Pop Sensation

Paperback 502: Onionhead / Weldon Hill (Popular Library SP13)

2012-02-19T07:47:00.000-08:00

Paperback 502: Popular Library SP13 (1st ptg, 1958)

Title: Onionhead
Author: Weldon Hill
Cover artist: Mitchell Hooks

Yours for: $9

Best things about this cover:

This book is all about this guy's insatiable appetite. He likes to eat. Hence "onion." And "head."
"Oh, Onionhead, you're so ... ribald."
When the S.F. paper calls your book about a girl-crazy sailor the "gayest novel in years," you might have a marketing problem on your hands.
Mitchell Hooks is a highly underrated coverartist. His stuff is generally sketchier and more whimsical than the work of the more famous Great Girl Artists, but I always find it very engaging. Love the rough black line work. Also, LOVE the redhead's outfit.

Best things about this back cover:

On the cover, the girls thought Onionhead was in the Navy. Here, they learn he was in the Coast Guard.
FOOD OR SEX? They're really pushing this appetite parallel a lot. Unless this book culminates in Onionhead eating large plates of pasta and various desserts off the naked bodies of gorgeous young ladies, I'm going to be very disappointed.
Again: Ribald! For her pleasure.

Page 123~

Al began browsing among the supplies, getting oriented. He noticed a recipe for muffins on a bag of cornmeal, and got a brilliant idea. He had to learn how to cook, so he ought to practice, learn by experience, trial and error. He would make some goddam muffins.

I want an apron depicting the front cover art and the caption: "He would make some goddam muffins." I would wear it every day.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 501: The Candy Kid / Dorothy B. Hughes (Pocket Books 845)

2012-02-17T10:51:00.000-08:00

Paperback 501: Pocket Books 845 (1st ptg, 1951)

Title: The Candy Kid
Author: Dorothy B. Hughes
Cover artist: Edward Vebell

Yours for: $9

Best things about this cover:

I guess he didn't care for the package.
"I said, 'Where's the candy, kid!?' I want my fuckin' Reese's back, right now!"
Some of the best upside-down face art I've ever seen.
I like that dude's suit.
Check out the Fear Hand (Extreme Edition) on his lapel!
Getting Jane to swallow her pills was always a chore.

Best things about this back cover:

I think the guy on the cover misread this as "Never Balk At Strangling Women"
Jo Aragon needs to buy a vowel, specifically an "e" to put on the end of his first name.
If you want to end your teaser paragraph with a bang, I suggest the adjective "tampered-with" be nowhere in sight.

Page 123~

He woke up on coffee and a hamburger.

He rolled over to find Sylvia standing in the doorway, a horror-struck look on her face. "When you said you 'loved food' ... well ... I ... [sobbing] ... a hamburger!? A plain old hamburger!? Is that how easily I'm replaced!?"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 500: Gladiator / Philip Wylie (Avon 216)

2012-02-15T13:21:00.000-08:00

Paperback 500 (!): Avon 216 (1st ptg, 1949)

Title: Gladiator
Author: Philip Wylie
Cover artist: uncredited student of the male physique

Yours for: $11

Best things about this cover:

Hugo was very self-conscious about his gigantic red nipples.
Mr Clean: The Innocent Years
Sorry, ladies—this genie is happy to grant wishes. Just not yours.
This cover is one of Avon's experimental "cut-out dolls" series—putting ladies' heads on Steve's well-oiled, musclebound torso provides hours (or at least minutes) of family fun.

Best things about this back cover:

Lusty and Vigorous! Shakespeare approves. "Quite!"
"Huh, I can sleep with any woman I want, but somehow it's not satisfying. I wonder what the problem is ... I'm going down to muscle beach to see what the other shirtless guys think."
"Complete love for Hugo however was hidden behind a closed door"—It Sure Was

Page 123~

Mr. Shayne chuckled. "Some of my spears were already made into plows, and it was a great season for the harvest, young man—a great season."

"We aren't talking about farming anymore, are we Mr. Shayne?" squeaked Hugo.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 499: The Bamboo Blonde / Dorothy B. Hughes (Pocket Books 394)

2012-02-12T14:02:00.000-08:00

Paperback 499: Pocket Books 394 (1st ptg, 1946)

Title: The Bamboo Blonde
Author: Dorothy B. Hughes
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $8

Best things about this cover:

Fear Hand! (a damned good example of the form)
"No! No! Not a wart! Not now! Leonard will think I'm hideous! I'll be the pariah of the cotillion."
She's got Norma Desmond eyes.
Those curls are so perfectly circular and evenly set. Looks like her hair was made from some kind of mold or forge.
People liked knowing *exactly* which book they were getting from Pocket Book. Just like McDonald's customers liked knowing exactly how many had been "served" before them.

Best things about this back cover:

"Beautiful, but Dead, so ... I'll give you a 50% discount. Whaddya say?"
CON SATTERLEE—good luck ever topping that name.
"The debonair Kew! The strapping Ar! The feckless Ess! And the toothsome Tee!"

Page 123~

But he couldn't, not in a billion light-years, be guilty of murder.

I don't know. A billion light-years is a stupidly long time (especially insofar as it's not a time at all).

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 498: Ride the Pink Horse / Dorothy B. Hughes (Dell 210)

2012-02-08T11:10:00.000-08:00

Paperback 498: Dell 210 (1st ptg, 1948)

Title: Ride the Pink Horse
Author: Dorothy B. Hughes
Cover artist: [Gerald Gregg]

Yours for: $10

Best things about this cover:

That zombie is going to Town on that horse flank!
"Riding the Pink Horse" would make a great slang phrase / euphemism. Maybe for ... when you are consuming lots of Pepto Bismol. Ask me about my two other suggestions! (warning: they involve sexuality and menstrual flow, respectively)
I know some carnival rides give people motion sickness, but I had no idea a carousel could wreck a guy that bad. Down to his hair.

Best things about this back cover:

Mapback!
Visually, this not that interesting. Just a cluster of dots on a lined white back ground. Like someone used it for target practice. Nice cluster.
I love the expressive lines coming off the Cross of the Martyrs. Nice comic booky touch.
But what is that thing projecting out from beneath it? Sconces Gone Wild!

Page 123~

"I'd take a drink. This Sunday law is a hindrance. To a working man."

"... and that's the last thing I remember saying. Three days later I came to, draped over a carousel horse, my mouth tasting of cigarettes, vomit, and whore."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 497: Sleep with the Devil / Day Keene (Lion 204)

2012-02-05T11:57:00.000-08:00

Paperback 497: Lion Books 204 (PBO, 1954)

Title: Sleep with the Devil
Author: Day Keene
Cover artist: sadly, uncredited

Yours for: $15

Best things about this cover:

One of my favorites for a number of reasons, most notably the unusually cartoony style of drawing. It's like I'm looking at a still from a modern animated noir series (which should exist— "Archer" is great, but I'd love something more noirish and serious).
Hate to break this to you lady, but in a number of different ways, that dude is Not Interested.
Her robe is awesomely foldy. This cover owes half its lineage to Japanese artists like Hokusai and the other half to Saturday morning cartoons.
I went through a big Day Keene phase in the '90s. Didn't everyone?
Perhaps my favorite part of this book is the bookshop stamp—in case you can't read it, this book was once the property of the "JUNQUE SHOPPE" (of Hoquiam, WA). All "-unk" words should be spelled that way. Junque in the trunque!
The name "Hoquiam" comes from a Native-American word meaning "hungry for wood" (wikipedia), as in "The lady on this cover looks very Hoquiam."

Best things about this back cover:

Again with the cartoony greatness.
Her hair looks like a topographic map.
I thought maybe the designer was trying to get an acrostic going, but I don't think LWAJ means anything.
Ferron! "... he began to erase himself from existence." Look, he's almost done! Just the head to go!

Page 123~

He wished now he hadn't been so greedy. He wished he had listened to Lydia. If they had gone away together, as she had wanted to, they could be nearing the Newark airport. By noon, late afternoon at the latest, they could be in Miami, lolling in the sun, with nothing to do but get drunk and spend Whit's money and make love.

The Miami tourism bureau needs to hire this writer. I've never had the slightest desire to go to Miami, but now it's all I can think of.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 496: The Jewels of Aptor / Samuel R. Delany (Sphere 28894)

2012-02-03T08:51:00.000-08:00

Paperback 496: Sphere 28894 (1st ptg, 1971)

Title: The Jewels of Aptor
Author: Samuel R. Delany
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $6

Best things about this cover:

Image lifted from a "Welcome to the Wonderful World of Scientology!" poster
"Let's get high and listen to the new Phallus Eruption album!"
I always thought the Washington Monument could stand to be a little ... gayer.

Best things about this back cover:

This font is killing me. That "w" is totally making out with that "e."
If there's one way I like my vivid images, it's crammed.
"Denouement," Ha ha. I haven't seen that word since high school. So Shakespearean.

Page 123~

The knot's invention was ingenious. At the vibration, two opposed loops shook away from a third, and a four millimetre length of rubber band that had been sewn in tightened and released a fourth loop from a small length of number four gauge wire with a holding tonsure of three quarters of a gram, and the opposing vibration returning up the cord loosed a similar apparatus on the other side of the plug.

Dang. Sex toys of the future are complicated.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 495: Bridge of Sand / Frank Gruber (Bantam S3926)

2012-02-01T13:26:00.000-08:00

Paperback 495: Bantam S3926 (1st ptg, 1969)

Title: Bridge of Sand
Author: Frank Gruber
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $12

Best things about this cover:

Very late for my collection. I own it because a. it has a fully painted cover (in an era when these were giving way to the Tyranny of Text—branding/author's name inflation); and b. it's by Frank Gruber, writing here at the tail end of a loooooong career that began in the pulps (his "Pulp Jungle"—a memoir of his early writing career, is very much worth reading).
That said, I don't love this painting, or, more specifically, this color scheme. It definitely conveys "oppressively hot and sandy," but I just end up wishing I had clearer views of all the interesting characters. Dude in the fez wants his time in the spotlight!
World's tiniest minarets, stage left.
Apparently this guy's gun holds hand lotion: "Damn dry Egyptian weather ... wreaks havoc on my soft skin."

Best things about this back cover:

"Amazonian lesbian!" Top that. You can't. Game over.
VENGEANCE! My penchant for tales of vengeance probably also had something to do with my buying this book.
I call this painting "Someone Really Doesn't Like Brown Mustard."
Violence should not come in "potpourri" form. Really hard to take seriously.
"Fills the cauldron of suspense ... decants the wine of mystery ... warms the tea kettle of perversion ... etc.!"

Page 123~

It was in Ahmed Fosse's power to reveal that fame to Charles Holterman, to dangle the possibility of it before Holterman, and then ... to destroy it, just before he killed Holterman.

Ahmed knew a little bit about fame from his brother Bob. Also, this paragraph really needs one more "Holterman."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 494: The Meandering Corpse / Richard S. Prather (Pocket Books 50292)

2012-01-29T10:20:00.000-08:00

Paperback 494: Pocket Books 50292 (1st ptg, 1966)

Title: The Meandering Corpse
Author: Richard S. Prather
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $8

Best things about this cover:

"I feel like I've got something on my back, but I can't see it, and can't quite reach it. Do you see anything?"
This is how they mark blondes after a flood so that you know there's no one left living inside.
I'll buy that she's a corpse, but I see nothing that suggests meandering. Primping topless while seated in a spotlight is not "meandering."
Shell Scott was so popular he got his own Head icon. He and Mike Shayne are the only dicks I can think of who got this honor, though I'm sure there are more.

Best things about this back cover:

You had me at "Zazu."
I did not know that birds climbed ladders.
I'm unsure of the implications of this conversation. Is he saying she oughta be 18 before skinny-dipping? Are women more inclined to skinny-dip as they get older? Shell seems oddly judgmental. Either that, or he just likes 'em a bit more mature. "Call me when you're 45, toots."

Page 123~

"I squeezed the steering wheel tight in my fists and jammed my foot down on the accelerator, jammed it all the way down and left it there."

"Must get home .... can't ... miss ... 'America's Next Top Model'!"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 493: Atoms and Evil / Robert Bloch (Gold Medal s1231)

2012-01-26T11:05:00.000-08:00

Paperback 493: Gold Medal s1231 (PBO, 1962)

Title: Atoms and Evil
Author: Robert Bloch
Cover artist: Uncredited [Richard Powers?]

Yours for: $11

Best things about this cover:

I like how the title functions like a form-fitting dress on ... whatever that one-eyed creature waving its arms at us is. Now put an all-text dress on your average paperback cover girl, and you've got something.
There was probably a time when the title "Atoms and Evil" was evocative of ... something. Considering "atoms" are just the basic building blocks of, well, everything, the title doesn't have quite the situation-specific punch it oughta.
Is crazy multi-armed cyclops supposed to be some kind of anthropomorphic approximation of a mushroom cloud. More like a tree-trunk cloud.

Best things about this back cover:

Acrostic time!
OMG I *love* love love the test tube motif on the left. Brilliant design feature.
"Prefontal robotomy!" Rich.
If I had to read only two of these, I'd go with Vorm and Mr. Goofy, hands-down.

Page 123~

"I don't really want the world to revert to neurotic or psychotic behavior just so I can have a practice. But damn it, I can't stand to see the way things are going. We've done away with stress and privation and tension and superstition and intolerance, and that's great. But we've also done away with ourselves in the process. We're getting to the point where we, as human beings, no longer have a function to perform. We're not needed."

Anson's right. Futuristic dystopias are for the 'bots.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 492: Alpha Centauri or Die! / Leigh Brackett (Ace 01770)

2012-01-22T11:35:00.000-08:00

Paperback 492: Ace 01770 (1st ptg, 1970)

Title: Alpha Centauri or Die!
Author: Leigh Brackett
Cover artist: Uncredited [Carlos Ochagavia]

Yours for: $5

Best things about this cover:

"Uh ... I don't think they're home." "Did you ring the doorbell?" "Of course I rang the doorbell. What did you think, I'm just gonna stand here and ... wait, I hear something. Someone's in there. 'Hello! Hello?!'" "This is ridiculous. Who needs this much security?" "Don't be rude. 'Hello!' Maybe there's a dress code or something. I told you not to wear that stupid egg costume..."
Space Station Security—powered by Simon and some reel-to-reel tape.
I went through a Leigh Brackett phase in the late '90s, after I found out that she a. co-wrote "The Big Sleep" screenplay (with William Faulkner), and b. wrote the screenplay for "The Empire Strikes Back." She's a very competent writer who should probably be better known.

Best things about this back cover:

Wow, that is some stain. I think that stain is now home to some microbial life forms. Appropriate for scifi.
I thought the dude's name was "To [rhymes with 'Bo'?] Kirby"
In space, no one can hear you complain about the tryranny [sic!]

