Showing posts with label Midwood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Midwood. Show all posts

Monday, September 15, 2014

Paperback 815: This Is Elaine / Jason Hytes (Midwood F229)

Paperback 815: Midwood F229 (PBO, 1963)

Title: This Is Elaine
Author: Jason Hytes
Cover artist: Paul Rader

Yours for: $25


Best things about this cover:

  • Whoa. I was never a big "Seinfeld" fan, but maybe I need to reconsider …
  • I love how happy is to be warming her bare bottom with the flame of a single candle. It's the simple pleasures…
  • I am laughing so hard imagining the sad person sitting on the broken Merry-Go-Round of Sex.
  • Hmm. Define "Bestseller."
  • "Sex Before Six," the best-selling follow-up to "Fucking Before Five Fifteen."


Best things about this back cover:

  • I'd like to speak to the mayor.
  • "Jason Hytes has exposed their wanton merry-go-round of sex…" Wait, is this non-fiction? Did he go undercover, as it were?
  • At this point, if there is not an Actual Merry-Go-Round Of Sex in this book, I will be very, very disappointed, Jason Hytes.

Page 123~
Clay Brackett moved out of a group of men to block her path, his darkly handsome face flushed and lusting.
"Flushed and Lusting: The Clay Brackett's Face Story"


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Sunday, June 22, 2014

Paperback 791: Camera Club Model / James Harvey (Midwood F253)

Paperback 791: Midwood F253 (PBO, 1963)

Title: Camera Club Model
Author: James Harvey
Cover artist: photo cover

Yours for: $10


Best things about this cover:

  • Armpit fetishists, you're in luck!
  • Offscreen mystery hand preserves the modesty. I'm imagining the photographer of this picture directing the photographers *in* the picture: "Little to the right … down … perfect!"
  • This is a great angle for the lower half of her body and a Terrible angle for everything else. It's all weird angles and lack of definition. Also, she looks like she's complaining about the fact that she's being arrested. Not sexy.
  • Dude in background has mastered the perv-clutch hand position.
  • I like how James Harvey is branching out in the kinds of models he is writing about.


Best things about this back cover:

  • I prefer to take the big first word in isolation: SOMETHING! Such an intriguingly vague come-on.
  • Needs to be a comma after "spotlight."
  • I like how the first sentence tells us what we Just Saw On The Other Side Of This Book.
  • "The odor of their combined lust" just killed mine.
  • And the final bottom word, again, better in isolation. "Now let's try something really different. DIFFERENT!!!!!"

Page 123~

Betty went through her derriere poses. 

She took shadow puppetry to a whole new level.


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Saturday, November 23, 2013

Paperback 721: Operation: SEX / Kimberly Kemp (Midwood F181)

Paperback 721: Midwood F181 (PBO, 1962)

Title: Operation: SEX 
Author: Kimberly Kemp
Cover artist: Paul Rader

Yours for: $30


Best things about this cover:
  • I have an alternative title for this book: Naughty Pine.
  • This cover manages to be both deeply disturbing and super hot. Indirect evidence of nudity = very effective.
  • You have to love the absurdity of the pull-down window shade in the foreground—it's architecturally impossible, of course, but does a cool job of implicating us in the voyeurism.


Best things about this back cover:
  • Whoa. Ruby? Tell me more about Ruby. The cover said nothing about Ruby.
  • "Anything!"
  • Talk about burying the lede—how is the front cover not more lesbianified? I mean, I love the cover, but if lesbian pulp has taught me anything (and it Has), it's that when your book has lesbian sex in it, some visual/textual indication of that goes on the cover. No beating around the bush. As it were.

Page 123~

She visualized the tiny droplets striking the shoulders and then draining down in liquid rivulets, down over those peaked breasts. Down. Across that smooth belly and down into—

End of paragraph. I assume the next words were going to be the aforementioned bush, but who knows?


