Paperback 929: You Can Die Laughing / A. A. Fair (Pocket Books 45004)

Paperback 929: Pocket Books 45004 (2nd ptg, 1964)

Title: You Can Die Laughing
Author: A.A. Fair (Erle Stanley Gardner)
Cover artist: photo cover

Estimated value: $5-10

Best things about this cover:

• Yeah, well you can go *$&%^ yourself with this terrible cover, Pocket Books.
• Fully painted covers cost money. This ... doesn't.
• What the hell kind of mask is that? It doesn't even make sense as a decorative mask, as it's ugly as hell. Honestly, I think this "concept" came together in like 30 seconds. Nothing about it makes sense. It is not funny, or creepy, or anything. It is a non-cover. I'm mad at myself for buying this, for any amount of money.

Best things about this back cover:

• Hey there, exclamation point. How you doin'...? You've, uh .... filled out since last I saw you.
• "A figure like one of the babes in the comic strips!" That is a new frame of reference. "Mmm, I really dig her comical proportions and two-dimensionality." 
• Gender-coded font colors! This has been: Great Moments in Reactionary Design ...

Page 123~

Bertha's temper visibly began to rise. "There are times when I could take this paper knife and cut your throat from ear to ear, Donald Lam! What the hell do you mean you rented her?"

Not sure a knife made of paper is going to do much, Bertha. Just punch him in the face. No one will mind.

~RP

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Paperback 928: Murder Up My Sleeve / Erle Stanley Gardner (Pocket Books 4503)

Paperback 928: Pocket Books 4503 (1st ptg, 1962)

Title: Murder Up My Sleeve
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: Uncredited

Estimated value: $10-12 (condition = perfect)

Best things about this cover:

• The best-selling follow-up to "Larceny Down My Pants"
• Wow, that dude's magic carpet ride appears to have gone terribly, horribly wrong
• "Hi, I'm here for the 'Yoga for Mourners' class ... my, that's quite a convincing Corpse Pose you've got there."
• This cover is terrible. It has two good things about it: orange, and title font. The rest is a sketchbook, at best.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Hey, what if, instead of an orange rectangle, we go with, like, a jagged ... orange rectangle?" "Brilliant!"
• More great font action.
• Sleeve gun? Ohhhhhhh, now I get it. Murder up my SLEEVE. Good one. Much better than "Dartgun up My Sleeve." Wordplay!

Page 123~

"Mix the highballs, stupid."

~RP

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Paperback 927: Ashenden / W. Somerset Maugham (Avon PN240)

Paperback 927: Avon PN240 (13th ptg, 1969)

Title: Ashenden
Author: W. Somerset Maugham
Cover artist: Uncredited (who does these awesome psychedelic late '60s Avon covers!?)

Estimated value: $15 (bit scuffed, but very tight, square, barely if ever read)

Best things about this cover:

• This is like "Being There" meets "Laugh-In" meets "Planes Trains and Automobiles" meets "Monty Python" meets "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor MURDER Coat"!
• This cover is Milton Glaser-esque.
• Purple? The spy wore ... purple? Really?

Best things about this back cover:

• It's like a dream catcher ... for breaths.
• There's a lot of "Cold" here. Nothing about the color scheme says "Cold." Earth tones never say "Cold."
• I prefer my dens ruddy.

Page 123~

R. was a soldier and regarded introspection as unhealthy, unEnglish and unpatriotic.

Great sentence, but one that cries out especially hard for an Oxford comma.

~RP

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Paperback 926: The Doom Stone / Cornell Woolrich (Avon T-408)

Paperback 926: Avon T-408 (PBO, 1960) (serialized in Argosy in late '30s)

Title: The Doom Stone
Author: Cornell Woolrich
Cover artist: Uncredited

Estimated value: $15 (tight and complete but super-water-damaged)

Best things about this cover:

• Vampires shower too.
•  "I said MOOD RING, mom. What am I supposed to do with a DOOM STONE?" "I thought you and your little friends could summon the dead, dear."
• No pupils, no nipples, no problem!

Best things about this back cover:

• Skeletor Eastwood and his international gang of the undead want their goddman doom stone back.
• Aw jeez, why are the men always selling their souls and the women giving their bodies. Can't we, just once, reverse that?
• "Insult to Southern womanhood"!? How? I hope the Doom Stone insults some lady's cornbread.