Page 123~

They sweated it out crouched under their tarps, and after it was over they wallowed on through the mud to make a camp where they had stopped before, clear of the forest. Damp and tired, they huddled around a hopeless little fire and chewed a cold supper.

Lollapalooza is the same no matter what planet you're on.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 491: 24 Hours to Kill / James McKimmey (Dell First Edition B169)

2012-01-19T08:26:00.000-08:00

Paperback 491: Dell First Edition B169 (PBO, 1961)

Title: 24 Hours to Kill
Author: James McKimmey
Cover artist: Robert McGinnis

Yours for: $10

Best things about this cover:

Dishevelment, thy name is this lady.
I like the double entendre of this title: "She had 24 hours to kill ... everyone in the room!"
Let me answer the obvious question: yes, Robert McGinnis painted everything in sight from about 1957-64. Every paperback cover, every magazine cover, every line on every freeway, etc.
Her slip is behaving oddly ... in relation to gravity, I mean. It's somehow coming together in a lacy, snowflaky formation to prevent us from getting the upskirt view we all so richly deserve.
Her smirk is killer.

Best things about this back cover:

Paradox! The back cover copy writer's second-best friend after HYPERBOLE!
I want a business card that states my occupation as "Killer-hero of the state's young punks."
"Teen-age" my eye. I mean, look at her feet. Those bunions say a hard-worn 28, minimum.

Page 123~

He blinked, stunned. Then he said, "I'll be right down, Rod." He hung up and picked up the machine gun. "Stay here, Sue. Lock the door and don't leave this office under any circumstance." He strode out and down the marble steps, trying to control the wild anger surging in him. . . .

I find that when I'm trying to control my wild, surging anger, I'm more often successful when I'm *not* holding a machine gun.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

The P. Morrison Donations #11: TCOT Deumure Defendant / Erle Stanley Gardner (Cardinal C-323)

2012-01-13T11:14:00.000-08:00

The P. Morrison Donations #11

Cardinal C-323 (2nd ptg, 1959)

Title: The Case of the Demure Defendant
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: Charles Peitz

Best things about this cover:

Once again, the breasts act as if the dress weren't even there.
How much vaseline is on this lens? Everything looks like it's been coated in margarine.
"Sorry, your honor, I didn't hear you. I was just playing with these marionettes here, and, well ... yes, OK, I'll stop."
That is one George Washington turkey leg tornado of blond hair.
This title reminds me that I get "demur" and "demure" confused, which may be why I never use either.

Best things about this back cover:

Fewer things are sexier than residuary legatees.
Mosher Higley, who earned his name for his exuberance at '90s punk concerts.
Erle Stanley Garnder has the signature of an insane person.

Page 123~

"The prosecution expects to prove that the defendant deliberately became a poisoner, a murderess, a blackmailer and became ensnared in the toils of her own iniquity."

Somehow "ensnared in the toils of her own iniquity" is a mess, metaphorically, but it's still awfully fun to say.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

The P. Morrison Donations #10: Tickets for Death / Brett Halliday (Dell 8884)

2012-01-11T10:30:00.000-08:00

The P. Morrison Donations #10

Dell 8884 (1st ptg, 1965)

Title: Tickets for Death
Author: Brett Halliday
Cover artist: Robert McGinnis

Best things about this cover:

"Tickets for Death ... I mean Raffle! Tickets for Raffle. Forget what I said about Death. We are raffling off this lovely couch. You like?"
When throw pillows attack!
What is that amorphous green splotch in the right foreground? Another throw pillow (suspended in mid-air)? A very very puffy ottoman? The back of a man who is doubled-over and heaving on the carpet (head toward the center, out of frame)?
I love how she was clearly painted nude and then some purple came along and hopped on as a kind of afterthought. It's a rare evening gown that allows you to see every contour of the navel area.

Best things about this back cover:

So is that MAME or MAMIE, pronunciation-wise?
"This racket, she is encrusted with diamonds and rubies. You like?"
"But with a girl like Mayme, you just want her to shut the hell up and do the sex."

Page 123~

His belly shivered gently, like a protuberant bowl of jelly, each time he breathed.

A nice hard-boiled riff on "'Twas the Night Before Christmas"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

The P. Morrison Donations #9: Blood on the Stars

2012-01-08T14:04:00.000-08:00

The P. Morrison Donations #9

Dell 0626 (1st ptg, 1967)

Title: Blood on the Stars
Author: Brett Halliday
Cover artist: Robert McGinnis

Best things about this cover:

This is one of the most horrifying covers I (now) own. Seriously, every time I look at it I recoil in "oh my god" fright. It haunts my dreams.
It's like her face is floating, its spatial relationship to both the equine mass of hair and the torso seemingly coincidental. You know at, say, a carnival, when there are scenes painted on large pieces of wood and you can step behind them and put your face through a hole, and then your mom or whoever can take your picture ... whimsical stuff ... well, it looks like that's what's happening here, only for "carnival" substitute "utility closet in hell" and for "your mom" substitute "Satan himself."
What. Is. The. Background? Cork meets mangled animal pelt meets feathers meets dirty rug meets barber shop floor sweepings meets sadness.
Was McGinnis depressed when he did this? Angry? Going through a bad break-up? All I know is: it's the ugliest damn thing I've ever seen.
Lastly: where's the blood? Where are the stars?

Best things about this back cover:

Aaaagh. Jebus, quit scaring me like that, lady?
Good tagline, or Greatest Tagline Ever Written?

Page 123~

Shayne said, "Go ahead. And keep your mouth buttoned up. This is a Secret Service investigation."

"Secret Service? Jeez. Is he one of them communist spies or somethin'?"

"Something like that." Shayne stepped back and waited until the milk truck had made one more stop, then turned the corner.

Mike Shayne did not consider his morning complete until he had impressed at least one milkman.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

The P. Morrison Donations #8: The Seven Deadly Sisters / Pat McGerr (Dell 412)

2012-01-06T09:13:00.000-08:00

The P. Morrison Donations #8

Dell 412 (1st ptg, 1950)

Title: The Seven Deadly Sisters
Author: Pat McGerr
Cover artist: Paul C. Burns

Best things about this cover:

"Hey, man, have you ever looked at a spider web? ... I mean really looked at it man? ... it's crazy."
No matter how her more "modern" peers mocked her, Sheila preferred to ride her bed sidesaddle.
Honestly, this cover is a conceptual mess. I have no way of understanding how any of the parts (title, lady, letter, killer list) are supposed to relate to each other. It's like a grab bag of stock mystery features.

Best things about this back cover:

Wow, this is the least ambitious mapback I've ever seen. Lazy-ass illustrator unintentionally invents the street-view map!

Page 123~

"The doctor says I'll get my full strength back. And if he touches my wife while I'm out here, I'll make what happened to him before look like a dress rehearsal."

Why do you continue to employ the services of a doctor who is hitting on your wife? Why!?

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

The P. Morrison Donations #7: Steve Bentley's Calypso Caper / Robert Dietrich (Dell First Edition B182)

2012-01-04T12:27:00.000-08:00

The P. Morrison Donations #7

Title: Steve Bentley's Calypso Caper
Author: Robert Dietrich (pseud. of E. Howard Hunt)
Cover artist: Tom Miller

Best things about this cover:

Quite a nice female figure, but unfortunately crowded and partially obscured by garish text.
Her hair is gorgeous, from a painting perspective. I mean, you wouldn't want hair that actually looked like that (the "color" alone is frightening), but that's some nice, fine, confident brushwork.
The more I look at that title font, the more it looks like it was created by a toddler with dull scissors. Terrible.
Who gets this made up and spangled while also getting practically naked? Seems like a lot of work.
I should start tagging books that use the hackneyed "—to murder!" / "—of murder!" / "—by murder!" finish.

Best things about this back cover:

"They found the naked body of Victor Polo!" Oh sure, tease me with the near-naked body of that woman on the cover and then bait-and-switch me with the naked (and dead) body of some guy named Victor Polo. He's probably not even hot.
"And me, Steve Bentley." HA ha. Least meaningful name drop ever. "And me—Steve Bentley ... [cough] ... [tumbleweed] ... you know. Steve Bentley! ... come on! ... [crickets] ..."

Page 123~

The bartendress uttered a laugh like the caw of a robber crow.

First, some words were not meant to have feminine forms. Second, I wondered for a split-second what a rubber crow was supposed to sound like.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

The P. Morrison Donations #6: Beware the Curves / Erle Stanley Gardner (Pocket Books 75598)

2012-01-02T09:23:00.000-08:00

The P. Morrison Donations #6

Title: Beware the Curves
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner ("writing under his famous pen name A.A. Fair")
Cover artist: Well, hello there ... aren't *you* a tall drink of water ...

Best things about this cover:

Sometime in the mid-60s, the quality of pb covers started to go downhill—art gave up its real estate to text, usually the author's NAME or a detective's NAME. Cover paintings get smaller and then eventually disappear, leaving only stock photos behind.
This cover is designed to do one thing: make you wonder "is that her nipple showing through the lacy dress, or just a shadow...?"
Gardner was exceedingly prolific and, in part because of that prolificness, artistically underrated. He writes a good story, and I prefer these Lam and Cool detective stories (for which he used the pseudonym "A.A. Fair") to anything else he did.

Best things about this back cover:

What design! ... is what I'd say if I were looking at a different book. As I say, the '60s bring about the slow uglification of paperbacks until we're left with ... this.

Page 123~

She pursed her lips. "I can usually size up character," she said. "And if I can't, well, if anyone gives me a double cross, Donald, I'm ruthless, absolutely, utterly ruthless."

"Most women are," I told her, "but few of them admit it."

"Dames," he added with a shrug. "Whaddyagonnado? ... Seriously, what do I do? They keep walking away from me every time I try to talk to them. Ruthless bitches, why won't you talk to me!?"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

The P. Morrison Donations #5: Case of the Duplicate Daughter / Erle Stanley Gardner (Pocket Books 4504)

2011-12-30T08:52:00.000-08:00

The P. Morrison Donations #5

Pocket Books 4504 (1st ptg, 1962)

Title: The Case of the Duplicate Daughter
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: Uncredited [Robert McGinnis]

Best things about this cover:

"OK, who threw egg at the wall!? I'm going to sit on these scones until somebody tells me!"
Love the feather-fringed teddy, but it would be much hotter without the ornate pantaloons, which make it look like a giant tulip is swallowing her leg.
"Come now, darling, you're far too old to be smearing the floor and wall with marmalade and then throwing flowers everywhere."

Best things about this back cover:

Does this "down arrow" mean something, "duplicate"-wise? It's on the front cover, and the back cover, and the title page?
OK, so now we know his client did *not* murder Vera Martel. Also, that his client is fond of giving his daughters slightly odd names. The only other place I've seen the name "Glamis" is in Macbeth (title character is "Thane of Glamis" at beginning of the play; he's promoted to "Thane of Cawdor" in Act I).

Page 123~

Judge Boris Alvord excused the witness and regarded Perry Mason with thoughtful speculation.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter or Tumblr]

The P. Morrison Donations #4: The Case of the Lonely Heiress / Erle Stanley Gardner (Pocket Books 6027)

2011-12-28T10:38:00.000-08:00

The P. Morrison Donations #4

Pocket Books 6027 (4th ptg, 1960)

Title: The Case of the Lonely Heiress
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: Uncredited

Best things about this cover:

The people from PETA have learned to spraypaint *very* legibly.
No idea who the cover artist is here, but he/she clearly doesn't have enough confidence in his/her GGA (Great Girl Art) abilities. She looks phenomenal, and really deserves to be taking up more front cover real estate.
Maybe ease up on the orange jewelry a little, though.
Cigarette holder! Chic!

Best things about this back cover:

The answer is no, but only because I'm 42 and scrupulously honest.
In case you didn't see Raymond Burr down there ... GIANT RED ARROW TO THE FACE!
I wish the plot of this book was that Perry Mason led a double life, trolling for lonely women on the pre-internet, killing them, and then ending up having to solve the very crimes he committed.

Page 123~

With the glaring overhead light out, Marilyn Marlow could see Lieutenant Tragg clearly now, a tall, somewhat slender, well-knit individual whose clean-cut features were a welcome relief from the heavy faces of the officers who had been leering at her.

Marilyn Marlow then said, with a predatory coyness, "You must be Humphrey Bolgard. They said you were well-knit, but—" She ran her eyes down the length of his frame and back up again "—well, there's knit and there's knit, and boy are you knit."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

The P. Morrison Donations #3: So Lush, So Deadly / Brett Halliday (Dell 8055)

2011-12-25T11:03:00.000-08:00

The P. Morrison Donations #3 — Dell 8055 (1st ptg, 1971)

Title: So Lush, So Deadly
Author: Brett Halliday
Cover artist: photo

Best things about this cover:

Talk about your $20 photo shoots, dear lord.
Possibly the least manly cover I own. A slap fight? Girl's got a gun aimed at your head and you're gonna swat at her like she's a fly? I'm guessing that one second after this picture was taking, the girl with the gun just shook her head, said "pathetic," and walked away.
Interesting how the fabric around their midsections appears blurred with motion. I'm just so so so glad the yellow towel didn't move any further.

Best things about this back cover:

Dotty De Rham! Why am I not collecting these names!?
I'm not sure I understand where the "Carnival" metaphor is coming from.
Arson is a cardinal sin?
The coolest private eye swings into hot action! Oh, Mike Shayne, you're the paradoxiest!

Page 123~

She was bouncing in his arms. He took her by the shoulders and made her hold still. She was still wearing the same short nightgown.

Mall Santa: After Hours.

Merry Christmas!

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

The P. Morrison Donations #2: Lady Ann / Donald Henderson Clarke (Avon 105)

2011-12-23T12:47:00.000-08:00

Title: Lady Ann (1st ptg, 1946)
Author: Donald Henderson Clarke
Cover artist: Uncredited

Best things about this cover:

Pencil Mustache is trying to change TV channels with his mind. Veronica Lake thinks maybe it's time to give it a rest.
Hmm. A dress made of fondant. How avant-garde.
This author sure likes to give his book's women's names.
I *love* the little calling card stuck in the "frame" of this "painting." The "frame," however, is a hideous piece of ornate crap.

Best things about this back cover:

Opaque paper!? That's my favorite kind of paper! Oh, boy!
Resistant to "rough usage." So go ahead, smack your kids around with 'em. See if they don't retain their readability. And if a little blood gets on there, no matter, as they "can easily be washed clean."

Page 123~

"Aw, for Hell's sake!" Noodles Noonan exclaimed. "Shut up. You dirty, weazened little no-good leavings. Why would a fellow like me that can have any dame he wants be peeking through keyholes and roosting on roofs? You're nuts, fella. You don't know it, but you're coo-coo."

