Paperback 919: The Ugly American / William J. Lederer and Eugene Burdick (Crest d365)

Paperback 919: Crest d365 (12th ptg, 1963)

Title: The Ugly American
Authors: William J. Lederer and Eugene Burdick
Cover artist: Uncredited

Estimated value: $8-10

Best things about this cover:

• Aw, c'mon. Brando's not so bad to look at.
• "My prosthetic chin, she should come out to ... here, I think."
• Ooh, Screenplay by Stewart Stern! You sold me, book!

Best things about this back cover:

• But it is a free country, so ... this is like saying "If Gravity Did Not Exist..." and then showing the book floating off into space.
• I tend not to ignore slashing, Time Magazine, but thanks for the heads-up.
• This book is devastating, blunt, forceful, persuasive, urgent, fascinating, powerful, searching, and slashing, but it's not frank, so fuck it.

Page 123~

A mysterious change seems to come over Americans when they go to a foreign land. They isolate themselves socially. They live pretentiously. They're loud and ostentatious. Perhaps they're frightened and defensive; or maybe they're not properly trained and make mistakes out of ignorance.

I'm just gonna leave that one there.

~RP

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Paperback 857: Jimmy Hoffa's Hot / John Bartlow Martin (Crest 340)

Paperback 857: Crest Books 340 (PBO, 1959)

Title: Jimmy Hoffa's Hot
Author: John Bartlow Martin
Cover artist: photo cover

Estimated value: $10-15


Best things about this cover:

• Lady with questionable taste says what?
• This is not a dynamic, or even a distinctive, picture. Would go equally well with book entitled, "Ohio's Best Funeral Directors."
• John Bartlow Martin also wrote Butcher's Dozen (Signet 909).

Best things about this back cover:

• Now *that* Hoffa picture — *that's* what I'm talkin' about! "The Creature Rose In Fury From The Primordial Swamp …"
• This back cover scrupulously avoids the terms "mafia" or "organized crime," opting instead only for the  shadowy term, "underworld."
• "I Will Feast On Your Pancreas, Bobby Haircut!" Priceless.

Page 123~

MR. HOFFA: To the best of my recollection, I must recall on my memory, I cannot remember.
MR. KENNEDY: "To the best of my recollection I must recall on my memory that I cannot remember," is that your answer?

MR. HOFFA: No, I'm sorry. That last part should be "I banged your mother." I'll try to enunciate more clearly. My apologies.

~RP

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Paperback 727: Lie Down, Killer / Richard S. Prather (Crest 255)

Paperback 727: Crest Books 255 (3rd ptg, 1958)

Title: Lie Down, Killer
Author: Richard S. Prather
Cover artist: Darcy

Yours for: Not for sale (donation to the collection from S. Jacob)


Best things about this cover:

• "I said 'Lie *Down*'!"
• Despite the deplorable violence, like this cover. There's an interesting dynamic quality. I like motion. This is why James Avati leaves me Cold.
• I thought he was beating a woman, but then I looked at the neck region and realized he's merely defending the world against some horrible alien with pincer-claw-face. Seriously, no way those are earrings. They're claws. It's like a skeleton baby is trying to escape from her neck.

Best things about this back cover:

• I assume that last line of dialogue is supposed to be accompanied by ominous music, 'cause on its own it's pretty anti-climactic.
• "That woman gag," also the name of the BDSM supply store down the street.
• Love hate and murder—Prather's got you covered.

Page 123~

Steve straightened and looked around at them. Margo was looking at Gross, but Gross kept his eyes—and the .45—steadily on Steve. Steve pulled himself to the divan and sat on it ,his mind beginning to function.

Steve was always happiest when his mind began to function. A rare, fleeting pleasure for Steve.

~RP

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Paperback 610: Morocco Jones in The Case of the Golden Angel / Jack Baynes (Crest 325)

Paperback 610: Crest Books 325 (PBO, 1959)

Title: Morocco Jones in The Case of the Golden Angel
Author: Jack Baynes
Cover artist: Barye Phillips

Yours for: $11


Best things about this cover:

• Hey look, it's Robert Mitchum's slow, pin-headed cousin ... Morocco.
• What are you, a pirate? Button your blouse, Morocco.
• LOVE her pose / expression. It's like she's upset that no one's paying attention to her: "Oh, my, there's a rip in the back of my dress, boys. Look. Boys? Boys!!!"
• The boys are developing their patented angry secret handshake.
• And Morocco floated like a besotted wine-colored god in the heavens ... 

Best things about this back cover:

• This back cover was made with some early, horrid version of Photoshop. "Crop! Ok, now ... blue-ify!"
• Oh, *that* Kansas City.
• Of course nobody told Morocco that the "S.O.S." stood for "Sad Old Spy." It would've hurt his feelings.

Page 123~

Dave tossed Morocco a taut grin. "What honest labor union leader could afford a perch like this one?"

