I missed last week's "American Idol" because I was in Mexico - they get FOX there, so I thought I might break free to watch it, but alas, no. And it turns out I didn't miss much. I watched the episodes I'd missed when I got back, and I have this to say: Man Did Last Week Suck. The only good thing I can say about Jennifer Lopez was that she was a way better "coach" than the useless Gwen Stefani. But that's neither here nor there. None of the singers was any good - even Melinda was mediocre. How bad was it? I liked Blake better than Melinda, that's how bad. That right there is the world upside down, that's what that is. The bottom three were all entirely acceptable and the worst person got the boot: Nearly Naked Hayley. Good riddance, and enjoy your future career as a stripper / soft-core porn actress.
Tonight, the final 7 sang Kountry & Western for us, tutored amiably if ineffectually by Martina McBride, who is apparently astonishingly popular even thought neither my wife nor I could (as my wife said) "pick her out of a line-up." I think Carrie Underwood and other former Idol folk have sung Ms. McBride's songs before on the show. Anyway, country always sucks for everyone who isn't country.
- Penishead, who still sucks, but sounded better than he has since the finals began
- Blake, who can apparently sing anything in his Blakean way and make it sound passable
- Melinda, who tore up a fast-paced sassy little number no one had ever heard of before
- Lakisha, who shouted fucking "Jesus, Take the Wheel" like she was telling her downstairs neighbors to shut the hell up
- Chris, who ... I can't even remember, but I know it was "nasally" (Chris actually defended "nasally" as "a kind of singing" - seriously, in earnest, he did)
- Sanjaya, whose hair won the battle of hair v. bandana, and who was, as they say, "pitchy"
I have no opinion about Jordin, who was passable as she stood there and just belted a song about a broken wing (sadly, not the Mister Mr. song).
Even though Penishead was adequate, I still fully expect to see him in the bottom three tomorrow, though, for the first time, Lakisha might actually be in trouble. Who's going home? Well, hmmm. I think Sanjaya and Chris will be in bottom two, and Chris will end up going home. I just hope Lakisha survives.