Try, try, try to understand...

You are The Magician

Skill, wisdom, adaptation. Craft, cunning, depending on dignity.

Eleoquent and charismatic both verbally and in writing,
you are clever, witty, inventive and persuasive.

The Magician is the male power of creation, creation by willpower and desire. In that ancient sense, it is the ability to make things so just by speaking them aloud. Reflecting this is the fact that the Magician is represented by Mercury. He represents the gift of tongues, a smooth talker, a salesman. Also clever with the slight of hand and a medicine man - either a real doctor or someone trying to sell you snake oil.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

"The Horse Killer"

A World Premiere Comics Event

by EHE




NOTES:

In panel 1, "NHEE" is the sound of the horse, neighing his final neigh inside the barn...

In panel 4, please understand that the man is handing the dead horse to his wife, who is standing directly on the other side of the horse, such that you can't see her (though you can hear her).

In panel 5, dialogue must be read right to left. Girl: "Pa, do you think you could make this a little easier?" Pa: "No." Girl is making bells or windchimes out of the horse's hooves while Pa cooks the horse meat (I think).

Copyright EHE, 2007

Riverdale Reacharound

"Where's Archie's Hand?"

The question in the following puzzle should be: "Which panel best explains this pair's facial expressions?"


A: Panel 3

"LOVE and ROCKETS"

"Now That's What I Call Hard-Boiled"

First of all, apologies to those few of you who had come to expect weekly commentaries on "American Idol." Now that all the truly horrible people are gone, there's just not a lot to say. It's gotten a bit boring, actually, with Blake being the only person in the final four offering anything in the way of style variation - and he was probably the worst of them all last week. But in the end, so long, Lakisha. I could have Idolized you ... once.

Anyway, back to the point of today's entry. So I'm thumbing through the latest edition of "Love and Rockets" - the long-running, hilarious, disturbing, occasionally surreal comic created by Los. Bros. Hernandez - and I come upon ... well, just about the most bad-ass single-page comics illustration I've seen in ages:
I immediately scanned it and made it my computer wallpaper. Stacked black words next to stacked, black-clad woman = sensational. This one-page panel captures the spirit of hard-boiled fiction (of the Hammett / Chandler variety) better than almost any contemporary purveyors of so-called "neo-noir," who tend to force the issue and confuse overt profanity and sex and violence with hard-boiled style. Now "Love and Rockets" is quite different in spirit from classic hardboiled fiction, but I'm legitimately impressed with Xaime Hernandez's ability to evoke the essence of hard-boiled in so deceptively simple a picture. Great example, also, of how the division between words and pictures in analyses of comics is so often a false one. The way those words look is at least as important as what they say. Words and woman form parallel texts, telling parallel stories ... can you tell how much I love this picture? It's not often that something I read makes me stop dead in my tracks, and then compels me to try to write about it. Oh, and the pin-up on the back cover of this issue is not bad either:


fun, gorgeous, simple but elegant, retro but original. I really gotta read back issues of this comic...

American Idol: Down to ... 6?

"Worst Episode Ever"

So the big "Idol Gives Back" 2-hr extravaganza occurred last night and it was one of the most awkward and comically uneven two hours of TV I've ever seen, or been near. Let's look at Highlights (short list) and Lowlights (sommmmmmewhat longer)

HIGHLIGHTS:

1. Kelly Clarkson and Jeff Beck - when I heard about this pairing, I thought "Really? Do these two even live on the same planet? Come to think of it ... when's the last time Anyone saw or heard of Jeff Beck?" And the performance ... well, it looked a little awkward, in that he stood way back, like he was trying to be as unpresupposing as possible - almost like he was embarrassed to be there. But Kelly. . . . holy mother of all that is good and pure, she can sing. The song: "Up to the Mountain," which my cursory research tells me is a fairly recent offering from Patty Griffin, though it felt like a much older song. Basically, I spent the whole of Tuesday and Wednesday Idols wondering when someone, anyone, was gonna sing "A Change is Gonna Come" by Sam Cooke. Kelly's performance was as close as anyone got, and the most "inspirational" thing anyone sang all week.

2. "The Simpsons" - the all-new animation, where Marge, Lisa, and Homer play Randy, Paula, and Simon, respectively, and they judge Simon Cowell (as himself) singing "Don't You Wish Your Boyfriend was Hot Like Me" - the whole thing had me genuinely laughing (which the regular "Simpsons" TV show has failed to do much lately, frankly). Simon's singing was kinda dumb, but the send-up the judges was hilarious. Makes me really Really look forward (even more than before) to the upcoming "Simpsons" movie (this summer).

3. Ryan blows the intro - did the west coast see this? The camera pans along the contestants toward Ryan, who starts talking but totally and utterly muffs his line. He then tells "Jimmy" or whatever the cameraman's name is to back the camera up and do the intro over. Awesome glitch to start off the night.

LOWLIGHTS:

1. No Elimination - total rip-off. You're safe, you're safe, you're safe ... Chris, you're safe. That just leaves Jordin. And she is ... safe too. Nobody gets killed on "Idol Gives Back." Next week, Idol Taketh Away two contestants, so ... more bloodshed and heartache for my buck.

