Title: Perverted Love Slave
Author: Adam Calin
Cover artist: in witness protection
Yours for: Unavailable
Best things about this cover:
- Worst. Alarm Clock. Ever. "Alright, alright, I'm up ... dang!"
- "In this house we wear bras and *only* bras! No [crack!] bracelets! [crack!]"
- The lady in the bed is, uh, hot. The lady with the whip is, uh, not. She's pasty and misshapen and has one of the Fry Guys on her head.
- Debbie was distracted from her dominatrix duties when she suddenly noticed a mysterious, massive dollop of lemon frosting at the foot of the bed.
- "She was a lust slave to his every depraved desire" — "his?" Wow, "he" managed to get himself a superior boob job.
Best things about this back cover:
- This feels like it was translated from the Bulgarian in some horrible translating forced labor camp.
- I mean, how am I supposed to do my job? This thing is self-parodic.
- I like how that first paragraph appears to be someone writing out loud, in real time. Stop transcribing every thought you have!
- Misspelling "Jekyll" helps them avoid messy fictional defamation lawsuits.
- "Shame Whims" made me literally LOL.
- My god, the font size, the spacing ... it's all so off, so wrong, so tawdry — the cover copy equivalent of a snuff film.
"I mentioned you to Mrs. Tomane. She's interested in writing. She would like to meet you, since you're writing a novel that has a chance to be published."
"Who told you that?"