Paperback 605: The Ambushers / Donald Hamilton (Gold Medal k1333)

Paperback 605: Gold Medal k1333 (PBO, 1963)

Title: The Ambushers
Author: Donald Hamilton
Cover artist: McD (?)

Yours for: $11


Best things about this cover:

• "Isn't my sniper boyfriend dreamy!?"
• "So sorry, señor. The chupacabra, I think she got away."
• What is this "pansy class" and how do I enroll? Sounds fun. Also, I would love to see Matt Helm call Mike Hammer a "pansy." 

Best things about this back cover:

• Murder—in the card catalogue!
• How does one "play God to a beautiful, beat-up girl"? "OK, you be Job, and I'll go hide behind that bush and ..."
• I do like to order my thrillers by the half-dozen.

Page 123~

In my terrible predicament I'd hardly be giving attention to stray blondes. I kept my eyes on the men.

I assume his "terrible predicament" is "being undercover at a gay bar." Or he has some unspeakable injury that makes arousal painful. Either way, don't worry, Matt. It gets better.

~RP

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Paperback 592: The Obstinate Murderer / Elisabeth Sanxay Holding (Ace Double G-519)

Paperback 592: Ace Double G-519 (1st ptg / 1st ptg, 1965)

Title: The Obstinate Murderer / The Old Battle Axe 
Author: Elisabeth Sanxay Holding
Cover artist: Uncredited / Uncredited

Yours for: $12


Best thing about this cover:

• "You wanna know how I got to be a murderer? Persistence, that's how. Never say die. Or, you know, say 'DIE' really loud and then, bam, bring down the axe!"
• The harrowing tale of a generic detective who pursued a generic whey-faced woman through the studio of famed artist Alberto Giacometti for some reason, and ...
• It's like she's pleading with the reader to help her get out of this painting.
• Holding gets raves from obscure regional media: The Burlington News says ... Waterbury American raves ... New Bedford Standard-Times opines ... 

Best things about this other cover:

• "Oh, newel post. I guess it's just you and me now, old friend."
• Her dust inspections were nothing if not thorough.
• The full title is "The Old Battle Axe Is Wedged In My Forehead Help Me Get It Out"

Page 123~ (from The Old Battle Axe)

"The wooden railing's been broken up there at the head of those steps. It's a good sixty-foot drop, and he landed on the rocks. Death must have been almost instantaneous."

"I'm glad of that," she said, sipping the whisky. It did not burn her now; she did not bother with the water. 

"I'm glad of that," HA ha. The old battle axe likes her double-entendre neat!

~RP

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Paperback 557: The Eight of Swords / John Dickson Carr (Berkley G-48)

Paperback 557: Berkley G-48 (1st ptg, 1957)

Title: The Eight of Swords
Author: John Dickson Carr
Cover artist: Robert Maguire

Yours for: $9

Best things about this cover:

• First things first: that dress is Hot. 
• Apparently he did *not* mean "Eight of Spades" and did *not* appreciate being interrupted. 
• The perspective here is weird, creepy, and visually arresting. I like this cover despite its being one of the more aggressive examples of the weapon-to-crotch motif. 
• Maybe he's just tickling her. Or maybe she's not real and we're witnessing some strange sword-painting technique. 
• Maguire is my favorite cover artist of all time. I love how he didn't even bother finishing this painting. "Uh, Mr. Maguire, sir, were you going to finish this painting, or ..." "YOU DON'T TELL BOB MAGUIRE WHEN HIS PAINTINGS ARE FINISHED. BOB MAGUIRE TELLS YOU!"

Best things about this back cover:

• The N.Y. Herald Tribune makes Mr. Carr sound like a mystery rapist.
• I like Dr. Gideon Fell because his name is a complete sentence.
• Strangely, the thing I like best about this cover is the font on the publisher's address.

Page 123~

Spinelli's lip lifted in a sardonic quirk. He sniggered. "Hey, are you a dick?" he asked.

If you like sardonic sniggering, this is your book.