Noodles Noonan is a name to be reckoned with. And "leavings" is an amazing piece of bowdlerization. Coo-coo.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

The P. Morrison Donations #1: A Good Year For Dwarfs? / Carter Brown (Signet 4320)

2011-12-21T11:50:00.000-08:00

Title: A Good Year for Dwarfs?
Author: Carter Brown
Cover artist: Robert McGinnis

Reader P. Morrison sent me a stack of books. They are beat up and cheesy, just like I like 'em. First up ... this.

Best things about this cover:

Evocative painting. Who knew that extras in a "Conan" movie experienced such depths of ennui?
Is that lady a. calming her pet Pekingese, who lives in her hair; b. physically supporting her 50 lbs of hair because he neck has simply given out; or c. shaking her head in disbelief at the idea that Carter Brown has sold over 25 million books?
I thought "A Good Year for Dwarfs" was the tagline at first, and had no idea what that could possibly mean. Then I realized that was the title. Puzzlement remained.
If my students ever used a hyphen that way, there's no way they'd be getting better than a C.

Best things about this back cover:

Rimmel and Holman? As porn names go ... subtle.
I want business cards that read simply "Davis Davis, Movie Dwarf"
"Twilight world" normally (in paperbackese) means "homosexual." I'm doubtful that that is the case here.

Page 123~

Any moment now, I thought frantically, I'm about to make whimpering noises out loud! "Do you play Scrabble?" I gurgled.

Man, it gets Freaky on an early '70s porn set.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 490: The Fifth Man / Manning Coles (Berkley F88)

2011-12-18T12:34:00.000-08:00

Paperback 490: Berkley Medallion F880 (1st ptg, 1964)

Title: The Fifth Man
Author: Manning Coles
Cover artist: n/a

Yours for: $6

Best things about this cover:

OK, it's kind of dull, but what it lacks in the half-naked lady department it partially makes up for in the cool graphic design department.
I like the chess pieces as a visual representation of the title. Very clever. "Check mate." "But that's not even a..." "I SAID [gun cocking sound] 'check mate'."
I'm going to suggest that Tommy Hambledon is a lousy name for a hero (or a villain, or a person anyone might care to read about). Unless you play a mean pinball or design overpriced red white & blue mall clothes, if you are a grown man you should not go by "Tommy."

Best things about this back cover:

Great design, but that phrase doesn't exactly pop. There's just no menace to the word "portfolio."
Looking at Tommy Hambledon's other "adventures," I'm led to wonder why this book doesn't have the word "Today" in it.

Page 123~

"I am very much obliged to you, Superintendent," said Warren.

"Don't mention it. I am delighted to see you alive, Detective Inspector. I—we—began to think you weren't."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 489: Madame / Ben Berkey (Kozy Books 161)

2011-12-16T09:10:00.000-08:00

Paperback 489: Kozy Books K161 (PBO, 1962)

Title: Madame
Author: Ben Berkey
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $10

Best things about this cover:

The German soliders were mesmerized by her astonishing shadow puppetry skills. "Oooh, that's a swan. Lovely."
Wow, those are some perfectly spherical, gravity-defying tits. And they're sprouting! Chia-Tits!
I love it when a stripper manages to coordinate her shoes and her pasties.
I like the blond G.I. Josef in the foreground. You know he's important because he's the only one sitting in a recliner.
I love the decor. They've painted the walls a lovely shade of Despair.

Best things about this back cover:

Ugh, this flaccid prose. Make it stop!
Wait, how did "passion" come before "desire?"— "I'm not really turned on yet, but if I just keep dry-humping you, I'm sure it'll come along."
Too much "seeming!"
If you want to turn a guy on, try literally placing your lips inside his ear. Guaranteed not to creep him out and make him recoil in primal horror.
What did she say!?!?! Vickie!!!!! Speak up! Vickiiiiiiiieeeeeeeee! (you see how invested I am...)

Page 123~

At the barrier, Lettie Muller and Frank Killdare indulged in small talk, with the Lieutenant gone to talk to the guard, Killdare felt a trifle shy in her presence [1]. Certain incidents [2] that had occurred between them in the past [3] now came to the surface [4] with crystal clearness [5]. He had an uncomfortable feeling [6] that the girl also felt that way. He was soon to find that he had guessed right [7].

[1] Jeez, run-on much?
[2] I kill my students for this kind of vagueness, especially when said "incidents" are Never, Ever named, come on!
[3] Yes, that's when most events tend to have occurred.
[4] Of ...?
[5] In America, we say "clarity," but go on ...
[6] Not unlike what one feels reading this tone-deaf prose.
[7] "I often make girls feel uncomfortable, so the odds were in my favor, really," he said at the post-game press conference.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 488: The Case of the Constant Suicides / John Dickson Carr (Berkley G-60)

2011-12-14T17:27:00.000-08:00

Paperback 488: Berkley Books G-60 (1st ptg, 1957)

Title: The Case of the Constant Suicides
Author: John Dickson Carr
Cover artist: Robert Maguire

Yours for: $11

Best things about this cover:

Well, Dr. Gideon Fell, alright. Fell to his death!
Nobody painted Paperback Women better than Robert Maguire. Nobody. Nobody. I mean, this is some of his least interesting work, and it's still awesome. He also has the greatest paperback cover artist signature. Regular as hell. You could set your watch by that thing.
This is the story of one woman's painful obsession with the phallic tower that would not love her. Or her painful battle with head lice. Or her painful attempt to follow a rudimentary yoga DVD.

Best things about this back cover:

How 'bout people just stop staying there. Looks like a shit place to sleep, anyway. Case closed! You're welcome.
Coincidentally, I'm in the middle of an Agatha Christie novel right now. It's telling that she doesn't praise his writing, but his ability to baffle. I've heard 4-year-olds tell completely baffling stories.

Page 123~

"Angus might well consider himself, in the hard-headed Northern fashion, a useless encumbrance."

Poor Angus is "stony broke," "overwhelved (sic!) with debts," and has an ex-mistress named Elspat. She used to tease him about his "useless encumbrance." Hence *ex* mistress.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 487: The Shocking History of Advertising / E.S. Turner (Ballantine F 403 K)

2011-12-11T13:09:00.001-08:00

Paperback 487: Ballantine Books F 403 K (1st ptg, 1960)

Title: The Shocking History of Advertising
Author: E.S. Turner
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $9

Best things about this cover:

The Shocking History Of Fonts!
What "tragic ailment" does the "Other Tragic Ailments" guy have? Besides the zits he has picked at, necessitating all the little bits of toilet tissue? I'm going to guess Massive Bald Oval Head Syndrome (MBOHS).
I'd be surprised if Dr. Scott's Electric Corset didn't sell by the truckload. I mean, look at that lady. That corset is clearly rocking her "vital organs" big time. I doubt it's a coincidence that "organs" looks a lot like "orgasm," and that the word is running right up her leg.
I want a T-shirt with that smoking rabbit head on it.

Best things about this back cover:

Blah blah blah too much text too many colors my head hurts.
The integrated plug!? Sounds like an accessory for Dr. Scott's Electric Corset (plug sold separately).

Page 123~

Some excessively prudish criticisms of posters were voiced during this period. It is on record that even the Bovril bull was condemned by the town of Cork for the reason that it was too obviously a bull.

And thus I leave you with the image of massive bull schlong. You're welcome.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 486: Falcons of France / Charles Nordhoff and James Norman Hall (Monarch 141)

2011-12-09T12:44:00.001-08:00

Paperback 486: Monarch Books 141 (1st ptg, 1959)

Title: Falcons of France
Author: Charles Nordhoff and James Norman Hall
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $8

Best things about this cover:

Is this guy going to shoot down the enemy plane or make love to it? Dude is primping. He just needs a bottle of Courvoisier: "Ma chérie, you are about to feel my love guns ..."
Some of Target's early marketing campaigns were more successful than others.

Best things about this back cover:

Fokkers!
Spads!
Atlantic Bookshelf writes the kind of criticism that sounds profound but is actually completely empty. "Living and consequently better?" "Better ..." than? Than what!? Fokkers!

Page 123~

"Who's Papa Gouraud going to kiss?"

"Oh, quite a lot of you. Here's the list; you can read it for yourselves."

I don't even want to know.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 485: Rage in Heaven / James Hilton (Avon [39])

2011-12-07T13:26:00.001-08:00

Paperback 485: Avon [39] (unnumbered) (1st ptg, 1943)

Title: Rage in Heaven
Author: James Hilton
Cover artist: Uncredited (I have "Gonzales" written on the tag ... don't know why)

Yours for: $14

Best things about this cover:

"Hey, nice uraeus" (try saying that to the next pretty lady you see — see where it gets you)
For a very early paperback, this one is unusually realistic (and sexy) in its depiction of the female form. You don't start seeing real GGA (Good/Great Girl Art) until the late '40s. In the early years of mass market paperbacks, the cover art tends to be more abstract, or more in the vein of magazine illustration. Paperbacks were still concerned with aligning themselves with good (i.e. edifying, or at least inoffensive) books. The selling power of the Lurid had not yet impressed itself on the paperback sellers of America. It didn't take long.
Looks like that soft shoe guy is getting zapped by the laser goggles of some space monster.

Best things about this back cover:

Shakespeare Head Say: Reading is GOOD for you.
Wartime book. Wartime message.

Page 123~

She felt then that he, Ward, was her husband, and that Philip, weak and puny on the bed in the next room, was their child, whom they had watched over and tended together.

That's some awkward role-playing game they've got going there.

~RP

Paperback 484: Up From Slavery / Booker T. Washington (Pocket Books 80)

2011-12-04T10:43:00.001-08:00

Paperback 484: Pocket Books 80 (1st ptg, 1940)

Title: Up From Slavery
Author: Booker T. Washington
Cover artist: N/A

Yours for: $10

Best things about this cover:

Is this a book about denim?
A good example of how deathly boring the packaging was on a lot of early paperbacks—and this is one of the earliest, Pocket Books having begun only a year earlier in 1939.
One thing this book does have going for it is its condition—a little Perma-gloss peeling, a little scuffing, but other than that, square and bright and barely (if ever) read.

Best things about this back cover:

More aesthetic austerity measures
I sort of like this incarnation of the Pocket kangaroo—they're pushing the books-are-good-for-you angle here with the intellectual, bespectacled 'roo. Later incarnations will look younger, have better eyesight (the better to appreciate the more lurid covers)

Page 123~

From the first I have sought to impress the students with the idea that Tuskegee is not my institution, or that of the officers, but that it is their institution, and that they have as much interest in it as any of the trustees or instructors.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 483: The Gay Detective / Lou Rand (Saber SA-18)

2011-12-02T00:30:00.000-08:00

Paperback 483: Saber Books SA-18 (PBO, 1961)

Title: The Gay Detective
Author: Lou Rand
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $100

Best things about this cover:

Not sure how legible the cover copy is, so I'll transcribe: "Francis and Tiger [!!!!!!!!!!!! ... ?] had found out what they needed to know. The trick now was to get the nude Vivien out of the bathhouse [!] and to safety."
Of all Vivien's failed attempts to get a man, this one was perhaps the most spectacular.
The bathhouse employed the most strapping and vigilant head lice police the world had ever known.
Come on, even the queerest of the queer aren't going to be able to stomach that much pink.

Best things about this back cover:

Have we seen Saber get biblical before!? This is perhaps my favorite of Sanford Aday's responses to the legal harassment his business was suffering in the late-50s / early 60s.

Page 123~

The man is—we heard many times—a muscular masochist and confines his pleasures to young and attractive men.

"We heard many times" — that's what happens when you keep asking witnesses to "tell us the one about the muscular masochist again!"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 482: Sam / Lonnie Coleman (Pyramid G479)

2011-11-27T06:46:00.001-08:00

Paperback 482: Pyramid G479 (1st ptg, 1960)

Title: Sam
Author: Lonnie Coleman
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $35

Best things about this cover:

"Frank"! "Twilight world"! I do love my vintage paperback buzzwords.
The giant "S" stands for "Super Sexy"
Wow, Sam looks like he's really into ... Sam.
QueerSam is about the most fabulous thing I've seen on a vintage paperback cover. His languid pose, his unbuttoned / flip-collared shirt, his hairless chest, his tight-as-hell red pants ... the way he is coming on to his buttondowned self, the way that he lives inside a tear in the space/time continuum ... all amazing.
The New York Herald Tribune is testing out its Review-Bot 3000, now with patented "hyper-adjective mode"

Best things about this back cover:

Unashamed homosexual!
"Normal," HA ha.
Oh, the gays and their "furtive wanderings" and inevitable chiropractic "adjustments"

Page 123~

His maleness had been stated; her susceptibility was understood by both of them.

"This is my maleness ... alright, let's do this!"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 481: The Shame of Mary Quinn / Clifton Cuthbert (Pyramid 28)

2011-11-25T07:58:00.001-08:00

Paperback 481: Pyramid 28 (1st ptg, 1951)

Title: The Shame of Mary Quinn
Author: Clifton Cuthbert
Cover artist: [Hunter Barken]

Yours for: $11

Best things about this cover:

The powerful story of a boy who would not give up his beloved chair no matter how many half-naked magic tricks his sister did.
The shame of Mary Quinn was her gigantic pasties—all the other strippers laughed at her, and even her most loyal patrons turned away in disgust.
"Climax is tremendous!"—this is why Unnatural Love is so hard to give up ...

Best things about this back cover:

Wow. That's frank.
"This book is about some dirty shit, but it's written in complete sentences and doesn't have curse words, so you don't have to feel so guilty."

Page 123~

They went to the bed and she looked past him to the wall, his embrace impersonalized for her. His painful grasp recalled her, she noticed his loving was rough and ill-tempered, and suddenly she took joy in it.

God, even rough sex can't withstand the withering assault of clunky, amateurish writing.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 480: The Indiscreet Confessions of a Nice Girl / Anonymous (Lion 30)

2011-11-23T11:31:00.001-08:00

Paperback 480: Lion Books 30 (1st ptg, 1950)

Title: The Indiscreet Confessions of a Nice Girl
Author: Anonymous
Cover artist: Michel

Yours for: $18

Best things about this cover:

Please note the lamp. Please please note the lamp. It's bachelor-padtastic!
She is getting her cigarette lit by the world's tiniest man, who happens to be hanging from the ceiling.
Her dress is weird. It looks like her boobs have eyebrows.
She's kicked off a shoe, so you know she's good to go.
Either that entire room is on a slant or we are looking at her through a very weird tire swing.

Best things about this back cover:

"Hand"writing!
Everyone's attractive in black, lady. Get over yourself.
"—but I will come to that later." I love how she is titillating her Future Self. (assuming this is really a diary)
"Oh Harold! Harold! Bring me up to date, Harold!"
"... unless you read other people's diaries ... in which case, this will probably be pretty disappointing. Seriously, you should just put this book down and go back to being a snooping perv. You'll be happier."

