Paperback 1045: Abnormal Lover / Clark Connor (Merit Book 507)

Paperback 1045: Merit Book 507 (2nd ptg, 1961)

Title: Abnormal Lover
Author: Clark Connor
Cover artist: "Sloane" (uncredited)

Condition: 8/10
Estimated value: $20-25

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• Jesus H, what kind of corset injury did she suffer as a young woman!?
• I love how she's like, "Yeah, they're stretch marks, so what!? I don't see you looking away!"
• I'm all for that vest-only look, but the pants seem a little ... bunchy.
• O god, her hand! Was that part of the corset accident!? I'm just glad she overcame adversity and went on to live her truth.
• "Bru-" is killing me. KILLING ME. How are you this bad at layout!?
• I assume her left pinky is the "point of perversion" in question.

Best things about this back cover:

• Better in black and white
• And the winner for Worst Compound Adjective in a Back Cover Blurb goes to ...
• I love how proud the artist ("Sloane!") was of this painting. "Y'all aren't cropping out my signature, dammit. I WILL LIVE THRU THE AGES!"

Page 123~

"I can't, Raymond. I don't have time to see Art Meric. I have to leave on a trip. A very important trip, Raymond!"
A long silence.
"What's wrong, Raymond? Raymond! Raymond!"

"I"m not going to be IGNORED, Raymond..."

Also

🎶"Everywhere around the world / They come to see Art Meric-a"🎶

~RP

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Paperback 1044: Natures Gifts / Norma Hughes (After Hours 160)

Paperback 1044: After Hours AH160 (PBO, 1967)

Title: Natures Gifts
Author: Norma Hughes
Cover artist: [Bill Alexander again?]

Condition: 8/10
Estimated value: $25

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]
Best things about this cover:

• When yoga class gets a little too "authentic"...
• Sally and Jenny hovered uncomfortably between ab-hunger and diaper-revulsion
• Wait, those aren't abs. They aren't in the right place ... what are those??!?!
• "And that, ladies, is how you throw a slider"
• OK, I'll just say what we're all thinking: where's the fucking apostrophe?

Best things about this back cover:

Back page designer: "I have this idea for a kind of harem motif, where a seraglio doorway provides..."

Publisher: "Sorry, Bill, we're going with a bathroom tile. Thanks for these storyboards, tho."

Page 123~

That evennig he mailed them out to Paris to his contact.

Needless to say, [sic]

~RP

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Paperback 1043: Torrid Tramps / George H. Smith (Novel Book 6029)

Paperback 1043: Novel Book 6029 (PBO, 1962)

Title: Torrid Tramps
Author: George H. Smith
Cover artist: photo cover ("posed by professional model"!)

Condition: 7/10 (great, but mild smashing mid-spine)
Estimated value: $20

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]
Best things about this cover:

• The words promise a lot, but these photos do Not deliver. They all look like people who went to a beach party and got food poisoning, esp. that sweaty 50-year-old at the bottom left. "No ... no sudden movements, sweetheart. Be a doll and bring me an icepack ..."
• Honestly this should be called Tepid Tramps, nothing remotely torrid is going on here
• Ah, I see they were all created by sadists. That makes sense—I feel pretty abused by this whole cover
• Could not figure out what was going on with center guy's head and honestly thought he had some kind of bear head on, like a team mascot, or some kind of half-clad Furry
• George H. Smith: "Could you make my name ... like, small?" Editors: "OK, how's this?" Smith: "............... smaller"

Best things about this back cover: 

• "BY POPULAR DEMAND!" LOL I doubt that
• "Typewriter" I love this man. My kingdom for George H. Smith's typewriter!
• That is one hell of a catalogue. I love the specificity of "ten days." How big was the print run? Like, 12 copies?
• Oh man sweaty middle-aged dude is bigger here. Bigger is worse.

Page 123~ (I want to copy this whole page for you, it's so "good")

Then, they came together like rutting bitch and dog, like fumbling drake and duck ... like nipping stallion and nervous, screaming mare.

... like sullen Frog and anxious, sweating Toad

OK, I lied, that was the end of p. 122! Here's the opening of 123:

They made their love in the deep straw, taking their chances with the Diamond Back Rattlers...

