Title: The Chic Chick Spy ("The Miss from S.I.S.")
Author: Bob Tralins
Cover artist: uncredited
Yours for: SOLD (5/27/08)
Best things about this cover:
- Another great cover copy claim - first, promises of vomit; now, declarations of absurdity.
- Love the ironic, self-referential, falsely modest cover copy ("Absolutely nothing in it is true ... you couldn't spend a better 50 cents")
- Is this woman a. directing traffic, b. casting spells, or c. fending off a defensive tackle?
- I love her murderous dance style: "L ... is for the way I Lacerate ... your faaaace..."
- Either a sniper is preparing to shoot her or she is able to jam enemy sonar with a tiny machine located in the underwire of the bra she isn't wearing.
- I submit that if this woman let her arms hang at her sides, she would be able to scratch her shins without bending at the waist one bit.
Best things about this back cover:
- "Booby sexed" - furthermore, "booby sexed." How am I supposed to pay attention to anything else on this cover?
- "... an organization that was making men feel queer and women feel like men" - OK, I'm going to have to read this if only to figure out how "booby sexed" fits into this whole queer / transgender theme. Do men grow boobies? Do women start ogling boobies? Are we sure that Ed Wood didn't write this?
- This is perhaps the only back cover in my collection that ends with an honest-to-god orgasm.
- This book is grimy. Solid, but covered with a thin layer of grime. I can't imagine what could have soiled it in precisely this fashion. It's as if it's been artfully basted with mud.
Page 123~ (this better be good...)
When she mounted the steps, she seemed to be weighed down by an enormous weight.
I'm sorry, I'm sure there are more lurid sentences on this page, but this is the first thing my eyes landed on, and it made me laugh out loud. "Mounted" was funny enough, but then ... well, here's how I imagine the author conceived the sentence:
- Author: "'When she mounted the steps, she seemed to be weighed down by ... by ...' Hmm, I know she needs to be weighed down by something, but what? ... [phones editor] ... yeah, hi Joe, I just wrote the part where she mounts the steps..."
- Joe: "Uh huh"
- Author: "... and I'm trying to describe how she's 'weighed down,' you know? But I can't think of what she could be weighed down by. I know it should be something big ... or giant. Maybe huge."
- Joe: "How about an enormous weight?"
- Author: "'... weighed down by an enormous weight.' Hey, that's good. I like how 'weight' sorta conveys the whole idea of being 'weighed down.' Thanks, Joe."