Page 123~

The Chinese girl in the ricksha said, in an astonishingly genuine Cockney accent that must have rubbed off on her from long association with merchant-mariners and limey tars, "Don't tyke too long, byeby. We imes to get there before the plyce closes down, doncher knaow." 

I think I will add Dr. Doncher Knaow to my list of aliases.

~RP

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Paperback 925: The Thin Man / Dashiell Hammett (Perma Books M4202)

Paperback 925: Perma Books M4202 (1st ptg, 1961)

Title: The Thin Man
Author: Dashiell Hammett
Cover artist: Harry Bennett

Estimated value: $15-20 (perfect, square, bright)

Best things about this cover:

• Nick looks like I feel these days. "Fuck all this. Where's the bar?"
• The color shading on this is all kinds of weird. Conventional figurative art that looks like it's been cut out of a magazine by an 8-year-old and then glued into the white rectangle.
• Joey Backwards chair is explaining certain anatomical facts about himself to Millie Sweetgams, much to her amusement.
• ASTA!

 Best things about this back cover:

• Bah. Same.
• Cover is cropped weird. Very close to lopping off lettering on the left.
• "When you were wrestling with Mimi [!?] didn't you get excited." "Oh, a little." Man, between front and back covers, you'd think "The Thin Man" were subtitled "All About Boners."

Page 123~

"Good God, no! She hates men more than any woman I've ever known who wasn't a Lesbian."

Sorry, fans of movie-Nick. Didn't mean to startle you with book-Nick's dickishness. Mix a cocktail and drink until you forget you ever read the above quote.

~RP

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Paperback 924: Night Walk / Elizabeth Daly (Berkley F811)

Paperback 924: Berkley F811 (1st ptg, 1963)

Title: Night Walk
Author: Elizabeth Daly
Cover artist: photo cover

Estimated value: $No Idea—it's sharp and unread, so maybe $10-15 (the prices here are ridiculous)

Best things about this cover:

• Lindsay refused to play the final movement of the piano concerto—but why!? Somebody call Henry Gamadge. . . What do you mean, 'Who?'
• She's either zombie-walking in traffic or contemplating jumping out of a lighthouse. Her face is giving nothing away.
• I confess to being a little bit in love here. When a youthful Elizabeth Montgomery in a powder blue sweater set and perfectly flipped hair stares you dead in the eye with a look that promises nothing specific but everything mysterious ... you go. You drop what you're doing and go. "Fuck it, I'm in," you say.

Best things about this back cover:

• Frazer Mills, LOL. That is one great made-up bucolic-sounding non-urban place name right there.
• Mmm, Miss Bluett. I imagine that's the lady on the front cover. Definitely a plausible town librarian. Also, very Blue (tt).
• No, sorry, Garston is not a name.

Page 123~

"Young people get acquainted rapidly nowadays." He poured drinks.

This is one of my favorite "Page 123"s. A very, very civilized euphemism.

~RP

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Paperback 923: Crime-Craft / ed. Anthony Boucher (Corgi S488)

Paperback 923: Corgi S 488 (1st ptg, 1957)

Title: Crime-Craft—as demonstrated in fifteen topline stories by The Mystery Writers of America
Editor: Anthony Boucher
Cover artist: Oliver Brabbins

Estimated value: $30

Best things about this cover:

• My kingdom for a corgi who fetches books
• That is possibly the most generic hard-boiled face of all time
• Angry Military Dude's Face, brought to you by Nike
• This book is gorgeous, bright, square ... and English. How it ended up in the US, at a university book sale, I do not know.

Best things about this back cover:

• That is ... pretty low-frills
• The one thing this bland back cover does is highlight how nice that Corgi logo is
• Look for the Corgi dog ... which you will be able to identify as a Corgi only by the proximity of the letters "C O R G I," so ... look for those too.

Page 123~ (from "The Fuzzy Things" by D.B. Olsen)

"Keep the child's ears covered," Miss Rachel told Dorothy. She met Mr. Thackley's frantic stare. "The sea cliff," she said softly.

This is some creepy, gothic stuff. Also, that last sentence is pretty, in a lilting, iambic kind of way. "'The sea cliff,' she said, softly...."

~RP

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