Sunday, September 5, 2010

Paperback 348: River Queen / Charles N. Heckelmann (Graphic Giant G-221)

Paperback 348: Graphic Giant G-221 (2nd ptg, 1957)

Title: River Queen
Author: Charles N. Heckelmann
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $6


Best things about this cover:

  • That's up there with the most maniacal expressions I've ever seen on these covers
  • Either his upper body is way out of proportion to his lower body, or that is one blousey top
  • Look at his right pinky—it's like he's holding a cup of tea
  • Her boobs are going to come out of that dress in 5, 4, 3 ...
  • Fear hand!
  • "Rawhide II: Rawhider!"
  • "War and Love on the Mighty ... Missouri?" Really? I'm sure it's a fine river, but it feels like carob to the Mississippi's chocolate, i.e. a poor substitute
  • "Heckelmann?" Really?


Best things about this back cover:

  • That boat explosion looks like it was drawn by a child—a child who has no concept of how things explode. I mean, the boat appears to be utterly intact. The explosion lines are comically straight and debris-free. The explosion *does* appear to have catapulted those two fighting guys high into the air—that's *pretty* realistic.
  • "Indian-proof," HA ha. Wonder what SPF that is.
  • "Hey, baby, mind if I battle my way up your flaming shores...?"
Here's the title page illustration:


Page 123~

The flag whipped jauntily in the stiff, morning breeze.

That comma is super ridiculous.


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Wade said...


I know this old man who has all kinds of crazy as shit sayings that he just drops out there without even meaning to be funny, one of which is referring to a woman with prominent boobs as wearing a rawhide bra (because it heads 'em up and moves 'em out.)

Others: "I just want to get this like Watergate behind me," and "She asked if we were keeping busy and I said we were just humping away down here like little showdogs."

Rex Parker said...

"... down here ... ?" Is he on the floor? Or in Florida?


Anonymous said...

He's rebel-proof and Indian-proof, but is he 80% proof?

Frank said...

Queen of the "flaming" Missouri? Mary, please!

Nicole "Gidget" Kalstein said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nicole "Gidget" Kalstein said...

@Wade, I love the rawhide bra comment. I am definitely using that from now on. Also, the page 123 excerpt...there is no way that sentence isn't somehow about a penis.

al boraq said...

Given our hero's "blousey top", his 'cocked' pinky looking "like he's holding a cup of tea", the 'stiff' whatever involved with the 'jauntily' waving flag, and his grim determination to get his man, I find myself wondering just who the River Queen is - the heroine, the boat, or him?

Pax said...

He apparently agrees with you about the Henkelman name so these are his pseudonyms. Why have only one?

[Cliff Campbell, Jackson Cole, Andrew Griffin, Charles Lawton, Charles Mann, Chuck Mann, Mat Rand, James Rourke, Charles Smith, Reeve Walker]