Page 123~

I decided to put on my tea gown before Arthur arrived. It was really a negligee, only more so. You wear a negligee when you want to be modest and a tea gown when you don't. Cecil's tea gowns are very immodest. She practically guarantees one shoulder to fall off during the second cocktail and the other to fall during the fourth. Of course she can't do any better than that because no girl should take more than four cocktails and if she does she will throw the whole gown over a chair anyway.

I love how she's drunk and wild enough to just chuck off her gown, but tidy enough to make sure that it's neatly hung up on a chair. Also, though I'm pretty sure Cecil is a girl, I like to pretend that he is not.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 479: The Torrid Teens / Orrie Hitt (Beacon B294)

2011-11-20T10:35:00.001-08:00

Paperback 479: Beacon B294 (PBO, 1960)

Title: The Torrid Teens
Author: Orrie Hitt
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $50

Best things about this cover:

Home. Run.
Too many great things to list. The title! The garters! The menacing shadow men! I mean, I realize that this painting depicts what appears to be a sexual assault in progress, and obviously sexual assault is bad, but as sensational covers go, this one is gold.
This book should be called "Everyone's Hands Were Awesome." A triad of terrifically expressive hands.
"You told ma you'd be home for dinner at 6, and as you can clearly see from my visible watch face, it's almost 6:30. Why must you succumb to vileness and the twisted desire to stay out past dinner time?"

Best things about this back cover:

One of the ugliest line drawings I've ever seen on a paperback cover. Reeks of Dickensian squalor.
I think he's trying to do this trick where he lights a match using only his teeth and her breast.
Why does honesty always have to be so brutal? What did we ever do to honesty?

Page 123~

"The kids in the gang were pretty good to you," he said. "They could have told the cops you were with them on the rumble, but they didn't. That could have hurt you a lot and I don't think it would have made your mother very happy."

Little did he know that her mother was actually a long-time subscriber to "Rumble Fancier" magazine.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 478: College Confidential / Irving Shulman (Gold Medal s1005)

2011-11-18T08:07:00.001-08:00

Paperback 478: Gold Medal s1005 (PBO, 1960)

Title: College Confidential
Author: Irving Shulman
Cover artist: [movie still]

Yours for: $15

Best things about this cover:

If this is what prayer meetings are really like, sign me the hell up.
"This big, I swear!" "Ha ha ha ha, good one, Mamie"
If there's anyone I'd trust to bring me the hot details of a college sex scandal, it's some guy named "Irving."

Best things about this back cover:

And by "STUDY," we mean "MASTURBATE TO"
One requirement of 1950s headshots was that the actor be leaning heavily to one side, looking either bored (exhibit A) or hopped up (exhibit B).
Steve Allen has this look like "I know, I can't believe I'm in this film either."

Page 123~

"The way we got it," Bob scowled, because he had not expected this frank admission, "you had a lot of students up here for a drunken brawl and—" he hooked both thumbs into his heavy gun belt—"dirty movies."

At this point, the sexy porn music starts playing and the gun belt comes *off!" P.S. "Frank!"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 477: Uncle Tom's Children / Richard Wright (Penguin 647)

2011-11-16T06:59:00.001-08:00

Paperback 477: Penguin 647 (1st ptg, 1947)

Title: Uncle Tom's Children
Author: Richard Wright
Cover artist: jonas

Yours for: $20

Best things about this cover:

Kind of an abrupt shift from all the sexed-up lesbian stuff I've been trafficking in lately.
Simple, gruesome, effective cover from "jonas," one of the most important early pb cover artists.
Really digging the title font. Also, that dude's pocket square.

Best things about this back cover:

Back cover from back when paperbacks still modeled their back covers after those on the insides of hardcover dust jackets. Very straitlaced and informative and decidedly non-sensational.
The first recipient of the Spingarn medal was Ernest Everett Just (1915). Trivia!

Page 123~

There was silence. Then Hadley laughed, noiselessly.

Laughed noiselessly? You might want to check that he's not choking.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 476: Karla / Vern Wade (Saber SA-2)

2011-11-14T06:05:00.000-08:00

Paperback 476: Saber Books SA-2 (PBO? 1957?)

Title: Karla
Author: Vern Wade
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $28

Best things about this cover:

These people look like video game avatars, or character in "Polar Express." They are going to have creepy, sweat-less, human-like sex on that sad pristine bed in 3, 2 ...
Heflin (really?) had not quite mastered the whole vampire thing. You can't nuzzle the blood out of her, Hef!
Now that I look at her more closely, I'm pretty sure she's inflatable and Hef is blowing her up.
In my mind, Madame Fronzeh rides a motorcycle, wears a leather jacket, says "Ehhhhhh!," and people call her "The Fronz."

Best things about this back cover:

More sadness from the Sanford Aday publishing houses (see also here). I've never, ever seen a publisher foreground their own economic / legal woes so aggressively. The fact that they're publishing under fire becomes part of their identity in those early years (you know, before the 25-year prison sentence ...).

Page 123~

Her hazel eyes widened. Her lips curved in an ironic smile as she rose, and moved toward me. She extended her hand to me, and her body undulated provocatively in a gesture that was confusingly familiar.

He's confused because he's repressed the memory of his mother's own ironic smiling and provocative undulation as she fixed him scrambled eggs as a child.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 475: Sex in the Shadows / Randy Salem (Beacon B799X)

2011-11-09T08:58:00.000-08:00

Paperback 475: Beacon Books B799X (PBO, 1965)

Title: Sex in the Shadows
Author: Randy Salem
Cover artist: Al Rossi

Yours for: $50

Best thing about this cover:

"Fine, turn away, but you're never going to miss these painted-on capris, baby, I promise you!"
"'According to Jim!?' You're watching 'According to Jim!?' You disgust me. I'm going to Margo's."
Wait, is Ivy the older lesbian's name? Or do older lesbians prowl the way that ivy ... prowls ... up the walls of colleges and ballpark walls?
"Gee, my hair smells terrific."
I'm still trying to work out the symbolism of the orange throw pillow.

Best things about this back cover:

"... and certainly no hero ..." is a great line. "Don't worry—no man parts for as far as the eye can see!"
Searching! Scorching! It's not Frank! But it does have a character named Francine, which is something.
I know that when I think of lesbians, the first image that pops into my head is: brawls.

Page 123~

I was thinking of Martha and me and how we must look to that wise old moon—just two more grains of sand on a desolate stretch of beach, two flecks of nothingness.

"Two Flecks of Nothingness" should've been the title — "It's like Seuss meets Sartre meets coastal lesbians," says Michiko Kakutani

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 474: The Third Bedroom / Brenda Baker (Fabian Z-136)

2011-11-06T11:34:00.000-08:00

Paperback 474: Fabian Z-136 (PBO, 1960)

Title: The Third Bedroom
Author: Brenda Baker
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $19

Best things about this cover:

There were three things Brad loved more than anything else: bright yellow dress shirts, mirrored walls, and women covered in fondant.
These curtains make me laugh every time I look at this book. It's like the artist just pawned off the design concept on Mrs. Jenkins' 1st grade art class.
That woman is either a yoga master or has dislocated her shoulder. You try putting your elbow behind your head. Go ahead, I'll wait.
The mirror symbolizes Brad's dual identity: the gentleman, and the slightly more boring gentleman.

Best things about this back cover:

Feel the sadness.
Fabian (and Saber and Vega) had lots of legal troubles due to the highly sexual and controversial content of many of their books. Publisher Sanford Aday and partner Wallace de Ortega-Maxey would eventually be convicted in U.S. District Court (in Western Michigan) of trafficking in obscenity. Almost all Fabian, Saber, and Vega books in the late 50s / early 60s have legal news as part of their end material. For instance, this book contains a report on the publisher's own recent court victories, and a long discussion of recent legal victories for booksellers all over the country. This is yet another reason I love the Aday paperbacks, cheesy and low-rent as they are: they defied the moral hypocrisy of their day and challenged the legal system in ways that (ultimately) mattered. You're not going to have much problem getting some high-minded literary professional into court to defend "Ulysses." Good luck getting the same guy to defend "Sex Life of a Cop."

Page 123~

I fully believed then that God spoke to me, but it was like when your conscience tells you something, you're not too sure of what it means. But I calmed down rather quickly, and after I had taken my seat upon the divan I took a cigarette and lit it.

And ye, verily, God said unto her, "Betty ... you must go to Flavor Country."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 473: Warped / Michael Norday (Beacon B280)

2011-11-04T17:34:00.000-07:00

Paperback 473: Beacon B 280 (PBO, 1955)

Title: Warped
Author: Michael Norday
Cover artist: Clement Micarelli

Yours for: $50

Best things about this cover:

This is some golden age, bullseye, right over the plate, vintage lesbian paperback amazingness. Fantastic art, cool staggered-letter title design, and cover copy that alliterates like there's no tomorrow. Plus great lesbian code words like "twilight" and "twisted" and "strange" and "tormented" and "warped"; roughly half the vintage lesbian paperbacks in existence have at least one of these words in their titles (I made that stat up, but it feels right)
I love the dramatic tension between these two women—the knowing, smug, hungry eyes of the tomboyish old pro, and the coy-yet-curious eyes of the frillier girl in the foreground. Her guarded posture suggests modesty, but her exposed and pushed-up boobs and her visible garters suggest ... something else.
That is one ugly bed. And pillowcase. They are far too hot to be making out in grandma's bed.

Best things about this back cover:

Again, great design. A bit text-heavy, but I love the pink touches.
I applied to Fern Mar, but got rejected. Dames only, apparently. I am, however, only too familiar with the "disgrace of an unwholesome campus weekend."
Hell yeah, passion-ridden women!

Page 123~

A sudden panic swept over her. She remembered the look in Estrada's eyes when he had talked about Gwen up at O'Keefe's training camp. A sudden fury burst inside her. "Damn you! Where is she? Where—"

"Relax, baby. Relax."

Wait, lesbians have training camps? That's awesome.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 472: The Woman Racket / Gil Lawrence (Pyramid G468)

2011-11-02T17:48:00.000-07:00

Paperback 472: Pyramid G468 (PBO, 1959)

Title: The Woman Racket
Author: Gil Lawrence
Cover artist: Miller (?)

Yours for: $25

Best things about this cover:

The doctor's eyes! It's like he wants to blow that damned needle.
The painting of the girl is actually pretty damned hot. I Love her dress. And her ... what is that, a datebook?
"Fury With Legs": an abstract concept that can get up and walk around!? Tell me more ...
I like to think the girl is being pursued by Fury With Legs, mostly because she looks more like someone about to die in a horror movie than she does a girl going to get an abortion in pre-Roe v. Wade America.

Best things about this back cover:

If you want to spice up your nouns, just put "Flesh" in front of them. It'll really make your flesh prose pop. (See!?)
Shocking, brutally honest ... but not frank.
Who is this "Miller" person and what does he have against first names?

Page 123~

I weighed the assets and demerits of the polygraph machines. "Yes," I told him finally. "I think it's a good idea. Lie detectors are good for snotty kids."

See, an ordinary writers would've just gone with "pros and cons," but this guy is a thesauristic master: "assets and demerits!" All hail unnatural usage! (Also, I'm imagining the polygraph industry's awesome ad campaign: "Lie detectors: They're good for snotty kids!"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 471: Model for Murder / Stephen Marlowe (Graphic 94)

2011-10-30T12:33:00.000-07:00

Paperback 471: Graphic 94 (PBO, 1955)

Title: Model for Murder
Author: Stephen Marlowe
Cover artist: Walter Popp

Yours for: $16

Best things about this cover:

I have no idea what these people are up to, but that cigarette and that cigar are getting it on.
Finally, a taut thriller about the exciting, dangerous world of copyediting.
Steve is puzzled to find that his meticulously researched paper, "Broads: Stacked vs. Unstacked," merits only a B-. "I don't think I understand this whole 'Women's Studies' thing, Bernie."

Best things about this back cover:

Kinsey!
Out-Kinseyed Kinsey! "Screw this survey stuff, let's just install hidden cameras."
Lady wrestlers! Be still my heart.
Talk about ... Pop Grujdzak. Talk about ... Pop Grujdzak.
If I had to invent a stupid-sounding last name, and had several days to do it, I still couldn't beat Wompler.

Page 123~

The clothing was Ken's naturally, and as I dressed and tested the stiffness in my left arm, I began to wonder. The arm couldn't have punched its way through a wet Kleenex tissue.

So ... he dresses up like Barbie's boyfriend and he has a lot of experience testing the tensile strength of wet Kleenex. He sounds dreamy.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 470: The Swingers / Sherri St. John (as told to Rex Nevins) (Saber SA-57)

2011-10-28T06:49:00.000-07:00

Paperback 470: Saber Books SA-57 (PBO, 1967)

Title: The Swingers
Author: Sherri St. John, as told to Rex Nevins
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $20

Best things about this cover:

What is he doing to her? I'd say he's trying to take her bra off, but his hands are way too high. Also, she's not wearing one.
Their awkward teenage fumbling amused hot young drunk Elizabeth Taylor.
The world needs more orange bras.
I thought swingers were swappers by definition. "The Swingers were faithful to their spouses"—there's your surprise headline.
This is what happens when you paint your living room Satanic Red.
I think I own that shirt.
Rex Nevins really gets the ladies to open up

Best things about this back cover:

I want to get past the first sentence, but I can't. Why is there a shower in the cockpit?
Why Are There Air Mattresses In The Cockpit? The "Cockpit" Of What?
"The way we were lined up was this way, left to right looking toward the bow..."; sorry, my arousal faded during the time it took me to draw a fucking diagram.

Page 123~

I kind of played with Pete's old slide rule in my hands.

Hilariously, this sentence is purely literal.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 469: Sally / Alan Marshall (Donald Westlake pseud.) (Midwood 62)

2011-10-26T07:26:00.000-07:00

Paperback 469: Midwood 62 (PBO, 1959)

Title: Sally
Author: Alan Marshall (Donald Westlake)
Cover artist: Paul Rader

Yours for: $75

Best things about this cover:

If I looked like Sally, that's probably what I'd do all day long, too.
Sally spent nearly every waking moment seasoning her bullfighting skills...
She was Willing to Try Anything Once, but in the case of letting her five-year-old niece paint the bathroom, just once.
I love the way she is drawn rather realistically while the bathroom fixtures are barely sketched. Makes it seem like she's going to go through the looking glass and have great adventures. Great, naked, lesbian adventures.

Best things about this back cover:

"Wow," thought Marie. "That was shockingly easy."
"It's the cleanest thing in the world. Here, put on this latex suit covered in Purell..."

Page 123~

She remembered the strange things Marie had said, and all at once she wanted to talk about it, she wanted to know what had made Marie say such things, she wanted to talk it into understanding, and from there to oblivion.

