Friday, April 20, 2018

Paperback 1016: Sex Diary / Nat Brand (Hi-Hat 103)

Paperback 1016: Hi-Hat HH 103 (PBO, 1963)

Title: Sex Diary
Author: Nat Brand
Cover artist: [Uncredited]

Condition: 9/10 (tiny notch up top, else Perfect)
Estimated value: $20-25

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

HH103
Best things about this cover:

  • Oh, sorry, I see you're studying. I'll come back later.
  • "Knock knock" "Who's there?" "ORAL" "ORAL who?" "ORAL the salacious sight gags used up or do you have one more you'd like to try out?"
  • Of all the disturbing things here, the most disturbing is that either that dude wants to put beer in a martini glass or else that gin needs a bottle opener (?!). Or else that's champagne, in which case everything is wrong, burn it all down...
  • Oh, and her mouth. That is also disturbing. The mouth-to-Everything-Else ratio is way, way off.

HH103bc
Best things about this back cover:

  • As if this back cover type were not hilarious enough, this one omits the closing phrase! It's supposed to go "RIDICULOUS OPENING PHRASE... / Cover copy that sounds like it was written by a prurient 11-yr-old then translated into Ukrainian then Portuguese then Urdu then back to English again... / RIDICULOUS CLOSING PHRASE." I have countless examples of this very type of back cover. And yet, here, I am forced to use my imagination to finish off the final sentence. The depraved inkstains of her WHAT!?!?! LUST PEN? SIN QUILL? I'm gonna lose sleep over this.
  • "The entries of the facts of her lust sessions" ... [steps back, admires wordsmithery, kisses fingertips] ... MWAH!
  • "Penetrating pen" ... "every shocking inch" ... The subtlety! It's maddening!

Page 123~

His hands slid haltingly on her belly.

I think we're done here.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Paperback 1015: Three-And-A-Half Women / Fred May (Private Edition 372)

Paperback 1015: Private Edition PE 372 (PBO, 1966)

Title: Three-And-A-Half Women
Author: Fred May
Cover artist: [Uncredited]

Condition: 9/10 (I mean, square, unread, bright, wow)
Estimated value: Priceless ... also, I don't see this book anywhere on the internets, so ???

Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection

PE372
Best things about this cover:

  • The paperback cover gods giveth and the paperback cover gods taketh away and sometimes the paperback cover gods give you so much that it is simply overwhelming and it feels like punishment
  • I want to start with the hair. Her hair ... OK, moving on
  • This is One, One-And-A-Half Women, tops
  • One-And-Three-Quarters Buttcheeks
  • I feel like there is a black hole located somewhere under the bed that is exerting its gravitational pull in remarkably distorting ways. It's literally pulling him off the bed. Or else he's taking a knee in solidarity with Colin Kaepernick, not sure.
  • Someone was absent during Perspective day in art class. How big is that bed? How short is her left calf? What is that rope-holding peg even attached to??
  • His Fear Hand™!! (O god I *hope* that's just Fear Hand™ and not him trying to suppress something pushing up from under his camisole...)


PE372bc
Best things about this back cover: 

  • Nothing says "erotic reading" like "squatted" and (le mot juste) "haunches."
  • "Puzzled" made me literally LOL
  • Wait, how does he get his kicks??? All he did was leer at and/or ogle her, and she somehow knows about his kicks? Is flicking your eyes and wetting your lips code for something now? Is he just really into squatting haunches?

Page 123~
Betty now knew, of course, that Paul was the young man with whom Jill had spent the time in bed. She assumed that he had enjoyed the experience very much and was there to stake his claim. She also knew that Jill was basictlly [sic] a man's girl. Betty had conflicting emotions.
Ah yes, who can forget the young man with whom one had spent the time in bed? The time in bed is indeed worthy of fond recollection by those by whom it was experienced. Sex is something we humans are determinedly enjoying and no I am not a "bot" what is a "bot"?