[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Paperback 626: Sleep-In Girl / Dick Kamp (Midwood 34-896)

Paperback 626: Midwood 34-896 (PBO, 1968)

Title: Sleep-In Girl
Author: Dick Kamp
Cover artist: photo cover

Yours for: $19


Best things about this cover:
  • Well, sure. Everyone sleeps in at dick kamp—it's exhausting!
  • Sleep-In Girl cares not for comforters.
  • Whatever she's wearing is doing odd things to her midriff. I can't quite reconcile her top and bottom halves.
  • This cover would be 200% better if that cigarette were lit.


Best things about this back cover:

  • "Dangling."

Page 123~
Suddenly I jumped as her tongue flicked against my lips like a searing coal...
You know how, when you're kissing searing coal, there's this, like, burning sensation? It was like that.

Oh man, I want to quote this whole page. It will make you hate sex / descriptions of things. For instance:

My hand moved to her breast and stroked its silken texture (1) and its rounded curves. The I cupped its lovely fullness in my palm, gently squeezed and kneaded its soft resiliency. Between my fingers I caught her exquisite little nipple, rolling it like a pebble and tugging and pulling at it until I felt it come quickly alive beneath my touch, springing up hard and erect (2). She lifted a shoulder from the bed to thrust her breast against me and her taut nipple stabbed into my palm (3). 

(1) "Mmm, your breasts are like tofu, baby."
(2) But it started out like a "pebble." How much harder can it get?
(3) You can tell if she's adequately aroused by looking at your palms. Are they bleeding? Well then, you're good to go!


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Friday, September 14, 2012

Paperback 560: The Lowest Sins / Joe Castro (Midwood F125)

Paperback 560: Midwood F125 (PBO, 1961)

Title: The Lowest Sins
Author: Joe Castro
Cover artist: Paul Rader

Yours for: $25

Best things about this cover:
  • Nothing sexier than a barmaid kneeling on a frozen lake, I tell you what ...
  • You can't look at this too long because, man, below the waist she looks kind of twisted and broken. It's like she's trying to stand up after a very bad fall. Either that, or she is taking a knee / preparing to do some Tebowing.
  • I love the cleavage and the glimpse of garter and all, but this pose is so random and unnatural that most of the sexiness is drained right out of it.
  • Can a sister get some context up in here?
  • The condition on this book is astonishing. Square, unread, uncreased, gorgeous.

Best things about this back cover:
  • Um, yes, same girl. Same picture, even, I'm pretty sure. Is that all? I've got other cases to solve.
  • LOVE the existential terror inspired by the question "WHAT WAS SHE?"—"We need to label her, stat!"
  • Frank!!!!

Page 123~
It took only a few minutes before Jenny placed her two hands over her ears to shut out the loud snoring of John's slumber.
"That tears it!" she thought. "I'm going lesbian."


PS thanks to Doug Peterson for sending me this book—and three more books, which I'll feature in the upcoming weeks.

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Paperback 469: Sally / Alan Marshall (Donald Westlake pseud.) (Midwood 62)

Paperback 469: Midwood 62 (PBO, 1959)

Title: Sally
Author: Alan Marshall (Donald Westlake)
Cover artist: Paul Rader

Yours for: $75


Best things about this cover:
  • If I looked like Sally, that's probably what I'd do all day long, too.
  • Sally spent nearly every waking moment seasoning her bullfighting skills...
  • She was Willing to Try Anything Once, but in the case of letting her five-year-old niece paint the bathroom, just once.
  • I love the way she is drawn rather realistically while the bathroom fixtures are barely sketched. Makes it seem like she's going to go through the looking glass and have great adventures. Great, naked, lesbian adventures.


Best things about this back cover:
  • "Wow," thought Marie. "That was shockingly easy."
  • "It's the cleanest thing in the world. Here, put on this latex suit covered in Purell..."

Page 123~
She remembered the strange things Marie had said, and all at once she wanted to talk about it, she wanted to know what had made Marie say such things, she wanted to talk it into understanding, and from there to oblivion.
"From There To Oblivion," of course, the poorly reviewed sequel to "From Here To Eternity."


