Paperback 1081: The Case of the Fenced-In Woman / Erle Stanley Gardner (Pocket Books 77884)

Paperback 1081: Pocket Books 77884 (1st ptg, 1973)

Title: TCOT Fenced-In Woman

Author: Erle Stanley Gardner

Cover artist: [photo cover]

Condition: 7/10 (slight spine lean, some dings and dirtiness, kinda what you expect a book like this to look like)

Value: $6-8

[Binghamton Public Library Book Sale, May 2024]

Best things about this cover: 

• My wife got me this as a present from the local library book sale. Did not expect to reboot this blog with Ancient Chest-Shaving Rituals but you get what you get.
• "Now sweetheart, you know that's not a safe way to eat frosting, we've talked about this..." "DON'T FENCE ME IN, HAL!"
• Perry Mason Solves ... The Case of the Shirtless Dermatologist! "I don't like the look of this mole on your cheek, Sally. And your upper thigh feels suspicious, too. I'm gonna have to operate. Be a good girl and give me back my scalpel."
• Perry Mason Solves ... The Case of the Man with the Blurry Feet! (spoiler alert: his feet were hideous so the publishers blurred them)

Best things about this back cover: 

• My brain reading this back cover: "blah blah blah SUBURBAN SPANKING!? Awesome!"
• "Morley Eden said," is literature. It is art. It is a poem, the damnedest poem you ever heard.
• "Snaky gowns that cling like the skin on a sausage" is the kind of thing they send you back to Simile School for. "You're trying to convey 'sexy,' right? "Sexy, yeah, sexy." "And 'snaky,' that's OK, that kinda gets you there." "Yeah, gets me there, gets me there..." "But 'skin on a sausage'..." "Yeah?" "Well it's..." "Hot!?" "No, I don't think—" "Wait, wait. Let me explain. See, the chicks are the sausage, which is delicious, right, and..."

Page 123~

"You came over here in a hurry, didn't you, Mason?" Tragg asked.

"I do many things in a hurry."

"Did you just wink at me, Mason?" Tragg asked, his uniform clinging like the skin on a sausage...

~RP

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Paperback 1062: Tama, Princess of Mercury / Ray Cummings (Ace F-406)

Paperback 1062: Ace F-406 (PBO, 1966)

Title: Tama, Princess of Mercury

Author: Ray Cummings

Cover artist: Podwil

Condition: 9/10

Value: ~$10

Best things about this cover:

• Carving Jack O' Lanterns is a bloodsport on Mercury
• Monster looks surprised to find out that the "princess" has blood-tipped wings and a big fucking dagger
• I relate to the dude on the ground pointing and going "oh hell no, I don't want any of this, run away!"
• Author Tama Janowitz is now not the only Tama I've ever heard of

Best things about this back cover:

• Guy Palisse, Space-Explorer—gonna get some business cards made up and just hand them out to everyone I meet
• Guy Palisse, Space-Explorer / President, Bolton Flying Cube, Inc.
• Move over Gay Talese, it's ... Guy Palisse!
• "...warded off war between the two worlds" is a terrible mumbly mouthful
• Guy Palisse and the Frenzied Mercurians were the toast of New York's early-80s post-punk scene

Page 123~

The infuriated, reckless girls hurled themselves down like frenzied birds.

Is anyone on Mercury *not* frenzied? Seems like a stressful place to visit. Probably gonna take my Flying Cube somewhere else this summer.  

~RP

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Paperback 984: Vanish in an Instant / Margaret Millar (Dell 730)

Paperback 984: Dell 730 (1st ptg, 1953)

Title: Vanish in an Instant
Author: Margaret Millar
Cover artist: Griffith Foxley

Estimated value: $8
Condition: 6/10

Best things about this cover:

• Death comes for Richie and Joanie and the whole Arnold's gang!
• Two great surprise faces. And then blond dude. Blond dude is like "Hey ... I'm also here ... what's up? Nice knife."
• My two favorite things about this cover are That Hand and That Ribbon.
• Margaret Millar was the wife of Kenneth Millar, aka Ross Macdonald. Ross and I both have English Ph.D.s from Michigan. Go Blue.

Best things about this back cover:

• It's kinda busy. Swoosh, swish, plummet!
• "How many mysteries rate THIS kind of rave?" Uh, six! No, eight! Thirty-four! ... what do you mean, "rhetorical"?
• Gonna need a fact-check on "Not one in a hundred." Sounds kinda made-up.

