Paperback 870: Saigon / Nick Carter (Award Books A122F)

Paperback 870: Award Books A122F (PBO, 1964)

Title: Saigon
Author: Nick Carter [Michael Avallone & Valerie Moolman]
Cover artist: Uncredited

Estimated value: $7

Best things about this cover:

• Nothing says "Saigon" like a white lady in lacy lingerie on a candy-striped couch. I always say.
• Nick Carter is the Ellery Queen of spy "chillers." Is he the author? The character? Both? Neither? The Smug Floating Head of Nick Carter says "Don't overthink it, baby. Just chill on my couch and I'll bring you a drink. [looks at her hand] OK, five drinks."

Best things about this back cover:

• Spy vs. Spy > this.
• If you're a big fan of torture / rape, then … "Saigon," I guess. Jeez.
• Nick Carter went on to make millions in the exercise equipment market, though sales didn't really take off until he changed "Killmaster" to "Thighmaster."

Page 123~

The blade flicked from the narrow haft without a whisper. Nick crouched. Sighted. And threw. The head turned slightly. Beautiful!

Nick Carter: Eroticizing Ice-Pick Death Scenes Since 1964

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Interlude — 2 books I "borrowed" from the BPOE in St. Maries, ID

Come on, how was I *not* supposed to take these?:


Best things about this cover:

• So ... it's about a vengeful virgin? Why not just call it that?
• I'm not sure I'm convinced that Mr. FancyShirt QuaintPinky could make a door explode like that. Seriously, look at his "grip" on that gun. It's like he's drinking tea or something.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Reifel" — from the Dept. of Unimaginative Naming

Best things about this cover:

• When grilling Nick Carter, make sure his massive barrel chest is well basted.
• "Just a second Nick, I'm almost at the next level of 'Missile Command'..."
• That Nick Carter head/logo is the smuggest, douchebaggiest look achievable by a human face.

Best things about this back cover:

• WHEN was it acceptable to break "assassination" between the first and second Ss???

Page 123~

from "Assassination Brigade":

He fired, and the bullet chipped off a piece of pavement about an inch away from me. By then, I had Wilhelmina in my own hand. The man only had the opportunity to snap off one more shot before I had steadied the barrel of my Luger and put a bullet in his belly.

In case you missed that — he named his Luger "Wilhelmina." God save me from ever finding out what that particular relationship is like.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Paperback 170: A Korean Tiger / Nick Carter (Award Books A248X)

Paperback 170: Award Books A248X (PBO, 1967)

• Title: A Korean Tiger
• Author: Nick Carter (who is also the main character...? and who is also, btw, a Backstreet Boy)
• Cover artist: Some McGinnis imitator

Yours for: $17


Best things about this cover:

• Bring me the floating head of Nick Carter! Oh, nevermind. It's right there.
• The disembodied head of Nick Carter thinks you're a swell-looking doll. {wink!}
• If the book is trying to suggest to me that that lady is "Korean," I challenge. She looks like Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, only with somewhat smaller boobs and no shirt.
• I like how she is taking a sidelong glance at the title, as if thinking "WTF?"
• How is it possible that no rapper has picked up the name "Killmaster?" That would be my handle for sure. That, or "Optimum Slim" (a name I derived from the cereal I eat every morning)
• Fake Korean Post-op Elvira Impersonator needs a refill, dammit!

Best things about this back cover.

• Text! Who doesn't like ... that?
• Oh my god, I am in love with this book - any book that features the word "slatternly" is hottt with three t's.
• I hope the "dark underbelly of Asia" is just some really hairy Laotian guy.
• Paragraph indentations are for suckas!

Page 123~

The wide green stare did not waver. Behind those basilisk eyes he thought he could detect a hint of something warmer. Desire? Plain old-fashioned lust? Was this creature really so human?

Oh please dear god don't let him be talking about the "Korean" woman. "Though she was Korean, she seemed oddly human."

~RP

P.S. this book is immaculate. As crisp and new and bright as the day it first hit the shelves. Maybe there's a tiny amount of scuffing, but it's quite negligible. Paperbacks rarely hold up this well.