Paperback 540: Meet Morocco Jones / Jack Baynes (Crest 1957)

Paperback 540: Crest 195 (PBO, 1957)

Title: Meet Morocco Jones (in the Case of the Syndicate Hoods)
Author: Jack Baynes
Cover artist: maaaaaybe Barye Phillips (uncredited)

Yours for: $15


Best things about this cover:

• Who's the private dick who takes advice from the half-naked lady on his shoulder? "Morocco Jones!" Ya damn right.
• "Morocco, I'm hungry" "Shut up, Shoulder Girl. Can't you see I'm stalking syndicate hoods?"
• There is so much Fail happening here. Title fail (the putative title is actually just a lead-in/tagline, whereas the actual title is represented as a weak little subtitle). Art fail (where's the rest of my painting, Captain Stingy McWatercolor?!). Hyperbole fail ("The best book that's ever been written or will ever be written!").

Best things about this back cover:

• "Helluva" is simply a great "word."
• Morocco Jones "takes his place among the heroes of tough-guy fiction." Notice they don't say which place. Kind of backing off from that front-cover braggadocio, aren't you, copywriters?
• Is there such a thing as "the edge of lightning?" If so, can it be said to be "sharp?" If the answer to either of these is 'no,' can Morocco Jones' mind be said to really 'exist' at all? (philosophers will come to know this as the "Morocco Jones Dilemma")
• "And whose morals ... well, he liked to masturbate in public so ... yeah, the less said the better."

Page 123~

"Who are they, Carson?" Thurm asked gently.
"Skull Kronsky, Duke White, and Solly Cogen."
"Bad, bad boys," Thurm said softly. As bad as some of the Syndicate killers. Lije is not going to like this, Carson."

Jack Baynes, fresh off a correspondence course in "Naming Your Fictional Characters," goes berserk. P.S. I call dibs on the pseudonym 'Skull Kronsky.'

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 539: The Ship With Two Captains / Terence Robertson (Berkley Medallion G402)

Paperback 539: Berkley Medallion G402 (1st ptg, 1960)

Title: The Ship With Two Captains
Author: Terence Robertson
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $8



Best things about this cover:

• This cover fairly shouts the "wah WAH" sound effect.
• There was a time when whatever is happening here would've been manifestly funny, I'm sure, but those hats and those flags don't scream "wacky difference" to me so much as "partners in conquering the world." Cover should've been a study in contrasts, but instead it's Bing Crosby and William Holden waving dainty flags.
• I do like the eye in the periscope, though. I imagine that it is the Devil, who has taken over the submarine and is now going to take Bing and Bill on a hellish journey.

Best things about this back cover:

• I'm sorry. This cover (that is, the first sentence) made me fall asleep and am now too groggy to say anything, witty or otherwise.
• "Army Times" giving a thumbs-up to this book is like "Dog Fancy" giving a thumbs-up to "Benji."

Page 123~

The shells were falling around her now, some salvos just over, the next short and the rest straddling her.

This is way more pornographic than I imagined.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 538: Nightmare Alley / William Lindsay Gresham (Signet 1326)

Paperback 538: Signet 1326 (4th ptg, 1956)

Title: Nightmare Alley
Author: William Lindsay Gresham
Cover artist: James Avati

Yours for: $21



Best things about this cover:

• A noir classic. Early editions (Signets, like this one) are pretty rare. New York Review of Books reissued this book a couple years ago.
• "Nightmare Alley, or The Carny's Ennui"
• "I'm so ashamed that Eddie Munster has to see me in this get-up."
• Not just "frank"—"Brutally Frank!" This book is so frank, it hurts my eyeballs.
• No lie, I love her outfit. Pants could be a little lower-waisted, but the bra is a total win.

Best things about this back cover:

Ooh, the rarely seen "Double Frank" paperback. Nice. Whoa, triple ... though that SF Chronicle quote is really just a callback of the front cover copy.

William Lindsay Gresham is not happy with how this photo session is going.

"Magician."

Page 123~

Under that brilliant stare she began to simper and found it difficult to control her hands.

This explains why she's looking away from him and anchoring her hands on the edge of the, let's say, dunk tank.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 537: Fools Die on Friday / A. A. Fair (Dell 542)

Paperback 537: Dell 542 (1st ptg, 1951)

Title: Fools Die on Friday
Author: A.A. Fair (aka Erle Stanley Gardner)
Cover artist: Robert Stanley

Yours for: not for sale (donation to the collection), but FYI, it's prolly worth about $30

Best things about this cover:

• Reader K. Harvey was helping clean out the house of a friend's aunt and she came across a treasure trove of old paperbacks. She offered to send them to me. I accepted. So a couple days ago I got a box crammed full of Fair/Gardner books (as well as some Leslie Charteris / "Saint" stuff), all of which are in good-to-great condition. There must be 35-40 books in all. A generous donation, from which we will all benefit—I'll try to post all the covers here, sometimes 2 or 3 at a time (to highlight certain stylistic trends) over the course of the summer, while still moving steadily through my collection (don't want to overdose on Gardner). 
• I lead with this cover because it is legendary. Future editions of this book will button her shirt and hide her panties, making her look far more elegant, far less slatternly. I.e. yawn. Behold:

• "... just enough to cover yourself ..." Well, I guess she's ready then.
• I love old half-face there on the left. In particular, his tie. And his eyes. He's doing that "I can magically see behind me" thing that people on paperback covers and in soap operas sometimes do. He looks like every man Robert Stanley ever drew, i.e. like Mike Shayne.
• If it weren't for the boobs, I'd have to say "cross-dresser."