[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Friday, October 21, 2011

Paperback 468: Anybody's Girl / March Hastings (Midwood 33-870)

Paperback 468: Midwood 33-870 (2nd ptg, 1967) 

Title: Anybody's Girl 
Author: March Hastings
Cover artist: Paul Rader

Yours for: $30


Best things about this cover: 
  • "Do these pajama bottoms make my boobs look big? Be honest." 
  •  Margo found that no one could resist her charms once she lured them into her Teal Chamber. 
  • And the Strategic Sheet Placement Award goes to ... Paul Rader for his "Rear End of a Reclining Brunette"! 


Best things about this back cover: 
  • Cliff, Ha ha. Good luck explaining the Skid Row bums to Cliff. 
  • "And there were others." Yeah, that's implied, idiot. God, nothing is unhotter than terrible writing. 
  • "The User and the Used" — once again, publishers miss a golden book-naming opportunity. 

Page 123~ 
Addie wanted to voice her disappointment but she held it in, moving silently beside Margo, trusting Margo to lead her to the sights and the activities forbidden to normal human beings.

So ... Addie wanted Margo to take her to a Renaissance Faire?


Sunday, October 9, 2011

Paperback 464: Campus Kittens / Joan Ellis (Midwood 32-417)

Paperback 464: Midwood 32-417 (PBO, 1964) (CANADA)

Title: Campus Kittens
Author: Joan Ellis
Cover artist: Paul Rader

Yours for: [SOLD! 10/10/11]


Best things about this cover:
  • The scintillating story of a buxom young redhead, her gravity-defying towel (or her extremely adhesive nipples), and her collection of remarkably life-like store mannequins.
  • Seriously, there's no way that blonde is a living breathing human being.
  • Shouldn't it be an "unblushing exposé"?—if it's blushing, then it's gonna be all coy and its sex scenes are going to be all vague and elliptical and annoying. "Blushing" is not "frank," is what I'm saying.
  • "Our once-respectable collegiate sorority houses," ha ha. "In my day, we spent our days performing community service and singing songs that expressed pride in our alma mater. Nowadays, it's all cunnilingus this and cunnilingus that!"


Best things about this back cover:
  • Spiteful sexual sprees are the best kind!
  • What is the "worst possible moment" to be caught in a motel with a married man? You'd think any moment would be pretty bad.
  • "Elementary education at the hands of her roommate" made me laugh. Yes, hands are elementary. Later, you might move on to tongue. Only the truly talented graduate to vagina. Hence Andrea's need for personal tutoring.

Page 123~
"Same place, you sexy little wench," he crooned [1]. "If you're still willing to go out with a decrepit old character like me." [2]

"Oh stop it," she laughed. Owen was one of the handsomest men she had ever encountered, and no older than a lot of movie stars [3]. "You'll make me bring along a pair of crutches if you keep up that talk." [4]
  • [1] If you are trying to get laid, I suggest that you not croon anything, let alone that particular line.
  • [2] This guy is like a bottomless pit of bad come-on lines.
  • [3] This is an odd benchmark: "Why, you're no older than Edward G. Robinson or Joseph Cotten." "I'm only 41." "Shhh, I'm pretending our relationship is normal ..."
  • [4] Why, so you can reenact scenes from "Double Indemnity?" I think you mean "wheelchair." He said "decrepit" and "old," not "suffering from a sprained ankle."

