Paperback 319: Seven Days Before Dying / Helen Nielsen (Dell 971)

Paperback 319: Dell 971 (1st ptg, 1958)

Title: Seven Days Before Dying
Author: Helen Nielsen
Cover artist: R. Del Rossi

Yours for: $12


Best things about this cover:

• The amazing detail on the shoes and socks. I would have thought this one of the more boring crime fiction covers, but I looked at the shoes and socks for a while and they're lovingly rendered, and kind of mesmerizing.
• That lady is either chasing a very clumsy thief or drunkenly stumbling through a public park, chucking her jewelry at schoolchildren for amusement.

Best things about this back cover:

• There's some blue splatters on it ... for some reason.
• You know a novel means business when it breaks out the Courier font.

Page 123~

Stu leaned forward and extended his right hand in a greeting that was never acknowledged, whereupon the blonde toppled forward into her drink again. By this time, she was beyond caring anyway, so Stu let her stay there.

Did I mention that Helen Nielsen's a pretty good writer. 'Cause she is.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Paperback 318: A New Kind of Love / Henry Williams (Dell 6329)

Paperback 318: Dell 6329 (PBO, 1963)

Title: A New Kind of Love
Author: Henry Williams
Cover artist: photo cover

Yours for: $9


Best things about this cover:

• This photo does not say "sizzling." It says "awkward last kiss before I plummet to my death."
• If you invert the book, Woodward's position makes sense. That is also the only way Newman's pose makes sense. Which raises the question — why is it upside-down? I'm sure it's a metaphor, but I can't see how making them look like acrobats/monkeys helped move any more books.
• Nice gams.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Samantha soon realized that something was missing. Like, for instance, a man." — sounds like "The Old Kind of Love" to me.
• If she was a career girl, then she was already a "new woman." She's Becoming Eye Candy, which I'm all for, but it's not new.
• Sadly, the photos are not, as advertised, "provocative." Although this one ... has potential. She looks like something out of a gay space-age western:

Page 123~

"Isn't it charming?" Felicienne said. "It's so large, it's gone beyond bad taste and come out on the other side, chic, elegant, bizarre."

You'll be happy to know she's talking about a diamond.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Interlude — 2 books I "borrowed" from the BPOE in St. Maries, ID

Come on, how was I *not* supposed to take these?:


Best things about this cover:

• So ... it's about a vengeful virgin? Why not just call it that?
• I'm not sure I'm convinced that Mr. FancyShirt QuaintPinky could make a door explode like that. Seriously, look at his "grip" on that gun. It's like he's drinking tea or something.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Reifel" — from the Dept. of Unimaginative Naming

Best things about this cover:

• When grilling Nick Carter, make sure his massive barrel chest is well basted.
• "Just a second Nick, I'm almost at the next level of 'Missile Command'..."
• That Nick Carter head/logo is the smuggest, douchebaggiest look achievable by a human face.

Best things about this back cover:

• WHEN was it acceptable to break "assassination" between the first and second Ss???

Page 123~

from "Assassination Brigade":

He fired, and the bullet chipped off a piece of pavement about an inch away from me. By then, I had Wilhelmina in my own hand. The man only had the opportunity to snap off one more shot before I had steadied the barrel of my Luger and put a bullet in his belly.

In case you missed that — he named his Luger "Wilhelmina." God save me from ever finding out what that particular relationship is like.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Paperback 317: The Summer Ghosts / Alexis Lykiard (Tower 43-891)

Paperback 317: Tower 43-891 (1st thus, 1966)

Title: The Summer Ghosts
Author: Alexis Lykiard
Cover artist: photo

Yours for: $11


Best things about this cover:

• That photo does not say "never caring about tomorrow." It says "ennui." Also, "UNCENSORED!" = false advertising. Move your arm!
• That's a wig. That is also Cameron Díaz.
• I thought "hippie" was spelled "-ie," and "hippy" was a word used to describe a somewhat widish woman.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Society" w/ a Capital "S" = HA ha. "We're not gonna conform to your bourgeois ways, man!
• "The What's Happening? Generation" — I think I was part of the sequel generation: "The What's Happening Now? Generation"

Page 123~

... Fantastic battles begun with zip-gropings or oiled smooth friction of hand on nylon leg ... she sheds clothes like petals, hurriedly ... breast straining to its full pink apex ... fleecy triangle ... a cunt like a warm sticky fondue into which I dip my finger my tongue my prick seeking that unique tangy flavour like a madman or a driller for texan oil.