"From There To Oblivion," of course, the poorly reviewed sequel to "From Here To Eternity."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 468: Anybody's Girl / March Hastings (Midwood 33-870)

2011-10-21T08:29:00.000-07:00

Paperback 468: Midwood 33-870 (2nd ptg, 1967)

Title: Anybody's Girl
Author: March Hastings
Cover artist: Paul Rader

Yours for: $30

Best things about this cover:

"Do these pajama bottoms make my boobs look big? Be honest."
Margo found that no one could resist her charms once she lured them into her Teal Chamber.
And the Strategic Sheet Placement Award goes to ... Paul Rader for his "Rear End of a Reclining Brunette"!

Best things about this back cover:

Cliff, Ha ha. Good luck explaining the Skid Row bums to Cliff.
"And there were others." Yeah, that's implied, idiot. God, nothing is unhotter than terrible writing.
"The User and the Used" — once again, publishers miss a golden book-naming opportunity.

Page 123~

Addie wanted to voice her disappointment but she held it in, moving silently beside Margo, trusting Margo to lead her to the sights and the activities forbidden to normal human beings.

So ... Addie wanted Margo to take her to a Renaissance Faire?

~RP

Paperback 467: Women's Barracks / Tereska Torres (Gold Medal 132)

2011-10-19T07:54:00.000-07:00

Paperback 467: Gold Medal 132 (PBO, 1950)

Title: Women's Barracks
Author: Tereska Torres
Cover artist: Barye Phillips

Yours for: $20

Best things about this cover:

Ah, the standard military-issue pink bra. Classic.
Hell yeah "FRANK!"
This book is pretty famous. Per wikipedia: "The first paperback to address a lesbian relationship was published as early as 1950 with Women's Barracks by Tereska Torres, published by Gold Medal Books. The story was fictionalized account of Torres' experiences in the Free French Forces in London during World War II. Women's Barracks sold 4 million copies and was selected in 1952 to become an example of how paperback books were promoting moral degeneracy, by the House Select Committee on Current Pornographic Materials."
I'm kind of in love with the blonde in the dead center background. She looks tough as hell. Doesn't even bother taking the cigarette out of her mouth to put her clothes on. No time for googly eyes in the locker room — those Krauts aren't going to kill themselves, ladies!
I also love the lady in uniform, sizing up her prey: "I'm gonna eat you like an after-dinner mint, sweetheart."

Best things about this back cover:

"Where are the *normal* emotional outlets? All I see are these weird European jobs. Anybody got a converter?"
"Revealment" is a real word, but it still hurts.

Page 123~

Mickey tried to give the men the eye, as though to reassure them that she was a real woman; but Petit had installed herself directly in front of us, at a little table, so there could be no side flirtation.

"Eyes front, bitches!"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 466: Spring Fire / Vin Packer (Gold Medal 222)

2011-10-14T07:34:00.000-07:00

Paperback 466: Gold Medal 222 (PBO, 1952)

Title: Spring Fire
Author: Vin Packer (aka Marijane Meaker)
Cover artist: Barye Phillips

Yours for: [not for sale]

Best things about this cover:

I wish the cover depicted whatever that blonde is looking at, because it must be Amazing (unlike this cover).
"Frank(ly)!"
Brunette: "Why do you always leave your nylons on the floor?" Blonde: "Whoa ... look at that pigeon on the windowsill. He looks just like James Mason ..."
I like how this book treads Very Very Lightly on the whole lesbian issue. Art director: "Two women ... in a room together ... sitting on what is probably a bed ... that's far enough, boys. Make their negligees look like party dresses, have them look away from each other, and leave the door ajar so we can always say they're just two girls waiting for their dates to arrive. Their big, male dates."
That is one imposing head of blond hair. It appears to be giving off solar flares.

Best things about this back cover:

"A girl called Mitch"—how is that not the title?!
"... a theme too important to keep from the light ... but not important enough to be mentioned directly on this cover."
"Vin Packer" is another alias of Marijane Meaker. You may remember her from such classics as "Take a Lesbian to Lunch" (which she wrote as "Ann Aldrich"). "Vin Packer" is probably my favorite paperback author name. If Rex Parker had an alias, it would be Vin Packer.
The very first thing my eyes lit on when I opened the book: "Dripping and curious, Mitch hovered in a wide towel as she took the call in the booth outside the bathroom." This made me change my mind about what the book's title should be...

I'm replacing Page 123 today with Page 136. Too good to pass up:

The ticking of the tin clock on the dresser sounded frantic and Mitch made the ticks come in three beats in her mind—Les-bi-an, Les-bi-an, tick-tick-tick.

Yet another great potential title that was passed up. And now clocks will never sound the same again.

Bonus: Page 126~

It was different when I could say it wasn't this way, that I was bisexual and all that rot. Bisexual—that's sort of like succotash, isn't it? Only this succotash hasn't got any corn in it. It's straight beans!

Without question, the single greatest metaphor in literary history.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 465: The Loving and the Daring / Francoise Mallet-Joris (Popular Library EB84)

2011-10-12T06:11:00.000-07:00

Paperback 465: Popular Library-Eagle Books EB84 (1st thus, 1957)

Title: The Loving and the Daring
Author: Francoise Mallet-Joris
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $20

Best things about this cover:

This is how older lesbians prey on young girls—their acute sense of hearing.'
This was a groundbreaking novel. No one had yet dared to tell the story of lesbian acrobats.
"This stairway doesn't seem to go anywhere. Let's just go back to Starbucks." Sorry, that was a line from "The Loving and the Undaring."

Best things about this back cover:

You can tell which is the 15-year-old girl because she hasn't learned how to sit ladylike and still cries when she skins her knee. You can tell the older, predatory lesbian by her icy disdain and slacks.
It's like the reviewer is teasing me by nearly saying "frank" a million times but never actually saying "frank." Asshole. Wait ... "frankly" ... Uh, OK. That'll do.
Taut and sensitive and on the brink of explosive release! Wait, I think my brain involuntarily rewrote copy there ...

Page 123~

Two women near the edge of the dance floor were squabbling over a gay little brunette that each wanted to tear from the arms of her indignant lady partner. It became a fight, with hair pulled and slaps exchanged.

Clearly this book should've been titled "Indignant Lady Partner" — "I demand satisfaction! Pistols at dawn, bitch!"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 464: Campus Kittens / Joan Ellis (Midwood 32-417)

2011-10-09T08:10:00.000-07:00

Paperback 464: Midwood 32-417 (PBO, 1964) (CANADA)

Title: Campus Kittens
Author: Joan Ellis
Cover artist: Paul Rader

Yours for: [SOLD! 10/10/11]

Best things about this cover:

The scintillating story of a buxom young redhead, her gravity-defying towel (or her extremely adhesive nipples), and her collection of remarkably life-like store mannequins.
Seriously, there's no way that blonde is a living breathing human being.
Shouldn't it be an "unblushing exposé"?—if it's blushing, then it's gonna be all coy and its sex scenes are going to be all vague and elliptical and annoying. "Blushing" is not "frank," is what I'm saying.
"Our once-respectable collegiate sorority houses," ha ha. "In my day, we spent our days performing community service and singing songs that expressed pride in our alma mater. Nowadays, it's all cunnilingus this and cunnilingus that!"

Best things about this back cover:

Spiteful sexual sprees are the best kind!
What is the "worst possible moment" to be caught in a motel with a married man? You'd think any moment would be pretty bad.
"Elementary education at the hands of her roommate" made me laugh. Yes, hands are elementary. Later, you might move on to tongue. Only the truly talented graduate to vagina. Hence Andrea's need for personal tutoring.

Page 123~

"Same place, you sexy little wench," he crooned [1]. "If you're still willing to go out with a decrepit old character like me." [2]

"Oh stop it," she laughed. Owen was one of the handsomest men she had ever encountered, and no older than a lot of movie stars [3]. "You'll make me bring along a pair of crutches if you keep up that talk." [4]

[1] If you are trying to get laid, I suggest that you not croon anything, let alone that particular line.
[2] This guy is like a bottomless pit of bad come-on lines.
[3] This is an odd benchmark: "Why, you're no older than Edward G. Robinson or Joseph Cotten." "I'm only 41." "Shhh, I'm pretending our relationship is normal ..."
[4] Why, so you can reenact scenes from "Double Indemnity?" I think you mean "wheelchair." He said "decrepit" and "old," not "suffering from a sprained ankle."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 463: Mr. Madam: Confessions of a Male Madam / Kenneth Marlowe (Paperback Library 55-857)

2011-10-08T10:22:00.000-07:00

Paperback 463: Paperback Library 55-857 (1st ptg, 1965)

Title: Mr. Madam: Confessions of a Male Madam
Author: Kenneth Marlowe
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $9

Best things about this cover:

Oh good, an Adult Autobiography. I always hate it when children try to write autobiography. Grow up first, you self-involved whiners!
How can a book with this subject matter and this title have a cover this terrible. I mean, consider some other covers (which I just found, while trolling the internet):

[Hairdresser of the stars!? Why is this info not on my paperback!?]

Kenneth Marlowe was also a female impersonator. More pics:

And now the back cover:

Best things about this back cover:

Ugh. A chalkboard drawing? Is this supposed to be a "twilight man?"
Not even the word "frank" to appease me. I hate this book (cover). [I just opened the book and the very first phrase on the very first page is "Uncompromisingly frank," so I feel a little better]

Page 123~

"You all try to help 'Frenchy' get dates, girls. Oh, be sure to remember to call him 'Frenchy.' If you get a date with a John, tell him that for five bucks extra you can have Frenchy sent in. Tell the trick, 'Let Frenchy come in and work on me. It makes me go wild!' That'll work the John up. Or, for $10 he'll work both you and the John. Well, I don't have to tell most of you how to manage it. Use your imaginations. Frenchy will, of course, be working all the exhibitions."

To its credit, this book does get pretty dang 'frank' (esp. by 1965 standards). Why it's not called "FRENCHY!"—with accompanying super-campy picture—I just don't understand.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 462: In Search of Sin / Gil McDonald (Saber Tropic 915)

2011-10-02T13:18:00.000-07:00

Paperback 462: Saber Tropic 915 (PBO, 1965)

Title: In Search of Sin
Author: Gil McDonald
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $20

Best things about this cover:

"Mission ... accomplished."
"Don't mind me kids. I'm good. Carry on."
"Did somebody order a debonair voyeur?"
Whenever Steve went out spying on his wife, he always brought along HAL-9000 for backup.

Best things about this back cover:

Quite possibly the best back cover opening line I've ever read.
As good as the first line is, the second line is equally bad. Passive voice, kids ... it's a killer.
If you want to kill your boner, just read this back cover. Nothing unsexier than clunky, amateurish writing about sex.

Page 123~

"I take it you're off on some half-baked idea of your own about how to catch these people," he continued, as his cigar again jabbed the air savagely.

Fly paper and swatters were fine for some people, but for Captain Gregory, nothing was so satisfying as taking down a pesky fly with a lit cigar—foolish appearance and inefficiency be damned!

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 461: Imposed Rebellion / James Williams (Fabian Z-127)

2011-09-30T10:08:00.000-07:00

Paperback 461: Fabian Z-127 (PBO, 1959)

Title: Imposed Rebellion
Author: James Williams
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $55

Best things about this cover:

Bill had told Bess that he was far too old to enjoy a game of "got-your-nose!" but Bess would not be denied.
The right hand says "passions" but the left hand says "stabby."
I don't mean to be judgmental, but ... those really aren't appropriate swamp-trysting shoes.
"I said, 'Watch me pull a quarter out of your ear!?' Why won't you hold still and let me play my games, Bill!?"
Possibly the worst title every conceived by humankind.

Best things about this back cover:

Wow, they really don't want to tell us about this book.
"Sergeant ... Sergeant ... the camera's over here, Sergeant."
As this graphic suggests, Sergeant Williams is from Mirror-Image Nevada, which can be found in the alternate universe that also contains "Okinowa."

Page 123~

The joke was a little over Duce's head, but he laughed loud and long. Leola took a sip of her drink and crossed her legs. She had heard some of the best. She cut Duce off.

Such were the mad antics at the Strange Name Support Group.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 460: American Sexual Behavior and the Kinsey Report (Bantam 227)

2011-09-29T08:09:00.000-07:00

Paperback 460: Bantam 227 (1st ptg, 1948)

Title: American Sexual Behavior and the Kinsey Report
Authors: Morris L. Ernst and David Loth
Cover artist: N/a

Yours for: $11

Best things about this cover:

Just consider this a sucky cover interlude—if I'm gonna put up all my books, then I'm gonna put up all my books.

Best things about this back cover:

The authors have done a service to the "lay public." That sounds about right.
Now that I see the cover of the original hardbound edition, I realize I own this book in both editions. Weird.

Page 123~

The Kinsey Report may save a good many homes

For instance, if you get enough of them together, you can fashion a levee.

~RP

P.S. please enjoy this forgotten bookmark, which I just pulled from the book while looking for p. 123

The back of this clipping is actually much more entertaining:

Highlights: McCarthy vs. the "Slot Machine King"! Hitler maps! "Jilted Lover Slays Blonde!" and, of course, advice from AUNT HET: "Men shouldn't go visitin' too often. They say about what they said the last time, but it sounds fresh if you haven't heard it for six months."

Paperback 459: Spill the Jackpot / A.A. Fair (Dell 109)

2011-09-26T08:37:00.000-07:00

Paperback 459: Dell 109 (1st ptg, 1946)

Title: Spill the Jackpot
Author: A.A. Fair (Erle Stanley Gardner)
Cover artist: George A. Frederiksen

Yours for: $21

Best things about this cover:

When slot machines get drunk (Xs for eyes, dead giveaway), they barf blood and skulls. True fact.
This is a fantastic example of the bright, vivid, more abstract covers that Dell tended to feature in its early years. You don't really get the saucy, realistic, Great Girl Art covers until about 1948.

Best things about this back cover:

Wow, no wonder people gamble. You can practically feel the monotony coming off the page.
Is Hotel Sal Sagev a real place? 'Cause that's some painfully unimaginative naming. Diputs!
"Boulder? Sure ... just go down Fremont here past Eighth and then it's just another 775 miles. You can't miss it."

Page 123~

Abruptly he turned and smiled at Bertha. "So sorry, Mrs. Cool, I interfered with you so early in the morning. Try and overlook it. If you people can learn to accept these interruptions philosophically, it's going to be a lot easier on you."