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Paperback 427: Adultery in Suburbia / Robert Brooks (Midwood 32-866)

Paperback 427: Midwood 32-866 (PBO, 1967)

Title: Adultery in Suburbia
Author: Robert Brooks
Graphic design: Azzato

Yours for: $17


Best things about this cover:
  • This title is crying out, begging for a pictorial cover. Maybe I'm supposed to be seeing some kind of funky intercourse in that bathroom-door symbol shenanigans, but I'm not. NOT, I say.
  • I want to be a part of this The Affluent Society. It sounds ... affluent. And sexy.
  • Kinsey! Sadly, the word "frank" appears nowhere on this book's front or back covers :(


Best things about this back cover:
  • Ah, I see we have the requisite "probing deep" claim ... nice.
  • Robert Brooks is ruthlessly honest, I tell you. Ruthlessly! You will say "No, don't tell me about the key parties!" and he will shout "Mwahahaha, you can't stop me! Key parties! Hot tubs! Oh the things I will be honest with you about!"
  • I love the logic of this back cover: "You will ask yourself 'Can this be true?' and you will have to say Yes because, after all, someone went to the trouble of printing it on paper, which, as we all know, makes things true."
  • "You, the intelligent reader..." Oh, you silver-tongued book. Do go on.

Page 123~ [aargh, book is only 122 pages long!; default to p. 23!]

The Monotony of Suburban Living Acts to Make Both Male and Female Restive

That's the title of Chapter 2. Good thing I live in the city itself, and not one of them fancy *suburbs* of Binghamton. I'd hate to be restive.


[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Paperback 419: The Doctor and the Dike / Jason Hytes (Midwood Y176)

Paperback 419: Midwood Y176 (PBO, 1962)

Title: The Doctor & the Dike
Author: Jason Hytes
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $21


Best things about this cover:
  • If that is his receptionist's regular office behavior, I'd say she has a bigger problem than (capital L!) Lesbianism.
  • Love the expression on his face: "Hmmm, that's odd. My comically large diploma didn't prepare me for this eventuality..."
  • Garters are sexy.
  • I don't quite understand what she's supposed to be doing. Is that a dress she has just removed? Silk cloth with which she's performing some kind of dance? A space alien that has bitten her hand and won't let go?


Best things about this back cover:
  • "Gwenn's breasts were too small" — I'm not sure that qualifies as "interesting"; "Gwenn's breasts spoke to her at night"—that would be interesting.
  • I will give this back cover one thing: I *do* want to know what "his own problem" is now. Although if it's something as simple and predictable as "he keeps nailing his patients," I'll be at least a little disappointed.
  • "Ow, my core!"

Page 123~

Reed wet his lips (1), suddenly parched, his mind aflame with thoughts of Patricia and her strange behavior (2). "This girl," he rasped drily (3), "what did she look like?" He balled his hands into tight fists as he awaited her reply.
  1. First, gross. Second, when I played clarinet, I often used my lips to wet my reed.
  2. Come on, just tell us! Between the back cover and this sentence, I've had just about enough of your ambiguity, mister.
  3. I really wish I could post an audio file of me trying to recreate what this sounds like. I sound like an aging smoker picking someone out of a line-up ("This girl... [cough]").


[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Paperback 418: Tender Torment / Randy Salem (Midwood F172)

Paperback 418: Midwood F172 (PBO, 1962)

Title: Tender Torment
Author: Randy Salem
Cover artist: Paul Rader

Yours for: $50


Best things about this cover:
  • "Next time on 'The Bachelor': The Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony Ever!"
  • This is a shocking cover—usually with lesbian sex paperbacks the sex angle is played way up, along with the pathology angle. Bodies on display, lust in the air (see here, for instance). But here, aside from a nice wide chunk of ass in the foreground, it's all horror show. Looks like the movie poster for a late-70s slasher flick.
  • That tagline really gets to the point. Succinct. No-frills. You know where you stand with this tagline.
  • You gotta love a sleaze paperback pen name like "Randy Salem." If you anagram his last name, you describe his ideal audience: Randy Males.


Best things about this back cover:
  • "A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR!"—awesome ominous warning. "No one will be seated during the harrowing Rose Scene!" "Bring your own vomit bag!"
  • The best phrase on the whole back cover is "We are proud..."
Page 123~
He looked like any other swish in too tight pants and a checkered shirt open at the throat.
Damn swishes, ruining the checkered shirt for the rest of us regular blokes. I want my checkered shirt back, swishes! And my rainbow flag, too!