Page 123~

"Are you still here?"
"Yes."
"Want a drink?"
"Not now, thanks."
"It's rum," she said.

~RP

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Paperback 931: Soft & Savage Puzzie McKill / David Lynn (Ember Library EL390)

Paperback 931: Ember Library EL390 (PBO, 1967)

Title: Soft & Savage Puzzie McKill
Author: David Lynn
Cover artist: Uncredited (Robert Bonfils)

Estimated value: $20,000 (I made this figure up, but it feels right)

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• Normally Doug brings me a small bagful of sleaze paperbacks whenever I see him at crossword puzzle tournaments. This time, he brought just one. The One.
• It only now (literally right now) occurs to me that "Puzzie" may be some ham-fisted way of attempting to conjure up "Pussy." Let me assure you, in a hotel lobby full of crossword puzzle enthusiasts, that association didn't land At All. I just figured that outdoor group BDSM was her *second* hobby.
• Her eyes, man. Her. Eyes. "When Irish eyes are BORING A HOLE IN YOUR JUNK!"
• One of the things that actually bothers me about this cover is that Cagey McRageface should really be able to slip out of that bamboo structure. He looks more like an angry go-go dancer than a captive sex whatever he is.
• To repeat, the title of this book is [deep breath] "Soft & Savage Puzzie McKill"—because "Puzzie McKill" would've been too ambiguous.

Best things about this back cover:

• Whoa oh here she comes! Watch out, boy, she'll cut you up. Whoa oh here she comes! She's a Manhater.
• "Mark Davidson" is not a name that can hang with Puzzie McKill. Doesn't quite evoke ... anything.
• Ew to "Trail of lust." Clean-up on aisle puzz.

Page 123~ (hold on to your hats)

A slow smile of malicious glee crept over Puzzie's face as she looked at Mark, her hands resting on top of the Killer's bald head as the man nudged and tugged about in the nest of golden fleece.

I felt like I had a handle on this sentence at the beginning, but then... things fall apart. Let's just say the "nest of golden fleece" is Exactly What You Think It Is. "Tugged about"? Not a verb phrase I'd want anywhere near my golden fleece.

~RP

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Paperback 927: Ashenden / W. Somerset Maugham (Avon PN240)

Paperback 927: Avon PN240 (13th ptg, 1969)

Title: Ashenden
Author: W. Somerset Maugham
Cover artist: Uncredited (who does these awesome psychedelic late '60s Avon covers!?)

Estimated value: $15 (bit scuffed, but very tight, square, barely if ever read)

Best things about this cover:

• This is like "Being There" meets "Laugh-In" meets "Planes Trains and Automobiles" meets "Monty Python" meets "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor MURDER Coat"!
• This cover is Milton Glaser-esque.
• Purple? The spy wore ... purple? Really?

Best things about this back cover:

• It's like a dream catcher ... for breaths.
• There's a lot of "Cold" here. Nothing about the color scheme says "Cold." Earth tones never say "Cold."
• I prefer my dens ruddy.

Page 123~

R. was a soldier and regarded introspection as unhealthy, unEnglish and unpatriotic.

Great sentence, but one that cries out especially hard for an Oxford comma.

~RP

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Paperback 913: One More Unfortunate / Edgar Lustgarten (Bantam 360)

Paperback 913: Bantam 360 (1st ptg, 1949)

Title: One More Unfortunate
Author: Edgar Lustgarten
Cover artist: Bernard Safran

Estimated value: $15-20

Best things about this cover:

• "I was Mr. Arm Veins 1938, 1939, and 1941. Don't ask about 1940. Here, drink this."
• "First, let me show you this here invention I come up with. I call it, 'The Butt Scratcher'...."
• Wow, when he rolls up his sleeves, he really Rolls Up His Sleeves.
• That knife-arm, everything about it, is really striking. And yet I'm weirdly mesmerized by the torn wallpaper patch (authentic seediness!) and her shoes, which I really wish I could see in profile. And closer up.

Best things about this back cover:

• Young Ronald Reagan was not allowed to ride the children's choo-choo train. Would / he / die?!
• I love how the issue here isn't the horrific fate of Kate Haggerty, but how her horrific fate might reflect on Captain White Man.
• Damn evidence. Always with the mounting.

