Tuesday, April 17, 2007

American Idol: The Final 7

"Jesus, Take the Remote"

I missed last week's "American Idol" because I was in Mexico - they get FOX there, so I thought I might break free to watch it, but alas, no. And it turns out I didn't miss much. I watched the episodes I'd missed when I got back, and I have this to say: Man Did Last Week Suck. The only good thing I can say about Jennifer Lopez was that she was a way better "coach" than the useless Gwen Stefani. But that's neither here nor there. None of the singers was any good - even Melinda was mediocre. How bad was it? I liked Blake better than Melinda, that's how bad. That right there is the world upside down, that's what that is. The bottom three were all entirely acceptable and the worst person got the boot: Nearly Naked Hayley. Good riddance, and enjoy your future career as a stripper / soft-core porn actress.

Tonight, the final 7 sang Kountry & Western for us, tutored amiably if ineffectually by Martina McBride, who is apparently astonishingly popular even thought neither my wife nor I could (as my wife said) "pick her out of a line-up." I think Carrie Underwood and other former Idol folk have sung Ms. McBride's songs before on the show. Anyway, country always sucks for everyone who isn't country.


  • Penishead, who still sucks, but sounded better than he has since the finals began
  • Blake, who can apparently sing anything in his Blakean way and make it sound passable
  • Melinda, who tore up a fast-paced sassy little number no one had ever heard of before


  • Lakisha, who shouted fucking "Jesus, Take the Wheel" like she was telling her downstairs neighbors to shut the hell up
  • Chris, who ... I can't even remember, but I know it was "nasally" (Chris actually defended "nasally" as "a kind of singing" - seriously, in earnest, he did)
  • Sanjaya, whose hair won the battle of hair v. bandana, and who was, as they say, "pitchy"

I have no opinion about Jordin, who was passable as she stood there and just belted a song about a broken wing (sadly, not the Mister Mr. song).

Even though Penishead was adequate, I still fully expect to see him in the bottom three tomorrow, though, for the first time, Lakisha might actually be in trouble. Who's going home? Well, hmmm. I think Sanjaya and Chris will be in bottom two, and Chris will end up going home. I just hope Lakisha survives.



Anonymous said...

Yay -- I've been waiting for you AI write-up! I actually got to watch the show on TV instead of finding decent YouTube clips.

I agree with you in the main, except . . .

Something is wrong with Blake's eyes. He looks kind of dead back there. I'm not getting a connection. "Passable" is about all he gets from me -- although that is plenty good to keep you alive in Season 6, apparently.

Jordin -- You need to open your heart to Jordin, as she might say if she were Madonna. She's no Melinda, but I think she's closing in on Lakisha. But yes, please let Lakisha stay another week at least.

In my ideal world, it comes down to the battle of the 3 ladies, but I know that can't happen.

I figure Sanjaya has at least another week in him, so *please* let it be Chris. (After that "nasally" dispute, he clearly must go.)

Would that Samantha or Sabrina could come back as a wildcard.

Rex Parker said...

I think Samantha and Sabrina are witches. Do you mean Stephanie and Sabrina?

Jordin has that precociousness, that slight fakeness, that bugs me. I would love her if she were 5-10 years older, I think.

If Melinda doesn't win this thing, then something is horribly wrong with the world. Moreso.


GEO President said...

It took me awhile to warm up to Jordin, myself, but she seems to get better every damn week. Sure, that has a lot to do with the fact that she had some really sub-par performances in the beginning, but she's definitely on an upward trajectory. Lakisha, on the other hand, who has more mature pipes, has been erratic in her execution of late. Of course, the Lakisha / Jordin debate, for me, is about second, or even third, place. Melinda to the end of the line!

Anonymous said...

I watched American Idol for the first time five or six weeks ago and have been watching it ever since. In the first episode I saw, Lakisha and Melinda were so much better than everyone else that it was hardly worth discussing. Melinda has been consistently excellent ever since, but Lakisha has struggled.

None of the guys are any good and country night highlighted that. When I think of a good country singer, I think of someone with a deep rich voice. No guy was even close. Blake has been occasionally OK, but neither Chris, Phil nor Joke-jaya has any talent.

Jordin has shown the most improvement and I frankly thought her performance last night was spectacular. I believe that she and Melinda will be the final two.

I think tonight will truly test the show's credibility. If Sanjaya doesn't go tonight off an unspeakably bad performance, how can they every get him off?

Eggmaster said...

wow, best title ever.