Paperback 109: A Hard Day's Knight / Ted Mark (Lancer 73-508)

Paperback 109: Lancer 73-508 (PBO, 1966)

Title: A Hard Day's Knight (The New Man from O.R.G.Y. #9)
Author: Ted Mark
Cover artist: uncredited

Yours for: $11


Best things about this cover:

• Hey Ladies, he's Back! See Steve Victor wipe nervous (but manly) sweat from his neck in "A Hard Day's Knight" - get it? 'Cause he's kinda like a "knight" (if you take a lot of drugs and then squint real hard) ... and then maybe if we make people think of the Beatles he will seem more attractive.
• Nothing turns me on like a housecoat, granny panties, and molded plastic hair of an indeterminate dirt color.
• Not sure what he's planning to do with that gun, but the placement makes me nervous.
• #9 ... is my favorite number. For real.

Best things about this back cover:

• Space Race!
• You had me at "wife-swapping"
• Why will I still be asking "Who is Ted Mark?" even after I've "read his books?"
• "Hip readers are asking 'Who is Ted Mark?" - the rest of us are asking the more pertinent question: "WHY is Ted Mark?"

Page 123~

[brace yourself - last time I quoted from a Ted Mark book, there was "edible root" involved]

Page 123 just doesn't cut it, so here's Page 108:

Her young breasts pointed up at me like two scarlet-beaked doves eager to be fed. Leonard was fumbling at her hips with the buttons of her shorts. His jeans were already down around his ankles. His adolescent lust was a murderous spear catching the moonlight. I revised my opinion as to his lack of maturity. Intellectually I might have been right, but physically he was a grown man-and-a-half.

Oh ... my. "Murderous spear." Still, it's better than "edible root."

~RP

Paperback 95: Come Be My O.R.G.Y. / Ted Mark (Berkley S1564)

Paperback 95: Berkley Medallion S1564 (PBO, 1968)

Title: Come Be My O.R.G.Y.
Author: Ted Mark
Cover artist: Sidney Booblover (I mean, "uncredited")

Yours for: $13


Best things about this cover:

• Possibly the silliest title name in my entire collection.
• Q: How can a cover featuring so much breast flesh be so ugly? (A: urine-hued aura)
• I like to imagine that all these people on the cover are actually the same person, and we are seeing all of his/her different incarnations. Together, the four of them could all be each other's O.R.G.Y.
• If you have not heard of "The Man from O.R.G.Y." before, then I defy you to figure out what it stands for. (I'll reveal the answer in the near future) [A: Organization for the Rational Guidance of Youth]
  
• Smirky McDickerson there in the front is inspiring me to create a new Post Label: Douchebag Detectives. I know of at least one other candidate ... with thousands of books awaiting write-ups, I am confident there are more.
  
• "Steve Victor! ... anyone? No?"
• I can only hope that he is putting that shirt on.
  

Best things about this back cover:

• "Seriously, come be my O.R.G.Y."
• This guy clearly smells of gin, cigarettes, and self-loathing.
• "That delectable Tibetan" - Is her name really some mock-Asian version of "teeny bopper!?!?" Is it wrong that I hope "Steve" dies at the end (or, even better, the beginning) of this book?

PAGE 123 - is not nearly as good as PAGE 81~

She scrambled over my body until we were juxtaposed and her long blonde hair trailed over my thighs. That old Roman dinner gong had rung [ed.: ...?]. The feast of her nether chamber was spread before me and I raised up to sample its feverish honey. She responded by engulfing my edible root and I became dizzy with the delights provided by her womb at the top.

After reading that, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to eat a root again. The jury's still out on honey ...

~RP