~RP

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Paperback 542: A Many-Splendored Thing / Han Suyin (Signet D1183)

Paperback 542: Signet D1183 (2nd ptg, 1955)

Title: A Many-Splendored Thing
Author: Han Suyin
Cover artist: Stanley Zuckerberg

Yours for: $8


Best things about this cover:

• "Frankness"! It's a worldwide phenomenon!
• Jerry begged Suyin for a rematch: "Best two out of three! Come on, please! Oh man, the guys in my arm-wrestling club are never going to let me live this down..."
• Can you splendor (?) other things besides love? Sorrow? Boredom? Pork?
• I am having trouble thinking of clever things to say because I can't get the first verse of this song out of my head:

And the back cover ...

Best things about this back cover: 

•  "Flemish"! Well there's a word you don't see much any more. The Flemish are the Dutch-speaking inhabitants of northern Belgium. They had some success with painting and money-lending back the day (the day being "the Middle Ages and Renaissance") 
• Ah, the good old days, when interracial love was a matter that required delicacy, understanding, and, above all ... Frankness. 
• It's telling that the lady on the cover is way more hyper-Orientalized than the photo of the actual woman here. The Asian signifiers / stereotypes on the cover must run to over half a dozen. If there's one things paperback buyers like more than frankness, it's Exotic Frankness. 

 Page 123~ 

Up these steps came the people I had always known. Not small Cantonese with light bones and clean faces, but squat, ugly people with flattened faces and heavy peasant legs, the varicose veins standing out in twisted knots like a brood of snakes. Men and women, dirty and poor. Nearly every one had a physical defect of some kind or other: harelip, a finger missing, deformed chests; and on all those naked coolie shoulders one could see the large round lumps raised by the pressure of the bamboo pole. 

 "Take me back to the small Cantonese with light bones and clean faces this instant!" I snapped at my rickshaw driver. 

 ~RP 

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Paperback 531: The Better To Eat You and Mischief / Charlotte Armstrong (Ace Double D-521)

Paperback 531: Ace Double D-521 (1st ptg, 1963)

Title: The Better To Eat You / Mischief
Author: Charlotte Armstrong
Cover artist: Uncredited / Uncredited

Yours for: $7

Best things about this cover:

• Allow me to pre-apologize for the nightmares you'll be having later.
• Don't look at me, lady, because I have *no* fucking idea either.
• This is the painting of a man about to take his own life. Or a man who is trying to get fired.
• You know what? I don't think she's scared. I think she's kind of turned on. This painting has layers. Many creepy layers.
• "Despair" (1963) — Oil and blood and scabs and tears on canvas

Best things about this cover:

• This woman is *really* enjoying her bondage fantasy.
• "807"is the pictorial equivalent of clownface, i.e. What The Hell?
• Look out, Grace Kelly! Raymond Burr can see you!

Page 123~ (of The Better To Eat You)

"You didn't try to make him listen when I wanted you to go to the Village . . ." Malvina smouldered.

"Malvina smouldered" is the new "Jesus wept."

~RP

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Paperback 411: Modesty Blaise / Peter O'Donnell (Fawcett/Crest R899)

Paperback 411: Fawcett/Crest R899 (1st ptg, 1966)

Title: Modesty Blaise
Author: Peter O'Donnell
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $15


Best things about this cover:

• I challenge the spy-worthiness of those boots. Everything else is sleek and pragmatic (even the pile of hair, which could be hiding, I don't know, throwing stars or a bottle opener or something), but those heels wouldn't last 10 seconds in Abbottabad.
• She has the look of a McGinnis girl, but there's something ... not quite right. A lifelessness. I mean, I usually think McGinnis girls look a little dead-eyed, but they have a certain something that pops. This woman doesn't have it.
• This is a movie tie-in paperback. Movie is apparently a kind of spoof of spy movies. The "Modesty Blaise" franchise is weird. Starts in comics (as a female alternative to 007), and blows up from there.
• As for the background—looks like something borrowed from a kindergarten classroom. What the hell?

Best things about this back cover:

• Her expression in that second drawing. Is she flipping a man and singing "My Prerogative" at the same time? Impressive.
• Wow, this cover copy is leaden. Not campy, not funny, not outlandish—just predictable and stupid.
• "Dirk Bogarde" will now be added to my long list of potential aliases.

Page 123~

"Yet she's all woman," Hagan said, and felt his loins throb with sudden memory of her.

I don't think that's quite how loins work. Even a 16-yr-old isn't going to go from zero to "throb" at the speed of thought.

