2 books handed to me at the American Crossword Puzzle Tournament: Book 2

Title: Consultation Room (Pocket 654, 1st ptg, 1949)
Author: Frederic Loom, M.D.
Cover artist: Stanley Meltzoff

Yours for: not for sale

• "What's the matter, doctor? Do my boobs ... frighten you?" "Er, I'll just put the stethoscope ... uh ... here, or ..." "Be a man!"
• "Normally, patients sit down for this exam. Also, normally they don't wear wedding dresses to the exam."
• This book should be called "What the Gigantic Brass Door Handle Knows"
• "My world has revolved around sex as a pivot" — "... as a pivot"?? That's redundant *and* stupid.
• "Frank!" I love when paperbacks get "frank." That means people are gonna do it in some non-marital and possibly non-missionary way.

• Clifton Fadiman shows off his mad (mad mad mad) blurbing skills, while the Dayton News tries, and fails, to make up an adjective.
• "From the young wife to the woman of 50" — All the way to 50!? Way to push the envelope, guys.
• "Frank!"

Page 123~

"Don't do it!" she cried when she could speak coherently. "Please let me have my baby now. I don't want to have a Brazilian soldier!"

"Brazilian soldier" being, of course, code for some fairly serious pre-delivery waxing.

~RP

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2 books handed to me at the American Crossword Puzzle Tournament: Book 1

Doug Peterson handed me two books during the American Crossword Puzzle Tournament last weekend. He's a crossword constructor, and a regular reader of this blog. As you'll see, he has a good eye for quality paperback product. To wit:

Title: The Scrambled Yeggs (GM 770, 2nd ptg, '59)
Author: Richard S. Prather
Cover artist: Barye Phillips, I think

Yours for: Not For Sale


There are two things and two things only to say about this cover:

1. YEGGS!
2. SPANKING!

Hot on two counts.

• I'm with him 'til "plastic surgery," where the metaphor (simile, I guess) goes south for me. One of the things I like about vintage women (by which I mean the kinds of women that vintage paperbacks tend to showcase) is that they come from a time before plastic surgery started making (some) women look like scary clowns.
• "I'm broad-minded" = gold.
• Always good to close with a Whitesnake lyric

Page 123~

In the car, I put the gun on the seat to my right and pulled away from the curb. And I was hoping that the same guys who got Kelly would come after me. Those boys needed killing bad and right then I felt ready, willing and able — and maybe even a little eager.

Shell Scott, doing his best Mike Hammer impression (Scott is funnier and less frightening)

~RP

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57 Books from the University Book Sale: Book 49

Title: The Frightened Wife (Dell D154, 1st ptg, 1955)
Author: Mary Roberts Rinehart
Cover artist: William Rose

Yours for: $6

• Little known fact: when frightened, wives produce mysterious jagged white auras.
• I think she's rather beautiful. I especially love her hair, even if it is that weird, champagne-pink color that could only come from a bottle. A bottle from the '50s.

• I get that she was kind of a big deal, but "acknowledged first lady of American fiction?" That's pushing it. Unless this "fact" was simply "acknowledged" by some drunk guy at a Dell Publishing New Year's Eve party.

Page 123~

The detective slid the bottle into his pocket and changed the subject abruptly.

Now that's a sentence.

~RP

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57 Books from the University Book Sale: Book 48

Title: The Window at the White Cat (Dell D411, 1st ptg, 1961)
Author: Mary Roberts Rinehart
Cover artist: Victor Kalin

Yours for: $6

• "Meow, I'm a house."
• Isn't "cathouse" another word for "whorehouse?" Yes. Yes it is.
• Cool wraparound cover by Victor Kalin, though the back just has some Tim Burton-esque tree, the eerie effect of which is deadened by the avalanche of text that's covering it.
• "The Cat With Wide-Set Ears and Mutton-Chops!"

Page 123~

The figure stopped to read the taximeter, shook his fist at the chauffeur, and approached me, muttering audibly.

Isn't muttering inherently audible?

~RP

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57 Books from the University Book Sale: Book 47

Title: Reno Rendezvous (Popular 60-2119, 1st ptg, 1967)
Author: Leslie Ford (last one, I swear)
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $7

• Kinky.
• I like how the accidental abrasions on her mouth make her look like a vampire.
• "Thinking about divorce? ... Think Again!" — that should have been the tagline.
• From the neck (*just* below the rope) down, this woman is hot.
• I wish this artist got credit. I'd like to know the name behind this painter with a predilection for neck-snapping. I'll just call him "Snappy." See also...

And the back of "Reno Rendezvous" ...

• "A flying visit to Reno.." — why does that phrasing sound off?
• I wouldn't worry about the "shadow of a noose." I'd worry about the actual noose. That one. There. Around your neck.

Page 123~

She raised her eyes to his, round and blue as delft saucers.

Not so much sexy as comically cartoonish. "You remind me of this anime I saw once..."

~RP

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57 Books from the University Book Sale: Book 46

Title: Murder is the Pay-Off (Popular Library 50-426, 1st ptg, 1960)
Author: Leslie Ford (she can't be stopped)
Cover artist: uncredited

Yours for: $7

• "Here, hold this dead man against your chin. It'll stop the swelling."
• She looks like a lady in a commercial for some cleanser that gets blood stains out of your carpet.
• The horrific palette on Ms. Ford's books continues unabated.
• "Wallop" is a funny word.

• I'm not sure you want to suggest that the reader has to be "dragged along."
• "GUARANTEE!" — I can't wait to see what this "full reading satisfaction" is all about.

Page 123~

Swede Carlson's thick hand planted itself quickly in the dark on Gus Blake's knee.

Mmm, I smell full reading satisfaction up ahead ...

~RP

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57 Books from the University Book Sale: Book 45

Title: The Philadelphia Murder Story (Popular Library SP408, 1960)
Author: Leslie Ford (redefining the word "prolific")
Cover artist: uncredited. Criminally uncredited.

Yours for: $7

• This guy better be a zombie or involved in some kind of performance art because there is no way I'm buying the guy died that way, with his (ghastly) hand lightly fondling a lily pad.
• The hand-flower-face triad is just genius. Absurd, horrific genius. It does not, however, scream "Philadelphia" to me.
• "OK, we got some ideas for the title of your new book. You remember that famous movie, 'The Philadelphia Story?' Yeah, Jimmy Stewart, Katharine Hepburn, right. So we were thinking: 'The Philadelphia ... MURDER ... Story.' Huh? Huh? Whaddya think? Catchy, right? P.S. the cover will feature the undead playing hide-and-seek."

• Talk about giving up — they've not only replicated the front cover painting, but the *front cover blurb* as well.
• Again ... you're saying one thing and I'm seeing another. Didn't see Philadelphia ... not seeing this "web" thing you speak of either.

Page 123~

The people at the Post all had them on their desks for paper weights.

I'm just gonna let that hang there. You can decide for yourself what "them" are.

~RP

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