Bored with his many accolades, and distressed that most people knew him only as "that 'Road Less Traveled' guy, Robert Frost turned to ghostwriting softcore late in life, primarily as a way to amuse himself.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Paperback 316: The Man Who Disappeared / Edgar Bohle (Dell 1013)

Paperback 316: Dell 1013 (1st ptg, 1960)

Title: The Man Who Disappeared
Author: Edgar Bohle
Cover artist: Bill Rose

Yours for: $10


Best things about this cover:

• Did someone throw a bocce ball through her window, 'cause I'm not buying that as a bullet hole. It's massive.
• Not thrilled with how they've cropped her. What the hell is she doing? Dancing? Hanging laundry? How am I supposed to feel the, you know, suspense, when she looks like she's putting away groceries?
• The Man Who Alternated Font Color

Best things about this back cover:

• This better end with Dick and Steve getting married.
• I'm pretty sure the guy in the silhouette just snapped his left ankle. It hurts even to look at it.

Page 123~

"Miss Halsey and I are going out to get her gas tank filled," Rupple said to him.

Nice euphemism from the improbably named "Rupple!"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Paperback 315: Lust Killer / J.S. McWinter (All-Star 142)

Paperback 315: All Star 142 (PBO, 1967)

Title: Lust Killer
Author: J.S. McWinter
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $15



Best things about this cover:

• "Now that you are sufficiently humiliated, I'll just rub my face with my magic gun, like so, and ... presto, I start to turn invisible from the feet up."
• This guy is actually trying to protect the lady from the hailstorm of mini-doors/light switches/'60s decorative effects pounding down upon her naked body.
• Whoa, I just read the cover copy: child molester!?!? Oh, man, I can't do anything with that. NEXT COVER!

Best things about this back cover:

• I have just one thing to say, and that is — how do you conclude "accidental death" when the body is "STUFFED within" an "icebox?" Unless this is an attempt at escape artistry gone horribly awry, even the most bumpkiny of police chiefs couldn't arrive at "accidental death" from that evidence. Not with a straight face.

Page 123~

OK, before I begin, let me say that I flipped the book open to a random page and found out that the book is at least in part about boys in a sado-masochistic relationship who discover that they are "queers" ("You know damn well you almost came every time I beat you. And I always do. What do you mean we aren't queer?"). I'm afraid to look at Page 123 ... Oh. It's not so bad.

"All right, John," she began again. "For years your father and I have known that you're homosexual. All right. That's that. Until now you always kept it quiet. But not anymore. Now the whole town knows about it. But even that isn't so bad. Boston is a great town for burying its head in the sand, you know. In Boston, you can do damned near anything you want, so long as you don't rub our face in it. But if you do that, we have to do something. And you've rubbed our face in it. Do you really think no one is aware of what's been going on? All three of your bosses have been in communication with me about you. So you are now faced with a choice. Either resign and leave Boston, or we will throw you out. I don't mean the Creightons, I mean Boston. We've had it John. In Boston, there are no second chances."

There you go, City of Boston. Your new motto!

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Paperback 314: The Reign of Wizardry / Jack Williamson (Lancer 72-761)

Paperback 314: Lancer 72-761 (1st ptg, 1964)

Title: The Reign of Wizardry
Author: Jack Williamson
Cover artist: Frank Frazetta

Yours for: $15


Best things about this cover:

• Satan conducts the Stygian Philharmonic!
• It's one bad-ass demon who can shoot skulls and naked ladies out of his armpits...
• Is "the Unknown" a genre?

