Title: The Right Bed
Author: Lee Walters
Cover artist: Uncredited
Yours for: $20
Best things about this cover:
- "Homosexual demons, I cast thee OUT!"
- Original title: "Sexy Phrenologist"
- Wanda struggled to remember exactly how to treat a choking victim...
- Hey, Bill, if you want to avoid the Twilight Life, maybe you should move out of The Pinkest Apartment Building In the Universe.
- Conservative columnist Bill, humiliated that he'd been caught watching "Maddow," collapsed to the floor. Wanda knew how to save him from the temptations of liberalism—take him to "The Right Bed" (American Flag bed sheets, portrait of Reagan on the ceiling, etc.) and give him a taste of that sweet, sweet missionary action.
- ... and introducing: House Plant!
Best things about this back cover:
- Where's the stuff about Floyd (!) struggling with his sexuality!? I was promised a "twilight life" on the front cover.
- "What did Jill think of all this?" — of all What? The more you read this description, the less coherent it gets. So ... his ambition is realized through her ... and her ambition is him ... so the conflict is ... what? Nothing. This is a short story at best.
- I like how the writer takes his own metaphor literally: "Jill was his key ... With her he would open many doors." Maybe that's what we're seeing on the front cover: after trying repeatedly to stuff Jill into the keyhole, he collapsed in a pile of rage and shame.
Johnson roamed the paths of the party like a stray buffalo , big, almost shaggy, a look of massiveness  about his broad face.
-  "... like a stray buffalo, knocking over hors d'oeuvres and end tables, wondering how he got into a 5th-floor walk-up."
-  You cannot have a "look of massiveness." Something is either massive or it's not. "Your face looks strange darling. A bit ... massive." No.
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