Page 123~

He gave his answer in loud, almost truculent tones.

Ooh, I like that. I think I'm gonna steal it. "Almost Truculent: The Rex Parker Story"

~RP

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Paperback 885: The Scarab Murder Case / S.S. Van Dine (Graphic 89)

Paperback 885: Graphic 89 (1st ptg, 1954)

Title: The Scarab Murder Case
Author: S.S. Van Dine
Cover artist: Uncredited

Estimated value: $15-20

Best things about this cover:

• I seem to have entered the "Mystery Hands With Daggers" portion of my collection (?!).
• "Uh, no thanks, I gave up stabbing. For Lent."
• "Thanks, but my letters have all been opened. My nightgown, on the other hand ..."
• If you wanna deflate her heaving bosom, you're gonna need more than a dagger, big boy.
• I can't tell what tore a hole in the cover—the dagger, her smoky gaze, or her potent thoracic thrust.

Best things about this back cover:

• Hmm, a tiki etui radio. Cool.
• "Penetrates twisted passions"—there's no way the book lives up to the image in my head.
• I've never been less convinced of something's best-ness.

Page 123~

"Why not try to cerebrate occasionally?"

Sadly, not a typo.

~RP

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Paperback 884: Dagger of the Mind / Kenneth Fearing (Bantam 93)

Paperback 884: Bantam 93 (1st ptg, 1947)

Title: Dagger of the Mind
Author: Kenneth Fearing
Cover artist: "Galdone" (signature, lower right)

Estimated value: $15-20

Best things about this cover:

• Weird. That dagger of the mind looks a lot like an actual dagger.
• The artist was right to stab this painting. It's terrible.
• Art colonies were a weird source of fascination for pulpy writers of the '40s-'50s. There was probably some presumption of casual nudity and free love, although Zombie Veronica here looks well and properly dressed.
• "Bye bye, painting. I'll miss you."

Best things about this back cover:

• OK, that's a pretty persuasive first sentence. I like the idea of her husband running at her with a dagger and her just ... stepping aside. Like some weird torero.
• "Need more be said?" Yes, it need. It need be more said.
• That little sketch of the woman is pretty pathetic, but these endpapers are pretty boss!:

Page 123~

I said, rubbing my head, "Don't ask me riddles. I want some borscht, shaslik, and about two quarts of iced coffee."

Hey, that's *my* hangover remedy. Wait, what's "shaslik"? Sounds like something Mork would say to Orson.

~RP

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Paperback 378: Murder Is Served / Frances and Richard Lockridge (Avon 363)

Paperback 378: Avon 363 (1st ptg, 1951)

Title: Murder Is Served
Author: Frances & Richard Lockridge
Cover artist: Eddie Chan

Yours for: $7 (cover is gorgeous, but separated from book, which is complete, but all kinds of falling apart)


Best things about this cover:

• OK, remember that's "thirty million dollars" in late '40s dollars, so I believe the answer to the question is "hell yes."
• Love his expression—I believe he is telling that lady, "You got served!"
• In turn, I believe the lady is either mimicking masturbation or trying (unsuccessfully, by the look of it) to make cutlery disappear.
• "You call those boobs!?"—sorry, just thinking of more things that guy might be saying.
• Her: "I made you a canoe out of a napkin and this is how you thank me!?" I could go on all day. This one painting is like an endless one-act play.

Best things about this back cover:

• I don't think "People say" that. I've never heard that. I will say that this is a very accurate opening of a student paper.
• There must be a tale of gender or sexual confusion in here somewhere, which I deduced by noting that the stabbed man-body is pink, while the stabbed woman-body is blue.

Inside cover claims the cover artist, Eddie Chan, is a "well known Avon artist," but I've never seen his name. I think it's the only Asian surname I've ever seen on a vintage paperback cover artist. Cool.

Page 123~

"Well," Carey repeated, but less truculently. With a cat on his shoulders, he seemed to have lost the conviction that events would be clarified by the direct approach. Martini, turning to investigate the source of this new sound, breathed into Carey's left ear.

"Are you coming on to me?" asked Carey vituperatively.

