Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Paperback 440: What a Body! / Alan Green (Dell 483)

Paperback 440: Dell 483 (1st ptg, 1951)

Title: What a Body!
Author: Alan Green
Cover artist: Gil Darling

Yours for: $13


Best things about this cover:
  • "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy ... oh, it's just a gun."
  • "Hey, easy ... gimme that back. That's my special novelty lighter I got for being second-best regional sales manager in Pensacola."
  • "OK, hon, you hold real still ... I'm gonna practice my ninja moves on you now. First, I crouch in plain sight, in broad daylight, in a sky blue suit. Next ..."


Best things about this back cover:
  • Well, it's legendary, and you can see why.
  • I can't even snark this. It comes pre-snarked.
  • The best part about this chart is the arbitrary numbers. I mean, is there really an 11% chance I'll be able to place my date in my overcoat pocket? One in ten of my dating prospects is roughly the size of a ferret? That number seems awfully high.
  • Was there ever a time where that woman looked appealing? Her boobs are non-existent, which is fine—no reason every woman should be busting out of her clothes—but she also has this odd growth on her head and she appears to have just strangled some poor scraggly bird. She looks like she's on her way to a funeral, or to worship Satan.

Page 123~

Prune-juice fancier that he was, he went on sipping staring into the hypnotic depths of the swimming-pool.
That is surely the only time in the history civilization that that particular opening clause has been used. And for the record, that sentence is punctuated *precisely* as it appears in the book, however unbelievable that may seem.


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Eggmaster said...

Epic. I think they've underrated the miserability factor of books, though.

Zach said...

This is easily my favorite back cover ever, and possibly my favorite book cover overall.

Also, "Prunce-juice fancier that he was" had me laughing very loud at a very inappropriate time (i.e., at work).

Lorraine said...

I was expecting "Infinite" for Woman's Number of Words

Retro Hound said...

Odd they would chose that back cover woman for a book titled "What a Body!"

atomicbird said...

That guy, he's Maxwell Smart, isn't he?

L. said...

What A Body!

Ah, if I had a nickel for every time I've heard that, I'd have ... well, nothing.

Off to cry now.

Deb said...

Oh, atomicbird beat me to the Maxwell Smart reference. The second I saw the cover, I thought, he's about to say, "Missed it by THAT much."

Anonymous said...

If the back cover chick's laughter production is 3%, shouldn't her miserability be 100%?

borky said...


Fifties style '80s Kylie Minogue: "And you reckon it's a unicorn, only an invisible one?"

Ben 'Get Smart' Affleck: "Sure it is! Look, I'm stroking its horn now...although I didn't think they were supposed to get sticky like that..."

Kylie: "And it's picked me, why?"

Ben: "Well, you're a virgin, ain't y'u?"

Kylie: "Er...kind o'...but why does it need my gun?"

Ben: "To protect your chastity."

Kylie: "And I can get rid of it...?"

Ben: "By losing your chastity."

Kylie: "You know what, I prefer the old days when guys used corny lines to get in my knickers, not unicorny lines!"