[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Friday, September 24, 2010

Paperback 354: Coming Out Party / Kimberly Kemp (Midwood 32-448)

Paperback 354: Midwood 32-448 (PBO, 1965)

Title: Coming Out Party
Author: Kimberly Kemp
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $25


Best things about this cover:

  • "Don't mind me, I'm just taking a bubble bath in the sink..."
  • Man, Charlotte Rae was *hot* in her youth.
  • Soap bubbles look more like shaving cream.
  • If nothing else, her right nipple will be very clean.
  • Girl in doorway is striking a very unsexy "sexy" pose.
  • Did "coming out" have the same meaning for gay people then as it does now?


Best things about this back cover:

  • Front cover calls her a "houseguest," but this blurb makes her sound more like a sex slave.
  • You can't just go out there and start sinning. You have to train. With a master.
  • Oh, "Greenwich Village!" Well, you know what that means ...
  • "Cute but topless???" I think you mean "and."

Page 123~

"I'm not a good actress, but I'm a real sexpot in front of an audience. Or in front of a camera. I found out that it does something to me. I get all excited. And I'm pretty sure that it registers on film. Isn't that important?"

And of course he then makes her prove it. Cinema!


[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Monday, June 29, 2009

Paperback 249: A Bit of Fluff / Kimberly Kemp (Midwood F256)

Paperback 249: Midwood F256 (PBO, 1963)

Title: A Bit of Fluff
Author: Kimberly Kemp
Cover artist: Paul Rader

Yours for: $60

Best things about this cover:

  • I believe the word you're searching for is "Dang ..."
  • Paul Rader is possibly the best sleaze cover artist that ever was. He and Robert Maguire are like gods to me.
  • I love how "Lesbian" is capitalized, like "Mason" or "Scientologist."
  • Strategically placed towel means that I cannot see any bit of fluff.
  • I absolutely love this cover — the color, the design, the steam, the casual nudity, all of it.

Best things about this back cover:

  • Oh lesbians. Always with the careful soaping.

Page 123~

There it was again. Only it wasn't a slip this time. She was practically informing me that she was a Lesbian. But her tone was meek and humble — and I wasn't afraid of her any more, now that she knew her place.

Again, I say: Dang.


Announcement: Paperback 250 will go up on Wednesday. To celebrate this milestone ... a contest. It will be Twitter-related, but I will add a Luddite option for those of you who can't be bothered with Twitter. You'll see. I'm off to conscript some other people to help me judge the contest. Oh, the prize will be the book itself — Paperback 250. And it doesn't suck, as my paperbacks go.

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Friday, February 6, 2009

Paperback 196: Carrie Corrupted / Rock Logano (Midwood F209)

Paperback 196: Midwood F209 (PBO, 1962)

Title: Carrie Corrupted
Author: Rock Logano
Cover artist: uncredited

Yours for: $16

Best things about this cover:

  • "Carrie Corrupted stars in ... 'Beige Mardi Gras'!"
  • "Co-starring random sitting guy whose face is too hideous to show"
  • I have a new pseudonym. It is Rock Logano. I can't even look at that name without bursting out laughing.
  • I should find Carrie hot, but I just find her ... well, corrupt. Even the hint of garter belt isn't doing it for me. And the artist's gone to the trouble of exaggerating the nipple and the belly button and everything. Dang.
  • "First Printing Anywhere" - suck it, Bulgaria!

Best things about this back cover:

  • Customarily, "strange pleasures" involve girl-on-girl action. Therefore, I was gravely disappointed to find out that Carrie's "strangeness" is run-of-the-mill masochism.
  • "More than her fair share of female equipment" sounds, frankly, horrifying. "Carrie, I don't know how to tell you this, but ... you have six ovaries. I'm sorry."

Page 123~

"The main attraction is to be the movie he made of you and those muscle boys."
"Oh no ... " Carrie gasped.