"Hey, what're you guys doin' over there?" "Leave us alone! We'll make our love, you make yours! No copying"

~RP

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Paperback 1042: Bartered Mates / Thomas K. Makagon (Unique Books 144)

Paperback 1042: Unique Books 144 (PBO, 1967)

Title: Bartered Mates
Author: Thomas K. Makagon
Cover artist: that guy ... I always forget his name ... one of you will tell me (Bill Alexander)

Condition: 7/10
Estimated value: a lot

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• I keep reading "Battered Meats"
• Get it on! Bang a gong! Makagon!
• The pointing lady is the best. We don't even get to see her face. Just her amazing get-up and pointing arm. "J'accuse!" "Koochy koochy koo!" "Where Are This Man's Damned Nipples!?"
• I really dig The Couch Of Impossible Boobs
• If you look at his left foot too long you will be cursed. I have warned you.
• This book is bizarrely rare. I searched ["bartered mates" makagon] and got TWO HITS TOTAL

Best things about this back cover:

• I've seen worse cover copy, but not much worse. I do like the manic use of "—" there in the first paragraph. "Is it a happening, a trend, or a switch ... ? ... fuck it, let's just go with all of the above!"
• Why is there a comma after "delectable" in paragraph 2!?! Truly, I am bothered far more by punctuation minutiae than by the preposterous cheesiness of it all.
• OK the first sentence of paragraph 2 is utterly ungrammatical (although LOL at "brain child" quote unquote)
• Shouldn't it be "a between-pictures diversion" OK I'll stop now.
• "... the private threats of enjoyed and accepted female aggression" like, try to wrap your head around that. If it's "accepted" how is it a "threat," and to what? Dudes like being whipped by ladies. That's pretty much the end of the story.
• "MASTERLY POWERS OF FEMALE DOMINATION" was what was written on Jessica Fletcher's business card (or should've been)

Page 123~

Don finished his drink and set it on the dresser, then walked over to the edge of the bed he reached down to the back of her thighs, gently separated them and commenced to kiss the small of her back. His tongue went to her pink lined crease. Slowly he flicked it downward until he had gone as far as he  could go, then pushing her thighs upward, he held her almost on her head. He kept moving downward gradually, pushing her upward. When he found the desired spot, Roxana moaned through her fallen hair. He then shoved her backwards until she was on her back in an opposite direction. Now, he could feel her mouth covering him as they clasped each other's passionate bodies tightly.

Ok so this is terrible in so many ways but I'm stuck back on "pink lined crease" (sic). Is her lined crease pink, or is her crease pink-lined? And which crease are we talking about? Further, where did his tongue go? Where did her thighs go? Downward? Upward? "An opposite direction"? It looks like they end up in 69 at the end, but I feel like maybe that was just a lucky accident?

~RP

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Paperback 1041: Draw the Curtain Close / Thomas B. Dewey (Pocket Books 64003)

Paperback 1041: Pocket Books 64003 (1st ptg, 1968)

Title: Draw the Curtain Close
Author: Thomas B. Dewey
Cover artist: Uncredited (looks like Harry Bennett signature)

Condition: 4/10
Estimated value: $100000000 (jk prob like $5 but I can't find this copy online)

[Contribution from Cassie and Jordan Bell-Masterson]

Best things about this cover:

• Well, not his face
• Well, not the font
• This is such an odd moment to document on a book cover. Is she taking off her shirt? Not such a big reveal if she was clearly already sitting there pantsless. Is that even a shirt? It looks like she's trying to wear a pair of red shorts as a shirt. Maybe she's not well. Shapely, though, I'll give her that. And armed.
• She needs to repaint that room; it's making me nauseated.
• I love the "modesty sheet" that is conveniently obscuring her butt crack from view.
• It doesn't matter what she does or doesn't wear because nothing is going to outshine that chalked-up denim suit that Flatface McSkinnyTie has on.
• This is apparently a hard-boiled writer of some repute, the first book in his "Mac" series. Since this is a "reading copy," I should clearly, uh, read it.

Best things about this back cover:

• He Took His Hat Off, WHY!? I need to know. You can't just shove him into a tiny strip of red, remove his hat, and expect me NOT to have questions!
• I love that this is a book about expensive books. And showbiz dolls.
• None of my books are worth 30 Gs. Alas.
• Wait, is the fact that he's not "a literary type" supposed to endear him to me. Because if so, mission decidedly unaccomplished.