If you are a chronic interrupter, I suggest you memorize that last line. The key to being a dick effectively is: you must go all in.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 458: Gutter Gang / Jay de Bekker (Beacon Books B108)

2011-09-21T07:44:00.000-07:00

Paperback 458: Beacon Books B158 (PBO, 1954)

Title: Gutter Gang
Author: Jay de Bekker
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $20

Best things about this cover:

"Psst. Hey, Billy, you gonna hit that?" "Shut up, guys, that's my mom!"
"Billy, you come home right now and do your chores! And take that cigarette out of your mouth this instant!" "Aw, mom...! You're makin' me look uncool in front of the guys..."
Art director had only one note: "Grimier."
I love '50s paranoia about JD (Juvenile Delinquency). I don't know who Norman Anthony is (whoa, I've said that before ...), but I'm sure he was hysterical.

Best things about this back cover:

Well, when you have your midnight orgies in the parking lot of the A&P, that'll happen.
"Sponsors"=not the word I was expecting. "Hey girls, let's all go to AA!" "Neato!"
"B- B- B- Benny's name is Lesk!"
Those poor, poor kids. Getting high, fucking ... I really pity them.
This book has chapters with titles like "Muggin'," "Chicken," "Hot Gin," and, of course, "Chivalry"

Page 123~ (cheating: p. 122)

I ask him does he live with this folks, and he says he has a mother and a sister but no real father. He said he was a bastard, a real bastard."

I like how she talks about bastards like they were astronauts or yetis.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 457: Seducer's Sin Chase / Roy Merson (Compass Line Novel CL 144)

2011-09-14T11:37:00.000-07:00

Paperback 457: Compass Line Novels CL 144 (PBO, 1966)

Title: Seducer's Sin Chase
Author: Roy Merson
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $14

Best things about this cover:

I should start a tag for my posts called "That Crazy Red Wig," because it keeps coming back.
That is some awkward panty-taking-off.
"To keep my figure trim, I do crunches on a pile of sand I have brought in from the beach every morning. It's dirty and inconvenient, but it works!"
This is what happens when your answer to the artist's question "What should I do with the background?" is "I don't fucking care."
Roy Merson is among the most pathetic pseudonyms I've ever seen.

Best things about this back cover:

The right jab of LUST DRUMMER was followed quickly by the lethal left cross of "stud-wise," and then everything just went dark. I see now that LEWDMONGERS were also involved. Bravo! This thing is so self-parodic that it is threatening to suck all meaning from the room and my life, so I'm gonna stop looking at it now.

Page 123~

She loved Steve, loved him deeply, of course, but love had nothing to do any more with why she was here laying between the Osgoods.

I've never been so sad to see the "lying/laying" error, because other than that, this is possibly my favorite Page 123 of all time. My favorite parts are "of course" and "Between the Osgoods," which is a sitcom I would totally watch.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 456: Stairways to Sin / Kip Madigan (Fabian Z-114)

2011-09-12T08:18:00.000-07:00

[With postscript about "Book Blogger Appreciation Week"]

Paperback 456: Fabian Books Z-114 (7th ptg, 1959)

Title: Stairways to Sin
Author: Kip Madigan
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $14

Best things about this cover:

"So this is a sporting-house? Gee, neat. So, where's football and baseball and stuff? ... Badminton?"
"Alright, Billy, I'll pull a quarter from behind your ear one more time, but then I have to get back to fucking strangers for money, OK?"
Whoever did this cover painting this missed the art class about "perspective." And "proportion." And "good."
"Windbreak?" Again, I have to wonder if cover copy in this era wasn't written primarily by ESL students armed only with dog-eared thesauruses and an admirable "what-the-hell" spirit.
7th printing!!!! Unless this thing had print runs of, like, six, I'm stunned.

Best things about this back cover:

This is the first time I've ever seen "sporting" to describe prostitution. "I know that when I need a windbreak, I like to go sporting. Works every time."
"Though his work is out of tune with the literati" ... HA ha. You could have stopped that sentence after "tune."
"Incest for Rene"!?!?! Wow. Worst Christmas ever.
Thousands of letters!!!! I would literally (i.e. figuratively) kill to read even a half dozen of those letters.

Page 123~

"I'm not dumb," she said, dauntless, "I'm just ignorant."

"For instance, what does 'dauntless' mean?"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

P.S. it's something called Book Blogger Appreciation Week. I doubt this blog counts as a book blog in the sense that the Appreciation Week's organizers intend, as it's overwhelmingly about covers, not content. Anyway, here's my part—anyone listed under "Fellow Cover Critics" in my sidebar is worth checking out. My favorite book blog that is not mine is "Caustic Cover Critic." Always thoughtful writing about the good, the bad, and the phenomenally ugly in the world of book covers. And thus ends my contribution to building blogger "community" in anything but the most indirect of ways. Cheers.

Paperback 455: Erotic Interlude / Bob Elmer (Dragon Editions 143)

2011-09-09T06:42:00.000-07:00

Paperback 455: Dragon Edition DE143 (PBO, 1966)

Title: Erotic Interlude
Author: Bob Elmer
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: [SOLD!: 9/9/11]

Best things about this cover:

OK, I've seen bad wigs, and I've seen Bad Wigs, but this thing wins.
She took men to her Fortress of Solitude, where she screwed them and then promptly froze them in pillars of ice.
If you just focus on the upper parts of her breasts and chest, this cover looks nice. But if you move your eyes from that spot even a fraction of an inch in any direction: disaster.
What's holding up her boobs? Remnants of an old dish rag? Plaster of Paris? A tennis ball that's been cleaved in half and pried open?
If you're gonna get yourself a sex machine, you need to make sure it's trained. Untrained sex machines can really chew you up. Trust me.

Best things about this back cover:

"UNIQUE SKILL!" — Nice. Nothing sexier than the language of a job resumé.
So we're just forgoing indefinite articles in our cover copy now? OK then...
I've read Mad Libs that made more sense than this—Mad Libs filled out by kids who don't even know what "adjective" means.
This was one of the earliest efforts at sex novel cover copy writing by Professor Frink's Smut-Bot 5000. When you look at it that way, it's pretty good.

Page 123~

The blonde began blazing a trail of kisses down Delia's body. And then her hand began doing things.

Delia hated it when her lovers surreptitiously played "Angry Birds" during sex.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 454: Twilight Men / Andre Tellier (Lion Books 24)

2011-09-07T08:49:00.000-07:00

Paperback 454: Lion Books 24 (1st ptg, 1950)

Title: Twilight Men
Author: Andrew Tellier
Cover artist: Stella Lincoln

Yours for: $16

Best things about this cover:

"... and ladies and gentlemen, your host ... Gene Rayburn!"
This cover answers the question: "Is there a game show called 'Gay Mystery Date' in heaven?"
Kind of odd to have "The Story of a Homosexual" feature a cover with a man emerging from what looks like an ermine-fringed vagina. Or the exploding face of Abe Lincoln.
Wait, this tagline feels familiar: "The Story of a Homosexual." Hang on ... yes. Here we go. Interesting. So this is Lion Books 24. Double that number, and you get Lion Books 48, which has *this* tagline:

Just add "SPY"!

And the back cover:

Best things about this back cover:

"More Than One Man In Every Five" — now *that* sounds like a party!
"... have tasted of the forbidden fruits of homosexuality"; "forbidden fruits" = gay euphemism for "balls."
Kinsey! No "frank," but a near-frank in "unadorned." That's pretty close.
"We ask that you examine your conscience ... oh, man, it's fucking scary and dark in there. Stop. We take it back. Get out! Shut the door!"

Page 123~

Slips of rejection filled up the pigeon-holes of his desk and overflowed into the drawers.

Whoa. I'm not up on mid-century homosexual slang, but that sounds like some hot gay action.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 453: So Strange Our Love / Joseph Heron (Newsstand Library U159)

2011-09-04T12:39:00.000-07:00

Paperback 453: Newsstand Library U159 (PBO, 1961)

Title: So Strange Our Love
Author: Joseph Heron
Cover artist: Uncredited [Robert Bonfils]

Yours for: $14

Best things about this cover:

First impression: yeah, that's pretty strange.
Honey, you're gonna have to move that thing a little closer to his face. From the squinting, I'd say dude is clearly too nearsighted to appreciate it from that distance. At this rate, he's never going to put his Eiffel Tower anywhere near your frenzied river, let alone your secret and turbulent rapids.
Wow, "forked" is a word that really kills the mood.

Best things about this back cover:

OK, I get it, only Mireille. Stop shouting at me.
"forked" : front cover :: "nostrils" : back cover
"Pointed" — man, talk about your adventures in bad word choice.
"... under the touch of his fingers her nipple swelled" — I wonder if that looked anything like this picture we've seen before.
I'm trying to find the part in that last paragraph where they actually start fucking. Not entirely clear. If I read it literally, it's like she gets him in some kind of wrestling hold with her legs, and he's cool with that, but then she starts writhing and ululating and speaking in tongues. No wonder he's keeping his distance on the front cover.

Page 123~

She picked up a pack of cigarettes from the table and lit one. "And yet if Johny had been a man, you wouldn't mind it," she said. "When you thought she was a man, you didn't."

If Johny had been a man, he'd have figured out how to spell his name properly. By the way, dude's name is Ken and he's just discovered that MIREILLE! sleeps with girls. Or girl, at any rate.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Tumblr and Twitter]

Scanner down! Scanner down!

2011-09-02T08:30:00.000-07:00

Hey everybody. Scanner's down. It should be up and running in the next day or so. Hope to have a new paperback up on Sunday.

In the meantime, I need your help. I'm on a quest—a quest to find the phrase "lipstick lesbian" in *any* piece of writing published prior to 1984. Long story short, the rumor that (I swear) I once heard that Ann Aldrich's "Take a Lesbian to Lunch" contained the first known attestation of the phrase "lipstick lesbian" may not be true. I am now actually *reading* said book, and so far, nothing (though it's an Incredible read). Armistead Maupin's "Babycakes" (1984) is the O.E.D.'s earliest attestation for "lipstick lesbian," but Ann Aldrich (aka Marijane Meaker, who generously answers questions posted to her website, god bless her) claims that "Lipstick lesbian was from the fifties, a very common description of the uptown, dress-up lesbian." So that's at least thirty years between when the phrase was allegedly being used and its first known appearance in print. Google Books confirms Maupin as the earliest, and someone tweeted to me that Maupin himself "claims" to have invented the phrase, which seems odd.

At any rate, if you have any knowledge of writing by or about lesbians from the '50s, '60s, or '70s, and think you can track down the use of "lipstick lesbian" in print before 1984, please help me in my quest. Thanks very much.

~RP

Paperback 452: A Man of Parts / Vivian Connell (Gold Medal 130)

2011-08-22T13:00:00.000-07:00

Paperback 452: Gold Medal 130 (PBO, 1950)

Title: A Man of Parts
Author: Vivian Connell
Cover artist: Uncredited (though I can see a signature in lower left ... very elongated ... looks like "drip")

Yours for: $11

Sorry for the week-long publication drought. I've been away for a week at the Minnesota State Fair and other Midwestern attractions (friends, mostly). Plus, I prepared a slide show of covers from this blog for Huffington Post Books, so it *felt* like I was writing. Anyway, back on a 3 book/week schedule now, for the most part, I think. So let's get back to it:

Best things about this cover:

A Man of Parts ... and the best part, Tracy knew, was the thigh.
"Well, your leg sounds just fine, so I have no idea what's ailing you. I'll go get my leeches."
I've never actually heard anyone utter the phrase "How gauche!" but pencil-mustache sure has the face for it.
"I say, do you know how to work one of these iPod minis...?"

Best things about this back cover:

For some reason I'm imagining the first two lines here being spoken in the voice of Darth Vader.
"... and all her womanhood pushed out to him in her warm full breasts": so it's a lactation fetish novel. Cool.
"... and the women caught in the tempest ... of the tempestuous novel ... that I mentioned at the beginning of this sentence ... what? I like the word 'tempest.' Get off my back."

Page 123~

God, it was good to be alive, in the country, on a night like this. He began to sing gaily. Suddenly he realized what he was singing:

"Then we snuggle in the corner,
An' there's no fire any warmer
Than your mouth all sweet and rosy . . ."

He pulled up with a jerk.

Those are odd lyrics to masturbate to, but ... whatever floats your boat, Man of Parts.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 451: Women Without Men / P.J. Reed-Marr (Gold Medal k1306)

2011-08-21T12:36:00.000-07:00

Paperback 451: Gold Medal k1306 (3rd ptg, 1963)

Title: Women Without Men
Author: P.J. Reed-Martin
Cover artist: Uncredited [Barye Phillips]

Yours for: $9

Best things about this cover:

Barye Phillips's paintings could be beautiful. Could be. Then again, they could be hot (mustard) messes.
That's not a tear. It's a tear tattoo—you get one every time you kill an (inevitably) handsy matron.
I love how the defining horror of prison, the impetus for complete social breakdown, is the absence of men. This way, men can thrill to the soft-core lesbian action they will (inevitably) find inside, while reassuring themselves that what women really need is ... them.
Honestly, is her head resting on a pillow? A block of cheese? A pile of sand topped with a cat's paw? What the hell, Barye Phillips?

Best things about this back cover:

So ... your typical "Chained Heat" stuff, with sadistic inmate instead of sadistic warden. Gotcha.
I like "Queen," for its odd gender-confusing quality, but "courtier" is taking the metaphor into stupid and decidedly unsexy territory.
"Twisted loves" = lesbian. "A web that would imprison Mary more degradingly than any cell in the world," though much wordier, also lesbian.
Between "baggy, gray cotton" and "the gray, gross spider," I'm beginning to think that maybe the absence of men isn't your real problem. Try chartreuse uniforms. Or maybe mauve. I hear those colors are more soothing / less lesbifying.

Page 123~

After lights out, Willie's voice pleaded in the darkness. "How about it, Mary?"

"No," Mary said coldly. "But maybe you can twist my arm and make me, the way you made Annie go to court."

"Aw, baby. I'll come over to you if you want. Forget Annie. It's all over now."

"Oh, no, it's not, Willie," she said. "Go maul somebody else. You've had it. Never again."

Girls named after penises can be so pushy.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 450: Bride and Groom / F.M. Rossiter, M.D. (Banner Book [unnumbered])

2011-08-19T08:09:00.000-07:00

Paperback 450: Banner Book [no #] (1st ptg, 1961)

Title: Bride and Groom
Author: F.M. Rossiter, M.D.
Cover artist: "Lieberman" (?) (see signature, lower right)

Yours for: $20

Best things about this cover:

Somebody did not do very well in Life Drawing class.
Are they lying on an uncovered mauve mattress, or simply standing in front of their mauve-mattress-colored wall?
OK, what was the deal with women's hair in the '60s? I mean, paperback cover after paperback cover, it's (often) a total nightmare of over-exertion and ghastliness. There was some really lovely looking hair in this era, I know it. Why can't it find its way onto more covers? I'm starting to pity these women, as if they were real people. Though with this woman, when I look at her husband, I begin to think her hair is the least of her problems. I think you're supposed to think he's gazing lovingly at her, but all I see is the dead-eyed look of a junkie who sees a plate of fresh-baked cookies across the room.