You have to make your grin taut before you toss it, otherwise it just sort of dies in mid-air.

~RP

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Paperback 586: The Girl with a Secret / Charlotte Armstrong (Crest 382)

Paperback 586: Crest 382 (1st ptg, 1960)

Title: The Girl with a Secret
Author: Charlotte Armstrong
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $15

Best things about this cover:

• the girl who refused to use the 'shift' key.
• She'd be a lot hotter if they'd let her come out of the wall.
• Who knew Georgia O'Keeffe went through a femme fatale phase?
• Back-to-back "Dram" covers. Who says this blog isn't exciting!?

Best things about this back cover:

• Oakland Tribune makes Armstrong sound like a master thief or brilliant serial killer.
• "Very much a bride." What .. what? Is that part supposed to come with a [wink!]? "You know how brides are ..."
• Needless to say, the design of this back cover is unimaginative and joyless, down to the hackneyed, irrelevant tagline.

Page 123~

Ellen opened the door. "Oh, Mr. Tony! Oh ... Mrs. Paige!"

Nicely encapsulates the horror of accidentally walking in on your algebra teacher nailing your best friend's mom. I assume the next line is something like, "My eyes! My eyes!!!!"

~RP

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Paperback 540: Meet Morocco Jones / Jack Baynes (Crest 1957)

Paperback 540: Crest 195 (PBO, 1957)

Title: Meet Morocco Jones (in the Case of the Syndicate Hoods)
Author: Jack Baynes
Cover artist: maaaaaybe Barye Phillips (uncredited)

Yours for: $15


Best things about this cover:

• Who's the private dick who takes advice from the half-naked lady on his shoulder? "Morocco Jones!" Ya damn right.
• "Morocco, I'm hungry" "Shut up, Shoulder Girl. Can't you see I'm stalking syndicate hoods?"
• There is so much Fail happening here. Title fail (the putative title is actually just a lead-in/tagline, whereas the actual title is represented as a weak little subtitle). Art fail (where's the rest of my painting, Captain Stingy McWatercolor?!). Hyperbole fail ("The best book that's ever been written or will ever be written!").

Best things about this back cover:

• "Helluva" is simply a great "word."
• Morocco Jones "takes his place among the heroes of tough-guy fiction." Notice they don't say which place. Kind of backing off from that front-cover braggadocio, aren't you, copywriters?
• Is there such a thing as "the edge of lightning?" If so, can it be said to be "sharp?" If the answer to either of these is 'no,' can Morocco Jones' mind be said to really 'exist' at all? (philosophers will come to know this as the "Morocco Jones Dilemma")
• "And whose morals ... well, he liked to masturbate in public so ... yeah, the less said the better."

Page 123~

"Who are they, Carson?" Thurm asked gently.
"Skull Kronsky, Duke White, and Solly Cogen."
"Bad, bad boys," Thurm said softly. As bad as some of the Syndicate killers. Lije is not going to like this, Carson."

Jack Baynes, fresh off a correspondence course in "Naming Your Fictional Characters," goes berserk. P.S. I call dibs on the pseudonym 'Skull Kronsky.'

~RP

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57 Books from the University Book Sale: Books 30 and 31

Don't ask me why, but these two seemed to go together...

Title: The Old Man and the Boy — Crest d555 (1st ptg, 1962)
Author: Robert Ruark
Cover artist: N/A

Yours for: $5

• Imagine a simpler time ... when a book with a title like this wouldn't scream "pedophilia"
• Hey, look, it's the highly unasked-for and unauthorized sequel to "The Old Man and the Sea"
• "Long story short, I shot that boy and his head now hangs over my fireplace."
• "Straight from the exciting experiences ..." — please, please don't tell me.
• The real title of this book is "Tomatb Hlanho Edndey," which is Swahili for "White Man In Silly Clothes Thinks He's a Hunter"

• Please tell me that the guy with the spear is not "The Boy"
• Two things I don't want my reading material to be — "homespun" and "salty"
• "Smells?"
• "Everyday living" — imagine the kind of balls you'd have to have to use that phrase above that picture.
• Deciding his quarry was too fat and stupid to bring him honor, the warrior turned and walked slowly home.

Page 123:

The Willie was about half coaled out, and he was flopping and spluttering in the water.

I don't even know where to begin ...

*****

Title: How to Work with Tools & Wood — Pocket Books 1057 (1st ptg, April 1955)
Author: Fred Gross (ed.)
Cover artist: photo (Meyer Studios)

Yours for: $10

• I believe this is the sequel to "The Old Man and the Boy," wherein the old man takes the boy to see his dunge-... I mean, workshop.
• "Have you ever ... worked with wood, Billy?"

• This back cover is a relief, as it is mercifully dull instead of nightmarishly suggestive.

Page 123~

As the bottom is accessible from the end, it may be sawed out and then trimmed to line with the chisel if necessary.

That's some good handyman porn.

~RP

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