~RP

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Paperback 404: On Her Majesty's Secret Service / Ian Fleming (Signet P2732)

Paperback 404: Signet P 2732 (15th ptg, ca. 1969)

Title: On Her Majesty's Secret Service
Author: Ian Fleming
Cover artist: photo cover

Yours for: $13


Best things about this cover:

• Ladies Love Cool James
• Ladies also Love Quartered Lazenby
• These all seem like professional models, except for that one lady who is so rapt by Lazenby's prodigious hunk of man-scalp that she's raising her hand in astonishment while simultaneously setting out to scale his head.
• The fact that Diana Rigg is *not* on the cover of this novel is a crime against humanity.

Best things about this back cover:

• Aargh, stupid cheap books that can't be bothered to put different images on the back!
• How much do I want to have some business cards made that read "Ernest Stavro Blofeld — Master Artist of Cruelty / Licensed & Bonded / Walk-ins Welcome! [picture of kittens]"
• "...his horror-stained career" — oh, man, horror stains are the Hardest to get out. Trust me.

Page 123~

Bond pointed his skis down toward the tree-line, got down in his ugly crouch and shot, his skis screaming, into white space.

Wow. Nobody writes a sex scene quite like Fleming.

~RP

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Paperback 319: Seven Days Before Dying / Helen Nielsen (Dell 971)

Paperback 319: Dell 971 (1st ptg, 1958)

Title: Seven Days Before Dying
Author: Helen Nielsen
Cover artist: R. Del Rossi

Yours for: $12


Best things about this cover:

• The amazing detail on the shoes and socks. I would have thought this one of the more boring crime fiction covers, but I looked at the shoes and socks for a while and they're lovingly rendered, and kind of mesmerizing.
• That lady is either chasing a very clumsy thief or drunkenly stumbling through a public park, chucking her jewelry at schoolchildren for amusement.

Best things about this back cover:

• There's some blue splatters on it ... for some reason.
• You know a novel means business when it breaks out the Courier font.

Page 123~

Stu leaned forward and extended his right hand in a greeting that was never acknowledged, whereupon the blonde toppled forward into her drink again. By this time, she was beyond caring anyway, so Stu let her stay there.

Did I mention that Helen Nielsen's a pretty good writer. 'Cause she is.

~RP

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57 Books from the University Book Sale: Book 55

Titles: Catch-as-Catch-Can / Then Came Two Women
Author: Charlotte Armstrong
Cover artists: Uncredited / Uncredited

Yours for: $9

• Had mainstream cover artists / designers just given up by the mid-60s. I'm seeing a lot of slop lately. What is the concept here? Girl in pink dress running — OK. But then, what, a rough pencil sketch of her shins from a different angle, blown up as a background + random EMT running to check her gigantic left ankle + wee man tickling her right heel??? Maybe the lady in the pink looks so nauseous and is running so fast because she's trying desperately to escape from this cover concept. "Oh god, it's terrible, boo hoo, save me!"
• When Drexel Drake talks, people ... honestly, I don't know what people do. Drexel Drake is a porn name.

• Responsible housewife by day, trashy Cougar by night...
• Love the attire on the women. Also love little miss Bad Seed in her best buggy-riding attire.
• "God, I hate my two moms..."
• That is some supernatural shit that Bad Seed's hair is doing at the tips.

Page 123~ (from Catch-as-Catch-Can)

But she could see. That his hand and arms moved nervously and secretly to thrust the gun into the thick shrub beside which he was standing. He turned his body and wavered like a shadow.

Who let her break that first sentence in two like that?! Jebus! Also, I'm trying to imagine what that last sentence is supposed to look like. And failing.

~RP

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57 Books from the University Book Sale: Book 46

Title: Murder is the Pay-Off (Popular Library 50-426, 1st ptg, 1960)
Author: Leslie Ford (she can't be stopped)
Cover artist: uncredited

Yours for: $7

• "Here, hold this dead man against your chin. It'll stop the swelling."
• She looks like a lady in a commercial for some cleanser that gets blood stains out of your carpet.
• The horrific palette on Ms. Ford's books continues unabated.
• "Wallop" is a funny word.

• I'm not sure you want to suggest that the reader has to be "dragged along."
• "GUARANTEE!" — I can't wait to see what this "full reading satisfaction" is all about.

Page 123~

Swede Carlson's thick hand planted itself quickly in the dark on Gus Blake's knee.

Mmm, I smell full reading satisfaction up ahead ...

~RP

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