I don't know how to convey to you the richness, the pure mad density, of this book. I could spend days commenting on this book. Days. The Table of Contents alone (that's right, the Table of &*%^ing Contents) is a treasure trove of hilarity all on its own. I mean, "perfuming the vulva"!? No joke: "perfuming the vulva." I'll take "Rejected Lifetime Movie Titles" for $1000, Alex. The whole book (The Whole Book) is written as dialog between imagined (god I hope they're imagined) "Wife" and "Husband" and their "Doctor." I think it would all make a very excellent 8-hr. stage play.

Did I mention there are illustrations? There are illustrations. They might need their own, separate write-up. But here's a taste (so to speak):

[from the chapter entitled "Making Shadow Puppets With Your Nipples"]

[What your boobs look like to a really drunk guy]

Oh, the back cover. Almost forgot—

Best things about this back cover:

"This new edition has been revised and illustrated [...] to further enhance its value as an educational document." I think we can all agree: Mission Accomplished.
I really wish this book were advertised as "frank" because, frankly, it's the frankest (albeit insanest and misguidedest) sex information book I own.

I made a video of me reading aloud from the chapter called "Sex Facts for Married Couples," but YouTube only loads gibberish (Facebook has no problem with it), so too bad for you. Instead, rather than p. 123, I'm merely going to quote to you from the Table of Contents—specifically, the subheadings for the chapter entitled "The After-Play":

Need for such after-play; disturbing factors; what the husband should do and what he shouldn't do; little personal tricks; husband must exert himself when wife has to; assisting with douch [sic]; washing each other's organs [1]; good night kiss; a wife's "thank you" [2]; post-coital laughter [3]; indication of complete satisfaction

[1] I really hope he's talking about musical instruments here, because ... no.
[2] I assume it's followed by "sir, may I have another?"
[3] "Ha ha ha ha ha ha .... remember when we washed each other's organs ... oh, good times. Thank you. Good night."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

P.S. I got the video to work. Apologies for vid. quality in first 10 seconds or so ... and for the fact that the whole thing is mirror-imaged ... and for saying (in video) that book is from 1963. It's 1961. OK. Here you go:

Paperback 449: Starlet Sinner / Carl Mando (Pillow Book No. 1102)

2011-08-17T12:24:00.001-07:00

Paperback 449: Pillow Book No. 1102 (PBO, 1963)

Title: Starlet Sinner
Author: Carl Mando
Cover artist: Uncredited (I've never been so sad about uncredited artwork ...)

Yours for: a short essay explaining how this young woman came to be in this (exact) position (essay must account for a. the hair; b. the ... coloring?; c. the bangles; and d. the giant slug she appears to have mounted.

[My friend Doug Peterson brings me vintage paperbacks almost every time we see each other (usually at crossword puzzle tournaments), and last weekend in NYC was no exception. His offerings this time were especially juicy, and this book may be the juiciest of the bunch.]

Best things about this cover:

This picture looks like a shape-shifter caught midway between human and sea lion.
I know the shading on her body is supposed to represent a tan line, but I swear it looks more like residue from an explosion. Like ... she was in her apartment in just her underwear and a bomb went off and then she thought maybe her underwear was burning her so she tore it off and started to run outside but felt naked ('cause she was) and so threw on an oversize wig and hugged a throw pillow to her chest and ran outside but then she tripped. That's where we came in...
Or maybe she has oxidized, somehow. It does say she was "Rusty."
The title page of this book claims that this book is "A Pillow Book Limited Edition"; and you can see why. It's not often you get the chance to get your hands on the Worst Girl Art Of All Time.

Best things about this back cover:

Wow, she really doesn't get any better up close. And moving those breasts in closer to me is indeed distracting, but not in the way the cover probably intends. The only thing they've aroused is mild revulsion.
The typesetter must have had a "Justify—Random" setting.
"Reputed" makes me laugh every time I look at it. Kind of a hi-falutin' word for a sleaze paperback. Or ... wait. I think technically, mathematically, that's "negative Reputed"

Page 123~ (please be terrible please be terrible...)

The warmth of the emotion began to work over me to finally erupt into a searing flame that drained me to the depths [1]. Arla was life itself [2], everything that was living centered within her and she lived this moment through to its fulfillment. The film ended and there was a moment of contentment between us before we began to get ourselves back into shape and back into the realm of reality [3].

[1] I don't know how a searing flame drains you, but I do know that the full extent of their touching at this point is hand-holding. I read and re-read the preceding material, and he is either emotionally overwrought or comes really, really easily.

[2] Let us pause to acknowledge the awesomeness that is the name "Arla" ... OK, that's enough.

[3] This reads exactly like every other bad porn passage I've read from 60s sleaze novels (fuzzy on the details, hackneyed in its imagery, written by someone who appears to be being paid by the word, etc.), but again, I'm telling you, I Can't Find Anything Sexual That Happened. To be specific, in the preceding paragraph, he puts his hand on her knee, she puts her hand on his hand, and then, in a gesture that is probably supposed to be erotic but just sounds weird and awkward [a theme of this book, if the cover picture is any indication], "she began to squeeze [his] fingers, each pressure being stronger than the one that preceded the one before" [sic sic sic!]. His fingers. Is that a metaphor? A metonym? Are his fingers his penis? His penises? I think this is probably the most thought that has ever been put into the literary interpretation of "Starlet Sinner."

~RP

P.S. a pretty major media outlet wants me to put together a slideshow of 12 of my Pop Sensation paperback covers, to be published on their website. If you have any particular favorites you think deserve wide exposure, let me know (in comments section, or by email). Thanks.

Paperback 448: Takeoff / C.M. Kornbluth (Pennant P15)

2011-08-15T06:21:00.000-07:00

Paperback 448: Pennant Books P15 (1st ptg, 1953)

Title: Takeoff
Author: C.M. Kornbluth
Cover artist: Charles Binger

Yours for: Not For Sale — special donation to the collection from Michael and Sue Handley

Best things about this cover:

"Bomber jackets half-price at Macy's!? But I paid full price last weekend! Bastards! Vengeance will be mine!"
That's quite the phallic object.
I just found out that it pays to check my campus mailbox every once in a while—I just found this book waiting for me (it had been waiting for nearly 2 months) with the following note attached:

Supercool notepad.

And now the back cover:

Best things about this back cover:

Ugh, just a bunch of blurbs, though now I know where my benefactors got their purple prose from.

Page 123~

Suddenly his voice blazed with passion and the words came like a torrent. "What was I to do? Go ahead and do it the wrong way? [...]"

This selection would be much more evocative and engaging if this were a sex novel.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 447: Queer Patterns / Kay Addams (Beacon B259)

2011-08-12T07:58:00.000-07:00

Paperback 447: Beacon Books B259 (PBO, 1959)

Title: Queer Patterns
Author: Kay Addams
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $60

Best things about this cover:

What's amazing about this cover is how unsleazy it is. The colors and lines are all incredibly soft, and while the picture suggests imminent sex ... I don't know, something about this scene seems sort of sweet (thus at odds with the "Perversity" allegation).
"Queer Patterns" is an oddly unhot title. Like it's a novel about avant-garde knitting.
This is one of my Desert Island Books ... or maybe Burning House Books, i.e. if I had to save 10 books from certain destruction, this would be one of them. It's from the dead center of my collection, time-wise (1959), it's in fantastic condition, it's a near-perfect specimen of the "lesbian fiction" pulp genre, and, well, those are nice boobs.

Best things about this back cover:

"FRANK!"
"NETHER!"
That is one of my favorite opening lines of cover copy ever.
"Reckless paroxysms of desire" — why couldn't this copywriter do *every* back cover?
"Consoling cozenings"! Wow, that should win some kind of Ambitious Alliteration award.

Page 123~

"This is insanity," I said one night.

"Love is insanity." She lifted her head from where it had been. "Let me show you just how insane."

[standing ovation]

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Tumblr & Twitter]

Paperback 446: Take a Lesbian to Lunch / Ann Aldrich (McFadden Books 125-118)

2011-08-08T07:04:00.000-07:00

Paperback 446: McFadden Books 125-118 (PBO, 1972)

Title: Take a Lesbian to Lunch
Author: Ann Aldrich
Cover artist: uncredited

Yours for: $300

Best things about this cover:

I've written briefly about this book before. Searching for that post led me to this thread, which quotes my original discussion of the book, and features a reply from The Author Herself. I learned about this just this second. I Heart The Internets. Discussion was about the term "lipstick lesbian," which suggested might have been "coined" by this book; that's probably not true, but the author suggests she might have been the first to use the phrase in print.
It's not a very vivid cover, sadly, but I love the weird title and the Lipstick on the (Lesbians'?) cigarettes.
Oh, this book is super-rare, in case the suggested dollar value didn't tip you off. There's one on amazon for $200 something. I priced mine off the ABE Books listings. The book is no longer available from ABE Books. Insider's look at gay New York in the aftermath of Stonewall by an excellent writer = cultural gold.

Best things about this back cover:

Did people used to think lesbians were mythical? Like sylphs or unicorns or yeti?

Page 123~

"Surely it is the nature and quality of a relationship that matters; one must not judge it by its outward appearance, but by its inner worth. Homosexual affection can be as selfless as heterosexual affection, and therefore we cannot see that it is some way morally worse..." [—from "Toward a Quaker View of Sex," an essay signed by 11 British Quakers, first published in London in 1963]

Not all of this book is so earnest, I assure you. The more anecdotal parts of the book are often entertaining, touching, vivid, and sometimes very funny.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 445: The Dispossessed / Geoffrey Wagner (Beacon B210)

2011-08-03T14:33:00.000-07:00

Paperback 445: Beacon B 210 (PBO, 1959)

Title: The Dispossessed
Author: Geoffrey Wagner
Cover artist: Uncredited [Walter Popp]

Yours for: $17

Best things about this cover:

Nice variation on the tormented gay man pose. Love his expression: "Uh ... Christ, what am I supposed to do with this?"
Actually, I think he's just applying product to his hair, using a mirror we can't see, just off-screen.
She's in one of those impossible poses where she appears to be looking at something/someone (namely, Confused Neanderthal there) she could not possibly see, given his position / the laws of physics. Maybe the dude is a ghost and she's really eying some hunky guy who just walked into her hotel room.
Two continents!? TWO!? No way ...

Best things about this back cover:

I see that it's unblushingly told, but is it frank? That's really all I want to know.
Love how the blurbs are a. miniscule, b. in not-terribly-contrastive font color, and c. insanely brief—I imagine they were culled from terrible reviews, i.e. "This novel gave me a POWERFUL headache" or "the author shows a REMARKABLE TALENT for shallow characterization and hackneyed turns of phrase."

Page 123~

"How was Klee?" she asked.

"Okay. The opposing bloke turned out to be my old school fag."

Wow, your school gave you your very own fag? Lucky...

Seriously, does "fag" mean "chum?" I've never seen that usage before ... well, what d'ya know? There's my answer:

1. A student at a British public school who is required to perform menial tasks for a student in a higher class.
2. A drudge.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 444: Sex Without Guilt / Albert Ellis, Ph.D. (Hillman Books 106)

2011-07-31T07:46:00.001-07:00

Paperback 444: Hillman Books 106 (1st ptg (?), 1959)

Title: Sex Without Guilt
Author: Albert Ellis, Ph.D.
Cover artist: photo

Yours for: $9

Best things about this cover:

I don't know ... she looks pretty guilty.
I'm not sure Kinsey was going for "Daring"—he was a scientist, not a soft-porn novelist
So Dr. Ellis is just mining his patients' sexual problems for our titillation? This is a great example of how Kinsey provided publishers with a new avenue into the sale of sex—"don't worry: it's science! The boner you're experiencing in reading about it is totally normal."

Best things about this back cover:

"Frankness!"
Oooh, she shows a little more back back here.
"Case histories" = Penthouse letters
Something about the phrase "preparing youngsters for sexual happiness" doesn't quite sound right.
"Sex Fascism!" You mean my need to be dominated by a woman dressed as Mussolini is normal!? Freedom!

Page 123~

Two months after she first came for therapy, she was not only having intense climaxes most of the time she had intercourse, but was also having three or four terrific climaxes a night—while her husband, quite amazed, could not keep up with her, and had to resort to extracoital methods of satisfying her on most occasions.

I'm all for "extracoital methods," though I highly suggest you never ever call them that, especially in the heat of the moment. "OK, honey, which extracoital method would you like to use tonight? ... honey? ... honey, where are you going?"

~RP

Paperback 443: The Sixth Man / Jess Stearn (MacFadden Books 60-106)

2011-07-28T11:53:00.000-07:00

Paperback 443: MacFadden Books 60-106 (1st ptg, 1962)

Title: The Sixth Man
Author: Jess Stearn
Cover artist: N/A

Yours for: $10

Best things about this cover:

I know the cover wants to be ominous, with the suggestion that "you can't tell them apart" and "they're hiding among you," but the image just looks too much like the spinning wheel on a game show for me to be too "frightened": "Congratulations, you landed on Fabulous!" (love that the one-in-six is hot pink)
Monotonous corporate drones ... or sophisticated men dancing in a Busby Berkeley / Ethel Merman movie? I can't decide.
So *this* is what the NBA's "Sixth Man" award is all about ...

Best things about this back cover:

"That's right, we gays have taken over, and we've hung Straighty up by his ankles. Let that be a warning to you. You better queer it up right now, see, or it's curtains for you!"
I'm guessing this cover is a lot more scarifying than the actual book.
The first two sentences here (particularly the second one) are pointless. "He is a chronicler of events..." Congratulations. I myself am an "eater of Doritos."

Page 123~

George looked like anything but the popular conception of a homosexual. He cut a manly figure, tall, strongly built, and was neatly but plainly dressed. And while he drank and talked fast, gesticulating a lot, so do hundreds of people I know on Madison Avenue who aren't queer.

Interesting, but you might want to rethink your certainty about those Madison Avenue people.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 442: Intruder in the Dust / William Faulkner (Signet S1253)

2011-07-25T13:20:00.001-07:00

Paperback 442: Signet S1253 (6th ptg, 1956)

Title: Intruder in the Dust
Author: William Faulkner
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $6

Best things about this cover:

Unsure of how to deal an effective kidney punch, Ted consulted the mob. "Here? Is this right?"
One way to put a black guy on the cover without putting a black guy on the cover: put him way in the distance and make him bend over to pick up his hat. Also, looks quite natural...
"Murder and Violence Rip a White Man's Hat-Wearing Convention"

Best things about this back cover:

Signet covers are generally sedate, often to the point of being dull as dishwater. Back covers are rarely sensational either. What I like about this one is that someone gave the tagline writer / designer permission to go crazy. "Red letters ... some kind of 'tribal' font ... my lands!"
"Mob Fury" would be a good band name.

