Title: Witch Power
Author: Salambo Forest
Cover artist: photo cover
Estimated value: who knows? Somewhere from $7 to $25 to infinity…
[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]
- The best thing about this whole book, and the only reason to own it at all, is the author's name: SALAMBO FOREST. Please use it as your pseudonym, your troll name, your porn name … spread it far and wide across the internet. Long live Salambo Forest!
- Literally nothing about this photo says "Witch Power."
- I couldn't think of anything more to say about this cover so I opened the book to a random page and encountered the following contender for Least Erotic Phrase in a Sex Scene: "… her knee imbedded in his pubic hair." Wait, next page has another contender: "… closing him in a vaginal grasp."
- So they had, like, no budget for book design?
- I assume "White" and "black" here are metaphorical, but with this book, who the hell knows?
- This copy takes a jarring second-person turn midway through the first paragraph. "'You…' You mean 'me?' But … but I don't want to be touched by a beautiful albino … I mean, I'm sure she's nice, but …"
- I'm confused. I will accede ("accede"!?) to Seventh Heaven if I don't keep a tight grip on my everyday reality? But … isn't Seventh Heaven a good place? It sounds good. And what about my other, non-everyday realities? So many unanswered questions. Salambo Forest, release me from your enigmatic grip!
"Mrs. Jegerdorf," she stated, as if the name itself were explanation enough.
If every any name explained itself, that name is Mrs. Jegerdorf. And now I have my new swear word! "MRS JEGERDORF, that hurt!" "Get off your phone, ya JEGERDORF!" Try it out.
*actually Page 122 … but it's in the paragraph that leads in to 123, so I gave it a pass.
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