2. Bad clothing - all six contestants dressed in white, as if they had all died and returned as angels, or were going to play angels in some dreadful musical.

3. Ellen - normally like her, and she did her best, but the whole back-and-forth between Disney and the normal Idol venue felt so forced and weird and random and arbitrary. Plus, the guest list was ... well, random.

4. The "talent" - I love Earth, Wind, & Fire, but ... what a weird way to open your show - with 60-yr-old guys singing 30-yr-old songs in a medley, having Nothing to do with "inspiration" or "giving" or whatever the theme was supposed to be. And "Il Divo?" If they had been followed by actual DEVO, I would have been happy. But no such luck.

5. Celine - if you never hated Celine before, now you have a new reason to consider trying. She sang a duet with dead Elvis (from his '68 comeback special). To her credit, she could barely bring herself to keep up the pretense that a live Elvis was singing alongside her. I think I saw her glance in his (alleged) direction once, and then really try to do so a second time. I'm not a big fan of exploiting the dead in this fashion. That said, dead Elvis totally outsang living Celine.

6. Death - OK, the show does a good job of showing the extent of the horrible unnecessary death in Africa, but it got to feel a little exploitative after a while. Plus, it was very jarring to go from "baby dies of malaria" to "Celine sings with dead Elvis" to "emaciated A.I.D.S. mother suffers in stifling heat" to "B-list celebrities lip-sync 'Stayin' Alive.'"

7. My money goes where? - The producers did a HORRIBLE job of convincing me that I should give money to them as opposed to some other charity. Where was the explanation of where the money would go, who, exactly, would be administering it, how much would actually get to people, etc. etc. Kids are dying, send money. It was too simplistic to pry money out of me (I gave $50 to breast cancer research yesterday, completely coincidentally). Did they think that Idol viewers are shallow enough that they just need to have their heartstrings pulled and that'll be enough? I'm all for, ALL FOR, a renewed focus on reducing abject poverty and stopping preventable diseases from spreading, but you need to document your plan of action better if you want my $$$.

8. Madonna and Bono make appearances ... but don't sing? - wasn't sure to put this under "highlights" or "lowlights," but it was rather weird to have two of the biggest names in music on your allegedly big-deal show and not have either of them favor us with a tune. Bono was really condescending toward Idol, suggesting that he cares so damned much about Africa that he, the Great Bono, was willing to debase himself by appearing on this show and talking to these pop singers. Madonna was in Malawi with a dozen or so of her latest illegal adoptees. Somebody stop her! I will say that, as always, she looks fucking hot.

So thanks, Idol, for awakening my long-dormant cynicism about giving to charity. I will give some money away, but not to you.

And next week better see the end of Chris, one way or the other, or there will be hell to pay.

American Idol: Down to 6

"Near Miss"

Well, I have thought for a while now that Lakisha would be this year's Jennifer Hudson and get sent home Well before her time, and that nearly happened last night. As my friend Andrew said, though, perhaps this will light a fire under her, because she has been Seriously underperforming. Andrew was happy Blake was in the bottom 3. I was not. Chris MUST be the next to go - that defense of "nasally" alone should be cause for his instant ejection from the show. I LOVED how they showed All of Simon's Tuesday-night reactions to Chris - what a greatly terrible coincidence that Simon appears to be dismissively rolling his eyes at Chris's good thoughts for the people affected by the VT massacre. It has the appearance of pure evil that you rarely get to see. It's something a super-villain would do. Of course he clearly was not paying attention to a damn thing Chris was saying at that point, having (understandably) tuned him out when he defended "nasally" as "a kind of singing."

So the Sanjaya buffer is gone. Everyone is potentially in danger now (except Melinda - that girl's gonna win it all). How do I love them? Let me rank them.

6. Chris - please do not vote for him. If you like Boy Band, vote Blake, who at least knows that you sing with your mouth, not your nose.

5. Penishead - no longer my least favorite. I worry that he will last longer than he should (top 3)

4. Jordin - I know, 4 is low for her, but I have not been wowed the way others have. She is like a more talented Diana DiGarmo to me; something rubs me the wrong way.

3. Lakisha - slipping ... she must make her triumphant comeback Next Week!

2. Blake - he is the guiltiest pleasure ever. The song he sang this week ("When the Stars Go Blue"), was written and first recorded by Ryan Adams, not Tim McGraw, by the way. That's RYAN Adams, not BRYAN Adams. Do not make that mistake. I hear he hates it.

1. Melinda - clearly in a class by herself right now. Lakisha is the only person whose talent even comes close to Melinda's. The only person who can beat Melinda, I think, is Jordin, mainly because she's talented enough AND kids are apt to vote for her more than they are for Melinda.

More next week, for sure.

RP

Stocking Stuffer?

"While meandering the aisles of Barnes & Noble today, I saw ..."An entire UNO deck dedicated to David Ortiz, and it comes in a jersey-shaped box!? Why is my birthday so far away!? Surely there is some baseball-related drinking game just waiting to be invented here...

If they'd given Manny Ramirez the UNO treatment, I'd have already bought a dozen decks and wallpapered my office with the cards.