Best things about this back cover:

• Mapback!
• "Real clues" — none of the fake stuff for us, thanks.
• BALLWIN looks allllll kinds of wrong.
• Love the building cutaway—like a giant just tore the top half of the apartment off.

Page 123~

She pushed back her stenographic chair, walked over to a shelf, whipped out a map, and placed it on the counter.

I am slightly in love with the phrase "stenographic chair," which I did not realize until just now was a thing.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 536: The Last Cop Out / Mickey Spillane (Signet Y5626)

Paperback 536: Signet Y5626 (1st ptg, 1973)

Title: The Last Cop Out
Author: Mickey Spillane
Cover artist: photo

Yours for: $10

Best things about this cover:

• The logical end point of the lurid cover arms race: magnificent, unadorned, naked ass.
• I have never hated text more than I do at this moment.
• I seem to remember hearing that the model was Spillane's wife. Likely the same woman who did "The Erection Set" cover.

Best things about this back cover:

• Ugh. Next!
• "Super virile" and you named him "Gillian?" Would've been more "virile" if you'd named him "Gilligan."
• Knowing Spillane, "orgy of blistering destruction" may not be a metaphor.
• "Volcanic explosion," on the other hand—probably a metaphor.

Page 123~

"I was there when Lederer was blowing his top. I could hear him right across the hall. City Hall must have leaned on him because he's gotten all leaves canceled, got the detectives working overtime and eating the ass out of Bill Long because Burke's disappeared someplace and nobody can find him."

It's writing like that that makes me happy the 50s were a more censorious decade—"eating the ass out of" would never have passed muster in the Mike Hammer era, and I'm OK with that.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker at Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 535: Things With Claws / Edited by White and Hallie Burnett (Ballantine 466K)

Paperback 535: Ballantine 466K (PBO, 1961)

Title: Things With Claws
Editors: Whit & Hallie Burnett
Cover artist: Richard Powers

Yours for: $11


Best things about this cover:

• I like titles that could also be answers in the final round of "$100,000 Pyramid": "Cats ... bears ... uh ... handless supervillains..."
• I am guessing that this artist is Richard Powers, only 'cause it seems so aggressively Powersy. It's like Miro and the guy who did the "Fear & Loathing" drawings had a baby in outer space. LOVE all the variations on claws in this painting.
• They really had to break "creatures" there? Right there? Couldn't, I don't know, reformat ever-so-slightly? Kind of kills the impact.

Best things about this back cover:

• Oh, the "famous" Stuart CLOETE, the "legendary" ORESTE F. Pucciani. Trust me, if these folks were truly famous, they'd be in every crossword I ever made for the rest of my life.
• "... and females." Hence the pink.
• See what harm / good covers can do!? "The Doll Maker" looks like the stupidest book ever, while "Zacherley's Vulture Stew" looks like the cover model for God's Own Catalogue of Awesome.

Page 123~

from "Return of the Griffins" by A. E. Sandeling

"You've been away several years," said Gunar, covering his bare feet again with shoes and socks. "What did you do in the time?"

"Took ourselves to the mountains of India," replied the griffin. "Sat in the sun, on the threshold of our calves, or caught the Arimaspi, one-eyed men who seek gold in the mountains, ate them in a shrugging fashion, already gorged with our prowess. I might ask the same question of you. What didn't you do? By Apollo! Procreated not individuals but nations. Took the lid off a water kettle, and what steams out but ships and cities. Times have changed."

So eating the Arimaspi is like eating at Chili's—"Meh. [shrug] It'll do."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 534: Lords of Atlantis / Wallace West (Airmont SF3)

Paperback 534: Airmont SF3 (1st ptg, 1963)

Title: Lords of Atlantis
Author: Wallace West
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $10

Best things about this cover:

• To judge by this cover, Lords of Atlantis were a short-lived New Wave band who died of ennui.
• "The camera's over here guys ... guys? ... aw fuck it, just take the shot."
• You can tell the dude with the '60s iPod / '80s cell phone attached to the back of his space helmet wrote all their music and is just biding his time until he can go solo / write the score for "Inception 5: The Receptioning."

Best things about this back cover:

• More like "Snores of Atlantis"—this story would be a lot more interesting if Jeannie were in that bottle.

Page 123~

"There's a screen in the Bab El engine room," she exclaimed as she manipulated the visor dials. "I must try to tell Refo that I do forgive him. I'll never sleep again if I don't."

"They say this cat Refo is a bad mother... / SHUT YOUR MOUTH! / I'm talkin' 'bout Refo! / NO SERIOUSLY SHUT YOUR MOUTH THAT GUY'S AN IDIOT!"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]