Title: 5 Beds to Mecca (The Lady from L.U.S.T. #4)
Author: Rod Gray
Cover artist: Uncredited [Paul Rader]
Yours for: Nope—staying here (another gift of the generous Doug Peterson)
Best things about this cover:
- As Doug can testify, this one left me completely speechless—or, rather, it left me saying "Oh my god" repeatedly until I took it all in. I mean ... I've seen the gun/crotch motif before, but scimitar/crotch! That's a new one.
- Well, that's *one* way of taking care of unwanted hair ...
- I am guessing that you were so blown away the vagina dentata that it took you a while to notice that this lady is also carrying a gun (!) in her completely useless garter (!!?).
- The Man from U.N.C.L.E. spawned a number of these kinds of parodies in the '60s. "L.U.S.T." is one of the better acronyms I've seen, in that the literal explanation is completely plausible.
- I think this cover is designed to make you (man) wish you were that sword. Legs spread, hands wrapped around hilt ... etc. Fans of subtlety will have to look elsewhere.
Best things about this back cover:
- Not just white slavery—Milk-white slavery!
- "Hypodermics hiss" is my favorite part of this nonsensical paragraph.
- Kama Sutra? Huh. I guess east is east is east.
- "Shiekh" is apparently a brand of shoes. I've never seen that spelling otherwise.
"Unbelievable," she whispered. "There is no sag, despite their size. It is as if they were equipped with springs."
Other randomly pulled quotes include:
"My vaginae constrictor muscles were the only part of me that moved."
"You have a couple of cannons yourself," he quipped, eyeballing my female-female breasts, all 38 inches D cup of them, where they stood at attention, brown nipples saluting. They were rock hard as they aimed themselves at his broad chest."
"Let's shoot each other," I suggested.
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