Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Paperback 268: The Girl, the Gold Watch & Everything / John D. MacDonald (Gold Medal s1259)

Paperback 268: Gold Medal s1259 (PBO, 1962)

Title: The Girl, the Gold Watch & Everything
Author: John D. MacDonald
Cover artist: uncredited

Yours for: $23

Best things about this cover:

  • "IT'S 9:30, STEVE. TIME TO GIVE BACK THE GIRL!" / "Aw, but we were goin' to a clam bake ... that didn't feel like a three-year harem lease at all!"
  • That analogy makes one wonder: how many times can Bonny Lee fuck in one day? Do the math. Even if you're getting it from your entire harem only once per day, in three years, that's still well over a thousand times. And Bonny can do that in one day? No wonder the cover's on fire. The friction alone...
  • More font awesomeness, though here we're pushing the wackiness factor a little hard.

Best things about this back cover:

  • "If you've ever had a yeasty yearning ... please, see your doctor."
  • YEASTY is, very coincidentally, a word in today's NYT crossword puzzle.
  • Apparently John D. MacDonald books like to get cheeky. First there was the metapaperbackery of "A Key to the Suite," and now there's the cliche-subverting and self-erasure of "The Girl, the Gold Watch & Everything."
  • "Sheesh!"
  • If you don't know who Thorne Smith is, see this. More to come in future Pop Sensation installments.

Page 123~

He looked at her, sitting erect, six feet away. Her back was arched, her shoulders good, the waist slender, the lime slacks plumped to the pleasant tensions of her ripeness.

I laughed out loud at "her shoulders good." What is he, a caveman? "Ugg want woman. Ugg want that woman. Hair pretty. Shoulders good. Slacks plumped. Ugg want."


[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]


Nutcracker Busted Flush said...

Finally an author I've read! I went through all 22 (I think) of the Travis McGee mysteries in the summer of 1993 (they all have a color in their titles, as you probably know.) Maybe I should be embarrassed by that. MacDonald got to have it both ways: the books were self-congratulatory in their right-thinking-ness and total male escapist fantasy. Guy gets to live on a boat, hang out with his buddies, break the ladies' hearts, fight the bad guys, and bitch about the modern world. And they each ended with him having a big steak.

Erik said...

Heh - as soon as I saw "Kirby" in the blurb I thought of George and Marion... I love Thorne Smith.

Dirt Diggler said...

First time I've ever seen a one-legged guy, fully clothed, try to back door a bikini-clad amputee! He looks like he's on the clock,too!

Are those blood spatters by their legs?! No wonder they speak of "compete immunity" ... do they defy VD? Is that why "you will covet something those two have"?

Anyway, the black letter copy is totally unnecessary except the last two words.

Eunice said...

I wonder if harem leases come with an option to buy?

She's in a bikini dancing the twist. He's in a polo shirt with a leather jacket, pants, and shoes. They're both in Hell... I'd say she's more appropriately dressed for the climate.

His body language reads: "What the frag, a giant pocket watch?!"

I laughed aloud at "yeasty." Add to that her "ripeness" and I seriously do not covet whatever it is these two have got.

Though I do appreciate the "Best of luck." Aw, thanks, Back Cover, you too.

libwitch said...

I still keep repeating "lime slacks plumped to the pleasant tensions of her ripeness"

I think it is suppose to bring up a very...luscious image, but instead I just end up with a mental image that just sort of ends up looking more like a Simpsons cartoon.

Veronika said...

that self editing is absolutely fantastic. It's like the blurb writer couldn't decide what to write so he put all of his drafts into the blurb...Editor:"I don't know, maybe we should just choose an adjective and go with it?" writer:"No, no, no, we should let the reader decide. We'll leave just enough letters so that the word will be legible, but not finish, so that the options are open and we can't be blamed for giving the wrong impression about the book."

Alix said...

If Bonny's like a three-year lease on a harem, I'm pretty sure yeastiness is in her future. And however cute her figure might be, Lordamercy, wouldn't LIME SLACKS cancel it out?

Tulse said...

"Yeasty Yearning" sounds like the female lead in a very bad Bond film.

Katie said...

Careful, kids, yeasty yearnings can lead to shame whims. Or maybe it's the other way around.

Also, I can't believe no one's mentioned the fine 1980 TV movie starring Pam Dawber.

Michael5000 said...

"Shame whims." Still awesome.

Lisa in Oz said...

Yeasty? If she can get it on like a harem, I don't doubt it.

Lyndee said...

I don't think it's even remotely possible for anyone in a sex scene in any book ever written to be sitting up straight. Always erect.

I, too laughed out loud at the good shoulders. But I laughed even louder at "the lime slacks plumped to the pleasant tensions of her ripeness."

Well, I always do love a ripe woman. <_<

cwogle said...

I'm going to have to stop reading this blog. This is the second book here that I own, use as a reading copy, and will set me back over twenty bucks if I ever read it again and break the spine.

A pity, because I actually like this story.

Btw, although the Travis McGee books all have a color in the title, this book and "The Green Flash" are not part of the series.