Title: Bondage Clubs U.S.A.
Author: Robert Newton
Cover artist: Uncredited
Yours for: $20
Best things about this cover:
- I'm not worried about the ropes and chains. I'm worried about the werewolf that's holding them. That is one hirsute forearm.
- "Social Behavior Series For Adults" — "It's a textbook, honey. I'm just doing my, uh, sociology homework. See, 'documented' ... 'insight' ... it's educational!"
- Tyrannical yoga instructor: "I told you what would happen next time you gave me a sloppy Pigeon Pose!"
- Love the Wee Hours logo for how sad it is. The "W" is readily apparent, but the "H" has been tortured almost beyond recognition to form the sides of what I'm guessing is an hourglass ... measuring the Wee Hours of ... the days of our lives ... or something.
Best things about this back cover:
- "Blow-by-blow," HA ha.
- "Thereby," HA ha. "Heretofore, wherein, the party of the first part ties up the party of the second part ..."
- I know this Italian restaurant where they make an amazing vegan algolagnia.
- "Penetrating," come on!
- "Boldly illustrated!?" OK, I'm gonna have to open this baby up ... OK, I don't know what definition of "illustrated" they are using here, but there are precisely *no* illustrations in this book. There are, however, four of the Dullest Bargraphs You Will Ever See. Example:
Page 123~
This guy describes being raped by other guys, and I can't really do anything funny with that ... so ... p. 132!
When I climbed out of the shower, he was right there! He started rubbing me down with a towel, picked me up and carried me into the bedroom, put me on the bed and seduced me. He had a very big penis and was proud of it. He even showed me with a measure that it was eight inches long.
Yes, that *does* sound seductive ... If the sight and feel of it doesn't turn her on, measure it for her! Foolproof!
~RP
[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]
5 comments:
Wouldn't you think that the Wee Hours publishing house would have instead commissioned a book on water sports?
Rex: "I know this Italian restaurant where they make an amazing vegan algolagnia."
Y'b*st*rd - that was one of mine! You know how much I like puns...
Rick: "Wouldn't you think that the Wee Hours publishing house would have instead commissioned a book on water sports".
Aaarghhh!!! Double b*st*rd! I was go'n'o work with that!
How come it's an "ANCIENT SPORT" on the front, and a "current sexual practice" on the back?
...unless the 'ancient sport''s the owner of the arm, some humongous great Aussie sheep shearer who's in even more need of a shear than his sheep - in which case the girl's saying, "I was thinking more along the lines of a Brazilian than an Australian!"
Rex: "there are precisely *no* illustrations in this book. There are, however, four of the Dullest Bargraphs You Will Ever See."
Maybe they're penises and vaginas as seen through the eyes of Piet Mondrian.
p.132: "He had a very big penis and was proud of it. He even showed me with a measure that it was eight inches long."
Lady, surely even with your eyesight the fact he was Japanese clued you in he was measuring in centimetres!
I think in the post-John-Holmes era, our culture may suffer from measurement inflation.
You got the name and number of the chick who thinks 8" is "very big"? 'Cause with her I stand a chance of being average, which would be a welcome change.
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