Since it's 2011, I resolve (again) not to fall off the paperback wagon anymore. 3 write-ups a week, coming your way. Tell a friend (seriously). Now if you'll excuse me, this book has created a strong urge to walk around with a cat on my shoulders, so I'm off to practice.

xoxo

~RP

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Paperback 360: The Big Bust / Ed Lacy (Pyramid X-2037)

Paperback 360: Pyramid X-2037 (PBO, 1969)

Title: The Big Bust
Author: Ed Lacy
Cover artist: F. Pfeifer

Yours for: SOLD! (10/8/10)


Best things about this cover:

• [Insert joke about connection between title and woman's rack here]
• For a woman who's tied up, gagged, and carrying a tiny drowning man in her stomach, she's awfully concerned about those guys behind her. Lady, you've got your own problems.
• I have reluctantly tagged this post with "Redhead" label, though honestly I don't know what you call that color.

Best things about this back cover:

• Geek observation #227: "Supercharged" is just "surcharged" with "P.E." inside it. . .
• So the woman is like good pancakes. Well, who wouldn't want to tail that?
• If the boardwalk is "bikini-filled," does that mean the ocean is filled with naked women (who, presumably, all left their bikinis on the boardwalk)? I hope so.
• One of these paragraphs should immediately be countered with "That's what she said!"

Page 123~

Walter awoke me at one-fifteen and watching for snakes, back of a crumpling wall, I changed into the woolen underwear and rubber suit, Rhoda's $60,000 bra doubling as a jock strap.

[Speechless]

~RP

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57 Books from the University Book Sale: Book 13

Title: Puzzle in Patchwork (Curtis Books 07304, 1973)
Author: Elizabeth Gresham
Cover artist: uncredited

Yours for: best offer

• "A crazyquilt of terror" is one of the best pieces of cover copy I've read on these old books. Or one of the worst. At any rate, it's original.
• Yes, that's a hoof. The title says quaint cozy, but the cover painting says sadistic torture porn.

• "So Lovely, So Deadly" = So LAZY!!! Where are my quilting metaphors!?
• Wow, this series of books is like a parody of stupid, endless mystery book series. At some point I imagine the titles will run out of fabrics/materials that start with "P" and head in the direction of foods, i.e. "Puzzle in Pepperoni," "Puzzle in Peanut Butter," and "Puzzle in Pork."

Page 123~

"Today, around two-thirty, the 'hobo feller' came back to Pike's store. Bought a cud, as before, and stood around. The phone rang and he said, 'I expect that's for me,' and answered it ..."

"Bought a cud, as before, and stood around" is perhaps the greatest sentence that God has given man on earth.

~RP

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Paperback 292: The Four False Weapons / John Dickson Carr (Popular Library 282)

Paperback 292: Popular Library 282 (1st ptg, 1950)

Title: The Four False Weapons
Author: John Dickson Carr
Cover artist: Uncredited (Bergey? Belarski?)

Yours for: $25


Best things about this cover:

• Another deservedly famous cover. Vivid, sensational, boobtastic.
• If it weren't for the evident violence that has been committed here, I would say her posture suggests an accompanying statement of "Go ahead, take them! Take my breasts! They are all yours, cheri!"
• The tendons on the back of his left hand are doing something awfully scary.
• I love the word "wanton" as a noun.

Best things about this back cover:

• OK, OK, I get it, she was a whore, a strumpet, an easy lay, etc. No need to belabor the obvious. Give the poor dead girl a break.
• Look, Sherloque, *I* could have told you that if you find four different weapons near a body, *at least* three of them are "false."
• The last line here takes the story from contrived to ridiculous.

Page 123~

Mrs. Toller had now an air of complete boredom. You would not have thought the broad-nostrilled nose could have gone so high without absurdity, yet there it was ...

Her high bored nose now provided shelter to several small animals and a family of Hobbits. And yet still, no absurdity. Astonishing.

~RP

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Paperback 218: The Saint Goes West / Leslie Charteris (Avon 635)

The Make-Your-Own-Commentary Experiment continues - fire away (in Comments)

Paperback 218: Avon 635 (1st ptg, 1955)

Title: The Saint Goes West
Author: Leslie Charteris
Cover artist: illegible

Yours for: $12




Page 123~

"She died soon after. Too many sleeping tablets." Groom's voice had an almost ghoulish flatness. "She was pregnant. She was trying to get into pictures, but I guess she never got any further than the casting couch."

~RP