Title: Erotic Interlude
Author: Bob Elmer
Cover artist: Uncredited
Yours for: [SOLD!: 9/9/11]
Best things about this cover:
- OK, I've seen bad wigs, and I've seen Bad Wigs, but this thing wins.
- She took men to her Fortress of Solitude, where she screwed them and then promptly froze them in pillars of ice.
- If you just focus on the upper parts of her breasts and chest, this cover looks nice. But if you move your eyes from that spot even a fraction of an inch in any direction: disaster.
- What's holding up her boobs? Remnants of an old dish rag? Plaster of Paris? A tennis ball that's been cleaved in half and pried open?
- If you're gonna get yourself a sex machine, you need to make sure it's trained. Untrained sex machines can really chew you up. Trust me.
Best things about this back cover:
- "UNIQUE SKILL!" — Nice. Nothing sexier than the language of a job resumé.
- So we're just forgoing indefinite articles in our cover copy now? OK then...
- I've read Mad Libs that made more sense than this—Mad Libs filled out by kids who don't even know what "adjective" means.
- This was one of the earliest efforts at sex novel cover copy writing by Professor Frink's Smut-Bot 5000. When you look at it that way, it's pretty good.
Page 123~
The blonde began blazing a trail of kisses down Delia's body. And then her hand began doing things.
Delia hated it when her lovers surreptitiously played "Angry Birds" during sex.
~RP
[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]
5 comments:
I like it. I left you an email about this.
Back: "Trained as human sex machine, in her own lust-school".
There y'go - next time someone catches y'masturbating for the umpteenth time, fire back, "Hey! I'm training as human sex machine in my own lust-school!"
There's something about the copy on these books that's been bugging me lately, something somehow incredibly familiar - and it's just hit me.
I was wond'ring where these copy writers could've possibly gone to get better paid jobs, (especially if they wanted to stop training themselves in their own lust-schools and start families), because surely nowhere else on earth could've used people with their particular 'skill' sets/experience, when all of a sudden I realised what their copywriting style reminded me of: British tabloid News of the World style journalism.
To this day they still use - well, the ones that haven't gone out of business! - 'love child' for bastard and if 'shame' isn't liberally sprinkled throughout an article it simply isn't worth reading.
Passion Trap! That's totally my new band name.
The cover screams SHE WAS A TRAINED SEX MACHINE and no one mentions James Brown? I am disappointed.
For you young whipper-snappers who don't get the James Brown reference:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ajzpd-ONOdo
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