Title: A New Kind of Orgy
Author: Con Sellers
Cover artist: "posed by professional models"
Yours for: Not for Sale—part of the Doug Peterson Collection
Best things about this cover:
- No more togas and vomitoria—it's … a new kind of orgy!
- "OK, people, we're inventing a new orgy here, so … um … First, everyone push your boobs together. OK … that's … yep, get in there … just … ouch! … OK good … alright, this is pretty hot, right? … Now … let's see … hey, wait, don't fall asleep yet, you two!"
- "Feel all strange and squirmy" … Did she drop the pronoun 'cause she's intoxicated? Or is that a command? "I said 'Feel strange and squirmy!' FEEL IT! Don't make me shake my big, now bared bosom at you!"
OK, now for the really good part: Imagine what the author of a book like "A New Kind of Orgy" might look like. Go ahead, imagine it. I'll wait … OK, you got a clear image? Well, did it look anything like this? (warning: brace yourselves):
Best things about this back cover:
- Con Sellers, satanic grave-robbing phys ed teacher.
- Con Sellers, alcoholic sweater fetishist.
- Con Sellers, collector of trinkets, smoker of weed.
- Con Sellers, proud holder of service medals, male fiction writing medals, and other shiny things he keeps in his
home dungeonbasement. - "He's done everything from —" HA ha. Fill in the blank! Even the cover's like "Yep, whatever crazy-ass shit you can imagine, Con Sellers has Done It."
- That smile … it stays with you … trust me.
- Count Chocula, retiree.
- I have never not laughed when looking at this picture. Never. Not once.
Page 123~
Mai gave him a smile. "Nothing to nobody—I know that rule, too. I just don't want you to get hurt, Pio.""How do you think I got my medallion collection, baby? Service to my country? [high and brittle laughter] Oh, Mai, you adorable kid, you. Go fetch me my lounging sweater. And all the weed you can carry."
"Me? Get hurt?" His laugh was high and brittle. "That ain't the way it goes, baby. It's the other guys that get hurt."
~RP
[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]
8 comments:
I love the notion that in his mind, the medals from his army service make him uniquely qualified to write sleazy sex novels.
Also, he won awards for "male fiction writing"? Isn't that just called "fiction writing"? Or is he writing steamy fiction about males as well, possibly under the pseudonym "Pro Buyers"?
The guy certainly looks like a total creep. I have to say that it took me a while to parse the author photo. Going from the title, at first I thought he was holding bondage gear, then I saw it as a bunch of watches. If they hadn't actually mentioned medals, I might never have looked at it closely enough to realize they were medals (well, as a prospective book buyer; obviously here, every detail is scrutinized eventually).
I sort of got the impression that showing off all those medals was saying, "I was really good at killing Nazis so that excuses my writing sleaze. Don't judge!"
I also thought they were chains or watches or some bizarro thing. Medals? Oh, that's what they are. And he really does look exactly like Count Chocula.
I don't know why but this guy has become my hero.
I demand an autobiographical movie be made about his life. Can't think of an actor who could play him, though.
A young Christopher Walken, perhaps?
If these medals are really his, then he is very well decorated soldier for World War Two. It is hard to tell without a color photo, but he is holding a Purple Heart (wounded in combat) a Bronze Star (acts of heroism, acts of merit, or meritorious service in a combat zone) and a Combat infantry badge (awarded to infantrymen who personally fought in active ground combat)
Con Sellers bio: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/354523.Con_Sellers
Dude needs a movie made about his life!
Con appears to be one of those guys, like the Red Sox's Ted Williams, that served in WW2 and was called up again for Korea service. Unfathomable to me.
Really weird picture because his impressive medals of: Combat Infantry Badge (unable to see if it contains a star representing such service in both wars), Purple Heart, and Bronze Star are filled out with a bunch of "everybody gets a prize" stuff like: WW2 Victory Medal, American Campaign Medal (likely didn't go overseas in the big one), Korea Service Medal, UN Koreas Medal and Army Achievement Medal. One of the shoulder cords is also given to all members of the infantry.
I would have thought that just displaying the real awards would have been more impressive. But hanging all of them around your knurled hands and putting it on the back cover of an orgy book -- that is pretty damn weird.
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