Saturday, April 25, 2015

Paperback 873: Case of the Village Tramp / Jonathan Craig (Gold Medal 930)

Paperback 873: Gold Medal 930 (PBO, 1959)

Title: Case of the Village  Tramp
Author: Jonathan Craig
Cover artist: Uncredited

Estimated value: $15-20

GM930
Best things about this cover:

  • Detective Peter Selby prepares to add another tiara to his collection.
  • Detective Peter Selby could use a new mattress too, actually, now that he thinks of it.
  • Today this apartment goes for $1.8 million.
  • I want to go to the Village Bar. Right now. I think Detective Peter Selby does too.
  • One Red Shoe is paperback code for TRAMP (I guess).


GM930bc
Best things about this back cover:

  • The belt.
  • "Small *black* pumps? [Looks at cover] Aw, crap, someone get the art department on the phone!"
  • I feel like "this was the Big Sleep" needs a HUGE asterisk next to it.


Page 123~

"You're talking to the wall, lover," she said. "Good-by and good luck."

Another great line I insist you use today. I need to start a compilation. Maybe a line of t-shirts.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Friday, April 24, 2015

Paperback 872: The Baited Blonde / Robinson MacLean (Dell 508)

Paperback 872: Dell 508 (1st ptg, 1951)

Title: The Baited Blonde
Author: Robinson MacLean
Cover artist: Robert Stanley

Estimated value: $10-15

Dell508
Best things about this cover:

  • Mike had his own special way of taking a woman's pulse.
  • Mike was never very good at dancing.
  • Mike always had trouble getting the store mannequins into naturalistic poses.
  • You do *not* want to fuck with Mike's hookah. You just don't.


Dell508bc
Best things about this back cover:

  • Middle East Mapback! With the Suez Canal inset! Hot.
  • "How 'bout instead of Iran … a sad strip club?" "Go for it!"
  • Screw you, Cyprus! No pink tint for you!


Page 123~

And after you open a can of salmon you got to do something. 

Best motivational poster caption ever. If you don't use this line today, tomorrow, and for the rest of your life, something is wrong with you.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Paperback 871: Dictators Die Hard / Robert A. Levey // Evil is the Night / John Creighton (Ace D-393)

Paperback 871: Ace Double D-393 (1st ptg / PBO)

Titles: Dictators Die Hard / Evil is the Night
Authors: Robert A. Levey / John Creighton
Cover artists: Uncredited / Uncredited

Estimated value: $25-30

AceD393A
Best things about this cover:

  • Dictators Die Hard—Stenographers Spank Harder!
  • Dictators Die Hard—You're Looking At My Chest, Aren't You?
  • I love the composition of this cover. Logically, this must depict two different scenes, but I like the idea of her staring down the gunman. "Oh, am I distracting you?" "I hope you're man enough to make the shot." "You *better* not be pointing that thing at me." "Hurry up so we can go riding, you tiresome lout!"
  • She borrowed her ascot from a foppish squirrel.


AceD393B
Best things about this other cover:

  • Jenga!
  • I hate to think where that thing's been.
  • "I'm thinking of calling my book 'Tender is the Night'" "That title's taken." "Hmmm…."


Page 123~

I stared at McMahon, and Hibbs scowled at me. Nobody said anything. It was an uncomfortable moment. 

This took 9th place in Yakima County's "Write Like Raymond Carver Day" competition.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Friday, April 17, 2015

Paperback 870: Saigon / Nick Carter (Award Books A122F)

Paperback 870: Award Books A122F (PBO, 1964)

Title: Saigon
Author: Nick Carter [Michael Avallone & Valerie Moolman]
Cover artist: Uncredited

Estimated value: $7

AwardA122F
Best things about this cover:

  • Nothing says "Saigon" like a white lady in lacy lingerie on a candy-striped couch. I always say.
  • Nick Carter is the Ellery Queen of spy "chillers." Is he the author? The character? Both? Neither? The Smug Floating Head of Nick Carter says "Don't overthink it, baby. Just chill on my couch and I'll bring you a drink. [looks at her hand] OK, five drinks."