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Friday, April 13, 2018

Paperback 1014: The Man-Hunter / Dick Donovan (Westbrook / American Detective Series No. 34)

Paperback 1014: American Detective Series No. 34 (Arthur Westbrook Co., date unknown)

Title: The Man-Hunter
Author: Dick Donovan
Cover artist: Unknown

Condition: 7/10 (considering how old it is: amazing)
Estimated value: ???????????
AmDet34
Best things about this cover:
  • Before I get to the cover ... what is this book? I am having so much trouble getting good information about it. Seriously, this is the best I've been able to do so far: an entry at the Dime Novel Bibliography that tells me virtually nothing. I don't know what year it's from. I don't know who did the cover. The internet is being remarkably unhelpful so far. Any info you can supply would be much appreciated, thanks.
  • Ok, the cover: so bright. There's some fading and foxing to the pages and back cover, the book is perfectly square and tight and the colors on this cover really pop. I think it's awfully beautiful, actually.
  • I like that "The Man-Hunter" is lost and has to ask the nice lady for directions.
  • Good horsey.
AmDet34bc
Best things about this back cover:
  • As you can see, lots of Sherlock. Mostly, when I look for this publisher, it's Doyle info I find—perhaps unsurprisingly, as he's a highly collectible author, whereas the rest of these folks ... ?
  • Oh, days of yore, your book titles were so much better. I am now desperate to read COP COLT, QUAKER DETECTIVE ... though I'll probably take a pass on CHIN CHIN, CHINESE DETECTIVE. . . 
  • "Postage stamps taken same as money"—well that's a new one on me.
Page 123~
"You have obtained the absolute proofs of her death?"
"No, madame. I have glorious news for you."
The woman's face fell.
"Glorious news for me?" she repeated.
"Yes."
"Well?"
"Kate Freelingburg lives."
"Ah!" came the quick ejaculation.
Now I really want a "Kate Freelingburg Lives!" t-shirt and/or bumper sticker.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Friday, April 6, 2018

Paperback 1013: Serenade / James M. Cain (Penguin 621)

Paperback 1013: Penguin 621 (1st ptg, 1947)

Title: Serenade
Author: James M. Cain
Cover artist: jonas

Condition: 8/10 (laminate buckling in places, but perfectly square and tight)
Estimated value: $10-12

Sig621
Best things about this cover:
  • Ferdinand! What happened to you!?
  • Love jonas's covers. What they lack in luridness they make up in flat-color mid-century graphic beauty. Somewhere between figurative and abstract painting. Like if Mondrian did cheap paperback cover art. That bull's face is borderline cubist.
  • I love her impossible dress, the straps for which appear to start in her armpits
  • I also love the weirdly mathematically balanced JAMES and M. CAIN. So weird to isolate middle initial and last name like that, and yet ... five letters on one side, five letters on the other. Makes sense.
  • I also love how the expressive jagged lines behind the señorita make her look like she's in a mood.
Sig621bc
Best things about this back cover:
  • James M. Cain looks like a professor whose enthusiasm for medieval love poetry will never be shared by any of his students.
  • "F.P. Adams" is exactly the kind of name you would have to have in order to coneive the phrase "vernacularly dictaphonic."
  • Like Mildred Pierce and Double Indemnity, this book too was made into a movie. Unlike those movies, it is not famous (though it was directed by Anthony Mann and stars Mario Lanza, Joan Fontaine, and (!) Vincent Price). In the book, the singing protagonist has sex with a (male) impresario, and falls in love with a (female) prostitue. The movie ... did not preserve those plot elements. 
Page 139~ (I haven't even looked at p. 123 because, well, I saw this first and ...)
All of a sudden she broke from me, shoved the dress down from her shoulder, slipped the brassiere and shoved a nipple in my mouth. "Eat. Eat much. Make big toro."
"I know now my whole life comes from there."
"Yes, eat." 
I mean ... does he point when he says "there" or ... ? ... yeah, wow.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]