Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Paperback 437: Substitute Sinners / John Dexter (Sundown Reader 614)

Paperback 437: Sundown Reader SR614 (PBO, 1966)

Title: Substitute Sinners
Author: John Dexter
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $20


Best things about this cover:
  • From the author who brought you the klassic "A Thousand Beds" (1967) comes ... this!
  • "Your regular sinner is out today. I'm your substitute sinner: Charlene."
  • Her hair = mastodon tusks
  • Love the admiring grin on Joe Handsome Pool.
  • So you just walk around holding that towel in place all day?
  • Joe emerges from his private pool forest while Angela executes a perfect head-first slide into third base and Charlene holds a tutorial in obi-tying. This is an eclectic and talented bunch. Who knew Esalen could be such fun?


Best things about this back cover:
  • I really want to know whose job it was to tourettically shout out pseudo-sexual nonsense phrases for these BOLD! ital. BOLD! back covers. I should have a special tag just for this type of cover. Too bad there's not a Nobel Prize for Unintentionally Goofy Sex Poetry.
  • "No one can outfox me from my sex ambush," bragged Chick, nonsensically.

Page 123~

"Suppose I had you hypnotized, gave you a gun, and told you to shoot George. Ninety-nine times out of one hundred, you would refuse the command and either wake up or remain asleep without any action. But if I told you George was a ravenous grizzly bear about to attack you and you family, you would shoot the hell out of him."

At this point, George, who had come to this retreat solely for the promise of outdoor naked hot-tubbing, became understandably worried.


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Sean Brodrick said...

That has to be one of the most bizarre page 123s yet. I loved the cover -- great stuff. And "Sin Ambush" would be a great game for Parker Brothers to print. Christmas isn't that far off.

Katie said...

Did Joe Handsome Pool lose his trunks? I think Angela Side-Boob is missing her bikini bottoms, too. How embarrassing for them.

borky said...


Their sordid secret'd begun simply enough: as Netty Noknickers'd lain by the pool she'd dreamily mused, "Gee, wouldn't it be great if every day could be like Christmas?"

Suddenly Tamara Tusk-Hair'd whipped out gay Todd Torso's testicles, showered them with glitter, and said, "How's that for a couple of jingle bells?"

How they'd all laughed, little suspecting the sleigh ride of festive depravity they'd embarked on.

But as Todd watched Tamara towel away the pine needles surrounding the gaping orifice which'd once been her arsehole, he gripped the bars tightly and began excitedly pounding his own buns up and down the top of the fir tree.

"All those years ago the other kids'd laughed at me when I revealed my secret most heartfelt wish," he sighed, even as the needles entered him ever higher, "But it's me who's the one laughing now - because I really did get to be the fairy on the Christmas tree!"

S.L. Stevens said...

Maybe it's just me, but the standing woman's left boob looks like it's a cup size larger than the right one.

S.L. Stevens said...

And I just noticed that the man's left arm is rather short and perhaps even withered compared to his right. Perspective is for squares!

Doug Brunell said...

This is just about perfect, isn't it? I think I want to write a modern-day novel written like these.