• If this description makes the book sound anti-socialized/nationalized medicine, that's because the book *is* anti-socialized/nationalized medicine. The first (teaser) page has as its headline: "President announces medical care free to rich and poor alike!" - in this book, that's the terrifying Orwellian future. Because we all know that real doctors are all driven by "ideals" (see cover), unlike nameless bureaucrats who want only to flatten all social distinctions and erect statues of Lenin.

Page 123~

"I shouldn't be saying this, I suppose, but you look like a better class of man than we usually get in a job like this, and I hope you're going to stay with us."

He added, "I mean, I'm not gay or anything, but dear god you're handsome."

~RP

Paperback 147: Shock Treatment / Wright Williams (Beacon Books 143)

Paperback 147: Beacon Books 143 (PBO, 1957)
Title: Shock Treatment
Author: Wright Williams
Cover artist: Peeping Tom

Yours for: $7


Best things about this cover:

• I love how she looks - not terrified, but exasperated: "You again!?"
• Wait - I thought she was in her bathroom and the peeping tom was opening the window shade, but it seems just as likely she's in a hospital with mobile curtain dividers, in which case a. whose arm is that?, b. what's it yanking on?, and c. what is that red cloth? What am I looking at!?
• "AT LAST..." - HA ha. I was just asking myself, "Why is there no book that explores the borderland between love and perversity?" Now, at last, that void is filled.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Sure, big Eric was crazy. Crazy about women! And who can blame him? Am I right, guys!? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about ... [amused chuckles from drunk comedy club crowd] ... ah, chicks."
  
• Whimsical drawings of cruel medical experimentation. "It'll cure your pervertedness, but ... you're gonna experience some rubber-arm, I'm not gonna lie."
• Maybe those arms are supposed to represent the gyrations of patients at the "hospital dance" (!?)
• "Not since Snake Pit ..." - I can't stop laughing long enough to comment on that line
• "Frankly!"
• "Passion-wracked!"

Page 123~

Instead of thinking of Katrine as a lovely, attractive girl who had bravely come out of a harrowing experience, I was drawing mental pictures of her in bed with a man married to someone else. It was rotten of me, and I almost welcomed the self-loathing that I began to feel.

Well, we've all been there, right?

~RP