Page 123~

I had to wait a couple of minutes for the elevator. I shared it going down with a cockeyed lady in a red satin dress who hiccoughed regularly at intervals of three or four seconds. Halfway down she said without warning, "Hi, Mac."

Just now realizing that a. "hiccoughed" is a freaky-looking word and b. this dude must get a lot of false alarms where someone calling his name is concerned, what with all the "Hey, Mac"s floating around in the world. It's like his name is "Buddy" or "Pal" or "Chief" or "Bruh."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 1040: Inflamed Trio / Charles Fay (Emerald Reader 107)

Paperback 1040: Emerald Reader 107 (PBO, 1964)

Title: Inflamed Trio
Author: Charles Fay
Cover artist: photo cover

Condition: 8/10 (unread, square, bright, but some scuffing, and w/ pub. page torn out??)
Estimated value: $15-20

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• It's hard to find a good nostril model.
• Nude Model Museum Rugby is a rough sport. This player has clearly hurt her knee and will have to come out.
• Is it really a good idea to lean against the painting like that? After all, that's an original [squints] Rubano?
• Wow, those are ... some words.
• Don't discriminate against backs. Be a friend to backs. Be a back ally.
• What the hell is "Sinports" even a pun on?? Car ports? Imports? Sun porch?
• They've playfully covered up the "Inflamed Trio," i.e. her nipples and the patch of eczema above her right elbow.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Which do you think would look better on my business card: 'Artist in Sin' or 'Sin Artist By Choice'? Oh never mind, I'll ask my mom. Hey, MOM! ..."
• Honestly, I've seen scores of these tag line / ellipsis / nonsense cover copy / ellipsis / tag line back covers—they are a staple of '60s sex fiction back covers—but this one is the first to exhaust me. It's like being bludgeoned with nonsensically bad grammar. Good luck making it all the way to the IGNITED CARNALITY
• "As a simile from another story herein" ... if you have any idea what this sentence means, let me know. It's as confusing as a simile.
• LOL "trio"—did they just scare-quote the book's own title. That's pretty meta.

Page 123~

A few well dressed agents with bulging client books and nervous, hopeful clinets at their sides, glanced at Ronald with interest.

I know it looks like I've made some typing errors in transcribing that quotation, but I assure you I have not. Not a one. I'm imagining "clinets" as a kind of medium-sized, reclusive panda-cat. It's too bad only one clinet can get the part. Good luck, clinets! I hope you land that well [space] dressed agent!

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

P.S. there are typos on like every page of this book. Also, the font, my god:

"traffice?" that's onsense!

Paperback 1039: The Bridge Over the River Kwai / Pierre Boulle (Bantam HP4391)

Paperback 1039: Bantam HP4391 (35th ptg, 1970)

Title: The Bridge Over the River Kwai
Author: Pierre Boulle
Cover artist: Barye Phillips

Condition: 8/10
Estimated value: $5

Best things about this cover:

• My wife actually spotted this one on the $1 cart outside the bookstore. My initial immediate response was "meh" but then I held it and noticed a. the condition (excellent) and b. the quality of the art, which really is exquisite. 
• I love how Bantam has let the cover breathe. You can see how they might've used the painting differently, maybe cropping it differently and putting text (title / author) in or on top of the red sky. But this way, the painting really feels like a painting, and that sky is allowed to take up space and create its mood. The composition is also arresting.
• Me: "I know this artist ... Kalin? ... Hooks? ... [looks very closely at painting] oh, man, it's Barye Phillips!" Phillips signs simply "Barye," which you can see just to the left (your left) of the Japanese soldier's hand. I'm used to seeing girl art / crime fiction scenes from him, so this was cool and unexpected. 

Best things about this back cover:

• Again: rooooom for my eyes to breeeeeathe. I like.
• No need to waste time (i.e. words) when dealing with a book this well known (from the 1957 movie). Both front and back covers really do go in for more of a museum treatment than a typical book promo treatment.

Page 123~

Never before had he been conscious of that feeling of power and conquest which absolute isolation affords, whether on a mountaintop or in the bowels of the earth.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]