AwardA122Fbc
Best things about this back cover:

  • Spy vs. Spy > this.
  • If you're a big fan of torture / rape, then … "Saigon," I guess. Jeez.
  • Nick Carter went on to make millions in the exercise equipment market, though sales didn't really take off until he changed "Killmaster" to "Thighmaster."


Page 123~

The blade flicked from the narrow haft without a whisper. Nick crouched. Sighted. And threw. The head turned slightly. Beautiful!

Nick Carter: Eroticizing Ice-Pick Death Scenes Since 1964

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Friday, April 10, 2015

Paperback 869: N Or M? / Agatha Christie (Dell 187)

Paperback 869: Dell 187 (1st ptg, 1947)

Title: N Or M?
Author: Agatha Christie
Cover artist: Gerald Gregg

Estimated value: $10-15

Dell187
Best things about this cover:

  • Norm!
  • The cigarette is puzzled. "What the hell does 'NORM' mean?" it wonders.
  • Design on this is so bizarre. Everything's laid out at odd angles, the cigarette ashes have an eerie, vermiform look to them, and the whole thing kinda looks like a white whale with "NorM" tattooed to the side of its face is trying to fight the scourge of smoking by devouring all related paraphernalia in its sight.
  • Gerald Gregg is a cover artist god. As early, non-sexy paperback covers go, his weird abstractions are my favorite.


Dell187bc
Best things about this back cover:

  • Mappington! Backington! These never get old.
  • If you call your place "Smuggler's Rest," the cops *are* going to find you.
  • "Road." LOL. Thanks, map!
  • If the devil doesn't live at Sans Souci, he will soon.


Page 123~

"Friends of friends of yours, I think you said?" Tommy suggested mendaciously.

Tommy always was a mendacious little bastard. I've always said that about him.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Paperback 868: Framed In Blood / Brett Halliday (Dell 578)

Paperback 868: Dell 578 (1st ptg, 1952)

Title: Framed in Blood
Author: Brett Halliday
Cover artist: Robert Stanley

Estimated value: $10

Dell578
Best things about this cover:

  • "Mmm hmm, I'd like to frame *that* in blood … wait, that came out creepy."
  • Sideboob. Someone call HuffPo.
  • "Was it an accident she left the door open? … I mean, it's like she *wants* me to furtively masturbate in her living room or something."
  • And when the fairy princess finished her Tai Chi, Mike knew he'd wasted his time.


Dell578bc
Best things about this back cover:

  • Mmmmapback!
  • Mmmmmiami!
  • Mmmmike Shayne!
  • Mmmmmasturbation! (see cover)
  • Oooh, Ned Brooks' apartment. That *is* interesting.


Page 123~

Shayne's sore face muscles rebelled at an attempt at a wry grimace.

In fact, most of Mike's muscles rebelled at the shit Mike tried to do. You see, Mike was an idiot, and...

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Paperback 867: The Dutch Shoe Mystery / Ellery Queen (Pocket Books 2202)

Paperback 867: Pocket Books 2202 (11th ptg, 1958)

Title: The Dutch Shoe Mystery
Author: Ellery Queen
Cover artist: Jerry Allison

Estimated value: $10-15

PB2202
Best things about this cover:

  • This cover says a lot of things, but one of the things it does *not* say is "Dutch Shoe."
  • "But she could be number! NUMBER!"
  • Pretty sure that's not a regulation police hold—at least not with gun drawn. Does look cool, though.


PB2202bc
Best things about this back cover:

  • Ooh, signed by quote-unquote Ellery Queen. How elegant.
  • "The patient was rich Abigail Doorn, whose money ran the hospital." Yeah, see, you would never introduce anyone "rich so-and-so," and also "whose money ran the hospital" kind of covers that.
  • Also maybe don't put "more than life-size portrait of a heroic doctor" next to a super-tiny portrait of a doctor.


Page 123~

Djuna leaped out of his kitchen at the shrill br-r-ring of the telephone bell. "For you, Dad Queen."

I really, really want to believe that a Dad Queen is some kind of sex thing. Something men named "Djuna" would be in to. Please don't shatter my illusions, thanks.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]