Best things about this back cover:

• OK, how many walls are we going to encounter in this book? Three? That is a terrible pair of bold headings. Are the walls the same in both headings? And who's saying that mystery "quote" in the middle?
• "The man they called 'Captain Firebrand' ..." — that sounds apocryphal. In fact, that sounds like a male stripper.

Page 123~

But the hairy pirate caught his arm again. "I wish you wouldn't leave me, Captain Firebrand."

Two words: Hairy. Pirate.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Paperback 313: Night Walk / Bob Shaw (Banner B60-110)

Paperback 313: Banner B60-110 (PBO, 1967)

Title: Night Walk
Author: Bob Shaw
Cover artist: Frank Frazetta

Yours for: $15

In honor of Frank Frazetta (1928-2010)

• "Pwn3d!"
  
• Toothpicks: Now in "Giant Arachnid" Strength!
• Colors are incredibly striking / horrifying. And the design is simple but gorgeous. Memorable.

• Love that the green on these eyes matches the mystery-green on the front cover.
• "Emm Luther" — subtle!
• This sounds like a combination of "King Lear" and "The Stars My Destination." That is, it sounds good.

Page 123~

"I'm sorry about this bit of nonsense," Tallon said. "I suppose you feel like a kid hiding in a hollow bush?"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Paperback 312: Conan / Robert E. Howard, L. Sprague de Camp, Lin Carter (Lancer 73-685)

Paperback 312: Lancer 73-685 (PBO collection, 1967)

Title: Conan
Authors: Robert E. Howard, L. Sprague de Camp, Lin Carter
Cover artist: Frank Frazetta

Offered without comment, in honor of Frank Frazetta (1928-2010)

• OK, one comment — that is some serious MMA shit going on between Conan and the Phantom of the Apera

Two more Frazetta covers in coming days.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Paperback 311: Who? / Algis Budrys (Pyramid G339)

Paperback 311: Pyramid G339 (1st ptg, 1958)

Title: Who?
Author: Algis Budrys
Cover artist: Robert V. Engel

Yours for: $10


Best things about this cover:

• Hard to snark — this is one of my favorite scifi covers of all time. That creeptastic design on the robot face is fantastic. Looks like Crow from "MST3K," but way more disturbing.
• The hands on this thing are probably the second-most striking element — they look remarkably alike; very expressive. Amazing articulation in that prosthetic hand. Looks like he might have a large sausage or loaf of bread in those clown trousers of his. Very alarming — and he's coming Right At You — into the heart of the "Allied Sphere." Searchlight + barbed wire completes the dystopic effect. Great design all around.

Best things about this back cover:

• See, this designer knew what the real money shot was on that front cover — The Hand!
• Seriously, I have to give it to Pyramid on this one. The blurbs are gripping and unhilarious. This book may actually go onto my "Read It Someday, You Lazy Oaf" pile.

Page 123~

"But I'll tell you something, Mr. Rogers—" He turned suddenly and faced across the barn. The light was behind him and Rogers saw only his silhouette—the body lost in the shapeless, angular drape of the coveralls, the shoulders square, and the head round and featureless. "Even so, people don't like machines. Machines don't talk and tell you their troubles. Machines don't do anything but what they're made for. They sit there, doing their jobs, and one looks like another—but it may be breaking up inside. It may be getting ready to not plow your field, or not pump your water, or throw a piston into your lap. It might be getting ready to do anything—so people are afraid of them, a little bit, and won't take the trouble to understand them, and they treat them badly. So the machines break down more quickly, and people trust them less, and mistreat them more. So the manufacturers say, 'What's the use of building good machines? The clucks'll only wreck 'em anyway,' and build flimsy stuff, so there're very few good machines being made any more. And that's a shame."

Possibly the best "Page 123" excerpt I've ever offered up. Congrats to Algis Budrys for bringing class and dignity to this blog. Next week, more boobs and bad writing, I promise!

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

"Harling College!"

I'm on vacation, where I just received THIS book as a gift.


Discuss.

New posts when I return to NY.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]