Page 123~

"What's going on around here, Shurf?"

"I'm going to open this grave, Mr. Gowrie," the sheriff said.

"No, Shurf," the other said, immediate, with no change whatever in the voice: not disputative, nothing: just a statement: "Not that grave."

"Yes, Mr. Gowrie," the sheriff said. "I'm going to open it."

First, "Shurf"! That's good dialogue. Second, you gotta admire the writer so unafraid of colons that he'll put three in one sentence. Just 'cause.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Tumblr and Twitter]

Paperback 441: Strange Ones / Ben Travis (Beacon B226)

2011-07-22T06:46:00.000-07:00

Paperback 441: Beacon B 226 (PBO, 1959)

Title: Strange Ones
Author: Ben Travis
Cover artist: Darcy

Yours for: $25

Best things about this cover:

That is indeed the look of a man who "tried to love a woman" ... and then discovered she had a penis. "Why does this keep happening to me!?"
"I don't understand why we keep playing hide-and-seek. There's just this one room and there's nowhere to hide." "Shut up, hide your eyes, and start counting!" "[Sigh] 1, 2, 3 ..."
"Look at my armpit. She is sexy, no? You like ..."
Sideboob! Two books in a row!

Best things about this back cover:

Arrows say he had "warped desires," but then text says he was poor and hungry and turned tricks so he could eat. That hardly seems fair.
"To prove his manhood, Ray raped a girl." Who doesn't love a good old-fashioned "Boy Rapes Girl To Become Ungay" story?
For all the stupidity of this back cover, I love the arrows. Nice design element.

Page 123~

"The conclusion seems rather obvious to me. Either I have too vivid an imagination, or you're living with Luther now and he's keeping you for your only talent."

Somewhat anti-climactically, that "talent" turns out to be "making hand shadow puppets."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 440: What a Body! / Alan Green (Dell 483)

2011-07-20T09:37:00.000-07:00

Paperback 440: Dell 483 (1st ptg, 1951)

Title: What a Body!
Author: Alan Green
Cover artist: Gil Darling

Yours for: $13

Best things about this cover:

"Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy ... oh, it's just a gun."
"Hey, easy ... gimme that back. That's my special novelty lighter I got for being second-best regional sales manager in Pensacola."
"OK, hon, you hold real still ... I'm gonna practice my ninja moves on you now. First, I crouch in plain sight, in broad daylight, in a sky blue suit. Next ..."

Best things about this back cover:

Well, it's legendary, and you can see why.
I can't even snark this. It comes pre-snarked.
The best part about this chart is the arbitrary numbers. I mean, is there really an 11% chance I'll be able to place my date in my overcoat pocket? One in ten of my dating prospects is roughly the size of a ferret? That number seems awfully high.
Was there ever a time where that woman looked appealing? Her boobs are non-existent, which is fine—no reason every woman should be busting out of her clothes—but she also has this odd growth on her head and she appears to have just strangled some poor scraggly bird. She looks like she's on her way to a funeral, or to worship Satan.

Page 123~

Prune-juice fancier that he was, he went on sipping staring into the hypnotic depths of the swimming-pool.

That is surely the only time in the history civilization that that particular opening clause has been used. And for the record, that sentence is punctuated *precisely* as it appears in the book, however unbelievable that may seem.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Lord, I Have a Question...

2011-07-18T12:15:00.001-07:00

Why do my knees smell like ketchup? And how many dirty llama had to die to make these curtains? And why does my mom insist on cutting my hair herself? She's good at making quilts, but I just wanna get my hair done at the mall like the other girls.

Paperback 439: The Dark Tunnel / Kenneth Millar (Lion Books 48)

2011-07-17T11:32:00.000-07:00

Paperback 439: Lion Books 48 (1st ptg, 1950)

Title: The Dark Tunnel
Author: Kenneth Millar (Ross Macdonald)
Cover artist: E. Walter

Yours for: $28

Best things about this cover:

It's like we've caught her midway through morphing into a snake.
Why is she looking at us? Her potential killer is ... there. Over there. To your left, lady. Stop looking at me, Serpentina!
Of all the gay taglines I've seen, this one of the weakest. Tells me nothing about what happens. No sense of story. No sense of action. Tagline doesn't clearly go with picture. Yuck.
"Dark Tunnel" is a not-very-subtle title for a novel pre-occupied with homosexuality.

Best things about this back cover:

The dark tunnel is all of a sudden a bright doorway.
Lion deals with male homosexuality on its covers more frequently and earlier than most other publishers. It's truly remarkable how obsessed the cover copy is with the gender/sexuality of this spy—which is not even an important issue in this book until the end, and even then seems more tacked-on than essential (if I'm remembering correctly—I could be conflating it with "I, the Jury").

Page 123~

I went into this inner room to look up 'taillour.' My throat was constricted with excitement. For the first and last time in my life, I knew how philologists must feel when they're on the track of an old word used in a new way.

And this immediately becomes the nerdiest thriller of all time. Sidenote: This scene takes place at the Middle English Dictionary, housed at University of Michigan, where both Kenneth Millar and I earned Ph.D.s in English (50+ years apart). The Dark Tunnel was his first novel (orig. pub'd 1944).

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 438: The Anatomy of Adultery / Gary Gordon (Monarch 448)

2011-07-15T10:49:00.000-07:00

Paperback 438: Monarch 448 (PBO, 1964)

Title: The Anatomy of Adultery
Author: Gary Gordon
Cover artist: photo cover

Yours for: $9

Best things about this cover:

Mmm, sexy. Sexy sexy pen set.
"Searching probe"
Nothing says "illicit sex" like faux-wood veneer.
When a dirty ashtray is, by far, the most interesting thing on your cover, then your cover is not good.

Best things about this back cover:

The title is "Anatomy of Adultery," and yet the covers feature neither anatomy nor adultery. Rip-off!
First paragraph is confusing. Why are people committing adultery with vagrants?
"Up to and including murder" = "including murder"; what's this "up to" stuff? Was copywriter on a strict word count?

Page 123~

[Britain's] history, from murderous Queen Elfreda of the Saxons, through Henry VIII, Pepys, Frank Harris, and W.T. Stead's sensational Maiden Tribute of Modern Babylon, gives solid evidence that this supposedly reserved nation better deserves the title "world's sexiest race" than do the French.

I'm not sure this is convincing, though, to be fair, murderousness and beheadings *are* pretty sexy ...

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 437: Substitute Sinners / John Dexter (Sundown Reader 614)

2011-07-13T11:12:00.000-07:00

Paperback 437: Sundown Reader SR614 (PBO, 1966)

Title: Substitute Sinners
Author: John Dexter
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $20

Best things about this cover:

From the author who brought you the klassic "A Thousand Beds" (1967) comes ... this!
"Your regular sinner is out today. I'm your substitute sinner: Charlene."
Her hair = mastodon tusks
Love the admiring grin on Joe Handsome Pool.
So you just walk around holding that towel in place all day?
Joe emerges from his private pool forest while Angela executes a perfect head-first slide into third base and Charlene holds a tutorial in obi-tying. This is an eclectic and talented bunch. Who knew Esalen could be such fun?

Best things about this back cover:

I really want to know whose job it was to tourettically shout out pseudo-sexual nonsense phrases for these BOLD! ital. BOLD! back covers. I should have a special tag just for this type of cover. Too bad there's not a Nobel Prize for Unintentionally Goofy Sex Poetry.
"No one can outfox me from my sex ambush," bragged Chick, nonsensically.

Page 123~

"Suppose I had you hypnotized, gave you a gun, and told you to shoot George. Ninety-nine times out of one hundred, you would refuse the command and either wake up or remain asleep without any action. But if I told you George was a ravenous grizzly bear about to attack you and you family, you would shoot the hell out of him."

At this point, George, who had come to this retreat solely for the promise of outdoor naked hot-tubbing, became understandably worried.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 436: Midsummer Passion / Erskine Caldwell (Avon 177)

2011-07-10T05:21:00.000-07:00

Paperback 436: Avon 177 (1st ptg, 1948)

Title: Midsummer Passion
Author: Erskine Caldwell
Cover artist: Ann Cantor

Yours for: $19

Best things about this cover:

"With your permission, my lady ... May I sniff these?"
He is appropriately grubby. She is impossibly clean.
All I can think is "Really? Right on a bed of lettuce? Isn't there a nice flat patch of lawn nearby where you can have your furtive rustic tumble?"

Best things about this back cover:

Once again, Shakespeare approves!

Page 123~

"I ain't going to let that good-for-nothing Canuck get his hands on the best farm in the whole gol-darned country. Come on to the village and get it settled right away."

For some Boston Bruins fans, winning the Stanley Cup was not enough. Canucks must be made to suffer year-round!

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 435: Pushover / Orrie Hitt (Beacon Books 139)

2011-07-08T08:55:00.000-07:00

Paperback 435: Beacon Books 139 (PBO, 1957)

Title: Pushover
Author: Orrie Hitt
Cover artist: George Geygan

Yours for: $20

Best things about this cover:

So is Easy Pickin the name of the guy mashing the blow-up doll with his face? Because that apostrophe-S is confusing me.
Giant Keyhole!
Can you really call her a "pushover" if tied her hands behind her back to force compliance?
I'm guessing the tops of heads are really hard to draw because that guy's ... let's call it "hair" ... is a mess.
I would call this "Great Girl Art" if she didn't look like a corpse from the neck up.

Best things about this back cover:

I honest-to-god laughed when I first looked at this. "FELL, I say! FELLLLLLLLL!"
Love how the final word stands out so strongly because a. it's in all-caps b. it's the only word set completely against a white background, and c. it's right on her tits—the tits of the girl who has apparently (happily) been Pushed Over. They even used three long dashes to make sure it showed up on her torso! Design work: A+.
"Sweet Sucker Game" = a long-forgotten blaxploitation film.

Page 123~

"Peoples," he greeted us, waving at nobody in particular. He got out of his chair, stumbled over a rug and almost fell down. "Have a drink! Have a damn drink, why doncha?"

I'm considering making "Have a drink! Have a damn drink, why doncha?" the next tagline for the header of this blog. That's good dialogue! Damn good!

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 434: Doctor Prescott's Secret / Peggy Gaddis (Beacon B302)

2011-07-06T11:39:00.000-07:00

Paperback 434: Beacon Books B302 (1st ptg, 1960)

Title: Dr. Prescott's Secret
Author: Peggy Gaddis
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $11

Best things about this cover:

"A Novel That Had To Be Written ... seriously, Ms. Gaddis was contractually obligated to produce a third novel for us, and this is it."
"Doctor Prescott's Secret" sounds like some kind of olde-timey elixir, or some product used in baking. A leavening agent, maybe. "Doctor Prescott's Secret: For All Your Vegan Baking Needs!
One thing you need to know about the 50s and 60s is that keyholes were gigantic and ladies were often naked.

Best things about this back cover:

"This isn't hard enough to read yet. Let's make the font tiny, faint, and ... ooh, I know, italicized. That'll be effective!"
By "a racket which had become one of the most obnoxious social evils of our times," I assume they mean "Girl Scouts" (kidding!)
Cancers grow. I don't think they "grow up." If your cancer gets surly, gets a drivers license, and eventually moves out of the house, consider yourself lucky.

Page 123~

But just the same, it had steel claws that tore at her until she was weak with the need for Nick's body possessing her own.

You'll be happy to know that "it" is lust — "sheer animal lust," to be exact — and not some sadistic robot.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 433: Sintown, U.S.A. / ed. Noah Sarlat (Lion Books 106)

2011-07-04T10:39:00.000-07:00

Paperback 433: Lion Books 106 (PBO, 1952)

Title: Sintown, U.S.A.
Editor: Noah Sarlat
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $18

Best things about this cover:

Fresno! (my hometown—I bought this book for that reason alone)
I still don't know where "Bergen" is. Sweden?
She's a tough, sexy dame ... from the neck down. From the neck up, she is a wasted, miscoiffed mess.
I'm guessing what we're seeing here is one of them there "Sucker Traps..."

Best things about this back cover:

"You will not see wealthy dowagers with lorgnettes sipping wine and nibbling on cheese in their opera boxes"
My guess is that if the reader has bothered to flip the book over to read the back cover, he already suspects that it's not about the genteel habits of the urban elite. The book is called "Sintown, U.S.A." for god's sake.
I like how this book goes beyond the mere assertion of the existence of a thriving underground vice economy to the more provocative claim that said "muck and misery and seaminess" are the "bedrock" of Anytown, U.S.A. "Can't have museums without hookers aplenty. That's nature's law."
20,000 seems an awfully arbitrary number.
I've never been to Yourtown. Mytown, sure. But not Yourtown.

Page 123~

Many a respected Bergen citizen with a kingsize "monkey riding on his back" is in hock up to his ears.

As any Swede can tell you, it costs a lot of money to care for back-riding monkeys, especially the big ones.

~RP

P.S. Bergen, it turns out, is in Norway. Also, New Jersey.

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 432: World Without Women / Day Keene and Leonard Pruyn (Gold Medal s975)

2011-07-01T06:11:00.000-07:00

Paperback 432: Gold Medal s975 (PBO, 1960)

Title: World Without Women

Author: Day Keene and Leonard Pruyn

Cover artist: Robert McGinnis

Yours for: $21

Best things about this cover:

You do *not* want to fuck with the Council of Floating Lady Heads!
Staring at your own crotch while the Council ogles / passes judgment is really the most humiliating part of the punishment.
"I'm sorry, ma'ams. I really am. Can I get off the hot coals now?"
The old lady up top does not approve of our reading trashy fiction like this! Look at her judging eyes! Shut up, old lady! I'll read what I want!
Leonard Pruyn? This makes me think that (the prolific) Day Keene started this one and half-way through was like "This kinda sucks. Hey kid, what's your name? ... Leonard? OK, Leonard, you wanna finish this book up for me? I'll give ya ten bucks."

Best things about this back cover:

France's law is perhaps the most idiotic. If there are really so few women left, then the streets must be a massive sausagefest, with the women presumably somewhere secure. Who cares if a dude wants to go out for groceries at 7?
I'm sure all this future-shock is supposed to be, uh, shocking, but actually this back cover is phenomenally dull and does Nothing to make me want to read the book (unlike the front cover, which manages to make even a putrid miasmic future hellscape look kinda sexy).

Page 123~

"All right, you male bastards," she said quietly. "You want a woman. Here's one."

The Marine lieutenant snatched up one of the phones on the desk and tried to get through to the guard tower. "Shoot, you dumb gyrenes, shoot! Aim at the crowd! Fire over her head!" he pleaded, then realized he was shouting into a dead phone.

In all sincerity, this is good. *This* makes me want to read. "Leonard Pruyn, For The Win!" (it rhymes ... I think).

P.S. "gyrenes"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]